Fushigiggles: A Parody of Fushigi Yuugi
by kaji-onna
Summary: Two idiot friends become Priestesses after a sassy cat leads them there. Can they survive drunk seishi, dirty old hobos, and guys who are crazy in love with them? Perhaps this is a bad payback for free Chinese food. Finished!
1. Free Chinese Food and Dangerous Perils

The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, people, or anime characters are purely... well, actually, it was completely done on purpose. Yeah, we're pretty shameless about things like that. We didn't even have the decency to change names to protect the innocent. Well, at least we can admit that the following seishi, books, and places do not belong to us, though the two main characters most definitely do, as do their "special" family members. We hope you enjoy the following parody – it's meant to entertain and not to offend (we wouldn't tease it if we didn't love it, after all). If you are offended, however, we suggest that you... stop whining and go read something else. :-)

And now, without further ado...

**_Fushigiggles:  
A Parody of _Fushigi Yuugi  
_Mostly by Haley, with some additions from Dee_**

ooooooooooooooooooo

**Chapter One:  
Free Chinese Food and Dangerous Perils**

"Stupid test…stupid test…stupid test…stupid test…" _WHACK!_ "OW! What the hell was that for?" My best friend Dee-chan rubbed the top of her head, as if expecting the rubbing to make it feel better.

"What do you think it was for? Calling the test stupid isn't going to make it go away," I logically explained with my superior logical reasoning skills.

"So? I can still complain," she logically reasoned with her superior logical reasoning skills.

"Just do me a favor and don't complain why we're studying," I stated the favor while I opened the door.

"Yeah? Well, why don't you do the readers a favor and stop writing so weird?"

"Deal," I agreed. We made our way to an empty table and spread all our books out in front of us. "You want some gum? It might help you concentrate... AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

Dee paused thoughtfully, and for a minute I thought she might smack me. "... Is it spearmint?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She chewedly accepted and popped the piece into her mouth. "Would you stop? Chewedly isn't even a word."

"Oh…right."

Dee glanced around the table, then sighed unhappily. "Damn…I lost my history notes. I'll be back in a second. I'm just gonna go see if I can find this book about Crossdressing Vampires."

"Oh….right." Dee walked off. I jumped up, doing a double take and realizing what she'd just said. "WHAT? CROSSDRESSING VAMPIRES?" I received many strange looks, then buried my flushed face in a book.

Ten minutes later, Dee slammed her hands on the table. I looked up, raising an eyebrow at her seriously freaked-out expression. "Miniature… kitty… so… cute… but…"

"Shhh! Quiet down, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Come…I…show…" Dee grabbed my hand and walked briskly down an aisle to a remote section. Sure enough, there was the black outline of a cat, though all we could see were its glowing red eyes. Dee pointed frantically.

"You don't need to point! I know what freakish thing you're talking about."

"That's right. It's rude to point."

Dee and I clung to each other. "DID YOU JUST TALK?" we cried simultaneously.

"No. Yo mama did." Dee and I gave each other questioning looks, then glanced over at the cat, who was shaking his head. "Stupid Americans. Maybe you aren't the ones for this journey."

"Journey?" I asked.

"Yes, but forget I ever said anything about it. I'll go look in Canada..."

"CANADA? How dare you insult us like that?" Dee shook her fist at the cat. "Never pick a Canadian over Dee (BLEEP)!" She looked up, blinking in surprise. "Um…why did I just bleep?"

"It's a protection thing, so people don't know your last name," I explained.

"Oh…"

"I guess if you are people who wish to prove yourselves, this may be the journey for you. However, I should warn that you shall encounter free Chinese food and…" the cat's voice lowered about ten octaves as it continued, "_dangerous perils_."

"FREE CHINESE FOOD?" we both exclaimed.

Right then, a dirty old hobo that smelled of rotting cottage cheese - even more rotting than it is when it's "fresh" - peeked over the book shelf. "Shh…you must _whisper_ in a library." Then, she disappeared. Wait…I mean he disappeared. Damn type-os.

The two of us decided to ignore the funny old fart. We turned back to the cat-thing, grinning broadly. "We accept!" we both accepted.

"Fine. If you open this book here..." He pointed to a book on the shelf.

I pulled it out, making a face at the title. "_Massage for Lovers?_"

"NO! THE ONE NEXT TO IT!"

"Oh good, heh… I was a little worried there." The cat… sweatdropped?

"Whoa! Did you just… sweatdrop?" Dee asked. "And how the hell did I even know that word?"

"Yes, I certainly did. I expect you'll be seeing much of that in the book you two are about to enter."

"Whoa…we're going into the book?" Dee asked.

"Would you stop asking questions?" the cat snapped. "This is supposed to be a MYSTERIOUS STORY! I can't answer you!"

"Sorry," Dee looked down and poked her index fingers together.

I grabbed another book off the shelf and held it up. "_The Universe of the Four Gods?_ Is this it?"

"Yes."

I opened it, frowning and turning the book upside down. "What the poo? This is in Chinese! I can't read this!"

"I didn't come here so you could read it, I came here to get someone to open the book and fulfill the prophecy."

"Prophecy?" Dee asked.

The cat glared at Dee. "MY… STER… I… OUS."

"Right…" Dee looked down again and poked her index fingers together again.

"So, all we have to do is turn the page to fulfill the prophecy?" I laughed. "Man, I can totally do that. I don't even need your help Dee!" I stuck out my tongue, and the cat grabbed it with its paw.

"_BAKA_! Turning the page isn't all you have to do! I could have gotten an Englishman to do that! God knows it would have saved me on travel time. When you turn the page, you will find yourself in a completely different world, and then you must become Priestesses and fulfill the prophecy."

"So all we have to do to fulfill the prophecy is become Priestesses?" Dee asked.

The cat stared at us, looking like he was contemplating the idea of tearing us both new ones. Then, with a sigh, he slammed the book shut, stood on his hind legs and walked off. "Forget it… Just forget all about it."

"Hey! What are you doing with my ticket to free Chinese food?" I punched the cat and grabbed the book from its limp paws. Then I opened the book, grabbed Dee's hand, and turned the page. Suddenly, a purple glow encircled us, and the library faded away.

"Good luck!" I heard the cat's voice echo, gradually growing farther away. "You're definitely going to need it…"

xxx

My eyelids fluttered open as I came awake to the sound of a familiar and loud laugh. I looked up, seeing a big-eyed, 2-D figure who resembled and sounded just like my best friend. "Dee, you look…" I stopped mid-sentence, and Dee fell over laughing. My native and only language wasn't coming out of my mouth – instead it sounded like something I'd heard when my dad watched old _Godzilla_ movies. "I'm speaking Japanese! And I know exactly what I'm saying!"

"HAHA! You're speaking Japanese!" Dee stopped laughing. "Am I speaking Japanese?"

"Yeah, you are."

"Whoa…. Wait a tic, do I look like you?"

I nodded. "Hey, does that mean I look like…?"

"We're like those Poke-freaks!!!" we both cried.

I stood up and examined myself, smiling at what I saw. "Whoa… I could get used to this figure. I'm sooo thin!" I traced my hand along my waist.

Dee inched slowly away from me. "Umm… please don't do that."

"Oh, sorry, it's just…" I grabbed my ass. "YEAH! WOOOO! CHECK OUT THIS BABY! It's just the right size! It's not too big, and not too flat. Hell yeah!" Dee… sweatdropped? "Dee-chan…you have this huge water droplet next to your head."

"What?"

"Yeah… like that sweatdrop thing the cat had."

"Oh." She glanced up and poked the water bubble; it popped with a loud splooshing noise. "Trippy."

Dee and I examined our surroundings. We could see nothing but trees all around us. It looked like we were in the middle of a forest, but by the slight incline I guessed we were on some sort of a mountain. "Wow… this is completely different than where we were."

"It's just like that cat said! Except… where's the free Chinese food? I'm kinda getting hungry."

"Me too."

Dee made a face. "Oops, there goes my gum. It dissolved in my mouth again. Heh, I guess that part of me hasn't changed!"

"I swear Dee, you must have acid spit." She shrugged, laughing a little.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" a deep voice from behind me bellowed. I jumped a full three feet in the air, turning around and looking at the voice's owner. It belonged to a large, muscular man. He was wearing a hat in the shape of a wedge of cheese with six other, younger men standing behind him. "I think it's two young girls, all alone. They're wearing some weird clothes, but they're still quite attractive."

I grinned. "You really think so? Oh wow, thanks. You know, I'm quite proud of this figure myself. I haven't had it for very long and—"

"SHADDUP!" he snapped. "Or else I'll teach you how to be quiet before I sell you to your new master."

Dee raised an eyebrow, pointing out the obvious. "New master? But she never had an old master."

"She's right," I agreed, nodding.

"SHADDUP! Boys, get 'em."

"Get... 'em?" Dee and I exchanged glances. I felt a pair of arms grab me from behind. Two other sets of arms were trying to hold my hands and feet. Dee kicked her opponent in the balls, but two other men grabbed her arms, holding her back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she yelled at them.

The big cheese slapped her across the face. "I think I'm gonna sell you into slavery for big bucks. And there ain't nuttin you can do about it."

"But _we_ can do somethin' about it."

The big cheese whirled on his heel, turning to face two boys - or rather, two young men. One had flaming orange hair and a dark blue trench coat. In his left hand he held a tessen, and he was hitting it against his other hand dangerously. Next to him was a slightly tanner man with dark blue hair—

"HIS HAIR ISN'T _BLUE_ HALEY!" Dee shouted out of nowhere. "It's _midnight blue!_"

I glared at her. "Quiet you! It's mostly my fic, so his hair's BLUE!"

Dee pouted quietly as every man in the area face-vaulted. Now where was I? Oh, right – hazel eyes, and a scar tracing down his left cheek. His arms were crossed, and a devilish smirk traced his rugged features.

"Do you really think you can take on all of us?" the enemy boss sneered.

"Of course we can. We're the bandits of Mount Reikaku," the man with blue hair said as he pulled out two deadly-looking daggers.

The orange-haired man grinned, readying his fan. "You've tried t'take these girls inta slavery, _and_ yer on our territory. I'm afraid you've done two things that really PISS US OFF!"

With that said, the man with orange hair charged at the boss, kicking him in the stomach and hitting him over the head with his metal fan. The man with blue hair charged at the group of men who were holding Dee, kicking one in the face and slashing at the other's arms. The men keeled over, screaming in pain, and Dee stumbled free. The man with orange hair stared at the men who were holding me. The blue-haired man tossed one of his daggers into the air and caught it dangerously, turning his gaze on the remaining men as well. "Unless you wanna feel ten times the pain yer friends 'n' boss're feelin', you'd better leave right now…"

"_And_ give us all yer money," the orange-haired one added.

The blue-haired man sweatdropped. "Oh yeah… an' give us all yer money."

I fell down as the men who were holding me let go. They quickly emptied their pockets, threw some moneybags down, and ran off along with their three companions. I felt the ropes loosen and stood up as the man with blue hair sheathed his daggers.

I ran over to my best friend. "Are you okay, Dee?"

Dee rubbed at her stinging cheek. "Yeah, but when that guy wakes up, I'm gonna kick him back into unconsciousness." She glared at the boss lying on the ground.

I turned back to the two men. "Um… thanks."

"No problem. We couldn't let those guys get away with that, now could we?" The blue-haired man smiled winningly.

I smiled back with closed eyes. When I opened my eyes, I found myself staring into two tiny amber pupils. "WHAT ARE YOU GIRLS DOIN' ON MOUNT REIKAKU?"

"Aaaaaah!" I fell over.

"Genrou! Don't you have any delicacy? They were nearly kidnapped by those men! They don't need _you_ t'scare 'em too!" The blue-haired man held out a hand, and I accepted it as he helped me up. I couldn't help but blush as our hands touched. These animated characters were quite charming in a way… and quite attractive, too. "Sorry about him. He's got a grudge against women."

"It's okay. Could you tell us where we are?" I asked.

"Stupid women!" the man called Genrou shouted. "I jus' told ya where ya were!"

I sweatdropped. "I know, but you guys aren't dressed like Japanese people usually dress… or like they ever did as far as I know."

The man with blue hair looked at us strangely. "Japanese? We're not Japanese!"

"But you're speaking Japanese!" Dee argued.

"Well, we're in Konan, a part of China!" The man named Genrou flailed his chibi arms around.

"We're in China," stated Dee emotionlessly.

"Yeah," replied the blue-haired man.

"But we're speaking Japanese," I added.

"Yeah," answered Genrou.

"And you write in Chinese," Dee said, voice once again unreadable.

"Uh-huh," the blue-haired man agreed.

"But your names are Japanese," I pointed out.

"Yeah," Genrou said again.

"But we're in China," Dee added.

"You got it," the blue-haired man said with a nod.

"Aaaahh…" Dee and I fell over, twitching slightly. Dee's pupils were actually spinning around in her eyes.

"Brain…confusion…"

"Overload…" I finished weakly.

"Answer my first question! What're you doin' here?" Genrou yelled.

I stood up, dusting myself off and rubbing my aching head. "We just... well this may sound crazy, but…"

"We were sent here to become priestesses," Dee interrupted.

The man with blue hair frowned thoughtfully. "Priestesses? Then you must be…"

"Crazy!" It seemed the blue-haired man and I had something in common: friends interrupting us. Genrou crossed his arms over his chest and glared at us. "There ain't any priestesses 'round here."

I glanced at Dee sadly. Then what was that freaky cat talking about? "Are you sure?"

"Hell yeah, I'm sure! Why don't ya jus' go back home?" With that, Genrou turned around and started to walk off.

"We don't have a home." I knew that would get his attention.

He turned around, looking almost sympathetic. "Why not?"

"We just... don't." Man, was I good at covering up. I could tell from Dee's sweatdrop that she thought the same thing.

The man with blue hair sheathed his daggers, smiling at us again. "Why don't ya come with us?"

Dee and I stared at the blue-haired man with big, glistening puppy dog eyes.

"REALLY? You'd let us stay with you for a while?" Dee exclaimed.

"WHAT?" Genrou wailed. "HELL NO! They are _not_ stayin' with us! There're hardly ever any girls on Mount Reikaku. The guys will be so horny!"

"Eh…you know what…" Dee poked her index fingers together. "Maybe we shouldn't go…"

"You're right Dee…" I began to walk off.

"Th' nearest town is that-a way," Genrou said, pointing in the opposite direction.

"Oh…heh…thanks." We turned around and continued walking.

Genrou pointed at us and burst into fits of laughter. "HAHAHA! I'm jus' screwin' with you! It really was the way you were walkin'!"

Dee, sick of his attitude, grabbed him by the collar. "Would you just tell us where the hell we are and how the hell we can get to the nearest town, fangboy?"

"Geez! Who saved yer sorry ass again?"

"Grr…" Dee's eyebrow twitched.

The blue-haired man held up his hands, sweatdropping and pushing Dee away from the other bandit. "Calm down Genrou an'…"

"Dee," I finished for him.

"Thanks." By this time he had shoved his way between the two of them. "Anyway Genrou, we can't jus' leave 'em here. You know there're a lotta scumbags in this area." He turned to Dee and me. "Don't worry about the guys. You c'n sleep in our room, and we'll watch out fer ya."

"WHAT?" Genrou screeched again. "Dammit! When I try t'get away from women, they always find a way t'cause trouble fer me!"

I stopped Genrou from complaining anymore by changing the subject. "Okay, I know you're Genrou, but what's your name?" I pointed to his friend. "I'm sick of writing 'the blue-haired man' or 'the man with blue hair.'"

"My name's Koji. What about you?"

"I'm Haley, and like I said before, that's Dee."

"Dee and Harii?" I bit my cheek to keep from laughing at Genrou's pronunciation of my name. "The clothes and the names…yer definitely not from around here."

Koji turned away, heading up the mountain. "Let's get goin'. Dinner should be ready by th' time we get there."

"Dinner!" Dee and I clasped our hands and stared at Koji. "Would you happen to be having Chinese food tonight?"

Genrou folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes. "Nah, we're havin' Italian!"

"Aww…" I hung my head, which was a mistake. _WHACK!_ "Ow!"

"Can't you tell he's being sarcastic?" Dee asked, cracking her knuckles and readying herself for another whack to my head if necessary.

"Sorry Dee! I can't help that I'm gullible – AND SMACKING ME ISN'T GONNA HELP!"

Genrou rubbed his temples. "Let's go before my headache gets any worse." We followed Genrou's lead.

xxx

We had been walking for a while, and were getting closer and closer to the bandit hideout. The nearer we got, the clearer the smell of food became, and the harder it was for Koji and Genrou to keep us from dashing ahead. "I smell it Dee! And it smells so good…."

"You better not drool when we get inside."

"Sorry, Genrou…"

Dee struggled out of Koji's hold and raced towards a pair of doors that must have led to the hideout. "Haley… It's free… Chinese… FOOD!" By that time, our instincts had taken over and we ran towards the scent. We flung open the doors and stopped dead in our tracks, gasping at the same time.

"There it is… and it's so damn beautiful!" Dee and I ran to the table, grabbed chopsticks, and immediately started stuffing our faces.

"Hey fellas! Check out the broads!" We both stopped, chopsticks in our mouths, and looked up at the men around us.

"How long's it been since we had some women in th' hideout?"

"I dunno, but I know it's been too long!"

"I ain't never seen clothes like this."

"Who cares? These chicks're hot!"

"Really?" I stood up, running a hand along my waist. "Wow, thanks. I haven't had this figure for very long, you know. I'm quite prou—"

"Okay, guys." Genrou stepped in front of me. "Here's th' deal. These girls were threatened by some jerks, and they're gonna stay here for a while."

"Can't they stay forever?" Many laughs followed by "hell yeah's" and "that's what I'm talking 'bout!"s echoed around the room.

"Sorry, but we're gonna have to ask you not t'hit on Dee-san and Harii-san." I bit my lip again as Koji said my name.

"But Koji, Boss, we haven't had a chance like this in ages!" A random bandit pleaded.

"Go to a bar if you want to hit on someone," Genrou responded.

"There're only old sad men at th' bars!"

"An' that dirty old hobo." Dee and I glanced at each other at this remark.

"Then go somewhere else, but you can't hit on girls here!" Koji told them fiercely. Genrou whacked the tessen in his hand meaningfully to back up his friend's statement. "Jus' think of 'em as some of th' guys." All of them groaned.

"Now that that's settled, let's eat!" Dee raised her chopsticks.

"Woohoo! That's what _I'm_ talking about!"

xxx

"Oh….that felt so good…" Dee rubbed her stomach.

"Yeah, _and_ it was free!"

"Oi, if you two're finished, then follow me. I'll show ya where you'll be sleeping." We looked up to see Koji standing in the doorway. By now, all of the other men had left the dining room, tired of watching Dee and I devour second, third, and finally fourth helpings.

"Okay…if I can walk…" I slowly but surely made my legs work and followed Koji, Dee close behind.  
We staggered down a hallway after the bandit, making small full-stomach groans until we reached a door.

Koji opened the door; it led into a room resembling an office. Genrou sat at a small desk, writing something. He glanced up with a raised eyebrow, then went back to his work. As we walked past his desk, I noticed that all he was doing was drawing stick figures. I hadn't thought a bandit would have any _real_ paper work to do.

"Here's where you'll be sleepin'." Koji opened a door to the right of the door we came in. Inside was a bunk bed.

"I GET TOP!" I yelled.

"What? No way, I'm getting top!" Dee argued. We both raced towards the beds, scrambling to be the first one on the top bunk.

Genrou entered the room, eyes widening in surprise. "Wait a minute! They're sleepin' in our beds?" he pissedly screamed.

Dee glared at me. "Pissedly isn't a word."

I shrugged. "Sorry, it was the only way to explain it."

"Genrou, you can't let women sleep on the floor!" Koji argued.

"Sure you can! Why th' hell not? Do they get a disease if they do? NooooOOOoooo!"

I hopped off the bed. "I'll sleep on the floor. I don't mind." Genrou glared at me as if it was some sort of a trick. "I'm serious. I really don't mind." He glared at me for another moment, then shrugged and walked back out to continue his "important" work.

Koji put a hand on the doorframe, turning to go. "All right. I'll go get some blankets."

"I'll go with you." I offered. "Dee, are you gonna..." I turned around to see her rubbing her head into the pillow and curling up to sleep. "Never mind. Lazy-ass."

I followed him out of the bedroom and office and continued down the hall. After a moment of silence, I decided to make small-talk. "So you and Genrou are the bosses?"

"Er, sorta." I waited for an explanation, so Koji continued. "Well, we kinda run things t'gether, but Genrou's technically th' _real _boss, 'cause he owns th' tessen."

"The tessen? That fan thing makes him the boss?"

"That tessen ain't no normal tessen. When you recite a spell, it shoots fire."

I glared at him, my eyes turning into little slits. "I'm really gullible. Don't screw with me, Koji."

He laughed. "I'm serious." The bandit opened a door into what looked like a laundry room. He handed me a set of blankets and a pillow, then grabbed some for himself. I followed him back.

"Is there anything Dee-chan and I can do while we're staying here? We're already in the way."

Koji chuckled. "Don't worry about upsettin' Genrou. He's always been that way towards women. He had four older sisters that bossed him around. He claims he hates women."

"Oh… so, is he…?"

"Oh, nah. I would've noticed by now." He laughed at the idea.

"So you've been friends for a while, huh?"

"Two years now. He was fifteen an' I was seventeen, back when he first showed up on Reikaku. He said he wanted t'become a man." I smothered a laugh and Koji looked at me over his shoulder. "What?"

"Nothing…It's just, the whole 'becoming a man' thing. It's kinda cheesy." I giggled again.

"Cheesy?"

"Um… never mind." An awkward silence followed.

"How long have you and Dee been friends?" Koji asked, attempting to break the quiet.

"Ten years." Koji face-vaulted. "Koji, are you okay?"

He took my offered hand and slowly stood up, gathering the blankets and staring at me in disbelief. "Ten years! How old're you?"

"Fourteen." He fell over again, and once more I helped him up.

We reached the room a minute or so later. I noticed that somehow it had taken much longer to get back from the laundry room then to go to it. Koji set the blankets down, covering a yawn. "I've gotta talk t'Genrou. See you two in th' mornin'."

"Good night," Dee and I both said. He walked out of the room.

"So what was that all about?" Dee asked as I started spreading out the blankets.

"What was what about?"

She clasped her hands together and raised her voice about two octaves. "I'll sleep on the floor. Really, I don't mind. I'll lick the floor clean. Really, I don't mind. I'll stick my head in a beehive. Really, I don't mind!"

"We're already in their way!" I argued. "I just wanted to help a bit. And I also volunteered both of us to help out around the stronghold."

"You _WHAT_?" Dee fell out of the bunk bed. "You _know_ manual labor and I don't get along!" She started to go into convulsions at the mere thought of physical work.

I sweatdropped. "Don't worry about it. Koji said not to worry about getting in the way, so I don't think they'll make us do anything."

xxx

"Yeah, and when yer done with the floors, would'ja wash my coat?" Genrou threw his coat over my head as he walked past.

"They won't make us do anything, huh?" Dee drawled.

I decided to ignore her and focused on untangling myself from Genrou's coat instead. "Whoa… this actually smells kinda good. It's musk, but it's manly musk." I took the coat off my head and sniffed it again. Dee slapped me over the back of the head with her broom. "Ow…"

"That's disgusting! If you wanted to smell musk you could just go smell a dirty old hobo."

"Like me?" That same dirty hobo from the library poked his head through the window and grinned.

"No!" I snapped back. "This is a different musk! It's _manly_ musk!"

"Oh…you know my secret." He frowned and then disappeared from the window. Dee and I stared at each other.

"O… kay…"

"Anyway, we should leave tonight, or tomorrow morning." Dee suggested.

"Dee, are you really that lazy?"

"Not because we have to work here! Remember the prophecy?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about that too, but..." I shot her a sideways glance. "You _do_ want to get away from this work, don't you?"

She sweatdropped, poking her index fingers together. "So?" she mumbled.

I laughed. "Hey, how about you finish the floors? I'll go wash this coat."

"How do I know you're not going to take a break?"

"You're lucky that I trust _you_ not to take one!"

"You've got a point."

I went to the laundry room and followed a short hallway that led outside. Directly outside the door there was a pond and some soap. "This is convenient." I wasn't really sure how I was supposed to do this, but I rubbed the soap on the coat and then rinsed it out. "Too bad I have to clean this, it really did smell good." I lay it on the wooden walkway to dry. As I did, I felt that familiar call of nature. "Oh geez… I need to poo." I had a thought. "Wait a second…where do I _do_ that?" I went back to the hallway, and to my amazement Dee had just finished cleaning the floor. "Dee, I, um…"

"What is it?" she asked, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and looking exhausted. Geez, did manual labor really hurt her that much?

"I have to poo."

"Wow, that was subtle," she grumbled with a sweatdrop, then glanced around and said in a loud whisper, "But... uh, Haley-chan, I _really_ need to find a restroom, too! I've been holding it in for _hours_! I don't know where to go!"

"Should we ask Koji?"

"But what if the people in this world don't defecate?" Dee wondered.

I raised my eyebrow. "What made you use that scientific word?"

"I didn't even know it _was_ a word."

"Then why'd you use it?"

Dee shrugged. "How should I know? You're the one writing the damn story."

"Hm. Good point." It was silent for a moment. "Well, let's just go look for one."

"Sounds like a plan, and it'll get us out of doing more work for a while." We searched along the hallways and looked in every room. There were a couple of times when we saw things we didn't want to see, like a naked man scratching his ass and two men kissing. It's a good thing none of them noticed us.

A familiar irritated voice called out behind us. "Oi, you girls done with yer chores already?"

"Yeah, and you're lucky I'm not dead," Dee growled as we turned around to face Genrou.

"Actually, I'm glad you found us," I said with a nervous smile. "Genrou, um… we're looking for a restroom. Do you guys have one?"

"What's a restroom?"

"A bathroom," Dee said.

"I dunno what a bathroom is. You guys shouldn't take a bath here though, unless you want th' guys peekin' in on you."

"No, we're not looking for a bath. Do you have a toilet?" Dee asked.

"A toilet?"

"Dee! We're in ancient China! Of _course_ they don't have a toilet," I whispered harshly in her ear.

"_You're_ the one who asked for a restroom," she hissed right back.

Genrou sighed. "What're you lookin' for? And _why_ are you lookin' for it?"

I sighed. "My bodily fluids need evacuation." He just cocked his head and continued to give me a blank look. "Um..." Screw subtle! "I have to poo. _Really_ badly." His eyes spread to take up half of his face.

Dee sweatdropped. "Well, that's one way to get the point across."

"Um… um… outside, there's a trail leading away from the baths, and it'll lead you to where you do... that…" Then Genrou hurried away, shaking his head and muttering something about "damn weird other-world women."

I groaned, holding my stomach. "I wish he would carry me there. I can't walk very well."

"I know why you want him to carry you." Dee nudged me, grinning slyly.

"Stop that! You might nudge the poo out of me!"

xxx

Dee and I found the place before long, though it wasn't really much of a place. "Ew… they're just little pots…" We both made faces.

"You stand guard first, I won't take long!" Dee practically ordered.

"Stand guard?" I asked.

"Yeah, I don't want a guy to walk by when I'm going."

"All right." I walked off a little ways. "Hurry up!"

"Geez, have some patience!"

After Dee and I took care of business, we headed back up the trail. I frowned as my ears caught a sound from nearby. "Um… Dee, did you hear something?"

"Yeah, it sounded like a splash."

We faced each other, listening hard. The same noise came again. "Someone's taking a bath," we said simultaneously.

"Man, this sucks. How long do you think we'll have to wait?" I asked. "I really don't want to see another naked guy."

Dee ventured a peek through the bushes. "Oh crap, it's those guys we saw kissing earlier."

"Maybe if we run by with our eyes closed, they'll be too busy with each other to notice us," I suggested, though it didn't sound like much of an idea.

"Why don't we just wait 'till they're done? After all, when we get back Genrou'll probably make us do more… _work_." She shuddered at the word.

"I could get you back another way no da."

We looked at each other, and then around us.

"Um… who said that?" Dee asked, glancing around in every direction.

"I did no da!" The chibi face of a man with squinty eyes and peacock-hair popped up in front of us, smiling cheerfully.

"AAAAAAAH!" Dee and I clung to each other, spouts of tears shooting out of our eyes.

"It's a rabid talking cat!" I screamed.

"Do I really seem rabid no da?" We both looked up. A man with light blue hair—

"_Sky blue_," Dee corrected.

"SAME DAMN THING!"

—with _light blue_ hair that was kept back in a whispy ponytail stood in front of us. He had unnecessarily long bangs that seemed to defy gravity, and was wearing a robe and holding a staff. He also had a funny Chinese-type hat on his head, which he tipped politely in our direction, smiling the whole time.

"Who… who are you?" Dee asked, watching the oh-so-cute-but-strange-looking newcomer carefully.

"I'm Chichiri no da! Would you like me to lead you to the stronghold?"

"Are you a bandit?" I asked.

"Nope, I'm a monk no da!"

"Then we can't trust you. Er… wait. How would I ever trust a bandit before I'd trust a monk?" I asked myself aloud.

Dee ignored me. "How can you get us across?"

The man spread his robe out. "Just stand on this, and I'll chant a spell no da."

"Um…" I twirled my finger around my ear. "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

His oh-so-cute smile turned into an oh-so-cute frown. "That's not very nice no da! I'm not crazy no da!"

"Yeah, and _I'm_ not incredibly sexy with this new figure."

"And you call _him_ crazy?" Dee whacked me over the head, then stood on the kesa. "Come on, Haley-chan."

"All right." I stood on the kesa with her. Chichiri put his index fingers against his lips and scrunched his eyebrows in an oh-so-cute way as he concentrated. Soon, we were sinking into the ground. Before we knew it we found ourselves in the hallway at the hideout.

"That's so cool! How'd you do that?" Dee squealed.

"Well… heh…" Chichiri sweatdropped. "Thanks, but it's a pretty simple trick. I'm a sorcerer no da." His face turned serious quickly. "Someone's coming. Keep me a secret no da!" With that, he waved and disappeared into his hat.

"What the hell?" I picked it up and examined it.

"That's so cool!" Dee took the hat and slammed it on her head. She frowned. "How come it's not working?" Two bandit men walked by, giving Dee strange looks as she continued slamming the hat on her head. "Come on, come on! Hide me!"

"Stop that!" I hissed as soon as the men had walked out of hearing range. "I don't think it works unless you're a sorcerer!"

"Hey… maybe this has something to do with the prophecy! Maybe when I become a priestess, I'll gain the power to become a sorcerer too! Then I would _never_ have to do manual labor! I could just disappear into my little hat! To wherever he goes…" She trailed off, staring at the hat wistfully.

"I wonder what really happens when we become priestesses. I hope it's not something weird… Either way, I don't think we're gonna fulfill the prophecy by staying on Reikaku."

"Yeah, we should tell Koji and Genrou we're gonna leave in the morning."

"No, Koji would probably worry about us going off by ourselves. He might even want to go with us, or send somebody with us," I pointed out. "We can't cause any more trouble for them. Instead, I've got a plan."

"A plan?" Dee asked nervously. "I'm a little afraid."

"Follow me!" I raised my fist in the air, and then walked off to the laundry room. I scrounged through the dirty clothes and found a few shirts and pants that didn't look too big. Once that was finished, I walked off to the pond. "Come on, Dee. We don't want to smell _too _horrible."

"Aaa… _more_ work? But Genrou already made us do stupid chores all day."

"Complain, complain, COMPLAIN! You don't want to smell terrible tomorrow, do you?"

"It'll just fit help us fit our disguise," she reasoned.

"Don't worry about that. We'll probably get a little smelly walking down the mountain anyway. Besides, this is also so we won't get looks for our weird clothes."

"Aaa… wooooork..." Dee let herself go limp and fell on the grass.

"Fine! I'll wash them myself!"

"Aw, thanks Haley-chan!"

"Yeah, yeah. Lazy-ass."

* * *

**Preview of Next Episode…**

FREAKY CAT THING: Well, so far our heroines - and I use the term loosely - have conquered perverted bandits, piles of Chinese food, and manual labor! But their adventure is only beginning, as they will soon find out. What dangerous perils and Chinese delicacies await our Priestesses? You'll have to stick around for the next chapter to find out!  
HALEY: You think they will?  
DEE: Hell yeah they will! What other story gives you sexy bandits, sexy monks, and sexy emperors?  
HALEY: Um, practically every _Fushigi Yuugi _fanfic out there?  
DEE: Oh yeah. Damn.  
FREAKY CAT THING: Please don't leave me alone with these people. Join us for the next chapter: "Bandits and Monks and Emperors…Oh My!"

* * *

**The Main Haley Note**: Hi there! My name's Haley, and I'm the writer of this fic. However, I'm not the only writer. My best friend Dee-chan, who is also a supercoolies fic writer- pen name: itsthedee - helped me a bit with adding some parts here and there and editing. I added a few Haley notes too if there were some things that needed background on. This fic is basically a spoof of lots of different things. Don't get me wrong, I love the many things it pokes fun at…except for dirty old hobos. I'm not really a fan of them. It's just here to make ya laugh, and I really hope it does! Well, keep reading, and please review!

**The Dee Note**: Mwahaha, I'm Haley-chan's Chief Editor (doesn't that sound official?), which means she doesn't know I'm writing this! And when she finally finds out, it'll be too late! _(Evil Tomo Cackle)_ Anyway, I just wanted to pop in to let everyone know that I'm the Number Two gal in this operation, and to do some shameless advertising! _Ah-hem!_ So everyone should go read _Fushigi Yuugi: The Next Chapter_ on my Itsthedee account! It's made of win. _(winning smile) _Okay, that's pretty much everything I had to cover! Giddy-up little reader, and strap your self down for some more _Fushigiggles _fun! Yeehaw pardner! _(Gets smacked by Haley-chan)_ Oh, right. Er, anyway, I hope you liked what you've read, and we'll see you in the next chapter!


	2. Bandits and Monks and Emperors Oh My!

**Chapter Two:  
Bandits and Monks and Emperors, Oh My! **

I felt someone shake me. "Wake up! We gotta go now if we don't want anyone to see us!" Dee whispered.

"Oh, right." I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I blinked some sleep out of my eyes, glancing around the room and noticing something. "Um...Dee..."

She pulled the men's clothes out from underneath her mattress. "What?"

"Why aren't Koji and Genrou in the room?"

"Wha...?" Dee looked around, blinking several times. After a long search of the room she turned back and smiled sheepishly. "Hey, whadda ya know, they really aren't here."

I sweatdropped. "How could you not notice?"

"I don't know..." Dee shrugged, throwing me one set of the bandit clothes. "Oh well, let's go. Maybe they're...I dunno, let's just go."

"Right." I took the clothes and slipped them on over my normal jeans and T-shirt, frowning at the long jacket and baggy pants. "Man, now's the time I wish I had short hair," I complained to Dee, attempting to stuff my long blonde hair into the coat and failing miserably.

Dee nodded, tugging at her own shoulder-length locks. "No kiddin'. I hope most women don't wear dresses around this place, or we might not be able to pull this off." She reached for the doorknob, but someone else opened it from the outside.

"Good morning no da!"

A chibi face popped up in front of mine. I opened my mouth in silent surprise and fell backwards on my bum.

Dee laughed to hide her embarrassment. "Heh, look at that! I didn't notice the hat was gone either!" She looked down with wide eyes at my prostrate form. "Um...Haley?"

I sat there, breathing hard.

The chibi face smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you no da!"

"Wait a second!" I stood up and took a step away from him, looking around wildly. "Genrou and Koji aren't here!" I glared at him accusingly. "What have you done with them?"

Chichiri sweatdropped. "Nothing no da."

"Yeah, we're right here." Koji waved cheerfully as he popped up behind Chichiri. I walked through the doorway and saw Genrou standing behind the two. He was frowning - almost pouting - and had his arms folded across his chest.

I rubbed the back of my head, turning towards the strange but oh-so-cute monk. "Oh... heh, sorry. I kinda overreacted there."

"It's okay no da."

"What's going on?" Dee asked.

"Good question." I couldn't believe Chichiri's mouth had moved to that voice. It was about three times lower and the usual "no da" wasn't at the end. "Tasuki, would you like to explain?"

"Tasuki?" I cocked my head puppy-dog style as I looked at Chichiri, then all around the room. "Who's Tasuki? Where's Tasuki? AH! MY HEAD HURTS!" I fell to the floor, twitching slightly.

Dee sighed. "Sorry about this. She _is_ a blonde after all." She knelt down next to me and put a hand on my back as I hunched over with my head in my hands. "Haley, what did I tell you about questions?"

"Don't ask them when you know they'll be answered," I muttered.

"That's right." Dee patted my head and helped me stand back up. She nodded towards Chichiri. "Go on."

Genrou strode forward, scrunched his face a bit, grunted, and then pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal his right forearm, which now carried a red Chinese... Japanese... brain cramp... character.

"Genrou! That's terrible! Who branded you?" I grabbed his arm and traced the mark.

"Branded?" Genrou raised an eyebrow. "Crazy girl, I dunno what yer talking about. This is a mark showin' that I'm Tasuki, one of th' shichi seishi."

"One of the what-what what-what?" Dee asked with big chibi eyes.

"A shichi seishi – one of the seven Celestial Warriors. I'm one, too. My symbol is on my left knee." Chichiri put his fingers to his lips, said a spell, then pulled up his left pant leg to reveal a character that kind of looked like a number sign. "When the Priestess of Suzaku comes from another world, the shichi seishi must protect her and help her gather all of the other shichi seishi in order to summon Suzaku. When Suzaku is summoned, three wishes will be granted to the Priestess and eternal peace will come to Konan."

I nodded, then had a thought. "Hey... how come you got to say a cool spell, but Genrou had to make weird grunting noises?"

"I had to get it to appear somehow!" argued Genrou, blushing a little. "Not my fault I don't know magic..."

"The prophecy," Dee said quietly, bringing me back to the important stuff.

"That's right," I agreed. I turned to Genrou. "Why didn't you tell us? You had to have known we were from another world."

He tapped his tessen unhappily against his leg. "I knew I'd have to leave Reikaku, and I'm the boss now. It's my job to stay here and lead the guys."

"But it's your destiny to protect and serve the priestess of Suzaku." Genrou scowled at Chichiri for his remark. The monk turned to us and smiled his oh-so-cutest. His voice shot back up to its usual high-pitched tone. "I was led here by my ability to sense ki. Both of you have the power to become the Priestess of Suzaku, but only one of you can actually summon Suzaku no da."

I frowned. "Only one of us?"

Dee and I looked at each other, then back at the boys.

"Harii...would you let go of my arm?"

"Oh right..." I had forgotten that I was still holding onto Genrou's arm, and felt my cheeks flush a little as I let go. Genrou rolled his sleeve back down, muttering something about grabby women.

"So, which one of us is supposed to summon Suzaku?" Dee asked.

"Only time will tell no da. We should probably go to the palace first," Chichiri said.

"The palace?" I asked, cocking my head a little.

"Yes. You two should probably pack your other clothes up and get some food. It's a few days' journey to the palace no da," Chichiri advised.

"You c'n use one of our blankets t'carry everythin' in. We got plenty," Koji offered.

"Thanks," Dee said as we headed to our room, leaving the three men behind.

"He said three wishes, didn't he?" I remarked after we shut the door.

"He did..." My best friend smiled suddenly and raised her arm, shouting, "I call becoming the Priestess!"

I facevaulted. "Dee! That cat said we were _both_ supposed to become Priestesses, remember?"

"But _Chichiri_ said only one of us can become the Priestess," she argued. "And I'd sooner believe an oh-so-cute monk than a smartass talking cat."

"Yeah... come to think of it, so would I."

Just then, the door opened. A blue head of hair poked around the doorway; Koji smiled his usual friendly grin. "Here, ya may wanna pack this for the trip." He handed us a little bundle of crab rangoons. "Call it a goin'-away present from yours truly."

Dee's eyes got big and gooey. "Oh, thanks!" She grabbed one and was about to pop it in her mouth.

"Dee! For the _trip_!" I reminded her, hitting her in the arm.

"Oh...right..." She lowered her arm sadly, putting the crab rangoon back in the blanket. Koji chuckled and laid the rest of the delicacies next to it.

"You know, I won't be going with you," he said suddenly. "I'm not a shichi seishi, and someone needs to stay here an' be th' boss."

My lower lip trembled a little. "When will we see you again?"

"Prob'ly never," he said, sounding a little sad. "After one of you summons Suzaku, chances are you'll return ta yer world." The two of us looked at him with big, watery eyes. He sweatdropped. "What's wrong?"

"Mm... KOJI!" We hugged him from both sides, spouts of tears pouring from our eyes.

The new bandit leader winced in the bone-crushing hold, but didn't try to break free. "Ouchies..."

"A group hug!" The toothless, dirty old hobo popped out from under the bed and joined the hug. The moment was too touching for us to really care.

xxx

"Ahh....how long is it until we get to the palace?" Genrou...er, Tasuki... er, whatever... slouched his shoulders as he trudged on a little behind the rest of us.

"Not too long no da," Chichiri said, then added more as a request than a remark, "but if we walk any slower we may have to stay the night at an inn no da!"

"Why can't you just teleport us there?" Dee asked, fanning herself against the steamy Konan weather.

A chibi Genrou jumped up in the air. "YOU CAN TELEPORT?" He ran in front of Chichiri, grabbing his shoulders. "Then what're we doin' stumpin' around here for?"

"Well, I _can_..." Chichiri agreed, rocking from side-to-side as Genrou shook him back and forth. "But I only use it if I need to no da."

"This is an emergency!" Genrou cried unhappily. "I got blisters on my blisters!"

"Genrou, leave the poor guy alone." Dee loosened his hold on Chichiri, who by now looked a little sick from all the shaking.

Chichiri shook his head to clear it. "Thank you, Dee-chan." Dee smiled back at the oh-so-cute monk.

"_Thank you, Dee-chan!_" Genrou mimicked in a high-pitched Chichiri voice. He was rewarded with a smack over the head, courtesy of Dee.

"Why are we going to the palace anyway?" I asked as we continued walking.

"It's where one of you will eventually summon Suzaku no da. Also, the Emperor should know that the Priestess of Suzaku has shown up. He may be able to help us find the other shichi seishi no da."

"Wait... we're gonna talk to the Emperor?" asked Genrou.

"Of course no da! Did you think we'd just waltz into the palace without talking to him no da?"

"Yeah."

Chichiri sighed.

xxx

"It's so big!" Dee gushed.

"I've never seen anything like it!" I agreed, clasping my hands together happily.

Genrou's eyebrow twitched irritably. "C'n we move on?"

"Yeah, we really need to get to the palace no da," Chichiri reminded us.

"Aww... but, but, but," I stammered, trying to think of a good excuse.

"No buts," Genrou grabbed my forearm and dragged me away from the stand. Chichiri followed shortly, carting my friend along.

"That was the most amazing crab ragoon I've ever seen in my life!" Dee cried, drooling. "I WANNA EAT IT!"

"I'm sure the cooks are quite good at the palace no da. You'll probably like the food there no da."

"I think the two of them would like _any_ food," muttered Genrou.

"That's not true! We just really like Chinese food!" I told him. "I personally hate anything spicy."

Dee grinned, licking her lips at the thought. "I love spicy food!"

"Okay, so Dee _does_ like any food," I corrected.

"No, I don't like midget-in-a-soup." She received three strange looks for that remark. "What? Would _you_ like it?"

We walked on in silence, three very large sweatdrops present.

"We're almost to the palace, but first we'll be going through the slums no da," Chichiri warned after a while. "Dee-chan, get in front of me...um, Dee?" The three of us looked around.

"Oh great! Where the hell is Dee?" Genrou growled.

"Don't worry no da. I can sense her ki."

"Her ki?" I asked.

"Her life force," Genrou explained as Chichiri scrunched his eyebrows together in his oh-so-cute way.

"Stay here no da." Chichiri said after a moment. He walked off into a crowd of people, and then walked back with Dee in front of him, noodles hanging off her face. "Dee-chan and Harii-chan, stay close to us no da." By this time I had gotten used to these people's pronunciation of my name, but I still had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing at the pronunciation of my name in that high-pitched, oh-so-cute voice of his. Dee sucked in the noodles as Chichiri grabbed her hand. I immediately grabbed Genrou's arm.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm supposed to stay close to you. Remember, you're a seishi. You're supposed to protect me!" I clung on tighter in case he tried to shake me off.

"Shut the hell up! People are gonna hear you! Besides, we still don't know which one of you is the Priestess."

"Oh, right, sorry." I sweatdropped. He continued walking with me holding onto his arm, scowling the whole way. We followed Chichiri's lead for about twenty more minutes until we arrived at the palace.

"It's so big!" Dee gushed.

"I've never seen anything like it!" I agreed, clasping my hands together happily.

"You can't eat it," grumbled Genrou.

As we reached the main gates, two guards stepped out to confront Chichiri.

"STOP THERE!" the first guard said, holding out a hand.

Dee, always the blunt one, strode forward. "Can you let us by? We need to get into the palace." The three of us facevaulted.

"Before I do that," the guard said in - oddly enough - a British accent, "you must answer me these questions three." Dee and I shot each other looks. "Number one: what are your names?"

Chichiri bowed and his voice dropped. "I'm Chichiri, a Suzaku seishi. With me are the Priestess of Suzaku, her friend, and another seishi, Tasuki."

"And ME!" The toothless hobo popped up again, only to be knocked away by Chichiri's staff.

"He's not with us no da." I smiled as his voice returned to its usual high pitched and cheerful tone.

"I'm sorry, but we'll need some proof," said the second guard.

"I thought you'd ask that no da." Chichiri lifted up his pant leg, scrunched his brows together in that oh-so-cute way and put his fingers near his mouth. Upon his knee appeared his red symbol.

The second guard fell to the ground and touched his head to the floor, but the first one still stood firm. "Very well then. Number two: what is your favorite color?"

"Red," Chichiri said.

"Red," Tasuki said.

"Red," Dee said.

"Purple," I told him. Dee gave me a look. "What? I can't be original?"

"Hm… you are quite wise," the guard told us. "Number three: what... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Chichiri and Tasuki gave each other blank looks, but Dee and I smiled knowingly.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a British accent.

"An African or European swallow?" Dee finished with the same accent.

"What? I don't know thaaaaaaat!" The ground beneath the guard collapsed and he fell down a hole.

Chichiri smiled at the two of us. "You handled that well no da."

Dee shrugged. "Of course. We swiped it from a _Monty Python _movie."

The second guard sweatdropped. "So... anyway..." He rose to his feet. "I shall escort you to Saihitei-sama. Please, follow me."

"Is that the emperor?" I asked Genrou in a whisper as we followed the guard.

"I think so. I'm not really sure, I've been up in the mountains fer two years." Genrou looked down at my hand. "Y'know, we ain't in the slums anymore."

"Oh, right..." I let go of his arm. We continued following the guard to a huge room with an empty chair sitting at the back on a raised platform.

"Stay here. I will inform the Emperor." The guard left, leaving us alone in this spacious throne room.

"Oooh! Is this the chair for the Priestess of Suzaku?" Dee ran to the oversized chair at the front and put her hands on the arms of the chair (that's confusing!). She held her butt above it, not yet sitting down. Then, slowly, she lowered herself. "Ahhh....this is quite comfy."

"DEE-CHAN!" A chibi Chichiri waved his arms wildly. "What are you doing na no da? That's the Emperor's chair no da!"

"You're gonna piss him off!" Genrou wailed.

"Are you sure? That guy sure sounded excited when he heard I was coming. Why _wouldn't_ they have this chair for me?" Dee leaned back, sighing happily.

"Dee! We don't even know who the Priestess is yet, so get down from there!"

"But I called it last night, remember?"

"Eh..." I sweatdropped.

Chichiri ran towards Dee. "Would you please get off of that no da?" Just then the door opened. "Ah...daaaaaa..." Chichiri immediately bowed to the ground as he turned around. Genrou fell to the floor as well as he faced the man who had just entered. I just stood there, a bit frozen, staring at the man. He was tall, with long, dark brown - NOT A WORD, DEE! - hair tied up into a box-bun-thing. He looked noble and proud, just like an Emperor should. Genrou saw me out of the corner of his eye and hit my leg.

"Oh, right!" I mimicked Genrou and Chichiri, bowing to the floor.

"Saihitei-sama, I'm sorry about this no da. Please forgive this girl. She has no idea what she's doing no da. She just arrived in this world the other day, but I'm not saying she was _born_ yesterday. She may be the..."

"The Priestess of Suzaku." His rich Japanese voice sent chills down my back. "I've waited a long time to meet you." I could tell by his footsteps that he was walking towards Dee. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "Finally, the girl who will grant my country peace has arrived. Please, tell me your name."

"I'm Dee," she answered.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as I saw him bend down and kiss her on the hand. Then he bowed to her just like Chichiri, Genrou and I were doing to _him_. After a moment of silence, he stood up. "All of you, please rise." We did as he said, except for Dee, who was still sitting in the chair. "I'm sure you must all be tired from your travels. While you eat dinner I'll have your chambers prepared for you. We'll talk in the morning."

"More Chinese food!" Dee exclaimed happily, jumping out of the chair.

Saihitei-sama laughed a deep, rich laugh. It reminded me of coffee in a way. "You may have all the Chinese food you want."

"REALLY?"

"Yes." He laughed again. "Shall I escort you there?" He held out his arm.

"Onward, noble stallion!" Dee set her hand on his arm, and he led her, smiling. The three of us followed.

xxx

"I'm sorry, I forgot to ask sooner," Hotohori said as he led the way to dining room. "What are your names?"

"I'm Chichiri," I said.

"I'm Haley no da," said Chichiri.

"Um...wait...I'm Haley," I corrected.

"Da....sorry, I'm Chichiri no da."

"I'm Genrou… though I guess I should call myself Tasuki now, since it's my seishi name," the bandit said to himself more than anyone else.

"Yes. My seishi name is Hotohori, so you should call me that," Saihitei... no, Hotohori... Damn all these names... said.

Dee's eyes widened. "_What_? You're a seishi too?"

"Yes, and..." A gust of wind swept through from out of nowhere, making his hair fall out of its box-bun thing and blow in the wind.

"Ow!" Genrou clutched his eye as Hotohori's hair hit it.

"As long as the stars shine in the sky, I shall protect you with my life." Hotohori grabbed Dee's hands in his and stared at her, smiling that charming smile.

"Um... thanks?" she responded, eyes wide and confused.

"Genrou, you okay?" I whispered as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah... Geez, his hair is freakin' strong 'n healthy. I wonder what kinda shampoo (1) he uses?" I sweatdropped as he blinked his eyes a couple of times.

(1) _Haley note: Perhaps Herbal Essences?(2)  
(2) Dee note: YES, YES, YES! _

Hotohori-sama grabbed his box-bun thing, held out his arm and continued leading Dee to the dining room. "Here." He opened a pair of gold-enameled double doors. Plates, chopsticks and goblets had been set on a large table in the center of the spacious room. "Jon, please lead these four to a place where they can wash up."

"Yes sir!" A man in the corner of the room walked in front of us, bowed, and then stood up. "Please follow me."

As we followed the man, I wondered why in the world there'd be a man named Jon in a China-like world, and why the emperor had used a term that made us sound like we were from the _Little House on the Prairie_ books. After we had "washed up," we headed back to the dining room.

"Oooooh, it all looks so good!" Dee gasped.

"Let's eat!" I cried.

"Fer once I agree with you," Genrou said with a smirk.

"I'm starving too no da!"

"Eat as much as you like," said the Emperor as he sat down at the head of the table. He spread out his hands and smiled that charming smile. The four of us sat across from each other on the long sides of the table nearest to Hotohori and began filling our plates. "Where did you all travel from?"

"Around... Mount... Reikaku... no da..." Chichiri answered between bites.

"Mount Reikaku?" Hotohori's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I've heard there are some bandits around there. Did you run into any?"

Genrou sweatdropped. "Yeah, but they weren't any problem," he said, then dove right back into his meal. There was a bit of silence as we kept eating, then it was broken again by Hotohori-sama.

"Harii, you said your name was?" he asked politely, nodding in my direction.

I looked up, a bit startled that he'd acknowledged me. "Yes, that's right."

"That doesn't sound like a seishi name or a Konan name."

"It's not. I traveled here with Dee from her world. To tell you the truth, we're not sure which one of us is supposed to be the Priestess of Suzaku," I explained.

"Yes we do!" Dee finally took a break from her dinner. "I called it last night!"

"Dee-chan! You can't just _call_ being a Priestess!" I yelled.

"Sure I can!" she replied cheerfully. "I just did, didn't I?"

"I'm sorry for bringing this up during your long-awaited dinner," he said with a smile. "Why don't we wait to discuss this in the morning?"

We silently accepted his offer as we continued stuffing our faces.

xxx

Hotohori-sama led us to a row of rooms. He waved a hand at them. "There are four unoccupied chambers here. Take whichever one you like. I have to tend to some duties, but I'll see you for breakfast in the morning. Good night." With that, Hotohori-sama walked off.

"Eh, I'm so tired... I take the first room!" Dee called, then practically fell though the doorway, slamming it shut. "Good night!" she yelled through the door.

Chichiri, Genrou and I walked to the next room.

"Wow! This is nothing like the bandit's hideout!" I exclaimed as I walked in the room. One wall was covered with an intricately-woven tapestry, and another wall housed a bed complete with curtains and big, fluffy pillows.

"Yer so freakin' loud! I swear, yer gonna spill a big secret some day t'someone if y'don't quiet down." Genrou folded his arms across his chest as he spoke, narrowing his eyes. "And it ain't helpin' that yer insultin' me."

"Oh... Sorry!" I apologized. "Bandits and emperors don't really mix do they?"

"That's right, they don't," Genrou raised a chibi fist in the air. "Even if th' bandits of Mount Reikaku fight the strong an' help the weak!"

I plugged my ears. "You're the one saying _I'm_ loud?"

"Oh well...it doesn't really matter. Hotohori isn't around anyway. Is it just me, or is he..." Genrou's voice picked up a few octaves and he clasped his hands under his chin. His eyes got big and glossy as he fluttered his lashes melodramatically. "_Totally_ into Dee-chan?"

"I think you're right no da. But when you think about it, it's not often that the Emperor meets someone who will know him as a person and not as the emperor no da. The change is probably nice." Chichiri sighed as he sat down on the bed. "I'm ready to sleep. I don't feel like walking to the other rooms, so if it's all right with you, I'm taking this one no da."

I sighed, collapsing to the floor. "Can I just stay here? I don't want to move anymore."

"I guess so." Chichiri yawned. "Daaa..."

"What? But ya slept on the floor last night!" Genrou reminded me.

"So? I'm too lazy to move." Genrou picked me up. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked, blushing a little.

"What kind of moron wouldn't want t'sleep in a big, fancy palace bed when they get the chance?" He shook his head and walked out of the room, carrying me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "G'night Chichiri!"

"Good night no da."

"Here." He kicked open the next door and literally dropped me on the bed, then walked out. "G'night." He waved, then shut the door.

"Um...good night, Genrou..."

* * *

**Preview of Next Episode….**

FREAKY CAT THING: The Priestesses have arrived at the palace, and already one of them has found three of their seishi. Yet the question still remains: who is the Priestess of Suzaku and who was simply brought along for the ride?  
DEE: I'm the Priestess, I said so myself!  
HALEY: Um... I don't think it works like that, Dee-chan…  
DEE: Maybe not. Hm... so, who _is_ the Priestess?  
FREAKY CAT THING: MY... STER... I... OUS...  
DEE: Ooooh, right...  
HALEY: Anyway, to find out about the Priestess and meet some more, uh, unique seishi, you'll have to stick around for Chapter Three: "Kutou's Craptacular Seishi."


	3. Kutou's Craptacular Seishi

**Chapter Three:  
Kutou's Craptacular Seishi **

Dee and I were quite comfortable the next day in our regular clothes: jeans and T-shirts. After breakfast, Hotohori-sama led us to a small room with a desk and four chairs in front of it. He sat behind the desk and motioned for us to sit down. We did as he er...motioned.

He put his elbows on the desk and his chin in his hands, looking at Dee and me intently. "Now, first off, you both traveled here?"

"Yes," I answered. "At the same time, and we were both told that we were to become Priestesses."

"Oh..." Chichiri scrunched his eyebrows together in that oh-so-cute way. "I should have realized this earlier." His voice dropped again. "Hotohori-sama, there's one other nation that hasn't summoned its god yet no da."

Hotohori's eyebrows rose. "That's right. Kutou still needs to summon Seiryuu."

"Sei-what?" I tried to repeat.

"There are four great empires here, and each has their own prophecy about a Priestess coming to summon that nation's guardian deity no da," Chichiri explained. "Genbu and Byakko have already been summoned, leaving Suzaku and Seiryuu."

Dee and I looked at each other. "So does that mean that one of us is the Priestess of Seiryuu?"

Hotohori nodded. "In all likelihood, yes."

"How are we gonna find out who's who?" asked Genrou, voicing our thoughts.

"Taiitsukun may be able to help us no da."

"Ah, Taiitsukun," Hotohori-sama nodded in agreement.

Genrou nodded sagely, then looked up with blank eyes. "...Taiitsukun?" Poor Genrou, he may have been a seishi, but he was still clueless.

"The controller of this universe," Hotohori told him.

"I can teleport us to Mount Taikiyoku right now no da." Chichiri began spreading his robe out on the ground.

"Wait, Chichiri." Hotohori stood. "I think for today we should look at the scroll for clues as to where the other seishi might be located. If you can teleport that quickly, we won't be losing much time."

"Oh...that would make sense no da. We can go to Mount Taikyoku in the morning." Chichiri looped his robe back around his shoulders.

"The scrolls are in the Suzaku shrine." Hotohori-sama led the way to a pair of large double doors. He opened them with an exaggerated "CREEEEAK!" noise and then stepped back, allowing us to walk into a spacious room with a huge statue of a phoenix standing at its center.

"Is that Suzaku?" Dee asked, craning her neck up at the giant figure.

"Yes." He walked to the front of the statue and lifted up a scroll. "Come in, we can study it in here." We followed his suggestion. I walked in last, and the doors shut by themselves behind me with a loud _SLAMMO_!

As soon as they did, needles of fire began racing up and down my arms. I let out a short gasp and fell to my knees, clutching at my chest and shivering uncontrollably. Dee, Chichiri and Genrou ran over to me.

"Haley-chan, what is it?" Genrou asked as he and Dee knelt next to me.

"I don't... know. It hurts though..." I managed to squeak out, my hands clenching hard into my arms.

Dee put a hand on my shoulder, leaning down and asking quietly. "Is it...that time of the month?"

"NO!" I snapped. "That kind of pain doesn't run through your arms too!"

"Maybe not for _you_!" Dee defended. "But when _I_ get them, I-"

"Get her out of here," Hotohori said, interrupting our little girl-talk. His voice managed to stay calm, but there was a note of urgency in his tone. "She needs to get out of the shrine."

"Can you stand no da?"

"I don't know..." Chichiri and Tasuki helped me up as Hotohori pushed open the doors.

"Looks like I'll have t'carry you again." Genrou picked me up and ran slowly (well, for him) through the doorway with the others following. He set me down in the hallway against a wall.

I stood up, rubbing my arms. "It's gone. As fast as it came, the pain's gone."

"Hotohori, why did that room do that to her?" Dee asked.

The Emperor managed to look concerned and happy all at once. "I think we've found our Priestess of Seiryuu."

I looked up at Hotohori. "You mean _I_ am?"

"No, I mean yo mama is!" The four of us shot questioning looks at Hotohori-sama for his sudden outburst. "Of course I mean you. I'll go call for some guards to escort you to Kutou."

Genrou had a thought. "Wait a sec! Hasn't Kutou been really hostile to us recently?" He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why should we give them their Priestess?"

"I will not withhold a country from the eternal peace that has been promised to them."

I forced a smile in the bandit's direction. "He's right, Genrou. The freaky cat thing said I was going to become a Priestess. I think this is just what I have to do."

He scowled even deeper. "Fine, but I don't trust yer guards t'take her." Genrou looked up at Hotohori-sama. "I'll take her myself."

"I understand, but for the sake of our country you cannot get caught."

"Aaah, don't worry about me Hotohori-sama! I'd never get inta trouble!" Genrou said with a grin. Dee, Chichiri and I all sweatdropped.

"In that case, you may use one of our best horses for the journey. I'll take you to the stables." We followed Hotohori as he led us to the stables. He gestured to a black horse with a white diamond on his forehead. "This is Diamond."

"Real creative, Haley."

"SHUT UP, DEE! WHO'S WRITIN' THIS THING?"

"...He'll serve you well," Hotohori continued, looking at Dee and me strangely. "Here is also some money for food." Hotohori pulled a bag of money out of thin air and handed it to Genrou.

"That was pretty cool!" I exclaimed. "Is your Celestial power magic?"

"What? Me? No, I'm a swordsman."

"Oh... okay..."

"Good luck. Oh yes, you may want to wear this cloak so people don't get suspicious because of your clothing." He pulled a black cloak out of thin air and handed it to me.

"O...kay...thanks..."

"Don't get into trouble no da!" Chichiri advised with an oh-so-cute smile.

I smiled back, though mine was a forced one. "Thanks for everything. I wish I didn't have to leave."

Dee grabbed me in a bone-crushing hug. "Haley, I'm sorry I called being the Priestess of Suzaku!" she cried.

I laughed. "Dee-chan, I'm sure that had nothing to do with it. Don't worry about it." I gasped for air. "Um... Dee... I can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry." She let go, giggling in embarrassment.

"Bye Dee! Bye Chichiri! Bye Hotohori-sama! Bye pony in the corner! Bye haystack! Bye Chichiri's staff! Bye--"

"We get the idea!" screamed Genrou. "C'mon, we don't have all damn day!"

"Right. Bye everyone!" I started to climb onto the horse...and fell off, flat on my bum.

Dee pointed at me and started laughing. "Hahaha! It's a good thing you're both riding on the same horse! Remember that tree branch you slammed into when we went horseback riding?" She grabbed her sides and started cracking up.

I grabbed Dee by the back of her shirt. "Kneel."

She stopped laughing, raising an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"KNEEL!"

"O...kay..." Dee knelt and I stepped on her back as the already-mounted Genrou helped me onto the horse. "Ouch-ka-bibbles..."

"Bye everyone!" I waved as we trotted out of the stable. "Bye Dee-chan!"

"Bye Haley-chan!"

"Bye-bye clean people!" The hobo's toothless grin flashed in a nearby window.

xxx

"Hotohori-sama!" Chichiri pointed at a spot on the Suzaku scoll. "This scroll says the next two seishi will be found within the capital city no da."

"The capital city? We'll have to start a search," Hotohori reasonably reasoned.

"Ew..." Dee made a face. "We're not gonna have to do a strip search, are we?"

"NO NO DA! The symbol won't even appear unless the person becomes excited no da."

"Ew...."

"That's not what I meant no da! It won't appear unless something raises their life force no da!"

"Ew..."

"LIKE IN BATTLE NO DA!"

"Oh..." Dee sweatdropped.

"Some of the seishi may not even know about the symbol on their body, or about what it means," Hotohori reminded them. "However, that's not likely. I'll call a conference for all the best fighters in the capital. Maybe one of our seishi will be among them."

xxx

"Could you maybe loosen your grip? Damn, I'm not gonna be able to breathe if you keep this up."

"Sorry... I'm not really all that great with horses." I let go of Genrou a little. "Um, Genrou, can I ask you something?"

"Does it have anythin' t'do with the two 'roommates' back at the hideout?" he replied nervously.

"Oh, no." I stifled a laugh. "I figured that out myself."

"Oh, well what is it then?"

"Why did you offer to take me?"

Genrou glanced over his shoulder at me. "Did you want those complete strangers t'take you?"

"Well, no, not really," I replied.

"Then why're ya askin'?"

I hesitated, not sure how to answer that. After a moment, I shrugged. "I was just wondering about it. Forget it."

We rode on in silence, until Genrou's sharp eyes picked out something in front of us. "Hmm...what the hell's goin' on here?"

"Huh?" I looked ahead of him. In the middle of the trail were three men, smirking dangerously.

Genrou stopped the horse, glaring at the trio. "What the hell d' you three want?"

"All your money," the guy peered over Genrou's shoulder, grinning, "and is that a girl behind you?"

"No, it's yo mama!"

"HEY!" I slapped Genrou over the head. "That's rude!"

"Ooh... feisty." The head man winked at me, and I flipped him off. He continued. "Either you give us the money, or you give us the girl."

"Sorry, but I can't give you either. You'll save yerself a lotta time an' pain if y'just let us through." Genrou unsheathed his tessen, ready to use it if necessary.

The man glared at him. "How dare you defy the bandits of Mt. Whitey Tighty!"

"Dammit...I don't have time for this. Hold this, Harii." He handed me his tessen, grabbed the reins with his right hand and with his left pulled out three... slips of paper? "Go get em boys!" As soon as he threw the slips of paper, three wolves appeared and leapt for the frightened bandits. "See ya!" He rode past the screaming men, and I clutched him around the waist to keep from falling off.

I glanced over my shoulder at the bandits, then back at Genrou. "How did you do that?"

"It's an illusion spell. I got those from a peddler a while ago. You write on 'em, and whatever you write appears as an illusion. I always write wolf, since it's kinda my trademark."

Myuriosity got the best of me. "So if you wanted, you could write a person on them and then... do stuff with the illusion?"

"Uh... yeah, I guess you could." Genrou sweatdropped.

I giggled. "Kinky."

xxx

"Everyone, thank you for coming. It is now my pleasure to introduce to you the Priestess of Suzaku!"

There were many "ooh"s and "did he say?"s as Hotohori motioned to Dee. Then the entire crowd bowed before Dee, touching their foreheads to the ground. "Uh... Hotohori... I wish you would have warned me," the bewildered Dee whispered.

"My apologies," he whispered back. "You should talk to them now."

"Oh...um..." Dee took a step forward. "I'm looking for the Suzaku shichi seishi. Do any of you have marks upon your body?"

"I do." Dee couldn't help but google-eye a little as a glossy, cerulean-haired—

Dee frowned and glared at the sky. "Teal, Haley, _teal_. If you're going to be specific then at least do it right."

FINE THEN! I'LL JUST SAY GREEN! Geez... a green-haired man stood up. "I'm the seishi known as Tamahome."

"Step forward." Tamahome did as the Emperor commanded. "If you truly are a seishi, your symbol will appear."

"Oh..." He looked down nervously. "About that..."

Hotohori nodded to a nearby soldier. "Guard, come fight this man."

"Eh?" The guard the emperor was pointing at cocked his eyebrow.

"Just do it."

"Like Nike!" Dee cried out of nowhere, receiving several strange looks. "Just... never mind."

"Well, okay. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The guard charged at Tamahome, who easily blocked his punch before pulling back his arm and socking the man square in the jaw. The guard fell over. The so-called seishi Tamahome folded his arms across his chest; he wasn't even breathing hard. "Do I get paid extra for this?"

"No."

"Damn."

"Where's your symbol?" Hotohori wanted to know.

"Yeah... um, about my symbol..." He poked his index fingers together. "I don't feel like showing it to you."

"Why not no da?" The three looked questioningly at Tamahome.

"Um... because... um..." He motioned for Chichiri to come forward, then whispered in his ear.

Chichiri's eyes probably would've been the size of dinner plates if it wasn't for the fact that they were always squinty; instead, he just sweatdropped. "Da....I see no da. Hotohori-sama, we need to go somewhere private no da."

"All right." Hotohori turned to the crowd. "Is there anybody else with a symbol here?"

"ME! ME! ME!" The familiar dirty hobo ran up to the platform and danced around. "Check this out!" He held out his hand. On his palm was a red scribbling.

"You did this with paint!" Dee accused.

"YOU BIG FAT LIAR!" he screamed in her face.

Hotohori moved in between them, hand on his sword hilt. "You try to trick us with this measly scribble, and then you call the Priestess a liar! Guard, take this man away." The guard rubbed his jaw and groaned, but moved toward the hobo anyway.

"NOOOOOO! I CAN'T BE TAKEN AWAY!" The hobo ran and ran... right into a pole. "Ouchies."

The hobo collapsed, and the pole cracked. It began shifting downwards.

Chichiri turned to his seishi comrades and the Priestess. "Quick! This place is going to collapse no da!"

Hotohori took Dee's hand and ran out of harm's way.

"Um... Hotohori-sama no da?"

Hotohori looked back and saw that it was not Dee's hand. He let go of Chichiri, looking around with concern. "Where'd Dee go?"

"I sense her ki over..." Chichiri looked back at a crumble of rocks.

Hotohori gasped dramatically. "Dee!" He ran to the crumble of rocks and began trying to move them, with Chichiri doing what he could to help.

Meanwhile, under the rocks...

"So… Tamahome... you said your name was?" The only reply was grunts. "Um... I know you're helping me and all, but do you think you could keep from sweating? Some just dripped in my mouth."

"Sor... ry..."_ Ba-dump! Ba-dump! Ba-dump!_ "What's... that... noise?"

"Huh? Oh..." Dee looked up into his glossy face and tried to think of a story to hide the fact that her heart was beating harder than usual. "A... helicopter." _Tried_ is the key word there. A few moments later, some sky peeked through. Someone had pushed away the largest rock slab. Tamahome rolled over on his back and gasped in a lungful of air. Dee wiped the sweat that had dripped onto her face. Then she looked up at a woman who was... lifting the rock? She didn't get to look for long, though, because Hotohori enveloped her in a hug. "I'm so glad you're not hurt."

"Tamahome, you okay no da?"

"I'm fine," he panted.

Hotohori let go of Dee and turned to face Tamahome. "You don't have to show us your symbol."

"Oh." He blushed. "Thank you!" The man bowed repeatedly to Hotohori.

Dee frowned. "How come?"

"Don't ask no da," Chichiri muttered. He faced the woman who had moved the rock. "You must be a seishi too no da."

"That's right! I'm Nuriko." The woman pulled down her shirt a bit to reveal a red symbol.

"That's five all ready!" Dee exclaimed. "I hope Haley has as much luck!"

"Yes, I hope Harii does too." Dee bit her lip at Hotohori's accent.

xxx

"State your names and business!" Six swords pointed at us from all sides.

"My name is Han Shunu," Genrou lied. "And this is Harii, um..."

"Haley (BLEEP!)," I responded.

One of the guards looked at me curiously. "Why did she just bleep?"

"For protection reasons," I answered.

"Oh... okay... what's your business?"

"She's the Priestess of Seiryuu," Genrou told them.

"The Priestess of Seiryuu!" The guards immediately fell to their knees. "We're so sorry! The General said you would come soon!"

"Er... please don't bow," I said, blushing a little in embarrassment.

"Priestess of Seiryuu. How nice it is to finally meet you."

I looked towards the deep voice to find a tall, serious-looking man with long blonde hair and blue eyes. He was quite snazzily dressed, I may add.

"Snazzily isn't a word Haley-chan!" Dee's voice seemed to echo from nowhere.

Everyone looked around. "Who said that?"

"My Chief Editor."

The blonde man sweatdropped. "Anyway..." He walked forward and offered his arm. I accepted his help and jumped off the horse with my hand on his arm.

"Thanks, um—" I started to ask for his name, but he immediately jerked me behind his back and whipped out his sword, pointing it at Genrou's throat. "What the hell are you doing?" I demanded.

The well-dressed man narrowed his eyes as he glared at Genrou. "There's something about this man that I don't trust. I'm afraid he'll have to leave immediately."

Genrou glared right back. "Don't worry about that. I was plannin' on it." The two stared at each other for a moment, as if sizing one another up. Suddenly a bubbly noise erupted through the tense silence, followed by a rotting stench. Genrou wrinkled his nose. "Geez, couldn't you have held that one in?"

The blonde man looked away innocently. "It... it wasn't me."

"It is too you! I'm right behind your ass and I heard it!" I cried.

"Damn...I really ruined the moment." The blonde man sheathed his sword and hung his head in shame.

Genrou shook his head. "Bye Harii... and good luck. Looks like yer gonna need it." He turned the horse around and trotted back through the gates.

All of a sudden, a wind whipped through the courtyard, blowing my hair in a non-messy way. Cherry blossoms that were out of season fluttered regally around my glossy form. "Thank you! Thank you… for everything!"

The blonde turned, walking past me. "We have business to attend to. Follow me."

"Can I follow, like," I plugged my nose at the lingering stench, "ten feet behind you?"

The man sighed. "Yeah. Sure."

xxx

"Our next clue says the seishi is a healer no da."

Dee and the four seishi at the palace sat gathered at the dinner table waiting for their gourmet dinner. Just then, the dining room double doors flung open. Tamahome and Nuriko jumped to their feet in posed-ready-for-battle mode, as a shadowy outline of a man with wild hair and gold eyes emerged from the darkness.

"Wow, that's gotta be some kind of record," Dee remarked casually.

"What the hell's the big idea?" Tasuki demanded, glaring at the posed-ready-for-battle seishi.

"Tamahome, Nuriko. This is Tasuki, the other seishi that we have discovered," Hotohori-sama explained.

"Oh... sorry," Tamahome mumbled as the two relaxed and sat back down.

Chichiri smiled teasingly. "He does look a bit evil sometimes no da."

"WHAT WAS THAT PEACOCK MAN?"

"Nothing no da..." The monk sweatdropped.

"I'm glad to see you made it back safely," Hotohori-sama said.

"Thanks, but I'm a bit worried for Harii. That man smells like a rotting carcass." The four seishi and Dee exchanged looks.

xxx

"This is our shrine to Seiryuu," the blonde-haired man explained as he led me into a big room with a statue of... well, Seiryuu. "I'm Nakago, one of the Seiryuu seishi, and also the General of the Kutou army."

"An army? That's great!" I cried happily. "We can use your army to help us find the rest of the seishi!"

"Um..." He rubbed at an arm, looking down.

"What is it?"

"I've already found all of them. I didn't want to tell you that though, because I wanted to lead them mysteriously into the story one by one as they attack the Suzaku seishi."

"What? You can't have them attack the Suzaku seishi!"

"And why the hell not?" he asked.

"There's no point," I explained.

"How about, um... we want to invade Konan, but they'll be granted eternal peace if they summon Suzaku? Duh." Nakago waved his arm in the air, snapping his fingers in a "Z" motion and placing one hand on his hip. He reminded me of an Amazonian school girl.

I sweatdropped. "That _could_ work... Or… How about we summon Seiryuu, I get my wishes granted, you get peace, yada yada yada, and all's well and good?" I offered.

"Okay." He smiled hopefully. "And _then_ we attack the Suzaku seishi."

"AAAAAH! NO!" I screamed, falling over.

"You're no fun... no fun at all," he pouted.

"We'll talk about this later," I said. "First I want to meet the other seishi."

xxx

"Ah...that was _soooo_ good." Dee lay on her bed, rubbing happily at her full stomach. "Too bad Haley wasn't here to pig out with me."

"KNOCK! KNOCK!"

Dee sat up, glancing towards the faraway double-doors. Much too far to get up and _open_ them. "Come in."

"CREAAAAAK!"

"Hi, Hotohori. You know, you don't need to make the sound effects with your voice."

"Oh... sorry." He smiled that charming smile. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Dee set her hands excitedly on her knees, smiling back at the Emperor. "Hey, if it's about those other seishi, I think I've got an idea on how to find the healer! I saw it in a movie once. Maybe if one of us pretends to break our legs and lies in a canyon screaming things like, 'I'm still alive only I'm very badly injured' and 'The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds' his seishi sense will start tingling and he'll come to find us..."

Hotohori leaned over her and cupped her chin in one of his smooth palms. "That's not what I wanted to talk to you about." He slowly leaned in and kissed her, until she finally came to her senses and pushed him off.

"What are you doing?" Dee demanded. "I don't really know you all that well, and you didn't even give me a warning, or—!"

A gust of wind whipped through the room out of nowhere, blowing his hair around gracefully. He clasped her hands in his and knelt on the floor in front of her. "Ever since I learned of the Suzaku legend, back when I was a little tyke," Dee was quite confused since she knew "tyke" wasn't even in the Japanese vocabulary, "I've looked forward to the day when the Priestess of Suzaku would come. You're everything I've imagined and more. I want you to be my Empress."

"WAH?" Dee fell off the bed. "But I'm only fourteen! It's too early to _think_ about marriage, never mind about becoming an Empress!" Dee jumped up, stalking across the room and facing the wall. "I can't think about something like that right now."

Hotohori stood up. "Forgive me. You should have time to consider my proposal. You don't have to give me an answer now, but..."

He stopped short, jerking up and whipping around to face the door. He walked over to the door, unsheathed his sword, and cut open the doorway. Tasuki, Nuriko and Tamahome were leaning against the paper screen with their ears to the doorway. Seeing the Emperor, they all ran around in circles waving their arms.

"Lalalala!" laaa'd Tasuki.

"Hotohori-sama, we weren't listening at all!" exclaimed Nuriko.

"We were just dancing down the hallway!" Tamahome sang as he led the others out of sight.

Hotohori turned around to face Dee, smiling slightly. "Good night, and don't worry about all of this. You may take a while to answer if you wish." With that, he walked out.

xxx

"Everyone, this is Harii-sama, the Priestess of Seiryuu." All of the other seishi touched their heads to the floor as Nakago introduced me.

"Um... please stand up. You don't have to bow for me." They all did as I said, and I got an idea. "Okay, now bark like dogs." They obeyed again. I smothered a laugh. "Okay, I'm done now."

Nakago nodded to the first seishi. "This is Soi, a girl who's madly in love with me. This in itself amazes people. Along with that, she's quite handy with the weather."

"I am at your service Harii-sama." She smiled, but the look quickly disappeared as she was hit in the face by a man wearing... feathers and makeup?

"I'M THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU, NAKAGO-SAMA! NOT THIS LIGHTNING BITCH!" The feathery man scowled at Soi.

"Right, right..." Nakago sweat-dropped. "This is Tomo, a cackling homo who uses his illusionary powers in quite kinky ways."

"Kinky? What... do you mean?" I asked.

"He's a complete weirdo! He doesn't deserve your love, Nakago-sama!" Soi screamed.

"Would you guys please stop?" A young man with light brown hair and a headband yelled. Then he turned to face me, flashing a strained smile. "I'm sorry about them, Harii-sama. I'm Amiboshi."

"Nice to meet you," I said, returning the smile.

Nakago sighed as Soi and Tomo engaged in a bitch-slapping fight. "Moving on: This is Suboshi."

"You mean Amiboshi," I said. "I've already met him."

"No, this is Suboshi, my brother," Suboshi replied....wait a minute...!

"Suboshi? Amiboshi? You guys are _twins_? Geez, do you really have to have similar names, too?" I grabbed my head. "That's gonna confuse me. Can I give you guys nicknames?"

"Um..." Suboshi... no Amiboshi... no... one of them glanced at the other.

"…I guess," Suboshi... no Amiboshi... no... one of them responded.

"All right. So your name now is?" I pointed to the one on the left.

"Amiboshi."

"Okay, well... I'll name you P. Diddy," I said.

"P... Diddy?"

"Yeah, and you'll wear this to help me out." I grabbed some sunglasses that must have just appeared out of my ass because I'm not quite sure where they came from and put them on the wide-eyed P. Diddy. "And you, Amiboshi, you'll be..."

"I'm Suboshi."

"Whatever, from now on your Snoop Dogg."

"Snoop Dogu?"

"Yeah, sure, Snoop Dogu..." I sweatdropped. "And you'll be wearing this." I pulled a black baseball cap that must have come out of my ass and put it on him backwards. "There! _Much_ better." That having been completed, I turned to the one in sunglasses. "So what's your power, P. Diddy?"

There was complete silence for a moment, then, "Oh yeah...that's me. Well, I can play the flute to manipulate people."

"And you Snoop Dogu?" I asked.

"I have big meteor balls."

"SNOOP DOGU! I didn't know the Seiryuu seishi would have such potty mouths." I glared at him and crossed my arms.

"No, I mean..." He held up floating balls on strings. "I use _these_ balls."

"Oh...heh, I knew that! I was just, uh, joking!" I received many strange looks. "Is this your pet?" I turned to a giant wolf wearing raggedy clothes.

The wolf glared at me. "Rah rah rah rah rah rah RAAAH! RAH rah RAH RAH!"

I rubbed a finger in my ear. "He's kinda loud."

"This is Ashitare, the sixth seishi," Nakago explained.

"Oh...sorry." I reached out to pet him, but he turned away with his nose in the air.

"Unfortunately, he can't talk. He does understand everything you say though," said Nakago.

"Heh..." I looked around, realizing that someone was missing. "Where's the other seishi? On an errand or something?"

"This is all of your seishi," Nakago told me.

I shook my head. "Nakago, there's a total of _seven_ seishi."

"There is?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah."

"Shit."

* * *

**Next Episode Preview…**

FREAKY CAT THING: The two friends have been split up, and now they are forced to fight against each other as enemies...  
HALEY: Um, no we aren't.  
FREAKY CAT THING: But you've been tricked into thinking Dee's your enemy...  
DEE: No she hasn't.  
FREAKY CAT THING: But... but the script says...  
HALEY: There was a script?  
FREAKY CAT THING: AAAAAAGH SCREW IT! DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT! Last time I try to get Americans to do drama...  
DEE: Well, maybe we'll give the script a look-over for the next chapter... ah, who'm I kidding? Stick around for Chapter Four: "The Floating Baby's Dreidel of Doom!"


	4. The Floating Baby's Dreidel of Doom!

**Chapter Four:  
The Floating Baby's Dreidel of Doom!**

"Geez Chichiri! Why the hell didn't you warn us that Hotohori was coming?" demanded Tasuki when he found the monk in the next hallway. "You were right there with us, and then you weren't!"

"Daa..." Chichiri sweatdropped.

Tamahome shuddered, remembering the sight of Hotohori's sword swiping through the door. "I was so afraid. So, so afraid!"

"It wasn't all _that_ bad! Well, at least not the part when he found out we were listening." Nuriko sighed as she lay her arm on the railing and leaned her head on her arm. "But the part when Hotohori said all that stuff to Dee... _that_ was terrible."

The three other seishi cocked their heads in a silent question. "I'm sorry no da," Chichiri said after a moment, not sure how to make her feel better.

"It's okay. She'll have to leave this world eventually anyway," Nuriko tried to reassure herself.

Tamahome frowned. "Maybe so... but it still hurts you."

Genrou's head whipped wildly from seishi to seishi. "Huh? What hurts her? What the hell are you guys talkin' about?" He received blank looks, and then some chuckles. "What're you laughin' at?"

"He's been away from women too long no da," Chichiri said, attempting to stifle his laughter.

Tamahome didn't even bother hiding his amusement. "I don't think that's his problem. I think he's just stupid."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, TAMA?" Genrou grabbed Tamahome's collar.

"Uh... nothing..."

"You really wouldn't know love if it smacked you in the face, would you?" teased Nuriko.

Genrou blinked, cocking his head to the side like a little puppy. "Eh? What's all this have t'do with love?"

With this remark, everyone finally facevaulted.

xxx

"Don't worry Nakago-sama! I'll find the seventh seishi right away!" Tomo started to run off, but Soi grabbed him around the middle and tackled him to the ground.

"No you won't!" She snarled. "_I'll_ go find him... or her..."

"Stop it you two! We can't get anything done with you fighting all the time," I ordered. "_All_ of us will go." Soi and Tomo glared at each other, but didn't argue with me. "Isn't there a scroll giving us clues, Nakago?"

"Yeah, it's right here." Nakago pulled out a scroll tied with blue cloth. He opened it up. He looked at me smugly over the top of the paper. "There are only seven people listed, so there must be only six seishi."

"Let me see it." I walked over next to him and peered at the scroll in his hands. "Nakago! They only list the seishi in here! _Not_ the Priestess!"

"Oh..." Nakago sweatdropped and hung his head in embarrassment.

"The seventh seishi..." Snoop Dogu was on the other side of Nakago, reading the scroll. "It says he doesn't stay in one form."

Tomo watched him expectantly. "And...?"

"And that's it. That's all it says," Snoop Dogu said with a shrug.

"How is that supposed to help us?" Soi complained.

"I don't know..." Nakago admitted.

"Maybe we should stop and continue this in the morning." P. Diddy pointed to the dozing-off me as he spoke. "It seems our little Priestess is a bit tired."

"Little? That's no way to talk about the Priestess!" Nakago studied me for a moment. "Though... she is kinda little." He poked me with a stick in the shoulder.

"Wha...?" I blinked my eyes open. "Oh... sorry, did I fall asleep?"

P. Diddy laughed. "I'm sure it's been a long day for you. If you like, I'll show you to your chamber."

"Oh... okay, thanks." I stood and started to follow P. Diddy out of the meeting room.

"Nakago-sama, may I stay in your chamber tonight?" Soi rushed over to Nakago and clung to his arm.

"What? I will tolerate no such thing! Nakago-sama, if she stays with you, then so will I!" Tomo rushed to his other side.

The blonde general turned his eyes skywards. "Why must I be burdened with such sexy looks?" he asked with a sigh.

"Sexy looks my ass," I muttered as soon as P. Diddy and I were out of the room.

"You don't think Nakago-sama is attractive?"

I stopped and stared at the young man. "Don't tell me you're going to join in on the Tomo and Soi cat-fight."

"No, no! Of course not!" P. Diddy laughed. "Most people think of him as handsome, though. I mean, he has blonde hair and blue eyes. Plus, he's tall with a good share of muscles."

"Blah..." I scrunched up my eyebrows and stuck out my tongue. "I don't go for that type. I like tall guys, but I don't like it when they're really muscular. It kind of grosses me out. I don't like blonde hair and blue eyes all that much either. But..." I flashed a victory sign. "Personality is what will always win me over!"

"Does that mean you don't like your own blonde hair and blue eyes?" P. Diddy asked.

"Well..." I shrugged. "I do, I guess. I don't really think about it much."

"I think you're very pretty."

"Er..." I looked up into his cute, smiling face. I smiled back nervously and blushed a bit. At that point I really wished I _didn't_ have blonde hair and blue eyes. My light complexion always brought out my blush to MAXIMUM level.

"This is your chamber, Harii-sama." He opened the door, standing back to let me by.

"Thanks P. Diddy." He sweatdropped at the nickname, but I went on before he could say anything else, "And please, don't call me Haley-sama. Just Haley."

"As you wish, milady."

I sweatdropped. "Don't call me milady either. Just Haley."

"All right then... Harii." He smiled, and I smiled back. "_Oyasumi_."

"_Oyasumi_."

xxx

"Did everyone sleep well?" Hotohori-sama asked at breakfast.

"I sure did! These palace beds are so nice!" Tamahome exclaimed. "I don't think I've ever slept on something so comfortable."

"I agree no da."

Hotohori smiled. "I made sure the Suzaku seishi would have the best rooms we could offer." After a moment of silence he stopped smiling and glanced at the others. "Well, what about the rest of you? I hope you did not have any trouble sleeping last night either? Dee?"

Dee looked up, flashing a weak smile. "Oh... I slept okay. I was kinda worried about Haley." She was only halfway lying - she _was_ worried about her friend, but Hotohori-sama's proposal was still hanging on her mind as well.

"What about you, Nuriko?" Hotohori-sama asked.

"I um... well, it's that time of the month, you see." Everyone sweatdropped, including Nuriko.

"Tasuki, why couldn't you sleep no da?"

"Oh... um, I did, I just didn't think those beds were all that comfy," he replied.

"You're a terrible liar," Nuriko said.

"Me?"

"Don't play dumb no da!" Chichiri said with a teasing grin. "You're worried about _someone_ too, aren't you no da?"

"If there's something else you need, I'll gladly provide it for you," said Hotohori-sama.

"I'm fine. I just need some time alone! I just need to get away from you people!" With that, Genrou stormed out.

"What was that about?" Tamahome asked, wide-eyed.

xxx

"I know! Maybe the last seishi is a cloud!" Everyone stared at me. I stared right back. "What? Clouds change shapes, don't they?"

"It says the seishi changes FORMS! Not SHAPES! FORMS!" Tomo chibily screamed in my ear. I winced and turned chibi as well, jumping a little.

"At least she came up with an idea!" P. Diddy retorted. Tomo growled at him, but instead of sounding scary it came out sounding like he was trying to seduce him.

"Look, Nakago-sama! Tomo is indirectly calling the Priestess of Seiryuu stupid! That's just _terrible_! What a mean person!" Soi cuddled Nakago's arm.

"I'm only pointing out the obvious! I'm _helping_. Besides, Nakago-sama wants an honest person!" cried Tomo as he pushed Soi off of Nakago. They exchanged bitch-slaps.

"Calm down guys," said Snoop Dogu. "We won't get anywhere if we fight." Snoop Dogu felt someone poke his leg, and he looked down.

"Rah rah rah rah rah!" Ashitare smiled as Snoop Dogu frowned.

"I wish they would have given us a clue as to where he is instead of what he does..." Snoop Dogu sighed, patting Ashitare on the head.

"Excuse me for a sec." I nodded politely to the seishi, then walked out of the room, into mine, and sat down on my bed.

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

"Harii-sama, you shouldn't slam your head against that bedpost! I know you're stressed about all this, but I'm sure this Miboshi guy will show up sooner or later." I stopped and looked up to find P. Diddy walking towards me, looking concerned.

"Thanks, but it's okay. This helps me feel better." I resumed banging my head on the post until I felt two arms wrap around my chest and pull me back in a fierce embrace.

P. Diddy held me from behind as he jerked us both down onto the bed. "Please don't hurt yourself. PLEASE!"

My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and I stared up at the ceiling, trying to find my voice. "Um... whoa... um... whoa... um... calm down." He loosened his hold a little, but didn't let go. I couldn't say that I didn't enjoy this hunk of fine man-meat embracing me so romantically, but... "You know, you can be quite melodramatic P. Diddy."

He finally let go of me, and I turned around to face him as he sweatdropped. "Please call me Amiboshi. You can call my brother Snoop Dogu all you want, but I'd prefer you call me by my real name."

"Only if you remember to call me Haley, and not Haley-sama." I smiled.

"Deal."

xxx

"There's an enemy here!"

"Whoa... did you just say that Chichiri?" Genrou looked back at his companion, blinking at the sudden octave change.

"We've got to get to the palace no da!"

Genrou sprinted ahead of Chichiri and arrived at the palace about 0.5 seconds later. He took in the strange scene in front of him in an instant. All the other seishi and Dee were watching a new arrival – and quite the arrival, too. "Who made the baby float?" the bandit asked.

The floating baby turned to land its vicious gaze on Genrou. "I may appear as a child in form, but I am not a child in mind by any means."

"WHOA! THE BABY TALKED!" he cried, almost falling over backwards.

"That's no baby no da. He's a Seiryuu seishi." Chichiri raced into the room, holding out his staff in posed ready-for-battle mode next to Dee and the posed ready-for-battle Hotohori.

"We've already figured that out," said Nuriko.

"A Seiryuu seishi?" Genrou pulled out his tessen and stood next to Dee and the other posed ready-for-battle seishi. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Excellent deduction, Suzaku warriors. My name is Miboshi, and I am here... to kill you! MWAHAHAHA!" The baby-thing cackled and pulled out a… er…

"A top?" Dee peeked out from behind Hotohori, blinked a few times, then started chuckling. "You're kidding me, right?"

Chichiri glanced over his shoulder, still in posed ready-for-battle mode, and frowned oh-so-cutely at his priestess. "Dee-chan, don't underestimate him no da. Sometimes the greatest magical power can come from an unlikely medium. Please stay back and be careful no da."

"But still... _Dreidel! Dreidel! Dreidel! I made you out of clay_!" Dee sang through her giggles.

"For that," the floating baby turned on her, glaring daggers at the priestess, "I will kill _you_ first!"

"You shall _never_ kill her!" Hotohori unsheathed his sword, cocking it at his waist and staring down the enemy seishi. "As long as there is a breath of life in my body, I shall protect the Priestess of Suzaku from all enemies!"

The baby didn't seem impressed. "Okay. I guess I'll just have to kill you first, then."

"Don't forget about us no da!" Chichiri said, jumping forward with the other four Suzaku seishi.

"You're not gonna lay a finger on Dee!" Tamahome agreed, cracking his knuckles and crouching into kickass mode.

"Haha!" Dee pointed and laughed at the Seiryuu seishi. "Let's see your Dreidel of Doom take down _these_ guys!" Dee seemed so tickled with the name 'Dreidel of Doom' that she started laughing even harder.

"Dee, be serious!" Nuriko snapped.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Dee snapped her mouth shut in an attempt to stop giggling, but she couldn't hold it in. She wound up laughing through her closed lips, which produced extra saliva that flew at the enemy seishi, landing in a fine spray against his face.

The baby put a hand to his face, screeching like a cat that had just gotten thrown into a pond full of acid. "AAAAAAAAH! I'm burning! I'm burning!"

"His skin..." began Tamahome.

"It's burning off!" finished Nuriko.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Soon, the baby-thing was just a pile of clothes and charcoal. After staring at the pile of rubble, everyone stared at Dee.

"Heh... I guess Haley was right," she said with a sweatdrop. "I really do have acid spit."

Silence reigned, broken only every once in a while by scattered cricket chirps and loud blinking on the seishi's parts.

Chichiri broke the silence. "They can't summon Seiryuu now no da."

"So that means they won't need Haley!" Genrou shouted, then turned on his heel and ran for the door.

"Wait, Tasuki." Genrou stopped and looked back at Hotohori-sama. "If that's true, then she'll be sent home on her own." The Emperor frowned, stroking at his chin in deep, important thought. "Besides, it might not be wise to fetch the Priestess of Seiryuu. After all, if her seishi attacked us, it stands to reason that she issued the command."

"_What_?" Dee screeched. "No way, Hotohori-sama! Haley'd never do something like that! That creepy thing probably just showed up here on its own!" She sighed, staring off into the distance as she joined Hotohori-sama in deep, important thought. "Oh, man... That freaky cat-thing is going to be furious. It might even try to get a Canadian to do her job for her! There's no way I'm going to let that cat insult Haley!" The Priestess clenched her fists. "There's _got_ to be another way to summon Seiryuu."

"Wait..." Tamahome cocked an eyebrow. "Aren't we supposed to be summoning Suzaku?"

"Yeah, but my best friend is supposed to be summoning Seiryuu, and it's our fault she can't do that now!"

"Well, he _did_ attack us first..." Tamahome reminded her.

"That doesn't matter," Dee protested. "Haley-chan's still my friend, so we should try to help her out."

"You are very caring." Hotohori smiled his charming smile at Dee. She couldn't help but blush a little.

"Heh..." Dee rubbed the back of her head, looking down. "She would do the same for me."

"Has everyone forgotten that we're still missing two members?" Nuriko asked.

"Well, it says one of the members will appear on his own. And the other is a healer outside a village on the way to Kutou no da." Everyone stared at Chichiri. "I did a little messing around with the scrolls last night no da."

"I guess we'll have t'go to Kutou and tell 'em what happened," said Genrou. "An' on th' way, we c'n look for th' sixth seishi!"

"I won't allow the Priestess of Suzaku to set one foot in that country," Hotohori snapped protectively.

Dee turned towards Hotohori, staring up at him with big, watery eyes. "But Hotohori... not only do we have to tell them what happened, I want to see my best friend."

Hotohori's stern expression melted under her puppy-dog face. "I know you want to see Harii, but it's too dangerous. Kutou has been threatening us with war for months now. We simply can't let you, the Priestess, step onto enemy grounds."

Dee scowled at the Emperor.

"Sure she can go!" Genrou thumped his chest to make a point. "I went, and I came back safely!"

"Tasuki, you are one thing, the Priestess is another."

Genrou joined Dee in scowling at the Emperor.

Chichiri looked back and forth between Hotohori-sama and the pouting seishi and Priestess. After a moment he stepped forward, smiling at his young miko. "Dee-chan, maybe we can go to the Kutou Palace, and you can stay in a village just outside of it no da. Then some of us can go tell Harii-chan what happened, and maybe she'll come by and see you no da."

"Chichiri!" Dee grabbed the monk in a hug before he knew it was coming. "Would you go through all that trouble just for me?"

"Sure. I understand wanting to see your best friend no da." Somehow, Chichiri's voice had turned a bit serious.

Dee unwrapped her arms from his neck and looked up and him, smiling happily before turning to her other seishi. "Well, shall we then?"

"I guess we don't have a choice," Tamahome said with a grin, turning towards the door. "You and Tasuki would have just run off on your own, anyway. We might as well go along to make sure you don't get into any trouble."

"I c'n protect her just fine!" Genrou snapped.

"You _are_ the trouble, fang-boy."

"WHAT WAS THAT TAMA?"

"Yay! We're going to find the last Suzaku seishi!" Nuriko exclaimed, completely ignoring the bickering seishi behind her.

"And make sure those Seiryuu bastards are treating Harii right!" Everyone whirled at Genrou's sudden outburst. He sweatdropped. "Y'know, if we have th' time t'do that, too..."

Dee couldn't help but smile. "Of course, Tasuki."

xxx

"AAAAH!" I leaped about a foot in the air as I felt something touch my leg. When I looked down, I found a fuzzy wolf-head grinning up at me. I grinned back. "Oh... it's just you Ashitare." I leaned down and patted his head. "You're a pretty nice guy... er... wolf... er... you're nice."

The beast smiled.

"You know, even though I can suddenly speak Japanese now, all these books are in Chinese and I can't read a thing! It's really annoying. I'm so bored, and there's nothing to do."

The beast wagged his tail.

"What are you and the others doing?"

"RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH!" I followed Ashitare as he led me out of the library. Sounds of giddy laughter echoed down the hallway, and only grew louder as we drew closer to the main hall. Finally we made it to a room where the seishi were sitting around a table - along with the dirty old hobo - drinking out of what must have been the biggest bottle of alcohol I had even seen.

"Soi! You know… you're soooo pretty! I'm not really in gay man-love with Nakago, I just wanted to get you jealous!" Tomo sloppily slipped his arm around Soi's shoulders.

"Oh, Tomo, you're feathers... they make me hot! HOT! HOT!" The two began making out.

I shuddered and attempted to avert my eyes, but they just landed on Nakago instead.

"Hey thar sexay priestess! How bout ya have a nice round with yer Naki-chan?" A red-cheeked Nakago poured sake into a glass, splashing it everywhere, and held it out in my direction, grinning like a drunken idiot. Which I guess he was.

"That's okay Nakago... I uh, have never had alcohol except for a few tastes, and I don't feel like starting right now."

"WHAT?" Snoop Dogu looked up at me, his face redder than all the others' combined. "How could ya not? Don't ya need t'get out some stress?"

"I've never been one to get stressed too easily. Banging my head against the bedpost is what helps me anyway." I shrugged, then jumped as I felt an arm slip around my shoulders. I looked down at the dirty old hobo, who was grinning up at me with a three-tooth smile.

"There's always a first for everythin'." He lifted up his cup and gulped it down. "Woooo! Nuttin like..."

He fell over.

xxx

"What? You're not going?" asked Dee, staring at the Emperor.

"Why not Hotohori-sama?" Nuriko said, sadness dripping off of her words.

"I have duties here," he explained, setting his chin miserably in his hands. "I desperately wish that I could accompany the Priestess on her journey, but I must stay here for the sake of Konan."

"But you're a seishi! Surely the people would understand!" Tamahome said.

Hotohori shook his head. "I cannot desert my country when we are on the brink of war."

Chichiri scrunched his eyebrows together in that oh-so-cute way, then smiled an oh-so-cute smile. "I have an idea no da!" he cried.

xxx

The drinking party continued at the Kutou palace.

xxx

"Wow... how'd you do that, Chichiri?" Tamahome halfway exclaimed, staring at the life-like statue of the Emperor.

"Yeah! It's really cool!" Genrou fully exclaimed.

"I didn't know you had such talent!" said Dee. "And what the hell is halfway exclaiming and fully exclaiming?"

I have no idea.

Hotohori frowned. "It's a bit off. I'm definitely sexier than that."

"Well, it's the best I could do no da!"

"It's a bit of an insult," replied Hotohori.

Chichiri sweatdropped.

"I'm sure nobody else will notice," Dee assured him. She frowned, setting a finger to her chin. "But wait... what happens if someone talks to that statue of Hotohori?"

"Well, obviously he won't respond no da."

"And what happens if someone tries to touch it?" Tamahome asked curiously.

"It's an illusion, so if someone breaks the spell... it'll disappear, I guess no da."

"So why the hell did you make it in the first place?" everyone asked simultaneously.

Chichiri shrugged. "I don't know, ask the author no da."

There was a moment of silence, broken only by crickets chirping.

"All right!" exclaimed Genrou, breaking the quiet thoughts about the author's sanity. "Now let's leave!"

"I agree!" Nuriko followed Genrou as he walked off. The other seishi left the room as Chichiri looked back at the sculpture of Hotohori.

The monk held a thumb up to it, squinting and scrunching his eyebrows together in that oh-so-cute way. "Hm..." He grinned. "I think it's my best work yet no da!" Then he turned around and joined the other seishi.

* * *

**Next Chapter Preview…**

FREAKY CAT THING: And off the Suzaku seishi and their Priestess skip to Kutou. Will they find their last seishi there, and the Priestess's friend as well?  
DEE: More importantly, will Haley kill me when she finds out I killed one of her seishi?  
HALEY: _More_ importantly, will my stupid seishi find themselves with hangovers the size of semi trucks in the morning?  
DEE: _More more _importantly... is Hotohori gonna kiss me again?  
HALEY: {Sigh} No.  
DEE: Damn.  
FREAKY CAT THING: The Seiryuu seishi won't be the only ones with headaches... Oey, I need an Advil...  
HALEY: No kidding. Stick around for Chapter Five: "Voice of Thunder, Hangover of Hell"!


	5. Voice of Thunder, Hangover of Hell

**Chapter Five:  
Voice of Thunder, Hangover of Hell**

"Ow... my head... I can't even _think_..."

"It's your own fault, Nakago," I reminded him, not a speck of pity in my voice.

"Don't talk so loud." Snoop Dogu held his head in the corner, next to his twin brother who was doing the same thing. It confused me for a bit, almost like there was a mirror between them.

Soi, who lay passed out in Tomo's arms, finally woke up. She yawned and rubbed at her head, staring upwards sleepily. She looked up at the illusionist, blinked a few more times, then screamed.

"Ow!" both Tomo and Soi yelled, jerking away from each other and grabbing at their heads.

"Why did you have to scream so loud?"

"Why did I have to scream so loud?"

I facevaulted. "_Oey_... Ashitare, do you like to play catch?"

"RAAAAAAAH!" Ashitare smiled and wagged his butt.

"I'll, um... take that as a yes." I walked outside with Ashitare following me on all fours. Once I found a fairly large grassy area behind the palace next to a pond, I picked up a twig and threw it. Ashitare whipped across the field, grabbing the stick and bringing it back to me in almost record time. I was surprised at his speed - I hadn't expected a big wolf-man to be so agile. Every time he brought it back, I would pat his head as a reward. I think he was enjoying the game a lot more than I was, but it made me pretty happy, too. At least this way I didn't have to deal with all my hung over seishi. I sweatdropped at the thought and opened my mouth to complain to Ashitare about it when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tuft of orange hair from behind a bush. "Hey... Is that....?" I ambushed the bush (teehee, no pun intended) and jumped on the tuft. "GENROU! I SEE YOU!"

"MEOOOOOOOOW!"

"Since when did you make that... ow!" Genrou - or rather, a fluffy orange cat - scratched my face. I let go of him and he ran off, yowling the entire way. I frowned, surprised to find that it wasn't because the cat had scratched my face, but because I wished it really _had_ been Genrou.

"I miss Dee and the others, and I really miss Genrou..." I shook my head after a second. "I miss _him_? HA! That woman-hating, foul-mouthed, funny, sweet in a weird way..." I shook my head again. "What the hell was that about? Maybe my seishi are starting to make me lose my mind." I felt Ashitare lick my cheek where the cat had scratched me. "Oh… uh, thanks Ashitare."

I was glad he only licked me a couple times. It would have just gotten weird if he'd kept doing it.

xxx

"Here's the hospital," Hotohori told the other seishi. He was standing in front of a building with some Chinese characters that Dee couldn't read, but it obviously must have said hospital.

"Yay! We've found another seishi!" Dee flashed a victory sign.

"We haven't found him or her quite yet no da."

"'Him or her'?" Genrou repeated, raising an eyebrow and flashing the monk a crooked grin. "Damn. I knew you were polite, Chichiri, but when did ya become so politically correct?"

"Heh... you never know when someone could get offended no da!" Chichiri said with a sweatdrop.

"Anyway, let's go!" Genrou pushed open the doors and led them all inside.

Chichiri smiled teasingly but still oh-so-cutely at the bandit. "Who made you the leader no da?"

"The author because she _looooooves_ him!" Dee sang.

SHUT UP!

"She wants to kiiiiiiiss him, she wants to juuuuuump him—" a flower pot flew out of nowhere and hit her over the head. "Ow!" She looked up towards the ceiling while rubbing her head, as if the rubbing would make it feel better. "What was that for?"

FOR ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT, DAMMIT!

"Um, okay..." Tamahome sweatdropped, then glanced forward at a woman rushing through the entrance of the hospital. "Oh! Excuse me, ma'am..." The woman paused and looked back at us over her shoulder. "Sorry to bother you, but we're looking for a healer with a red character on him. Do you know of any?"

"A healer with a red mark... I don't think so, but I haven't been here for very long. If you don't mind waiting, the doctor should be back by tonight, and he may be able to tell you."

"Thank you."

"Sure thing, just follow me to the waiting room." She led them down the hallway, showed them the room, and hurried out again.

"I think Tamahome should be the leader from now on. He has a lot more delicacy than you, Tasuki," said Nuriko, raising her eyebrow at Genrou, who only folded his arms across his chest in response.

"The Priestess of Suzaku is the leader." Tamahome smiled and set his hand on Dee's shoulder. "I just wanted to talk to that lady before Tasuki made a bad impression."

Tasuki glared at him. "What is this, Pick on Tasuki Day or somethin'?"

Chichiri stepped in before they could get into a fight. "We should rest while we can no da." He grabbed a pillow from thin air and curled up oh-so-cutely in the corner. Dee followed suit, sitting down on a long chair against the wall. It was much like a couch, but with no back. I guess that's called a bed. Okay, so she sat down on the bed. Hotohori sat down next to her, smiling his most charming smile. She was too busy feeling flustered to notice the glare that Nuriko threw at her.

xxx

"I wish I could read this damn scroll!" I screamed, throwing the stupid thing across the room. "There's got to be another clue somewhere on here! And the only one who's not hung over is you, Ashitare, but I can't understand what you're saying!" The wolf-man frowned and lowered his head. "Oh... I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I'm just a bit frustrated." I scratched him under his right ear. "I'm really glad you're here Ashitare. Not only are you the only Seiryuu seishi keeping me company right now, but I think I'd also miss my dogs from back home a lot more if you weren't here."

xxx

Dee woke up, surprised to find that she'd actually fallen asleep on the somewhat uncomfortable couch... bed... thing. She was also surprised to find herself in Hotohori's arms. She couldn't help but smile as she looked up at his face. He was such a gentleman, and he looked so peaceful asleep. A snore interrupted the moment. Dee looked to her left to see Genrou lying on the floor, a pillow under his head, with his legs and arms splayed across the floor, snoring uproariously.

_'What a crazy guy.' _She then noticed that another person sat on the couch-bed-thing. It was Tamahome, sleeping silently against the wall and facing the opposite the direction. Nuriko was sleeping in a nearby corner. She looked over at Chichiri, who was sleeping oh-so-cutely in about the same position he had been in when he first lay down. She looked back at Hotohori, frowning a bit despite her comfortable position.

_'I still haven't answered him, and I don't know how. He's been so nice to me, but how can I accept his offer? Do I really want to stay here as his wife... and _Empress_? I'll miss so many people at home. But if I go back, will I miss Hotohori? I haven't known him long enough to know if I'm in love with him or not, but I don't think I am right now. But he's really nice, and what if I gave it some time? Would I eventually fall for him? Will I regret going back? But what about my family and my friends? What about video games and hair dryers? What about my period? I don't even know how they take care of that stuff here!' _

She touched her head, moaning slightly. _'Ow, my brain hurts...Stop thinking. I don't need to worry now. He didn't give me a time limit.' _

Someone knocked on the waiting room door, and the others woke up. Dee jumped out of Hotohori's arms, blushing as she noticed the looks all the other seishi shot her, and answered the door. She looked up... and up... and up... into the gentle face of a young man. "Um...?" she oh-so-eloquently managed to say.

A freakishly deep voice greeted her. "Hello. I'm the head doctor here. Is there something you wanted to ask me?" The floor shook as he spoke.

"Yes. Are there any healers here with a red mark on their bodies?"

He blinked, but recovered quickly from his surprise. "Uh... that would be me, actually."

"Can we have some proof-a that?" asked Genrou.

"Sure."

_WHAM_! The tall man punched Genrou in the face, knocking out one of his teeth. Then he held out his hand and a red light glowed from a symbol that appeared on his palm. Green bubbles drifted out of his palm and towards Genrou, sending the tooth back to the owner's mouth and healing him instantly.

"Did you really have to do that?" Genrou demanded, holding his no-longer-hurting jaw.

The man shrugged. "I had to get the symbol to appear somehow." He turned to look at the others. "I'm the seishi known as Mitsukake. You must be the Priestess of Suzaku." The priestess and the other seishi put out their arms, trying to keep their balance as the ground shook.

Dee stared at him for another moment, trying to figure out how a voice could _get_ that low, then remembered her manners and spoke up. "Oh, yes, I am."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He bowed, and Dee bowed back after the ground had settled. "Why don't you come to the kitchen to have dinner? We can leave in the morning."

"Wow, he certainly is flexible with his schedule," Nuriko remarked.

xxx

"This place stinks!"

"It seems that the twins were too young to hold down their liquor," explained Nakago as he pointed to two buckets in the corner. "And don't talk so loud, will you? I still haven't completely recovered from the other day."

I cupped a hand over my mouth and grimaced at the smell wafting around the central meeting room. "Ah... who's gonna empty those? Tomo, would you please?"

Tomo nodded, but didn't move.

"Um... Tomo, when are you going to empty them?"

"I just did."

I looked over at where the buckets were supposed to be sitting. Instead, I saw two pots of fresh flowers. "TOMO! YOU JUST COVERED THEM UP WITH YOUR ILLUSION CRAP!"

"If you can't smell them, then what's the difference?"

I sweatdropped.

xxx

"Yay! Now I can see Haley-chan!" Dee hopped onto her new horse and bounced around in the saddle.

"Thank you again for letting us borrow these horses, Mitsukake," said Hotohori as he climbed on behind Dee.

"It's no big deal, we just need to be sure to return them. The hospital may need them later, after all. I'm sorry we could only lend five. I suppose we'll have to go in pairs." A nearby tree shook as he spoke, scaring a flock of birds out of the branches.

"Ooh... I'll ride with you, Tamahome!" Nuriko mounted Tamahome's horse (heh, that sounds dirty) and grabbed him around the waist, snuggling her face into his shirt.

Tamahome sweatdropped. "Uh... okay..."

"Good-bye, Mitsukake!" A long-haired blonde woman ran to the freakishly tall, freakishly well-muscled, freakishly deep-voiced man and gave him a peck on the lips.

"Good-bye, Shouka." He smiled at her, and gave her one last hug before he mounted his horse and they all rode off.

Chichiri smiled oh-so-cutely, turning chibi and flashing an oh-so-cute victory sign. "Only one more seishi left no da!"

xxx

"Okay guys, are you all over your hangovers?" I asked at breakfast.

"I'm as fresh as those daisies!" exclaimed Snoop Dogu as he pointed to the two flower pots in the corner. Tomo snickered.

"Um...right, anyway...Nakago, would you please read the scroll so we can all think over it again?" I handed the scroll to the General.

He sat there, silently looking at the parchment. After a moment, he looked up again. "Okay, I read it."

"I meant _out loud_."

"Oh yeah...right..."

"Hold on...I'll be back." I walked out the door.

"Harii, wait. Where are you going?" asked Amiboshi.

"Bedpost," I mumbled.

"No! You can't!" Amiboshi ran to me and grabbed my hand.

I sat back down with a frustrated sigh. "Fine... let's just try to figure out all of this."

"Thank you," Amiboshi said, smiling happily.

xxx

"We'll need six rooms."

"Six? There's seven of us, Hotohori-sama," Mitsukake said.

"Dee and I will be sharing a room."

My best friend's eyes almost popped out of her head. "We will?"

"Yes."

"If Tamahome and I share a room, it'll save money!" Nuriko grabbed onto Tamahome's arm.

"I _do_ like saving money…" he admitted with a sweatdrop.

Genrou shrugged. "Well then, the three of us might as well be roomies." He swung his arms around Mitsukake and Chichiri, which wound up looking pretty awkward seeing as how Chichiri was shorter than him by several centimeters and Mitsukake was taller than him by several _hundred_ centimeters.

"Right then... three, and we have five horses in front that need to be sent to the stables."

"Yes, sir." The man bowed as Hotohori paid him. Dee still marveled at the fact that no one seemed to recognize him as Emperor without his fancy robes and box-hat thing. "Follow me." The man led them to three adjacent rooms. "I'll go tend to your horses."

"Thank you," Hotohori said, politely returning the bow as the man walked off. Once he'd disappeared around the corridor, the Emperor turned to his companions. "I think we should talk in our room first." He opened the first room and the seven of them entered, Genrou closing the door behind them.

Chichiri nodded towards Dee. "If you'd like, I can recite a spell where we can see and talk to Harii-chan no da. It's a safe way for you to speak with her and tell her what happened ."

"Go ahead, then! What are you waiting for?" Nuriko asked.

"I know what's going on because people filled me in during the ride here," Mitsukake said. A bowl on a table in the corner fell off and broke from the miniature earthquake his voice caused.

"Um... we knew that Mitsukake," Dee said, cocking an eyebrow at him curiously. "We were there."

"I was telling the audience." A flower vase tipped over and shattered.

Dee sweatdropped. "Ah. My mistake."

"I guess I'll do the spell now no da." Chichiri stood at the side of a wall, put his fingers to his mouth, and furrowed his eyebrows in that oh-so-cute way.

"Wait!" Chichiri stopped furrowing his eyebrows in that oh-so-cute way at Dee's outburst. "I'd like to talk to my friend alone if that's okay." Hotohori nodded and led the seishi - except for Chichiri - out of the room.

"I'll have to stay here no da."

"Oh, that's okay. I trust you." The monk smiled, then went back to furrowing his eyebrows in that oh-so-cute way. The wall turned into the picture of a room.

"Where is she?" asked Dee. A big furry wolf-man walked in and sniffed at the wall which wasn't a wall anymore.

"RAH! RAH! RAH! RAH!" He ran off.

"What the hell was _that_?" Dee asked with a sweatdrop.

xxx

"Ashitare... Ashitare... what is it boy?" He had found me by the pond, reading a translation of the scroll that Amiboshi had helped me create.

"RAH RAH!"

"Timmy's trapped in the well again?"

"RAAAAAH!" He shook his wolfish head and jerked a paw in the direction of my room.

"Oh, you want me to follow you!" I patted his head and followed the "RAH RAH RAH"-ing wolf down the long palace corridors and finally into my room. "Ashitare, calm down! What is it?" He pointed his nose at the wall which wasn't a wall anymore. "Wha... DEE-CHAN!" I sprinted towards her.

"Haley! That's not—!"

_SMACK!_ "Ouchie-doodles."

"It's just a spell Chichiri cast," Dee explained, though a little late. "Listen, I've got some bad news."

I looked up at Dee as I rubbed my head, thinking the rubbing would make it feel better. "Um... what is it?"

"Well... er... y'see... I kind of..." She poked her index fingers together innocently. "I sorta-kinda-maybe-on-accident... killed one of your seishi."

I turned chibi and nearly ran into the wall that wasn't a wall again. "YOU WHAT?"

"I didn't mean to! You know how you always joked around and said I had acid spit? Well... I really do." I fell over. "Heh... my bad!"

"Aaaaaah...." I ran to my bedpost. _BANG! BANG! BANG_!

"Haley-chan... I really _am_ sorry. But listen, if you're still here, that must mean there's another way to summon Seiryuu."

I looked at her. "Heeeeey, you're right! So I haven't failed! HAHA! TAKE THAT CANADIANS!"

"Chichiri was going to come to the palace and bring you to this inn, but now that we've already talked, I guess we don't have to..."

"NOOO! PLEASE TAKE ME!" I ran to the wall and put my hands against it. "PLEEEEEASE!"

Dee's eyes widened. "They're not hurting you, are they?"

"Well, no... they've been pretty nice to me, actually, it's just... They're crazy, Dee! ALL OF THEM! I mean, some of them aren't as bad as others. I like Ashitare." I patted my friend on the head and he smiled. "And the twins are all right. But the others..." I drifted off, wincing at the thought of the drunken party the other night, and the hangover the other morning, and everything in between. "Anyway, I'd like to stay with you. _Pleeeease_? I'll tell them before I leave. I'm sure they won't mind if I go for a little while."

"Chichiri, is that okay?"

I heard the monk's voice from the left of the wall that wasn't a wall. "Yes, but hurry up and decide on a meeting place no da! I can't hold this spell much longer!"

"How about right here in my room?" I suggested. "In just a few minutes."

"All right, see ya soon no da!" The wall faded.

Ashitare whimpered, nudging my leg unhappily. I glanced down at him and flashed him a tiny smile. "Don't worry, I'll come back soon. But for now I have to go find Nakago." I walked to Nakago's chamber and knocked on the door. "Heeelllooooooo! Are you there Nakago?"

"Come in!"

I opened the door, and was a little startled to find him shirtless in his bed. I was really hoping he wasn't naked under the sheets. "Um... Nakago, I'm going to be leaving for a little while."

"But we need you to... er, we need your _help_ to figure out how to find the last seishi."

"Oh... heh... about that.... I've got some bad news." I poked my fingers together.

"Bad news?"

"Yeah...you see..."

_THUMP!_

"What was that?" Nakago stood up, and to my extreme relief and also extreme displeasure I found that he _was_ wearing pants... of the leather thong variety, that is.

"Nothing, it was just... I gotta go!" I ran to my room and found Chichiri and Genrou pulling themselves out of the broken bits of my bed.

"Damn! You think you could have landed us any harder?" Genrou complained.

Chichiri rubbed the back of his head, expecting the rubbing to make it feel better. "At least there was a bed no da!"

"Not anymore, there ain't!"

"Chichiri! Genrou!" I ran to Genrou and hugged him around the neck.

"Wha... Harii-chan..." Genrou stood there for a second, a bit startled. I was a bit startled myself to find that I had instinctively hugged him like that. "Would ya get off of me?" He finally pushed me off.

"Sorry. I just missed you guys."

Chichiri smiled oh-so-cutely at me and I hugged him too. "It's good to see you too no da."

"You! I remember _you_!" A familiar voice from the door growled. We all whipped around to find the Seiryuu seishi gathered in the doorway, peering inside to see what all the noise had been about.

"Harii-sama! What's going on?" exclaimed Amiboshi, glaring at the newcomers suspiciously.

Genrou pushed me behind him. "The Priestess is going with us!"

"Tasuki, try to be a bit nicer no da!" Chichiri reprimanded, then turned to the Seiryuu seishi and bowed politely. "I'm sorry. The Priestess of Seiryuu and the Priestess of Suzaku are good friends no da. The two just wish to see each other for a while."

"I'm going with you," Amiboshi stepped forward, still glaring at Genrou and Chichiri. "I don't trust these guys."

Chichiri shrugged. "I guess you can, but we may be a little squished at the rooms no da. Jaa no da!"

Amiboshi grabbed my hand, and Chichiri grabbed Tasuki's and mine.

"Bye everyone! I'll be back in the morning!" I yelled.

"Wait! I'm not letting these Suzaku seishi leave..." Nakago eyes slit evilly. "ALIVE!"

He held out his hand, and it began to glow a dangerous dark blue. Chichiri furrowed his brows together in that oh-so-cute way, trying to transport us as quickly as possible. Genrou pulled out his tessen and I watched him moving his lips in the familiar spell. Nakago smirked. "Get ready to..." Ashitare lifted his leg and relieved himself on the general's leg. "AW, DAMN IT!"

"Thanks Ashitare!" I yelled as we slowly faded away.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: Haley-sama has escaped from the Kutou Palace, and will soon be joyfully reunited with her best friend Dee-sama, Priestess of Suzaku... but will their meeting turn into a meeting of _anger_?  
DEE:_ (Kicks him out of the way)_ You melodramatic idiot, like that could ever happen! Haley-chan and I are ti-zight, f'sho!  
HALEY: Word to your mama, G-Fry!  
DEE: Homie don't play dat, foo'! You got beef?  
FREAKY CAT THING: _(Claw-swipes them both) _Would you stop spouting '90s slang and get on with fulfilling the prophecy already?  
DEE: Ouch! Grr... stupid cat thing, I'll show you a thing or three...  
HALEY: Dee, shouldn't you announce the next chapter first?  
DEE: Mwa? Oh, right, right... _(Er-hem) _Stick around to see the fur fly in, "Friends Don't Let Friends Turn Into Vengeful Crazy-Women!"


	6. Friends Don't Let Friends Turn Into Veng...

**Chapter Six:  
Friends Don't Let Friends Turn Into Vengeful Crazy Women**

"AAAAAAH!" _THUMP_! I popped out of wherever it is Chichiri travels when he teleports and landed on something squishy. "Ooh… that landing was a lot nicer than I thought it would be."

I noticed Amiboshi and Chichiri had fallen quite clumsily on top of each other. Genrou had it a bit worse, with his butt stuck straight up in the air. I moved around a little, hearing something groan below me. I looked down and saw my best friend, now blue and gasping for air. "Oh, sorry!" I jumped to my feet.

Dee gasped for breath, holding her stomach with one hand. Finally, the color returned to her face. "Is that any way to greet a friend?"

"Sorry, sorry."

"It's okay... Mm... I MISSED YOU HALEY-CHAN!"

"I MISSED YOU TOO DEE-CHAN!" We locked in a hug, smiling widely.

Amiboshi sweatdropped. "How long were they apart?"

"Not more than a week," Genrou answered, folding his arms and sighing.

"That's best friends for you no da," Chichiri said with a smile.

Dee and I released our friendship hug. "So that Nakago guy decided to let you come?" Dee asked.

"Well…" I sweatdropped. "I told him I was leaving, and then Genrou and Chichiri showed up…"

"And the bastard tried to kill us!" Genrou shouted indignantly.

"We managed to get away with the help of one of Harii-chan's seishi no da."

"Yeah, you should meet Ashitare, Dee," I told her. "He's awesome."

"Is that Ashitare?" She pointed to Amiboshi.

"No, that's Amiboshi. He came with us because he didn't trust Genrou and Chichiri."

"What? _He's_ here!" Genrou whirled around, spotted Amiboshi, and bolted across the room to hold his tessen to my seishi's throat, all in one swift motion. "You better not try and pull something on us, or I'll...!"

"Genrou! Calm down!" I ran over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. "He's not like Nakago…or Tomo… or maybe Soi… or maybe Snoop Dogu. I don't really know Snoop Dogu all that well."

"Snoop Dogu?" asked Dee, raising an eyebrow and laughing a little.

"Heh…I'll explain later."

Genrou put up his tessen. "I'll be keeping my eye on you." Amiboshi nodded grimly.

The two glared each other down for a while, until I finally broke the tension-filled silence. "Where is everyone staying?" I asked.

"Chichiri, Tasuki and Mitsukake are rooming together. Then it's Nuriko and Tamahome. And Hotohori and I are staying in this room," Dee gestured around us, then noticed my questioning look. She blushed and waved her arms in protest. "It's not what you think, I swear!"

I decided to let it drop for now. "I don't know those names. Are they the other seishi?"

"Yup!" Dee grinned and flashed a victory sign. "We only have one more to go!"

"We're going to go back to our room now no da," Chichiri informed us.

"We are?" asked Genrou.

"Amiboshi, you can stay in our room no da," the monk invited in his usual friendly way.

"He _can_?" Genrou screeched. Before he could protest, Chichiri grabbed Genrou's arm and dragged him out, Amiboshi following close behind.

Dee looked at me and nudged me with her elbow. "Hey, so this Ashitare guy, it sounds like..." she cupped her hands under her chin and practically sung her next words, "you _liiiiiike_ him."

I laughed. "He's that wolf you saw."

"WHAT?" Dee nearly fell over.

"Well, actually he's half-wolf, half-man." I noticed Dee's huge chibi eyes and laughed. "I don't think of him like that. I think of him as a companion."

"O…kay... whew... got worried for a sec."

"So why are you and Hotohori rooming together?" I asked somewhat suspiciously. "Aren't there any female seishi?"

"Well, there is one…" Dee rubbed the back of her head and found something interesting to look at on the ground. I could tell she was about to pull a best-friend-spilling-her-guts bit, so I braced myself for something interesting. "...But, well, there was something I was going to talk about with you earlier, but I couldn't because Chichiri was right there. I didn't want him to hear it."

"What is it?"

"CREEEEAK!" A cloaked man walked in and threw back his hood, smiling that charming smile.

"You know Hotohori, the door can make the noise by itself," Dee said with a sweatdrop.

"Hotohori-sama! How are you?" I asked pleasantly.

The damn-sexy Emperor nodded politely in my direction. "I'm fine. It's nice to see you are well, Harii. Have they been treating you all right in Kutou?"

"Sure, they're nice to me. They are a bit weird," I admitted, "but they haven't hurt me or anything."

"Chichiri is paying for an extra room right now so we will have some extra space. You and Dee can have this room."

"Thank y—" my best friend started to say, but I interrupted with, "Oh, you can stay in this room with Dee. Amiboshi and I will room together."

"Whatever you two want, we will do."

"What if I wanted you to put your head up an elephant's butt? Would you do that?" I demanded.

"Uh…" Hotohori sweatdropped.

"Haley!" Dee shot me a look. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, you should be more specific about those kinds of things. People could ask you to do crazy things you know, and it's just like lying if you don't and told them you would do anything for them beforehand," I explained. Dee face-vaulted.

"I'll, um…go get a drink…" Hotohori turned and just about flew out of the room.

Dee smacked her forehead with her hand. "He's gonna think you're a psycho now - not that you _aren't_, but still."

I shrugged. "He probably already does. It doesn't matter to me either way. It's not like I'm trying to impress him."

"What was that whole 'I'll room with Amiboshi thing' about? You don't want to room with your best friend?" Dee frowned, pretending like she was about to cry.

"It's not that, Dee-chan. I thought it would be nice to let you room with Hotohori. We will have to leave eventually, you know, so we should spend as much time with these people as we can."

"You're the one to talk," she said with an eye-roll. "You left all of your seishi!"

"Hey! You don't know my seishi! They're... _them_. Besides, I'm going back soon. I'll be with them more than I'm with your seishi anyway, and I wanted to see Genrou, Chichiri and Hotohori again, too. I hope we see Koji once more before we have to leave."

"Yeah." Dee was silent for a while. "That Amiboshi guy seems okay, and you said you liked Ashitare. Although that baby guy I killed did seem pretty creepy…"

"I didn't know Miboshi. We were trying to figure out how to find him when you told me you killed him." I sighed. "Anyway, what were you going to tell me?"

"Oh yeah...um, about that…" A knocking on the door interrupted her again. Dee swore under her breath, then called, "Who is it?"

"Is Harii in there? I thought we might check out our room."

"Okay Amiboshi! I'm coming!" I turned back to Dee. "I'll come invite you into my room later. You can tell me then. Bye!"

"But I..." She sighed. "Okay. Bye!"

I walked out of Dee's room, closing the door behind me and turning toward Amiboshi. "So, where is it?"

"It's one down from where Chichiri, Genrou, and that other guy are staying," he explained, leading me down the hallway.

We walked in silence for a while, until I finally decided to ask what had been bothering me for a while. "Amiboshi, when Nakago said he was going to kill Chichiri and Genrou, was he aiming at _us_, too?"

The flute player frowned thoughtfully. "It looked that way, but he's a very powerful sorcerer, so he probably could have made his blast just hit Chichiri and Genrou. I don't think he would kill another seishi – and I know for a fact that he wouldn't kill you. Without you, Seiryuu definitely wouldn't be summoned."

"So you mean there's a way to summon Seiryuu without all the seishi?" I asked with hope in my voice.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is. I read something about a shinzaho before."

"Shinzaho?" For some reason, the word reminded me of a Las Vegas hooker.

"Yeah." He opened the door to our room, politely holding the door open for me. I walked in and he shut the door behind me.

I pulled out a chair that had been pushed under a small table in the corner and sat in it. "So what's this Shinzaho?" I asked once I'd gotten comfortable.

"A Shinzaho is something that a Priestess wears when she summons one of the gods. So far, Byakko and Genbu have been summoned. That makes two shinzaho, and with those it's possible to summon either Suzaku or Seiryuu, even if one of the seishi has died."

"AAAH!" My eyes got big and gooey. "I LOVE YOU AMIBOSHI!" I threw my arms around him and hugged him hard.

I felt his hands slip around my waist and pull me close. A moment later, he whispered softly into my ear. "I love you, too."

My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and I pulled back, staring at him. He sounded _so_ serious, and he wore a gentle smile, making it look like he was serious, too. "Um… Amiboshi… woah... I, uh, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant, because the seishi Miboshi died, we have to summon Seiryuu another way. I was just happy you knew what to do…"

"Oh… I knew that. That's what I meant, too." He let go of me and stepped back a bit. "Wait a minute." Now Amiboshi's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"'I didn't mean it like that'?"

"No, after that."

"'I was just happy you knew what to do'?"

"No, before that."

"'I didn't mean it like-'"

"AGH! You said a seishi _died_, didn't you?" he cried, giving up on getting me to remember.

"Oh, yeah, that. I found out Miboshi died right before we left."

"How did he die?"

"Oh… well, I'm not sure about the details, but I know Dee killed him."

"She WHAT?" he cried. "How could she kill one of our seishi?"

"It was an accident! And we don't know what happened! Miboshi could have attacked them!"

"Does Nakago know?" He stared at me, fists clenched at his sides.

"No, not yet," I said. "I was going to tell him, but then Chichiri and Genrou showed up."

Amiboshi relaxed, then paused and cocked his head. "Wait… I thought his name was Tasuki."

"His seishi name is Tasuki, but I call him Genrou because that's the first name I knew him by. I don't think it's his real name either, though."

"Oh... okay." I could tell the number of names was confusing Amiboshi. "Well, I'm a bit hungry. I think I'm gonna go get something to eat. You want to join me?"

"No, thanks. I'm not that hungry, and Dee wanted to talk to me about something."

"Okay." He smiled halfheartedly and waved – then I remembered what I had told Dee about spending time with our seishi, and decided that I should practice what I preached.

"Well, maybe I can stuff something in me, or at least have a drink."

He smiled wholeheartedly this time. "All right, then let's go!" I followed him to the dining area/bar, and we sat down at an empty table. He ordered some dumplings, two drinks, and Peking shrimp with fried rice, then sat back and smiled pleasantly at me. "So what's your world like?" he asked.

"Oh, well…" I paused, wondering how to explain it to him. "It's very advanced."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we have lots of stuff that lets us be lazy. We have all sorts of machines. Some that take you places, some that kill people, some that wash the dishes or clothes, and some that even dry your hair super-fast."

"Dry your hair super-fast?" He looked at me with wonder-filled eyes. "How long does it take?"

"It depends, but I'd say around five minutes."

"Five minutes? Wow…"

"Yeah, I know!"

"_THERE_ YOU ARE!"

"Huh?" I looked to my left and saw Genrou looming over our table.

"Genrou!" I smiled. "Want to join us for dinner?"

"That's okay. I already ate." He glared at Amiboshi. "Trying to gain her trust by keeping her in public places, huh? I can see right through you!" He leaned down until he was barely three inches away from the sweatdropping and sunglasses-wearing boy. "Oh wait…" He took off the sunglasses, squinting his gold eyes and glaring even harder at the flute player. "There, _now_ I can see through you!" He stood back up and examined the glasses. "What are these anyway?"

"Oh, they're from my world," I told him. "I gave them to Amiboshi to help me tell him apart from his twin brother. They're called sunglasses."

Genrou sat down in one of the two empty chairs and continued examining the glasses, then he set them on the table. "I'm rooming with you two."

"I thought you were rooming with Chichiri and some other guy."

He turned to Amiboshi, still staring at him hard. "I was, but I don't trust you with Harii-chan. You may try to take her back to the palace, or you could try and kill her."

"Why would I kill my own Priestess?"

Genrou raised his eyebrows knowingly at the young boy. "That's what _I'd_ like to know."

I laughed. "Genrou, I don't think you need to worry, but if it makes you feel any better you can stay in our room."

xxx

After I had eaten a few dumplings and Amiboshi had finished his dinner, the three of us walked up to our room. "Oh, I almost forgot. I told Dee that I was going to talk to her about something. I'll be back soon."

I walked to Dee's room, and was about to knock when I caught the sound of two people speaking from the other side of the door. I didn't want to interrupt anything, so I leaned my ear against the tiny crack between the wood and the wall and listened to see if it was important.

"...know it must have been a shock when I asked you to marry me. Forgive me. I shouldn't have done it so suddenly," I recognized the Emperor's voice, and my eyes widened at his words.

"Oh, Hotohori, it's okay... Well, I _was_ shocked to the point of comatose, but really, it's okay. I'm sorry I haven't answered you yet, but I'm not sure what to say." That was Dee's voice! My eyes widened even more.

"I understand. Take as much time as you need. Well... just don't wait until after we summon Suzaku." Hotohori laughed his rich, deep laugh.

That rich, deep laugh reminded me of coffee. I hate coffee. I slammed open the door. Hotohori and Dee were sitting on the bed, Hotohori holding her hands. They both jumped at the sound of the door swinging open and turned to stare at me.

Dee sweatdropped. "Haley, you could have knocked."

"How _could _you, Dee?" I cried, voice nearly cracking.

"What are you talking about?"

"How could you even _think_ of marrying Hotohori? Would you really leave me and stay in this world? Besides, I met Hotohori at the same time as you! How come he had to fall in love and propose to you? Why couldn't he have proposed to me? I love him!" I turned to Hotohori. "Why couldn't you have proposed to me? I love you!" I turned back to Dee. "I can't believe I thought of you as a friend! How could you betray me? Are you really gonna leave me?"

_SMACK!_ Dee's hand connected hard with my cheek.

I took a couple of steps back, tears in my eyes. "And now you're slapping me! What is this? I should be slapping you! You know, you're so lucky! You have all these gorgeous people as your seishi! I have a crazed woman who fights with a cackling feather-and-make-up-wearing pervert over a wannabe-badass-baddie general, a beast man, a dead floating baby, and two sexy twins!"

_SMACK!_ Dee slapped me across the face again.

I rubbed my cheek, blinking in confusion. "Oh, hey... thanks... what the hell just came over me?"

"I have no idea, but it scared me."

I sighed, and let myself fall to the floor on my knees. "I think I'm just stressed over my seishi. They couldn't figure out the scroll, so they drank _all_ night, and then they were hung over, and… Ugh. Anyway. I like the twins all right and Ashitare, but the others... ugh...." I looked up at a frightened Hotohori. "Oh geez, I'm sorry. Listen, I don't really love you, you know that, right?"

He nodded with huge chibi eyes.

I decided that that was enough embarrassment for one night. "Um... I'm gonna go now... yeah... g'night!" I walked out the door and to my room. As soon as I got there and closed the door, I hit myself in the face with an open palm. "What the hell... what the hell... what the hell...?"

"What's wrong?" I jumped; I hadn't noticed that Genrou was in the room.

"Oh, nothing... I just made an ass out of myself, that's all. I do that from time to time."

"Heh... me too." He shrugged. "You just gotta deal with it."

"Yeah, you're right." I glanced around the room. "Hey, where'd Amiboshi go?"

"I dunno." He looked away innocently.

"Genrou! You didn't do anything to him did you?"

"No, _I_ didn't." He noticed my glare and held up his hands innocently. "I'm serious! He said he was goin' t'find the baths!"

"All right... I believe you. I guess you and Amiboshi will sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Nah, Amiboshi's sleepin' on the floor."

I looked back at Genrou, wide-eyed. Then I walked up to him, grinned teasingly and stroking his arm. "Oh Genrou... I didn't know you were in-ter-ested."

"Hey! It's not like that!" He pushed me off and continued holding his hands up, almost as if in defense.

"Uh-huh, then why else would you have us sleep in the bed together?" I continued, trying to look seductive and trying not to laugh at the same time.

"D'you trust that guy sleepin' next to you? 'Cause I sure's hell don't," he growled.

"Hey... I've figured it out! That whole 'I hate women' thing is an act. Just so you can get _clooooose_..." At the last word, I cupped his hands in mine.

"Stop that! Yer freakin' me out!" He moved backwards so fast that he fell off the other side of the bed.

I laughed. "Don't worry. I'm just joking. But I do think you're a nice guy with a really cute face." I inwardly cursed as soon as it came out.

Genrou popped up from the other side of the bed, blinking at me. "Sorry, I conveniently didn't hear you. What'd ya say?"

"I said, um... I think I'm missing the, uh... lice fly... of... _Will and Grace_."

"What the hell does that mean?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh... it's an, uh, expression in my world. It means I think I'm missing a really good episode of _Will and Grace_. That was a show in my world, and I think there's a rerun playing right now." Sometimes I was really glad Genrou wasn't from my universe.

"Oh. Okay." He shook his head and laughed a little. "You sure are a weird girl."

I sighed and lay down on the bed. "And I sure am glad to be here."

"Why?" Genrou leaned against the wall, hands behind his head.

"I'm not exactly sure." I paused, thinking about how nice it was not having to worry if two of my seishi were killing each other, or one was planning to attack the Suzaku seishi, and knew my answer. "I guess because it's a break. Maybe I'm just happy that I know how to summon Seiryuu now. I told Amiboshi what happened, and he told me we have to collect two shinzaho. That way we can summon Seiryuu without Miboshi."

"Have you thought about what three wishes you're going to make?"

"Oh..." I sat up. "I totally forgot about those! I should really think about that." I laughed. "Hey, Genrou, what would you ask for?"

"Me?" I nodded. He paused for a moment, smiling a little. "I guess, well, I'd ask fer the bandits of Mount Reikaku t'be successful in everythin' they do. Then I'd ask fer all the bandits' happiness and health."

"What about your family?"

"My family..." Genrou turned blue and hid in a corner, shivering.

"Um..." I sweatdropped and poked my index fingers together. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I think I'm gonna try and sleep now." I threw the cover over my head and closed my eyes. I could feel Genrou still standing next to me, watching me. I couldn't decide if that was creepy or sweet. "Um...Genrou?"

"What?"

"Um... well, I just wanted to say thanks for looking out for me. Even though I'm not the Priestess of Suzaku, you've still been helping me out." I looked up at him and noticed his blank stare. He blinked, then shrugged and looked away. I smiled at his reaction. "Good night, Gen-chan."

"Gen-chan?" He made a face and lay down on the other side of the bed, back facing me.

I turned around to lie on my side and closed my eyes.

After a moment, I heard him mutter quietly, "Good night Harii-chan."

xxx

I blinked a few times, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I sat up. I noticed Genrou wasn't next to me, and I was surprised to find myself a little sad about that. I stretched my arms out, yawning, and stood.

I jumped a bit when I noticed Genrou sleeping on the floor a few feet from my bed. I couldn't help but smile a little at the orange-haired man sprawled out on the floor with his fanged mouth wide open. I went over to a bowl full of water in the corner and splashed my face a couple times. Then I took a rag and went over my teeth with it.

"It's times like these I wish I had a toothbrush," I said to myself. "Or a my-world hairbrush." I used the comb on the table to get the knots out of my long hair and walked out of the room to the dining area of the inn. I didn't see any of the others sitting at the tables, so I started to walk back to my room… and that's when I heard him scream. I turned around quickly.

"AAAAAH! HARII-SAMA! THANK GOD IT'S YOU! HELP ME!"

"Amiboshi? Is that you? Where are you?" I looked around wildly, trying to find the owner of the panicky voice.

"I'm over here! At the bar!"

I looked at the bar and didn't see Amiboshi. Instead, I saw a huge clump of scantily clad females. I walked toward them. "Um... excuse me?"

"Yeah?" A girl wearing an excessive amount of eye shadow and perfume so strong it almost knocked me over turned around to face me.

"Do you happen to have my friend somewhere in your group? He's a blonde-haired guy with a headband."

"Oh, you mean lover-boy?" She giggled. "Usually we get old drunk men in here, so when this fanged guy told us a handsome young man waiting at the baths wanted some excitement in his life, we jumped at the chance! I'm sorry, but we're not quite through with him."

"Move over, broad!" I pushed girls left and right until I found a hand reaching out. I snatched it and I pulled as hard as I could until Amiboshi flew forward, almost knocking me over.

"Harii-chan!" He grabbed me in a tight hug. "YOU SAVED ME! YOU SAVED ME FROM THE EVIL WHORES!"

"Lover-booooooy!" a few of them sang dangerously. "We're not finished yet!"

"AAAAH!" He grabbed me around the waist from behind, crouching down and trying to hide behind me. "Keep them away from me... keep them away! I don't want The Syphilis, Harii-chan!"

"What's going on no da?" Chichiri appeared out of nowhere. I guess he must have been awake and sensed all the scary ki coming towards Amiboshi and me. Either that, or he's just got really good timing. Or I needed him to show up at this point and made some lame excuse for why. Or...

"GET ON WITH IT!" Dee shouted out of nowhere.

"Ooooh..." The leader of the girls looked at Chichiri under thickly-painted lashes. "You're a little funny looking, but you're young…" Her eyes traveled from his head down to his… feet. We'll say they traveled to his feet. "And you've got a nice body, too…"

Chichiri turned chibi, backing hurriedly away from the mob. "Let's go no da!" He grabbed my hand, I grabbed Amiboshi's hand, and we ran to the closest room: Hotohori and Dee's.

Hotohori was awake looking at the scroll, but Dee was still asleep.

"Oooh! HEHEHEHE!" I ran to Dee. "Look guys, she doing that weird thing she always does when she sleeps. TEEHEE!" I pointed to her. "See? Her mouth is moving, but she's not saying anything."

"Shhh no da!" Chichiri whispered. "If she's sleeping then you should let her sleep no da."

"What's going on?" asked Hotohori, looking at the three of us curiously - particularly Amiboshi, whose clothes were all wrinkled and whose face was covered with lipstick prints.

"Oh, Hotohori-sama." I bowed. "We're so sorry for barging in, but a group of whores was chasing us."

The Emperor blinked several times, looking at me in disbelief. I could tell he thought I was even crazier, now. Finally, he said, "...What?"

"I don't know much about what's going on either no da."

"It was that Tasuki-Genrou guy." Amiboshi clenched his fists as he spoke. "He sent them after me."

Hotohori sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Why am I not surprised no da?" Chichiri asked with a sweatdrop.

I couldn't help but giggle.

"I fail to see what's so funny!" Amiboshi glared at me, looking a little hurt.

"Sorry Amiboshi... it's just, it's a very clever way of keeping someone out of the way," I explained.

The door slammed open and—

"Haley-chan, how can a door slam _open_?" Dee demanded, springing awake as her spider senses warned her of a writing error.

Would you leave me _alone_? I didn't_ mean_ to write that, so just shut up and change it!

"Nah, it's funnier this way," she replied sweetly.

Whatever... anyway... the door made a noise, which made Dee spring awake. Again. "Where's..." Tasuki saw me and relaxed. "Oh... there ya are, Harii-chan."

"Good morning, Genrou!" I greeted cheerfully.

"Aw shit..." Genrou looked straight at the glaring Amiboshi. "Hey there Amiboshi... heh-heh... heh..." He waved innocently... then ran off giggling like a naughty kid.

"You won't be able to get away from me!" Amiboshi followed him, but when he reached the hallway he looked both ways and grunted in frustration. "How'd he get away so fast?"

"I think we should discuss how we're going to get you and Amiboshi back to Kutou as soon as possible," suggested Hotohori.

"You're right Hotohori-sama." Chichiri saw Amiboshi's chibi head looking left and right down the hallway and sweatdropped. "Um... Amiboshi, you might not want to try and chase Tasuki no da."

"Why not?" Amiboshi demanded, glaring at Chichiri from the hallway.

"His seishi ability is speed no da."

"Don't worry, we'll deal with him later," the Emperor assured him. "Right now, I think we should wake up the others and discuss what we should do next."

"Good idea Hotohori! But... what all just happened?" asked Dee with a blank expression on her face.

"Poor Dee-chan." I walked up to Dee and patted her on the head.

xxx

"He's right where you said he'd be Chichiri!" Nuriko walked into Hotohori and Dee's room where all of the other seishi, Dee, and I were waiting, carrying a struggling Genrou over her shoulder. Amiboshi stood up, walked around Nuriko, and punched Genrou square in the face.

"OW!" Genrou pushed himself off of Nuriko and unsheathed his tessen while Amiboshi crouched, lifting his flute to his lips.

"Ah! Guys! Stop!" I stepped in front of Amiboshi as Chichiri stepped in front of Genrou.

"You two need to calm down no da!"

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! LET 'EM FIGHT!" The dirty old hobo chanted.

"If you two fight, I will personally tie you up, shove bananas in your pants, and leave you in a field with rabid monkeys!" Nuriko threatened.

The two reluctantly relaxed, glaring at each other.

She smiled. "That's what I thought."

"Chichiri, you better start reciting the spell now before something else happens," Hotohori said.

"Wait, Hotohori, we were going to help them find out how to summon Seiryuu," Dee reminded him.

"Oh yeah... Amiboshi already knew how." I sweatdropped, realizing that this entire chapter had basically been a waste of time.

"Oh... okay..." Judging by the size of her sweatdrop, I figured Dee had realized the same thing. "Well then, I guess I'll see you later?"

"Bye Dee-chan! Bye Genrou! Bye everyone! And thank you!" They all smiled as Chichiri recited the spell and we were back in the Kutou palace.

"Aahh...." The monk looked over. "Tasuki, what are you doing here no da?"

"Oh, hey Chichiri!" The seishi bandit quickly thought up an excuse. "I just thought I'd make sure ya didn't run into trouble when ya came here."

"Thanks, but I can handle myself no da."

"Did you know you're a pain?" Amiboshi received a glare for his comment.

"We better go no da! People are coming!"

"Thanks, Chichiri." I gave him a quick hug - I'm so huggy - and then hugged Genrou, too. He still didn't return the hug as I spoke. "Thanks, Genrou."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled under his breath. "Just get off me, would ya?"

I let go. "I hope to see you again soon!"

"Bye Harii-chan no da!"

"If any of those seishi give ya hell, just come an' tell me!" Genrou punched a hand into his open palm meaningfully. I smiled at him, and he winked in response as the two of them faded away.

"Dammit, I just missed them!" Amiboshi and I looked over our shoulders to see the Nakago and Tomo standing in the doorway.

"Maybe that's a good thing Nakago-sama," Tomo remarked. you _are_ wearing nothing but your cute pink nighty right now." At Tomo's comment, Nakago blushed and ran out, crying like a baby. "No, don't be embarrassed! It's very flattering! You should wear it more often!" Tomo ran after him.

"How could someone forget that they were wearing something that frilly?" Amiboshi asked aloud.

"RAH! RAH! RAH!" A big... and I mean _big_... furball jumped on me, pinning me to the floor.

"Ashitare! Aww... you really missed me that much?" I sat up and rubbed the smiling wolf's head. As he smiled, he showed two fangs, which made me think of a familiar person... Count Dracula.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: After some... interesting, if not completely pointless, quality time with the Suzaku seishi, Haley-sama returns to the Kutou palace unharmed and ready to begin her search for the shinzaho!  
DEE: Damn good thing, too! She was movin' in on my seishi, and they're all supposed to fall in love with me!  
HALEY: I thought we decided not to follow the script! You don't even like Tamahome that much, and you told me Tasuki's so-called romance scenes were hella-weird.  
DEE: Well yeah, but... c'mon, how much ass would it kick to have a harem of guys fawning over you? And even if Tasu-chan isn't my type, he's still a hotty hot-pants.  
HALEY: Grr... FINE THEN! I'm throwing the rape sequences in, too, then!  
DEE: Wha…? Okay, okay, forget I said anything! Geez...  
FREAKY CAT THING: Bloody Americans. If you can handle them and their they-ness, then you may as well come back for the next chapter, "Just Your Typical, Loving, Annoying-as-Hell Onii-chan."


	7. Just Your Typical, Loving, Annoying as H...

**Chapter Seven:  
Just Your Typical, Loving, Annoying-as-Hell-Onii-chan...**

"Have you seen a short girl with blonde hair come in here? She's my little sister, and her name's Haley. She may smell like farts." Leave it to my darling brother Max to give such a charming description of me.

"I think so," the librarian said, nodding towards the back of the room. "She came in here with a taller brunette a long time ago. I saw them walk into that section, but I haven't seen them since."

"Oh, that must be Dee, they're practically glued at the hip. Thanks." The pencil-thin, brown-haired college kid with the huge Adam's apple walked in the direction the lady at the desk had pointed. "She was totally checking me out," he said to himself. He noticed my book bag on a table and went to investigate. "This is definitely hers...but where'd the little shitbag go?"

"Hey! Why are you messing with my sister's stuff?" A boy a little shorter and tad younger walked up to Max after receiving a "shhh" from an elderly lady nearby.

"Your sister? Wait... are you Dee's brother?"

"Yeah, I'm Colin... have you seen her? My parents sent me out to look for her." He sighed. "I don't know why they can't just be glad they're finally getting some peace and quiet. She's even loud when she types! Anyway, I know that's her stuff because that KU folder is filled with Jeff Boschee pictures. That's gotta be her, no one else is that obsessed over a friggin' basketball player."

"No, I haven't. She must be with Haley, though. I'm Max, Haley's brother, and I can't seem to find her," replied Max.

"Damn... looks like we've both got the same problem."

"The same problem indeed," a MY...STER...I...OUS... voice said.

Max looked around, as did Colin. "Who was that?"

"YO MAMA!"

The two boys exchanged odd looks.

"Down here, you fools!" The two looked down at their feet and jumped, seeing a freaky cat-looking thing.

"Who the hell're you?" asked Colin with a slight hick accent.

"It doesn't matter who I am, what matters is that I know where your sisters are."

"Yes! Now I can go home and make movies about mutating cockroaches while she does my laundry!" cheered Max. "Where are they?"

"They are in a different world."

"What?" they both cried.

"They've gone through a book to a different world, where they must fulfill a prophecy."

"Okay, freaky cat-thing!" Colin picked the cat up by the scruff of the neck and glared at it. "You better tell us exactly where they are and what's going on or I swear I'll kick your ass. I'm not gonna miss anymore Monday Night Football then I have to!"

"Calm down. Such aggression will bring you success..." his voice deepened. "AND MUCH CONFLICT!"

"Show us this book," ordered Max matter-of-factly.

Colin looked back at him with a raised eyebrow. "You actually believe this?"

"I make movies with zombies and mutating cockroaches, of course I believe this. Besides, did you believe in a talking cat until now?"

Colin looked back at the cat. "Good point." He let the cat go.

The cat shook its fur, than walked on. The two teens followed. He pointed with his tail at an opened book. "Read." Then he vanished.

"Ah...this sucks...we have to read now? Hmm... well, how about you read and I'll go?" Colin waved and turned to exit. Max caught his hand and handcuffed himself to Colin. "What are you doing?" Dee's brother demanded.

"If I have to suffer, you have to suffer."

"Damn. Fine." He raised an eyebrow at Max. "Eh... wait... why the hell are you carrying those handcuffs?"

"I make movies. Of course I have these." Colin gave him another odd, 'What the hell would that have to do with anything?' look as Max picked up the book and began reading it.

"Whoa...this is weird."

"What's weird?"

"Listen to this..."

xxx

"So, why have you called this meeting, Harii-sama?" asked Snoop Dogu.

"It's about Miboshi, the seventh seishi," I answered.

"The seventh seishi?" Nakago stood up. "You've found him?"

"Well... not exactly." I twisted a piece of hair nervously. "You see, um... how do I put this? He's dead. Yeah, that just about sums it up."

"He's what?" Tomo screeched. "You've _failed_! You've failed and this will cause Nakago-sama many problems!"

"Let me join you in kicking her ass, Tomo!" Soi yelled, jumping to her feet.

Amiboshi stood in front of me. "Wait, you guys! There's still a way to summon Seiryuu!"

"How?" asked Nakago.

"Harii-sama? Would you like to explain?"

"Amiboshi... I told you to stop calling me Haley-sama."

"No, you told me to stop calling you Harii-sama."

I sweatdropped. "Eh... just don't add 'sama,' please? We're friends."

He smiled. "Sorry Harii."

"It's okay." I smiled back, then looked at the others as Amiboshi stood next to me. "All right. A shinzaho is an item that was worn by a Priestess when she summoned one of the beast Gods."

Tomo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and 'defecate' is a fancy word for pooing. What's that got to do with the price of tea in Konan?"

"Tomo! Let me finish!" I took a breath. "So far, there are two shinzaho. The one worn by the Priestess of Genbu, and the one worn by the Priestess of Byakko."

"No shit sherlock," retorted Soi.

"LET ME FINISH!" The wind blew as I bellowed, releasing a sound quite deeper than my own voice. All were instantly silent with wide-eyed expressions. "Thank you." I smiled. "As I was saying, if we collect these two shinzaho, we can summon Seiryuu."

"Well that's great, but where are these shinzaho? And what exactly are they?" asked Snoop Dogu.

Amiboshi answered his brother. "We know the shinzaho are in each of the Priestess's countries, but as to what they are..."

I piped up. "The Priestess of Genbu wore an earring, and the Priestess of Byakko wore pretty pink panties." Amiboshi glanced at me and I shrugged. "I did some research."

"We'll have to start out at once." Nakago stood up and walked out nobly, trying to act like the seishi leader that he was supposed to be.

"I'll help you pack!" Tomo ran after him.

"I'll wash all of your stuff, and then I'll pack it for you!" Soi followed the two.

xxx

"Your majesty! It's a miracle!" A group of guards ran to Hotohori-sama and threw themselves to the ground, bowing and crying all at once. "We thought you had exploded!"

Dee sweatdropped. "I knew that statue thing was a bad idea."

"I'm fine. Please let the people know that it was only a sculpture of me that exploded, and that after today I will make a public showing."

"Yes, sir! We're so sorry about this! It's just... we were so sure it was you!" The guards remained bowing as the Emperor, Priestess and seishi walked by. "Oh, sir! I almost forgot! A young boy showed up, asking to see the Emperor. Despite what we told him, he kept saying you were alive. He's staying in the chamber next to Tasuki-sama's room."

"Thank you. I will go see him now."

Hotohori walked to the chamber as the rest followed. "Knock! Knock!" he cried out.

Everyone fell over.

The door opened, thankfully with no sound effects this time. "Hotohori-sama! You've come just as I've predicted. I am Chiriko, one of the shichi seishi."

"Wha?" Everyone stood up and stared at the ADOWABLE! little boy standing in the doorway.

"As you predicted no da? Are you psychic?"

"No." The boy laughed. "My gift is wisdom. I studied the stars. From them, I knew that the Priestess had appeared. I also knew that when I appeared, a majority of the seishi would be gathered already."

"Not most, babay! ALL!" The Priestess grabbed all of her seishi in a group hug, grinning wide.

"Ouchies no da..."

xxx

"They didn't even think about planning what we were doing first!" I cried with an exasperated sigh.

"It's all right Harii, Suboshi – I mean Snoop Dogu will help us plan our trip."

"I will?"

"I'll go get some maps." Amiboshi left.

xxx

After the Priestess of Suzaku and her seishi had looked over the directions from the scroll, they immediately called in some servants to help them prepare for the summoning. By late afternoon, all they needed was to rest and celebrate for the coming morning. But relaxation wasn't the only thing on the Priestess' agenda. Hotohori had asked Dee to speak with him.

"What is it Hotohori?" she asked once they reached his chamber, though she kind of already knew.

He immediately grabbed her hands in his own as a wind from nowhere came and blew his oh-so-untangly hair in the wind. "I need you to answer my question. Once you summon Suzaku, you have to tell him your three wishes. Once he grants them, you'll be sent back. You need to decide if you want to stay here or not as my Empress."

"Oh crap... the three wishes?" Dee's eyes got small. "I forgot about those..."

"Dee, I need your answer. Please. I also want to tell my people tonight if you want to stay."

"Um... oey... um..." Dee pointed behind the Emperor. "Look! A rabid flying wildebeest!"

"Really? Where?" Hotohori turned around to follow her gaze. "I don't see any..." he turned back to see nothing but a cloud of dust where Dee had been. "Dee?" He sighed. "I suppose she needs time to think."

Dee ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran..."WE GET THE IDEA!" Dee screamed.

Heh... right... sorry about that. Well, she ran until she got to a reclusive clearing with a pond. She stopped to catch her breath, panting hard and remembering that this was why she had always hated running.

"Is everything all right no da?"

"Chichiri...?" She looked up at the smiling monk sitting on a rock fishing, and couldn't help but smile back. Thinking it looked peaceful, she walked up and sat down next to him. "Yeah, I'm all right," she lied. "I just wanted to get away for a second."

"Everyone needs to do that every now and then no da." He looked back, then was quiet for a moment. "Get away? Get away from what no da?"

"Oh... well, heh..." She turned her gaze towards the pond. "Nothing."

The monk looked over at her for a second. She felt his gaze and looked back, blushing a bit as she found him staring intently at her. "Is something bothering you, Dee-chan?"

"Well... I don't know if I should talk about it."

"If that's the way you feel no da." Chichiri shrugged and turned his attention back to fishing.

"Hotohori asked me to marry him!" she blurted out.

"DAA?" He fell in the water.

"Chichiri!" She held out a hand as the monk swam up. He looked at it for a moment, and Dee swore she saw him frown for a second. Then he accepted the help and climbed up.

"You could have warned me that you were going to say something like that no da!"

Dee shrugged, rubbing the back of her head. "You _did_ practically beat it out of me, y'know."

Chichiri gave her a questioning look. He spotted his fishing rod floating, and reached down to pull it up.

My best friend glanced at the monk in the moonlight, noticing something very, very unusual and most definitely not natural. "Um...Chichiri..." Dee pointed at his head, finger shaking slightly. "You... your face..."

"Oh, that..." He laughed a little. "TA-DA!" He pulled off his... face?

"WHA!" This time Dee fell in the water. "What the hell?"

"I have spares no da." Dee raised an eyebrow, then began picking at the top right corner of her head. Chichiri waved his arms wildly. "_You_ don't have spares no da! This isn't my real face, it's just a mask!"

"A mask?" He nodded, and she leaned in, smiling. "Oh... cool! How does a mask move with your face like that?"

"It's not a regular mask no da. Did you forget I'm a sorcerer?"

"Do all sorcerers have masks?"

"No… no da," he answered briefly and somewhat quietly, the "no da" sounding like an afterthought. There was a moment of silence. "Anyway, what did you tell Hotohori?"

"Oh... that..." Dee was forced back to reality. She noticed that when she was with Chichiri, she never felt tense or confused - it was as if seeing his smile made her forget all of her worries. "I sorta... ran away."

"It's not good to run away from problems no da."

"_You_ just said everybody needed to get away!" she argued. Leave it to Dee to rationalize everything.

"I didn't mean at times like this, when you have things to settle no da." Chichiri fell into silence. He was smart enough to know that she needed somebody to listen more than preach.

"I guess so, but..." Dee sighed a little. "He asked me a long time ago, and I told him I would think about it. I still can't seem to come to an answer."

"Oh, so that's what you guys were discussing that one night no da."

"YOU WERE LISTENING?"

"Ah! Not for very long no da!" A chibi Chichiri waved his arms, almost dropping his fishing pole. He turned back to normal, and his voice deepened. "Do you love him no da?"

"ZEN RUN TO HEEM!" she shouted out of nowhere, quoting one of her favorite _South__ Park_ bits.

DEE! I'M TRYING TO BE SERIOUS FOR HALF A SECOND!

"Oh... right... my bad..." She cleared her throat. "I know he would treat me well, but that's not love, is it? Besides, there are so many people I'd miss back home, including Haley-chan. Not to mention movies, the internet, CDs and hair dryers. Could I really leave all of that?" She sat there, staring and thinking for a moment. "Plus, I think I love you Chichiri... _GAAAAASP_!" She gasped loudly and clapped her hand over her mouth.

Chichiri's head whipped around and his eyebrows shot into his hairline. "What did you say no da?"

"Oh... I said, um... I think elephant juice tastes dandy."

"Elephant juice... no da?"

"It's a drink in my world, and oh-so-tasty." Dee was very thankful that Chichiri was from a different world at that moment. She decided to change the subject again. "Maybe I just don't want to tell him 'no' because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Then I think, 'What if he was in my world? Would I feel differently then?' Ow... brain overloading again." Dee drew her knees to her chest, resting her head on them. She felt an arm around her shoulder and looked up.

"You're a nice girl, but love will always cause some pain no da. It's not your fault that you don't feel the same. Always remember that no da." Dee wished he wouldn't have taken his arm off her shoulder, but was intrigued to find him reaching for his mask and pulling it off.

"Chichiri...?"

His voice deepened. "This scar is proof of that no da." Dee looked at him for a moment, and then reached out. "Dee-chan..." He leaned back, but stopped as she put her hand on his face and touched his scar with her thumb. His single eye widened in surprise. For a moment, they both just sat there, with Dee's hand on his scarred face.

"I'm sorry!" Dee pulled her hand back and held it with her other hand, looking away. "I'm not sure why I did that. It's just... I..."

"It's okay no da." After slipping on his mask, he held out his hand and let it hover above her shoulder, wondering what to say. He sighed and grabbed his fishing pole instead, continuing to fish.

Dee looked back at him, glad to see he didn't seem to be as shocked as she was. Little did she know about the questions racing through his mind.

xxx

"HA! MY SISTER!" Colin burst out laughing. "GETTING PROPOSED TO BY AN EMPEROR?"

"Shhh! Don't yell in the library!" The dirty old hobo poked his head into the aisle, then disappeared again.

xxx

"So it's to the country of Genbu first, to find an earring." Snoop Dogu sighed. "An earring. We're supposed to find an earring." He slammed his head against the table again and again. "Why did that guy Miboshi try to attack them in the first place?"

"Maybe he was just crazy like Nakago," reasoned Amiboshi.

"Maybe he was drunk! GAHA!"

I punched the dirty old hobo in the head.

xxx

"Wait a second...a dirty old hobo?" Max scratched his head, looking around in confusion.

xxx

Dee stood in front of Hotohori's room, trying to build up enough courage to talk to him. Finally, she gathered up every ounce of strength she had and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" She reluctantly opened the door. The first thing she saw was Hotohori's concerned face. "Dee..."

"I'm so sorry Hotohori!" she cried. "I shouldn't have run off like that!"

The Emperor walked forward and embraced her in a tight hug. "It was my fault. I've pushed you into all of this so soon! I'm so sorry! Please forgive a pathetic man like me. My advisors have been pushing me for an heir, and I just love you so much."

"Whoa... um... Hotohori..."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He tightened his hold, crying little rivers. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

"I forgive you, I forgive you!" Dee tried to push the sobbing man off of her. He finally let go, and wiped his eyes. Somehow, they weren't red or anything - he looked just like he had washed his face. Damn, I wish I could cry without looking stupid.

"Me too," Dee agreed.

Hotohori looked around. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just responding to the narration."

"Ah... I... see..." He coughed nervously, then smiled nervously. "Do you have an answer for me?"

"Oh, yeah."

"YOU WILL? I'm so happy!" Hotohori once more hugged her tightly.

"Oh... I meant that I have..." The Emperor pulled her back and looked at her intently. "I meant that I have..." Dee shook her head. "I meant that I have an answer, not that I would marry you."

"Oh... and what's the answer?"

"No, I can't."

"Oh... well then... um..." He rubbed the back of his head and looked away. "This is awkward..."

"I'm so sorry Hotohori, you've been so nice to me, but I just don't love you," Dee said, trying to get him to understand it without hurting his feelings. "Besides, I don't think I could leave my world."

"I understand..." He turned around and hung his head sadly, whimpering a little.

"I'm sorry..." Dee said again, feeling really bad.

Hotohori turned around with puppy dog eyes, his quivering eyebrows revealing hope.

"Oh... well maybe I could..." Dee relented, playing with her earlobe. "I mean..." She shook her head hard. "AAAAAAH! NOOOOO! Don't do that puppy-dog eye act on me!"

She turned around and ran out the chamber door.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview…**  
FREAKY CAT THING: Another useless chapter... God, when will this end?  
DEE: _(Drop-kicks him)_ Quiet, you! At least the audience got to meet our crazy brothers, and I got to have an oh-so-cute Chichiri moment! Though, every moment with Chichiri is oh-so-cute...  
HALEY: _(Grumbling)_ I barely had a part in this chapter! And poor Hotohori...  
DEE: What are you complaining about? You're the one writing this thing, aren't you?  
HALEY: Oh... heh, guess so! In that case, I'd better get our groups back together, so I can be with all the sexy guys again!  
FREAKY CAT THING: _{Sigh}_ I quit.  
DEE: Don't touch that dial, you've still gotta hang around for the next riveting chapter, "ARGH MATEY!"


	8. ARGH MATEY!

**Chapter Eight:  
ARGH, MATEY!**

The next morning was a busy one at the Konan Palace. The Priestess and her seishi made the last preparations for the summoning. After countless little traditions and so forth, the time finally came. All of the seishi were positioned around the fire as Dee walked down the aisle... tripped, and fell flat on her face.

"I HATE DRESSES!"

"Are you okay no da?" Chichiri helped her up, eyebrows scrunching together in that oh-so-cute concerned way.

"Heh... thanks." The monk ran back to his position as she made her way down the aisle. She finally reached the fire burning thingee. She sweatdropped. "Nice description Haley-chan."

Dahaha... Sorry, I dunno the word.

"Dee-chan, now concentrate and read the spell no da."

"Right..." The Priestess of Suzaku grimaced, remembering an important little fact. _'Oh geez...I forgot to decide on my three wishes. Crap. Um...' _

"It's too late anyway."

"Huh?" Dee looked up in confusion to see an old lady floating in the fire. She yelped and ran back down the aisle, hiding behind Chichiri.

"Suzaku looks like a monster!" Tamahome screamed as he pointed at the lady.

"Quiet, you!" the old lady snapped.

"AH!" Tamahome ran and hid behind Nuriko.

Chichiri took a step forward, bowing his head slightly. "Taiitsukun! What's going on no da?"

"Chichiri, it's good to see you." She looked over his shoulder at Dee. "Dee-sama, I'm afraid that when you fell you screwed up the entire summoning process."

"Aw, shit!" Dee smacked her hand against her head. "I'm less than a Canadian! Like Haley-chan almost was!" She looked up at Taiitsukun. "Hey, that's it! I have to get the shinzaho like Haley's gonna do!"

"Yes, and I'm afraid you two will be enemies now," said Taiitsukun.

"No, we won't be," Dee assured her. "I'll just ask her to give me the shinzaho when she's done."

"Oh." Taiitsukun sweatdropped. "I guess that could work..."

"Chichiri, come with me! We must speak with Haley!" Dee raised her fist in the air and headed towards the door.

"All right no da." Chichiri turned to follow.

"Wait!" The two stopped at Taiitsukun's voice and looked back. "First, I must give you all gifts just in case the Seiryuu seishi try to attack you."

"Aw, ain't that nice?" Nuriko clapped her hands together and then felt something pull down at her wrists. "Ooh... such pretty bracelets!"

"My tessen..." Genrou's eyes widened and he smiled, revealing his little fangs. "It's a diamond now!"

"A jar with healing powder in it." The floor shook as Mitsukaku spoke, making the jar fall from his hands. "Shit." _RUMBLE_! Another one appeared, and he opened his mouth to thank Taiitsukun, but Genrou covered it up just in time. Mitsukake gave him a thumbs-up and smile.

"My necklace no da! _Arigatou_, Taiitsukun!"

"A scroll?" Chiriko stared at it and frowned a little. "I got ripped off..."

Hotohori looked down to find his sword glowing. "My sword!"

"A... hey... what do I get?" asked Tamahome eagerly.

Taitsukun shook her head, snapping her fingers in front of her face. "That's what you get for messin' with the sista of the universe."

Tamahome pouted and crossed his arms. Nuriko swung her arms around his chest from behind and whispered something in his ear, making him blush.

"O... kay..." Dee sweatdropped. "Anyway, I've got to talk to Haley."

"Wait." Taiitsukun stopped her once again.

Dee looked over her shoulder somewhat impatiently. "What is it now?"

"I have something important to speak to you about." She eyed the seishi. "Alone." They all left, looking a little confused. "Dee-chan, in order to summon Suzaku…" She paused dramatically, then met Dee's eyes across the room. "You must be a virgin."

Dee blinked. "Um, okay."

"So don't even _think _about doin' the nasty."

"I wasn't." Dee turned to the audience and flashed a victory sign. "Abstinence is the way, kids!" She waved at the deity. "See ya, Taiitsukun!"

The seishi greeted Dee when she walked out of the shrine.

Chichiri was furrowing his brows in that oh-so-cute way, hands pressed together in a spell. _'Harii-chan, are you there no da?' _

xxx

"Oh no...I've gone crazy...I'm hearing voices in my head." I rubbed my fingertips on my temples.

_'I'm not a voice in your head! It's Chichiri no da! And Dee-chan wanted to talk to you about something. Where s__hould I put a spell to talk to you no da?'_

_'Chichiri! It's you! I'm in my chamber, so just do it there.'_

_'Okay no da! See ya soon no da!'_ Soon the right wall became a portion of the outside hallway of the Konan palace.

"Dee-chan! You're wearing a dress!" I clapped my hands together and cooed. "HOW CUTE!"

_SLAM!_ "Ow..." Dee rubbed her fist.

"Genrou! Everybody! And a little cute guy! How are ya?"

"Hey Harii-chan!" Genrou grinned, and I smiled back. "Harii, we got a problem and we need yer help."

"What is it?"

Dee rubbed the back of her head. "Well, we kinda screwed up in summoning Suzaku."

"We? It was you!" Nuriko reminded her.

"Don't be so harsh no da!"

Dee sweatdropped. "Anyway, so once you find the shinzaho, do you think you could let us use them?" I face-vaulted. She blinked innocently. "What?"

"What? WHAT? You're the one who killed my last seishi, and now you want me to just hand over the shinzaho!?"

"I'll give you all my CDs when we get home... well, I'll at least let you borrow them," she offered oh-so-sweetly.

I raised my eyebrow, then sighed. "Dee-chan, if you want the shinzaho, you're going to have to help me find them. I know what they are and what country they're in, but as far as the exact place, we have no idea."

"Eh... all right."

I grinned, rubbing my hands together. "Okay, coolies! Actually, this is lucky for me. We were going to leave this morning, but Nakago forgot to get the boat. He picked the wrong time to forget, too, because the fatass Emperor just left for his monthly 24-hour massage."

"24 hours? How come I don't get that?" Hotohori asked from behind Dee. He noticed the stares, and looked up. "Um... right. I can provide a boat."

"Great! I'll gather everyone, and we'll leave right away. See ya later tonight, everybody!"

xxx

"When the hell are they coming home?" Max asked out loud.

Colin leaned against a bookshelf and frowned. "I dunno, but they better hurry up!"

xxx

"I can't believe I actually have to see that jerk again," mumbled Amiboshi, thinking about the fang-toothed Suzaku seishi.

"What did you say?" I asked, eyes narrowed.

"I said I can't believe pie actually have poo that works again."

I cocked my head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "Wha...?"

"I know, isn't it unbelievable?"

I sweatdropped. "Eh..."

"One of you is going to have to ride that extra horse," Nakago said, breaking into our very odd conversation.

"Yeah. Soi, go get on that horse," Tomo practically ordered.

"Why don't you, feather-boy?" she retorted.

"Why don't both of you get on it and leave Nakago to ride by himself?" suggested Snoop Dogu.

"RAH! RAH! RAH!" raaah'd Ashitare from in front of me on the horse.

xxx

"She's riding with a wolfman? I swear, my sister likes animals way too much," said Max.

"Hahahaa! My sister got proposed to by an emperor, and your sister's riding with some wolfman!" Colin burst out laughing. "Your sister is sooooo lucky!" His voice dripped sarcasm.

xxx

As we reached the Konan gate, I saw the bandit leader with his arms crossed, leaning against a pillar. "Genrou!" I waved.

"Harii-chan?" He squinted at the upcoming figures. His eyes widened, then narrowed angrily. "AAAAH!" He ran forward, and before anyone could blink Genrou had his tessen held up to Amiboshi. "Ya turned Harii-chan into a wolf person! Now you'll pay! REKKA—"

"Um... Genrou... I'm behind the wolf-man."

"Wha?" He looked at our horse as I peeked out from behind Ashitare and waved.

Amiboshi looked away and snorted. "Stupid."

He glared at Amiboshi for his comment and sheathed his tessen, still staring at the younger boy. "There's dinner waitin' fer you guys in th' palace."

Genrou walked forward as the rest of us followed on the horses until we got through the gate. Servants came up to take our horses to the stable. Everyone began mounting off...

"Mounting OFF!?" Dee's voice said from nowhere, laughing hysterically. "You can't mount _off_, Haley-chan! Dahahaha!"

QUIET, YOU! I DON'T KNOW HORSES, OKAY?

Right... everyone got off their horses. Genrou walked up to Ashitare and my horse, holding out his arms to help me down. I accepted, putting my hands on his shoulders as I jumped off. I hugged him immediately. It was the first time he had technically hugged me back because he had just helped me off the horse. "Thanks, Genrou."

"Y'know, yer really huggy," he said dryly.

"Heh... gomen..." I let go and looked down, hiding my embarrassed face from the bandit seishi. "It's just, when I knew I was the Priestess of Seiryuu, I thought that I might not see you often, and I'm glad to see you now."

"You're glad to see this ass?" Amiboshi yelled.

"Who're ya callin' an ass?" Genrou demanded.

"You, ASS!"

"Yer face looks like one!" Genrou snapped back.

"YOUR MAMA LOOKS LIKE ONE!"

"AH-HEM!" The two of them looked at me as I stepped between them. "You guys are going to have to try and get along. No more insults, and no more getting whores to chase Amiboshi." Genrou grinned, holding back a chuckle. I continued, "Now let's get going. Everybody else except Ashitare has left us, if you haven't noticed."

xxx

Max smacked his head. "My sister is such an idiot."

xxx

"DEE-CHAN!"

"HALEY-CHAN!" The two of us locked in a hug.

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare stood on his hind legs and hugged the two of us. Dee looked up at him, blinking. Then, she screamed, jumping back a full yard. "WHAT THE POO IS THIS?"

"Don't worry Dee-chan. Remember? This is Ashitare." I patted his head as he sat down.

"Rah!"

"O... kay..."

"Dinner is ready!" A group of servants walked into the dining room carrying dishes full of food.

"YUM!" Dee and I both exclaimed at the same time, grabbing chopsticks and digging in.

"I am Hotohori," introduced the Emperor at the end of the table to his guests, watching as everybody sat down. He pointed to his right as he introduced everybody on that side of the table starting at the end. "…Mitsukake, Tasuki, Chichiri and our Priestess Dee."

"I'm Nakago."

"And I'm his lover Soi!"

"NO! I, Tomo, am his lover!" The two seishi held onto either side of Nakago's arms. Everyone sweatdropped except Soi and Tomo.

"Harii-chan, why don't you introduce the others no da?" Chichiri suggested, breaking the awkward silence.

"All right." I pointed to my left, at the people sitting across from Dee. "This is Amiboshi, his twin brother Snoop Dogu..."

"My real name is—"

I clamped my hands over my ears. "Don't! You'll just confuse me. Moving on, that's Ashitare, and the others you've met." I sweatdropped as the Kutou general was being pulled back and forth like a rag doll between two possessive schoolgirls.

"So where are we exactly goin' tomorrow?" Genrou wanted to know.

"We thought we'd look for the shinzaho in Hokkan, where Genbu rules, first. It's an earring," I answered.

"Where in Hokkan?" asked Tamahome.

"Well... we're not sure..." Amiboshi said.

"Not sure?" exclaimed Nuriko.

"Don't worry, Nuriko. I'm sure we may be able to find some clues if we ask some of the Hokkan tribesmen," suggested Chiriko.

"Good thinking! You may come in handy!" I said. Then I stuffed my mouth full of chicken, just like Dee was doing. "Mmmm...."

xxx

"Haley-chan, have you thought about your wishes at all?" Dee asked once we had reached her chamber.

I stopped, rubbing the back of my head and sweatdropping. "Ooh... no... heh... I should though, shouldn't I? Have you?"

"No... not really. Hmm..." She rubbed her chin. "I wonder if we could ask for more wishes?"

"I don't think you should try. They might get mad at you or something, and it probably isn't a good idea to piss off a beast-god. You'd be in deep shit."

"Good point. Hmm... I know! I'll wish that I receive free Chinese food whenever I ask for it!"

"You only get three wishes, Dee-chan! What about stuff like happiness and health?"

"Oh right... ugh." She put her head in her hands.

"Or what about staying with..." I poked her shoulder. "Hotohori-sama-a-a-a?"

"Oh, that. I told him I wasn't interested in marrying him."

"Oh... you did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh..." I was about to ask why she turned down a charming, rich, sweet hotty hot-pants when...

The dirty old hobo popped up from under the bed. "He was sooo sexy! Why didn't you say yes? I know _I_ would have!"

We both screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY/HER BED?"

"Bye-bye all you clean people!" He disappeared with a nearly-toothless smile and a wave.

All of the seishi ran to our room. Genrou was the first to get there as he slammed open the door. "What's wrong?" He ran to me and grabbed my shoulders.

"You know that dirty old hobo that pops up everywhere? He just popped out from under the bed," I explained, blushing a little at his hold on me.

Genrou peeked under the bed, holding his tessen ready, then stood up. "Are ya sure? I don't see him."

"I don't sense any life force no da."

Dee and I stared at each other. "I swear he was there," I said.

"Me too," agreed Dee.

Hotohori put a hand on each of our foreheads, looking slightly concerned. "Hmm... no fever."

Genrou laughed. "You must jus' be crazy."

"Grrr," Dee and I grrr'd.

"No, they're not crazy," Hotohori said. He paused thoughtfully. "Well, Harii-chan might be a little crazy…"

"Grrr," I grrr'd.

"...In either case, I've seen this hobo around. I'll stay with them to guard them," Hotohori finished.

"Oh, that's okay Hotohori. Ashitare can guard us." I patted his head.

"Why are you patting my head?" asked the Emperor.

I sweatdropped. "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to pat Ashitare's head, but I got mixed up with the use of the pronoun." I patted Ashitare's head.

"All right. Well, good night ladies." Hotohori left, with most of the others following.

"Good night no da! If you're bothered again, let me know no da!"

"I'll stay with you too if you want," offered Amiboshi.

"What?" Genrou laughed, glaring suspiciously at him. "I don't think so!"

"Amiboshi, Genrou, don't worry about it. Ashitare will stay, and if we need your help, we'll tell you." The two glared at each other, walking off while still facing one another the entire way.

"Oh, oh, oh... two sexy guys wanna protect you!" Dee elbowed me.

I sighed. "Dee-chan, you know I could tease you a lot more."

"Yeah, but you don't tease and I do!" She deepened her voice. "I'm Amiboshi. Don't touch my priestess!" Then she added a kansai accent. "Most of these people call me Tasuki, but Harii-chan calls me Genrou 'cause she met me first and wants my sexy, sexy body."

"SLAM!" I hit her.

"I think Hotohori's rubbing off on you. Why'd you say smack?" She asked, rubbing her head as if thinking it would make her feel better.

"I didn't, I said 'SLAM'! And I do not want his sexy, sexy body!"

"Oh, come on! It's obvious you've got a little crush on him. I don't blame you. He is one fine mamma jamma."

"Eh..." I blushed crimson. "DAMN MY LIGHT COMPLEXION! AAAAAAAH!"

Dee started laughing. "You could be a lighthouse when you blush!"

"Grr... let's go to bed." I jumped on the bed.

"Hey... that's mine..." she said unhappily.

I rolled over and put the pillow over my head. "Good night!"

xxx

"I'm not sure if I wanna read this. Hearing about my sister liking guys makes me want to puke," said Max.

"Yeah, me too."

"But the library is closed and you're locked in all alone! You have nothing better to do!" The dirty old hobo thought for a moment. "Unless you wanna..." He rubbed a hand down his chest, then ran off laughing.

"Was that the dirty old hobo?" asked Colin. Max nodded with wide chibi... well would-be chibi eyes.

xxx

"You know, I don't think I've seen Genrou around," I said as we stood in front of the boat.

"You would notice," whispered Dee. I sweatdropped.

"He can't protect you Harii." Amiboshi swung his arm around me. "Don't worry, though. _I_ will."

"HEY!" Genrou ran out from behind a tree, then stopped, and ran back.

"Huh?" I lifted Amiboshi's arm off my shoulder and walked to the tree, peering behind it. Genrou was holding onto the tree, looking at me.

"Heh..." He grinned innocently. "How goes it?"

"Genrou, what are you doing?" I walked around the tree to get a good look at him, clinging to the wood for all he was worth.

"Um, well..."

"Were you spying or something?"

"Spying? I coulda been up there right next to ya this whole time! Why would I spy?"

I shrugged. "Good point, but then what were you doing?"

"Ooooh... someone's afraid of wa-a-a-a-ater!" Amiboshi taunted.

Genrou sweatdropped. "Well, I am a mountain critter after all."

"Mountain critter?" Dee cried from atop the boat. "Haley-chan, I swear if you have him say that again you are out of my will!" She stuck a finger down her throat and making gagging noises. "And you teased the dubbers when they had him say 'tarnation'?"

"IS THIS YOUR STORY OR MINE?" I shouted back, making a flowerpot fly through the air and whack her over the head, sending her straight into the water. I turned back to Genrou. "You shouldn't be afraid! We're gonna be in a huge boat. What are the chances of you falling in?"

He glared at Amiboshi. "I don't like my enemy knowin' my weakness."

"Don't think of him as your enemy. Think of him as a colleague!" I grabbed both of their hands and forced them together in a handshake. The two grimaced. "Good, now let's go." Amiboshi and I started walking, but I could feel that Genrou wasn't following. "You're gonna have to get on sooner or later!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him along.

"AAAAAAAH! THERE'S WATER BENEATH ME!" he screamed as we were halfway across the platform. He immediately grabbed me around the waist.

Being the closest thing to a hug he'd ever given me, I blushed a deep crimson. "Genrou! Calm down! I'm not gonna be able to breathe! Just hold my hand, I promise I won't let you fall." I felt his grip tighten more as he grabbed my right hand, following. I heard him take a deep breath as we walked up the platform.

xxx

"Dee, take this with you." The Priestess of Suzaku crawled out of the water my flower pot had unceremoniously dumped her in and onto the platform by the Emperor.

She turned around as he handed her his sword. "I won't be able to go with and protect you, but this may come in handy. My heart will be with it."

"Thank you, Hotohori." She took the sword, staring at it. A gust of wind blew from nowhere and took her hair out of its Jayhawk ponytail-holder, blowing it in the breeze in a non-messy way. "Thank you for... AH MY JAYHAWK HAIRTIE! NOOOO!" She ran across the deck, grabbed the beloved scrunchie and breathed a sigh of relief. Hotohori sweatdropped. "Uh, anyway... thanks for everything!" Dee waved and walked on.

xxx

"Maybe I could wish for them to catch Osama bin Laden!" exclaimed Dee.

"That'd be smart. Hmm... what if I wished for when my dogs poop, it automatically decays into the ground?" I suggested. "That way I wouldn't have to pick it up."

"That's pretty creative."

"Thank you," I thanked.

"Excuse me... Priestess."

I looked up at my makeup-wearing seishi. "Hey Tomo, what is it?"

He stubbed his foot into the ground. "Well, I was just wondering if you could tell me something about that dashing young man over there." He pointed to the redhead lying in the middle of the deck.

I blinked.

So did Dee.

Finally... "You mean Genrou?" I exclaimed.

Dee laughed. "Tasuki is a lot of things, but dashing is most definitely not one of them."

"Yes, Genrou is what _you_ call him, although the others call him Tasuki." Tomo watched me out of the corner of his eye. "Well, I was just wondering... are you and he, well... is he your boyfriend, so to speak?"

"He sure is! You better back off of her man!" warned Dee, pointing angrily at Tomo.

"Dee-chan! He's not my boyfriend!"

"Ooooh!" Tomo's gold eyes lit up happily. "He's no-o-o-o-ot!" He skipped off, humming "You Sexy Thing."

"That can't be good," I said with a sweatdrop.

"There's a storm coming!" Snoop Dogu yelled suddenly.

"A storm?" Dee asked aloud as we glanced at each other. Everyone on deck ran to where Snoop Dogu was pointing. A few moments later, a messy-haired Nuriko and a Tamahome pulling on his shirt ran up to deck. I glanced at them curiously, but didn't say anything.

"What'd ya say?" Genrou shouted from the middle of the deck. He must have been sleeping while he was lying there, for he was rubbing his eyes.

"I said there's a storm, and it's right there!" Snoop Dogu pointed again.

"It looks like it's coming fast," Chiriko commented. "All hands on deck! Batten down the hatches, and... The author ran out of nautical terms!"

"Aaaaaah!" Genrou ran into the cabins. Everyone else contributed to getting ready for the storm. Soon, Genrou ran up to the deck. "Has it come? Has it come?"

"Not yet, but it will soon no da."

"AAH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Genrou ran around the deck in circles.

"Genrou! Stop that!" I yelled.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA..."

_SPLASH_!

"Genrou!" I ran towards the side of the boat where the dirty old hobo was standing.

"Heh... oops..." He smiled sheepishly. "I really didn't mean to trip him like that." He ran off cackling.

"HELP!" I looked down and saw Genrou splashing around.

"Genrou!" I instinctively jumped in the water.

"SEXY MAN!" Tomo jumped in.

"Haley! You idiot! I can swim better than you!" Dee jumped in after me.

"Dee-chan! Harii's not gonna be the only one hurt no da!" Chichiri jumped in after her.

"What? Harii jumped in! I must go after her!" Amiboshi jumped in.

"Brother!" Snoop Dogu threw off his backwards hat and jumped in.

"Chichiri, wait! You forgot your staff!" Nuriko jumped in.

"Nuriko!" Tamahome jumped in.

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare jumped in.

"Look Nakago, now we've gotten rid of Tomo! I can finally have you a-a-a-all to myself!" Soi cuddled up next to Nakago.

Nakago jumped in.

"Nakago!" Soi jumped in.

Mitsukake shrugged. "Somebody's gonna need a doctor." Mitsukake jumped in.

"Dumbasses," said Chiriko.

xxx

"I agree," agreed Colin.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview…**  
FREAKY CAT THING: The Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi - except the smart one - and their Priestesses have abandoned ship! They soon find themselves on an island without food, shelter, and half their members missing! What will they do to survive?  
DEE: Maybe we can construct a "Help" sign out of discarded toenail clippings!  
HALEY: Or light a signal flare with Genrou's fire and Ashitare's shaved fur!  
FREAKY CAT THING: Ugh... I'm voting both of you off the island...  
HALEY: Heh... well, you better hang around here for the next riveting chapter, "Outwit, Outplay, Outsex: Seishi Island!"


	9. Outwit, Outplay, Outsex: Seishi Island!

**Chapter Nine:  
Outwit, Outplay, Outsex: Seishi Island!**

I blinked my eyes a few times and adjusted to the light. I felt sand in my bum. "How'd I get on this beach?" I looked around and found Nakago, Chichiri, Mitsukake and Soi lying around the area. I ran to the closest one. "Chichiri…Chichiri!" I shook him gently, glad to see that he was still breathing.

"Save Dee-chan no da…" He murmured. The monk open his eyes and, seeing me, sat up and shook his head. "How'd we end up here no da?"

"I don't know, and Genrou isn't here!"

Chichiri looked around. "It seems like more people than I thought jumped in no da."

"What? You mean… ugh, my head hurts. I only remember going after Genrou, and I had his hand for a while... But then…Chichiri, what if he drowned?" I shook his shoulders and my voice dripped with worry.

"Calm down no da. I can sense three other life forces no da."

I sweatdropped. "Those are Mitsukake's, Soi's and Nakago's."

"Oh… right…" he blushed and rubbed the back of his head. "Daa… I'm still half-asleep no da..."

I ran to shake awake (teehee…that sounds funny) Soi, Nakago and Mitsukake. "Let's go! Come on! Up and at 'm! We gotta find the others!"

Soi hugged Nakago. "Oh, Nakago… we've ended up together. I think this means something!"

The general sighed. "Why me?"

"Nearly everybody jumped in, we should find them right away." Mitsukake's booming voice caused the ground to shake and I fell over. "Oh, sorry…" It shook again. Mitsukake clapped a hand over his mouth.

"You're right." I slapped my hands to my thighs and stood. "Nakago, Chichiri, can you sense any other life forces?"

"My powers are waking up with me no da! I just sensed two over by those bushes no da!" All of us followed him as he walked up to some bushes, and pulled them apart. Chichiri's eyes widened... er... you know what I mean. "NURIKO! TAMAHOME! What are you doing no da?"

"Eh…" They stopped in mid-kiss and looked over. Nuriko grinned. "Heh, well…I thought I loved Hotohori, but when I tried to get him jealous, I ended up falling in love with Tamahome."

Tamahome held Nuriko close to him. "Have a problem with it?"

"No, not at all no da… just surprising no da…"

"Ashitare is coming." Just like Nakago said, the furry seishi ran up and jumped on me.

"Ashitare! You jumped in after me!" I patted his head. " Thank you!" I stood up, and looked at Nakago while I rubbed Ashitare's head. "Sensing any more?"

"No. We must be out of range."

"If we walk around some more we could find them no da."

"I know an easier way…" Soi stroked Nakago's chest with her index finger, growling slightly. "Nakago can borrow some of my life force."

"Good idea no da! And I can borrow some of Harii-chan's no da. I know you're worried about Tasuki, so that'll help strengthen it no da."

"Borrow my life force? How do you do that?" I asked.

Soi raised her lips closer to the sweatdropping general's face. "Loooooove-makin'."

"WHAT? That is just too kinky! And…" I looked at the open-mouthed monk, then gasped. "CHICHIRI! NOT OKAY!"

"Harii-chan! That's not how I was gonna do it no da! All I need to do is hold your hand!" I continued to glare at him. "I'm telling you the truth no da." He waved his chibi arms and legs wildly.

Nakago glared at Soi. "That was a cheap trick." She shrugged.

I held out my hand, and Chichiri took it in his two hands. "Think about Tasuki no da."

xxx

"Dee! Dee! Wake up!" Dee felt somebody shake her. She jumped up, surprised.

"Amiboshi?"

"No, I'm Suboshi."

"Su… boshi? You mean Snoop Dogu?"

He sweatdropped. "Whatever's easiest for you."

Someone to her left shouted. "Come on! We have to find Harii!" Dee looked up at the posed… Suboshi?

"DOUBLE!" Dee stood up and pointed frantically between the two, eyes wide.

"Geez… is it really that much easier when I have the hat on? Uh… how about this?" The hatless Snoop Dogu grabbed a leaf from tree and tied it to the side of his headband.

Dee breathed a sigh of relief. "Ah… better…"

"Come on, we need to find the others that jumped in." Dee followed the two twins, swearing that she remembered hearing a familiar oh-so-cute voice after she had dived into the water.

xxx

"I'm not getting anymore life forces no da." I opened my eyes and saw Chichiri furrowing his brows in that oh-so-cute way. I couldn't be happy by that though, for this was not an oh-so-cute situation.

"Well, let's walk to a different area and then try it again," I suggested.

"All right no da." Our group walked on.

xxx

"HARII! HARII!" Amiboshi yelled out from a high rock.

"Let's keep searching," Dee suggested, following Snoop Dogu.

xxx

"We should rest no da."

"Rest?" I cried. "We can't rest! The others could be in danger!"

"We can do a more thorough search in the morning," said Nuriko.

"Don't worry. The others are pretty tuff-"

"AAAAAAAH!" Chief Editer Dee screamed from where she stood on the island, falling into the sand. "Don't tell me you don't know how to spell T-O-U-G-H, Haley-chan!"

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" I yelled back. "Geez, it's not like you don't make little mistakes either!" I stuck my chibi tongue out of my chibi face.

"...I'm sure they can hold their own," Tamahome finished, by now quite used to these interruptions. "Some of them have probably found each other, too."

"I guess…" I lay down on a patch of grass and forced myself to sleep, still thinking about the fang-toothed man.

xxx

"I hope nobody's out there all alone," Dee remarked as the three of them lay down to sleep.

"I just hope Harii isn't with that Genrou." She could practically hear Amiboshi's teeth grinding together.

"How could you say that? She'll most likely be safe if she's with him," Dee reminded him.

His eyes narrowed. "Would she? _Would she_?"

"Um... Yeah."

Amiboshi sighed. "Good night."

"Good night."

"Good night."

Dee cocked an eyebrow and stared at the fourth wall. "What, Haley? Which one of us said good night first?"

"Shut up and sleep!" Amiboshi yelled.

xxx

"Rise and shine!" I shook the group awake. "We have a search to do!"

"A life force no da!"

"What?" I looked back at Chichiri.

"It's close no da."

"I sense it too, and there's two more."

"It's Dee-chan no da!" Chichiri ran off as the rest of us followed him.

xxx

"Dee-chan!"

"Wake up no da!"

Dee opened her eyes slowly, then realized who we were. "Haley? Chichiri?" Dee hugged the two of us at the same time. "You're okay!"

"I'm glad to see you're safe no da," the monk said, smiling oh-so-cutely.

Dee pulled back and looked at me. "Do you know you scared the hell out of me when you jumped in after Genrou like that? Geez!"

I smiled. "Gomen Dee-chan."

"Harii!" Amiboshi immediately embraced me. "I'm so glad you're safe!"

I hugged him back awkwardly, wondering what to say, when...

"This is all very touching, but we need to find Tomo and Genrou soon." I was glad Snoop Dogu pulled me out of that one. So, the group trudged on, searching for life forces…or at least bodies.

xxx

"Wha… what happened?" Genrou sat up, rubbing his head. Visions flashed through his mind. There was a storm, that dirty old hobo tripping him, and he remembered someone calling his name, then a hand… "Harii-chan! She came after me!" He stood up, then gasped. He was standing in a huge flowery field with mountains taking up most of the background. "Didn't I just fall in an ocean?"

"You're finally awake."

Genrou whirled on his heel, pulled out his tessen, and saw a gorgeous woman. She was just a tad shorter than him. She had light blue wavy hair that reached past her waist, and was wearing a sheer white dress. Behind her was a small house. "Who th' hell're you?"

"Aifukuyu Rongutaimu."

"WHA?" His eyes bugged out. "I don't care _what _you'll do ta me fer a 'rong' time, got it? I don't even like girls! And besides, I need t'find someone. Have you seen a short blonde girl wearin' weird clothes?"

The girl laughed. "Aifukuyu is my name, and yes, I have seen her."

"Where is she? You better not've done anythin' t'her!"

"Follow me." Genrou didn't exactly trust the MY... STER... I... OUS woman, but still followed her as she walked into the cabin. He gasped at what he found inside.

"HARII-CHAN!" He ran to the body on the table, lay the tessen next to it, and shook its shoulders. "Harii-chan, wake up! Hey, hey, c'mon... WAKE UP!"

"I'm sorry, but she won't wake up."

"What?" Genrou glared at Aifukuyu. "What the hell have you done?" He lay the limp frame down, picked up his tessen and held his hands tightly, ready to fight if need be.

"I haven't done anything," she explained, holding up her hands in defense. "I found this girl in the river, like I did you. Only, you were alive and breathing. She wasn't."

"What? It can't be!" He threw his tessen on the floor, and picked the body up in his arms. "Harii-chan, you have to wake up!" He stared at her face, waiting for some sort of reaction. "Damn it Harii! Wake up!" The bandit felt something sting at his eyes. "What the hell are you doing? This is a stupid joke, Harii-chan!" There was no response. He put his two fingers on her neck, and held them there for a moment, feeling nothing. His eyes widened. "No…" He pulled her against his chest, cradling her in his arms with his head against hers. "Harii-chan… why? Why couldn't I protect you?" A single tear ran from his left cheek onto her right cheek, and his right forearm began to glow.

The girl noticed his mark. "Hmm... you are a shichi seishi. Well then, you still may be able to help her."

Genrou looked up, still holding her head against his chest. "How?"

"I'm a magical being of sorts, and I can bring her back to life if you do one simple task."

"Whatever it is, I'll do it," he said immediately.

"You must have sex with me."  
Genrou's eyes bugged out again. "WHAT? What the hell are you talking about?"

"We both have very strong life forces, and we can combine them if we do the nasty."

"You can't be serious."

"Do you want to save her or not?" Aifukuyu asked bluntly.

Genrou looked back at the lifeless face, and then back at the woman. "...Fine, but you better make it fast." He wiped his eyes with his left hand, hoping she hadn't seen the tears.

Aifukuyu shook her head. "No, no, no. You can't rush this. It must be done properly, or it won't work."

"What the hell is the proper way?"

"I mean, you have to follow these rules." She pulled out a huge scroll and cleared her throat. "Number One: You must call me the love goddess. Number Two: You must wear makeup of my choosing. Number Three: You must smack my ass at least five times throughout the love-making process. Number Four: You must smack me with this whip after you tie me to the bed." She threw him a whip and rope that seemed to appear out of thin air, and he caught them with wide-eyes. "Number Five…"

"Uh... How many of these are there?" he interrupted.

"Fifty."

The bandit sweatdropped. "Eh..." he shook his head. "Let's just get this over with!"

He let go of Haley, threw himself on Aifukuyu, and began kissing her.

"Ooh… I like fast men…"

"Shut up. I'm only doing this to get Harii-chan back."

"Remember though, you have to pretend to be into it, or it won't work."

"Right, right, whatever."

He began kissing her top lip as he rubbed his hands along her back. She pulled off his coat as they kissed, and then pulled off his shirt in between kisses. He made his way down her bottom lip, then chin. She layed her hands over his shoulders, stroking his back as he began kissing her neck. She moaned until…

"AAAAAAAAAH!" She pushed him back and held her neck as it gushed blood. "MY NECK! YOU BIT MY JUGULAR VEIN!"

"I what?"

"Those damn fangs or yours! AAAAAAH!" The lady fell on the floor twitching wildly, and everything began changing form.

"What's going on?" His eyes widened. "Harii-chan!" He looked back expecting to see the girl, but instead found a dead monkey on a large rock. "What the hell?" He was no longer in a cabin either. He was on a beach. He looked back at Aifukuyu and saw… "TOMO? That sick freak! He must have used an illusion spell! Geez…" Tasuki wiped his mouth. "AGH! I KISSED THAT MAKE-UP WEARING LUNATIC!" He spit several times, then wiped his mouth again. "He sure is kinky. But Harii-chan, where could she be?" He threw on his shirt and coat as he walked on.

xxx

"This is kind of weird," said Colin.

"No kidding. I can't believe that guy went crazy over _my sister _of all people!"

Colin raised an eyebrow. "I... wasn't really talking about that."

"Oh yeah," Max said hurriedly. "That sex stuff was crazy too."

xxx

We had been scanning the island for hours, but no one had seen or felt anything. "You guys, I'm starting to get really worried."

"You have to be patient no da. It hasn't been too long no da."

Dee put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure we'll find him."

I dropped my head, my hair covering my eyes. "It's not just _finding _him that I'm worried about."

"I personally don't care if we find Tomo," Soi said in a deadpan.

"Soi, that's terrible to say! He's a fellow seishi!" exclaimed Amiboshi.

"Hey… does anyone know if Chiriko jumped off?" asked Nuriko. Everyone stopped walking and looked back at her.

"I forgot about the little guy no da!"

"Yeah, we only just met him," said Tamahome.

"He must have stayed. He was the smart one after all," Snoop Dogu said. Everyone silently agreed and walked on.

xxx

Genrou found himself getting tired and decided to rest for the night. He lay his back against a tree, and dozed off quickly.

xxx

Tomo lay dead.

xxx

The rest of us decided to stop and rest for the next heavy day of traveling.

xxx

Colin fell asleep in the library.

"Fine… but you're reading this when you wake up, and _I'm_ sleeping," Max snapped at the snoring figure.

xxx

The next morning, we woke bright and early to search for Tomo and Genrou.

"I feel a life force!" Nakago shouted suddenly. "It's coming from behind that rock."

I immediately ran to where he was pointing. "GENROU!" I jumped around the boulder, arms open for a glomp, but something furry latched onto my face instead. "AAAGH!"

"CHCHCHCH!"

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare led the group as they ran toward me. The monkey let go of my head and ran off just as Chichiri's staff smacked me in the face.

"Urgh…"

Chichiri winced. "Sorry Harii-chan no da! I tried to hit the monkey no da!"

"It's okay… ouchies…" I fell over.

Nakago sweatdropped. "Heh…I guess that wasn't quite the life force we were looking for." The general sweat-dropped.

xxx

Tomo lay dead.

xxx

"HARII-CHAN!" The bandit yelled as he trudged along. "That crazy girl better be around here somewhere." He frowned. "Why did I act like that when I thought she was dead?" He shook his head. "She's jus' some girl, that's all, but it hurt so damn much… Ah! What th' hell'm I saying? HARII-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU?"

xxx

Dee collapsed.

"Dee-chan! Are you okay?" I knelt next to her.

"I'm just so hungry," she groaned, holding her stomach.

"So am I no da. I'm sure we all are. Maybe we should look for some food while we're looking for Tasuki."

"It's been too long!" Snoop Dogu moaned.

"There hasn't been another life force since that monkey," Nakago remarked.

Tamahome's shoulders drooped. "No wild fruit either..."

"I don't think we'll be able to go on much longer like this," Nuriko said. "We have to eat something..."

As if a single idea had popped into all of our heads at once, we glared at each other in turn. Finally, all of us looked at Mitsukake.

He blinked. "What are you looking at me for?" A nearby tree fell over the opposite way.

"You're the biggest!" Dee cried.

"And it's not like we'll need all of the seishi to summon Suzaku no da."

Mitsukake's eyes widened as he at last understood. He backed away slowly, hands held up as if to defend himself. "The hunger has gotten to your heads! Just suck it up, we'll be able to find it soon! Besides, you may need a doctor!" Three trees behind him fell over, punctuating each of his sentences.

I noticed a feather sticking out near one of the trees and ran to it. "Guys! It's Tomo!" I lifted his wrist, checking for a pulse, as the others gathered around. A moment later I grinned. "And I think our problem is solved."

Soi attacked Nakago in another come-from-behind hug. "No kidding!"

"That's not what she means!" Nakago snapped.

xxx

Max threw the book across the room. "SICK! Are they going to do what I think they are?"

"Our sisters are cannibals!" Colin shouted.

"You gotta do what you gotta do!" The dirty hobo chuckled and ran off.

xxx

Genrou pulled a banana off a tree and chomped on it as he walked.

xxx

"Why couldn't the rest of them have just waited to find some fruit?" asked Colin, shaking his head.

xxx

"I can't believe he tasted so good," said Amiboshi.

"Now that that's over with, let's continue!" I jumped up and pointed to the air. Everyone sighed, following.

"What could have killed Tomo no da?"

"Well, obviously, something tore open his throat pretty viciously," Tamahome said.

"Yeah, but wouldn't whatever had done that have eaten him as well?" Nuriko asked aloud.

"Maybe he got it cut some how," suggested Dee.

"No, something obviously tore at it," said Snoop Dogu.

I stopped in my steps. "Maybe… maybe that's why you haven't sensed Genrou's life force."

"I'm sure Genrou could handle something like that no da."

"I hope you're right."

xxx

About ten minutes later, Chichiri gasped. "I sense something no da! It's coming from that way!" We followed Chichiri, running, to the south.

xxx

"HARII-CHAN! Oh geez…" Genrou rubbed his throat. "My voice is beginning to hurt."

"GENROU! ARE YOU THERE?"

Genrou looked around frantically. "Is that… HARII-CHAN!"

"GENROU!" I ran through a small forest of palm trees toward where Chichiri had pointed. Finally, through the trees, I saw a tall form in a long coat. "Genrou!"

I dodged through the trees as we ran to each other in slow motion with saxophones playing in the background. I threw my arms around him. I felt him slip his arms around my waist as he hugged me back for the first time.

"Harii-chan! You're alive..."

"So are you." I didn't want to let go of the hold, partly because I had felt a few tears slide down my cheeks and didn't want him to see. He pushed me back though, and I could see the surprise in his eyes because of my tears.

"Harii-chan?" I quickly wiped my eyes.

"HOW CUTE NO DA!" A chibi Chichiri gushed.

"CHICHIRI?" Genrou immediately let go of me, looking around at everyone. "What are all of you guys doing here?"

"We all jumped in the water after each other," explained Tamahome.

"Oh… SHIT! Does that mean we're stranded here?"

"No, luckily Chiriko stayed in the boat," said Nuriko.

"Luckily indeed," a new voice remarked. Everyone whirled to see...

"Chiriko!" Dee cried, pointing wildly at him. "But you - you - you're supposed to be in the boat!"

"Don't worry, the boat is just a little south of here. I had done some formulas to find where you all would land, and then I used my knowledge of your individuality personalities to decide where you might go to look for each other. It was all a simple matter of logic."

"That is one smart little guy…" stated Snoop Dogu.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: Do I even want to re-cap that chapter?  
HALEY: No. I don't think anyone does.  
DEE: Shall we just move quietly away from cannibalism and weird illusion sex scenes?  
HALEY: Yes. I think we shall.  
FREAKY CAT THING: Well, maybe we can get back to the storyline in this next chapter, as the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi finally reach the land of Hokkan and the Priestesses are faced with a difficult test to prove their worth!  
HALEY: I hope it isn't kinky... I don't know how much more of this kinky book I can take...  
DEE: No kidding. Stick around for the next oh-so-creatively-named chapter, "Insert Title Here"!


	10. Insert Title Here

**Chapter Ten:  
****(Insert Title Here)**

"Genbu isn't far from here, we should be there by tomorrow afternoon," Chiriko told us as we got on the boat. He looked around at our group, then frowned thoughtfully. "Wait… one of us is missing."

"Heh…" I looked over at Genrou and saw him sweatdrop and scratch the back of his head.

My eyes widened. "SO YOU…!"

He clapped a hand over my mouth before I could finish. "Shhh..." he whispered, then let go.

"We found him dead," Amiboshi explained. Genrou looked at him wide-eyed. "Something tore out his jugular vein. We're guessing it was some kind of animal." The sweatdrop on Genrou's forehead grew, and fell off splashing onto the deck.

"Too bad…" Chiriko hung his head, then held it up again. "Oh well! Shall we set sail?"

xxx

"His death didn't phase them much," noticed Max.

"Nope."

"Hey, wait a second! I deserve a sleeping break now!" My brother shoved the book in Colin's hands and lay down.

xxx

As soon as we were back on the open sea, I immediately tracked Genrou down. I found him in one of the cabins below deck. I knocked once, then entered and closed the door quietly behind me. "Genrou! Did you do that to Tomo?"

He jumped, turning chibi and holding up his hands in self-defense. "Yeah… but I can explain!" I raised an eyebrow. Genrou rubbed the back of his head and blushed a little. "I don't really want to, though…"

The memory of Tomo pointing to Genrou on the deck flashed in my mind. "OH MY GOSH!" I put my hand over my mouth. "You were…" I grimaced, "sexin' him up."

"SHADDUP! And I swear I didn't know it was Tomo at the time!"

"Genrou…" My heart began to ache.

"What's wrong?" He cocked his head, confused. I walked towards the door. Faster than I could follow, he grabbed my arm, pulled me back into the room and held me against the wall. "What's with you?"

"You're different than I thought you were! You really are just an immoral bandit bastard!"

"Don't call the bandits of Mount Reikaku immoral! We're not normal bandits! Our policy is to help the weak and fight the strong. Not to rape girls and steal from helpless people!"

"I didn't call the rest of the bandits immoral, just you!" I reminded him.

Genrou sighed. "I swear, you girls are crazy. Can't ya just say what yer talkin' about? You always hint at it! Just tell me what ya mean!"

"You banged Tomo and you barely knew him."

Genrou smacked his head with his free hand. "I didn't bang him!"

"Then what happened?" I demanded fiercely.

"I dunno if I can tell ya."

"Then how can I trust you if you won't tell me?"

"Okay, okay… Damn pushy girls. I woke up in an illusion. I wasn't on a beach, I was in a field. And Tomo wasn't Tomo. He was a girl named…" Genrou remembered the way-too-kinky name. "He was a girl."

"That doesn't make it right just because you thought he was a girl! He - she - it could've been crawling with chlamydia for all you knew!"

"Wouldja let me finish?" His angry voice and tightened grip on my forearm actually scared me a bit. He sighed, fighting for his thin patience, and loosened his hold again. "Anyway, I remembered yer voice after I fell in, and yer hand, so I knew ya had t'be around. I described you t'the girl… or Tomo… or whatever you wanna call it…"

"I get the idea, go on."

"Right. So she said she'd seen ya, and she led me to her cottage. You were lyin' on a table…" I saw him swallow. "Dead. She saw my symbol, and said we could save ya if we combined life forces. She said the only way to do that was t'have sex. I was a bit skeptical a-course but thought I may as well try - what's the worst that could happen, right? You were already dead after all. She also said I had to pretend t'be into it, so I kissed her neck. Then, I tried to give her the love suck. I never knew these fangs-a mine could actually do any damage. When Tomo died, everythin' changed back t'normal." I blinked as his small orange eyes pierced into mine. "Now you know." He let go of my hand and stepped back.

"Genrou, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to go crazy. I just thought… I didn't know. I shouldn't have called you immoral. I just… I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He shrugged. "Girls're always jumpin' ta conclusions. That's why they cause so much trouble."

My lower lip quivered. "You were going to do that for me…"

He looked at me, a bit dazed. "Yeah, I guess. So?"

"AWWW...!" I walked toward him with my arms out.

"Don't start that again!"  
I immediately hugged him around his waist and set my head on his chest. "You would really do that for me?"

"It's not like I knew it was Tomo." He didn't hug back, but kept his hands up as if he had a gun pointed at him.

"But still, she might have tried to kill you or something, and you didn't even know if you could trust her. And you still did that for me!"

"I couldn't leave you dead, could I?" I pulled back just enough to look up at him. He scowled. "What now?"

"I've hugged you a few times-"

"That's an understatement, you horny bugger," Dee snorted from nowhere.

"WOULD YOU STOP INTERRUPTING MY SERIOUS SCENES?" I screamed, conveniently causing a flowerpot to hit her over the head. I turned back to a confused Genrou and went on as if nothing had happened. "...And you've never hugged me back... _Except_ for when we saw each other back there in the woods. It's because you were glad to see that I wasn't really dead, wasn't it?"

He sweatdropped. "I guess yer straightforward after all."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Agh!" He rubbed at his head. "A-course I was glad! I care a lot about you Harii-chan!" A blank expression crossed my face after he had blurted it out. He looked a bit shocked too. The two of us stared at each other for a moment, wondering what exactly to do now.

"This is too cute!" A nearly-toothless grin flashed.  
Both of us looked over. "Get out of here, you damned hobo!" Genrou chased him, but he was even faster than the bandit and disappeared down hallway.

"Genrou?"

He looked back.

"What did you do when you thought I was dead?"  
_  
Doink! Doink!_ He blinked twice, but recovered quickly. "You ask too many questions. I need some time alone now. Get outta here."

"Sorry…" I did as he said and walked past him, up to the deck.

xxx

"I'm glad Max didn't read that part. He really might have puked," Colin remarked.

xxx

"Hey Dee-chan!"

"Hey Haley-chan! Look, there's Hokkan up ahead!" Dee pointed towards a land with snowy mountains.

"It's so pretty," I said.

"Yeah, but it's going be really cold no da," Chichiri commented from where he was sitting next to Dee. "We're going to have to get out the cloaks Hotohori sent with us no da."

Dee snapped her fingers. "Oh Haley, Taiitsukun told me something, and I should probably tell you."

"What is it?"

"It's a bit, er," Dee searched for the right word, "personal, but you should probably know just in case. I don't think it'll be a problem, but some pretty weird stuff has happened already, so..."

"What do you mean?" I wanted to know.

"The Priestess has to be a virgin," she explained in her usual straight-forward manner.

Chichiri sweatdropped. "Daaa..."

I had a thought. "Wait a second. Does that mean we have to have sex with the gods?"

Chichiri turned bright red. "DA!"

"I'm not sure," Dee grimaced, "but that's pretty kinky."

I laughed. "Hey, when other girls say they lost their virginity to the Captain of the football team or some guy in a band or to the homecoming king, we can tell them we lost ours to a beast God!"

"DAAAAA!" Chichiri face-vaulted.

"Score!" Dee slapped my hand in a high five. "That's totally cool! No one can beat that!"

"Oh wait…" I frowned, remembering how I had just given Genrou grief about sleeping with a stranger. "D'you think the gods will take us out to dinner first? Or do we have to get married to them or something?"

"Good question. I don't really wanna be Suzaku's one-night stand..."

"Daa..." Chichiri stood up and stepped into our seriously disturbing conversation. "You don't get married, and you don't make love to them no da! They simply devour you no da! For that, you need to have a pure, untouched soul no da!"

"Oh… but it's still technically like he's taking our virginity," I said.

Chichiri's sweatdrop was almost bigger than his chibi head. "I guess no da."

xxx

"LAND!" Genrou ran to the platform… then stopped and stood there, staring at the water below it. "Eep."

I took his hand. "Come on Gen-chan."

"What a baby! It's not even deep at this part!" Amiboshi taunted.  
"Shut up!" Genrou's face was bright red, but he still held onto my arm and walked bit by bit down the platform.

"That's right. Baby steps. Take baby steps Gen-chan."

"Would ya stop actin' like I'm a little kid?"

"Sorry."

We reached the end of the deck and he knelt to the snow-covered ground, kissing it.

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare ran up to him, nudging his shoulder.

"Whaddya…?" Genrou followed Ashitare's pointed paw. "AAAH! YELLOW SNOW!" He spit frantically, rubbing at his mouth with his coat sleeve.

"That's what you get!" Amiboshi grabbed his sides, laughing.

"Look! It's the cave where the shinzaho is hidden!" Chiriko exclaimed. All of us followed his gaze.

"That sure is convenient," commented Dee.

Chichiri couldn't help but sweatdrop again. "No kidding no da."

xxx

"What are you doing?" Genrou exclaimed as I grabbed onto his arm. "You better not be pulling a Soi on me."

"This place is scary!" I only held on tighter, leaning into him.

"And he's not scary?" asked Amiboshi. "Look at him! He's got crazy hair, beady little eyes, and even fangs!"

"He's not scary-looking! He's just rough and rugged!"

Dee sweatdropped "Haley-chan, I swear upon the powers that be that if you ever say that again I'll beat you. Severely. With reeds and cheese graters."

"He looks like a wolf!" exclaimed Amiboshi, ignoring Dee's dry comment (she's always threatening to beat people with reeds and cheese graters anyway).

"RAH! RAH!"

"No offense Ashitare," Amiboshi held up his hands in protest.

"AAAAAH!" Chiriko slipped on the ground.

"Chiriko, what's wrong no da?" We ran over to him. Tasuki's tessen-turned-lantern revealed…

"EWIE! BAT POOP!" Dee screeched as Chiriko's face turned white.

"Pathetic." All of us stopped and looked around. "Can't you live up to your title? Are you really the priestess and her 14 seishi?"

"_BAKA_! A Priestess has seven seishi!" exclaimed another unfamiliar voice.

"You mean… all of them do?"

"YES!"

Snoop Dogu laughed. "You insult us, and you can't even remember that there are seven seishi!"

"Reminds me of someone else I know," I mumbled, glaring at the sweatdropping Kutou general.

"Are you the Seishi of Genbu no da?" Chichiri ventured to ask.

"No! YO MAMMA IS!" one of the voices snapped. He sighed. "Of course we are."

"That's impossible," Tamahome said. "All the Genbu seishi should be dead by now."

"We _are_ dead." Two slightly transparent figures walked forward. The one with long gray hair and an eyepatch spoke. "Our spirits have stayed back to protect the shinzaho."

"Yay!" Nuriko clapped her hands together. "Where is it?"

"Your priestesses must prove themselves worthy to possess the shinzaho."

"How do we prove ourselves?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't be too painful or kinky.

He pointed at our clothes. "Strip."

"YA SEE-THROUGH PERVERT!" Genrou held his tessen ready, a swarm of fire encircling him longways.

"Eh…" The hobo had shown himself again, and was currently oggling Dee and me. Nuriko quickly punched him out of the cave, watching with satisfaction as he bounced around the stalagtites like a pinball and finally out of sight.

Dee and I both glanced at each other. "Ew..."

"This world is REALLY kinky," Dee complained, making a face.

"I agree," I agreed.

"Do you want the shinzaho or not?" asked the one with brown bangs poking out from under this really distracting cylindrical hat. He could've been working at a burger joint in Michigan with that sort of hat.

"I dun wanna get nakie!" I turned chibi and waved my arms in protest, then turned serious. "But we do need the shinzaho."

"All of you people turn around!" Dee pointed at all of them, one at a time. The seishi hesitated, so Dee decided to get, um, forceful. Her voice lowered about five octaves. "TURN AROUND NOOOOOW!"

"What if something happens and you need help?" asked Amiboshi.

The one-eyed Pirate Seishi shook his head. "They can get no help from their seishi. They must finish the task themselves."

"The task? What the hell is their task?" asked Genrou.

"They will see," answered Funny Hat.

"It's okay Genrou," I assured him. "Just you guys turn around, and don't look at us!"

The seishi exchanged confused looks. "I guess there's no other way no da." Chichiri shrugged and turned around. The others followed suit. Dee and I quickly took off our cloaks, jeans and shirts. We were bright red by the end of it, and not just from embarrassment. We were still in our underwear, at least, but damn! it was cold.

"THERE! Now what do you want?" demanded Dee, shivering slightly. The Pirate raised his arm, and a swarm of ice started to envelop her.

"Dee-chan..." I glanced down and realized the same thing had happened to me. "What the...?"

In spite of everything, my comedy-movie-quoting-obsessed friend giggled. "Haley-chan... can I say it?"

I sighed. "Dee, we've already spoofed _Monty Python_..."

"But when am I ever gonna get a chance to do this again?" she argued. "Pleeeeease!"

I watched as the ice reached her neck, then slowly reached my own. "Oh, okay."

The last thing I heard before my head went under was a giggle, then a passable Dr. Evil impression: "It's frickin' freezing in here Mr. Beaglesworth."

I would have groaned had I not been completely trapped in a block of ice. I couldn't move a muscle, and the greyish mist from the ice made it hard to see. I could still hear pretty well, though.

"Hotohori's life force no da!" a familiar oh-so-cute voice exclaimed. I felt something warm to my right, then saw a red glow out of the corner of my eye.

The ice shattered around my best friend. She stepped from the block somewhat gracefully... then fell flat on her bum to the floor. After shaking her head to regain her senses, she patted Hotohori's sword that still hung at her waist and grinned. "Nifty!" She quickly dressed, then looked over. "Coolies! We made it! Uh…" Dee saw me in the ice. "Haley-chan?"

"Is she all right?" I heard Tasuki ask. It might have just been the ice muffling his voice, but he sounded really concerned.

"Harii… she's stuck in the ice!" A familiar deep voice boomed, causing the cave to shake. A giant rock fell on top of the ice, shattering it. I fell to the ground on my kneesand shivered, rubbing at my own arms.

"Harii-chan!" Genrou ran up behind me, and threw my cloak over my shoulders. "Are you all right?"

"AAAAAAAH!" I turned around and punched Genrou square in the jaw, sending him flying. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK!" I glared at Mitsukake. "That goes for you too, Sasquatch." He responded with a sweatdrop.

"Yeah, don't look!" yelled Amiboshi. "Do what the lady asks!"

"Amiboshi?" I growled. "Did I tell you that you could look yet?"

"Eh… no!" Amiboshi turned back around as fast as he could.

"That was pretty lucky." I looked over at the burgerjoint-hat-wearing man. "I'm not sure if we can count that."

"Why not? The dragon is a symbol of luck after all." I flashed a chibi victory sign.

"Rakii Harii!" Genrou exclaimed. I giggled at his accent.

"She's right. It's fair." The Pirate bowed. "I am Hikitsu."

"I am Tomite." The other bowed as well.

"Your shinzaho, priestesses." An earring appeared in front of Dee and I.

"SCORE!" I exclaimed.

"We got a shinzaho Haley-chan!" Dee yelled, and we celebrated with a high five.

"Well done no da."

"_Arigatou _Chichiri," _arigatou_'d Dee.

"I think we should celebrate tonight," Nakago remarked.

Soi was cuddling him so hard she was practically mounting him. "My thoughts exactly."

He sighed. "I don't think we're talking about the same thing. In any case, the drinks are on me."

"Great idea!" Genrou swung an arm around Nakago, which just looked flat-out awkward. "Why don't we head back and have a few drinks?"

Chiriko smiled. "Tasuki-san, I know you want to have more than 'a few' drinks."

"Heh…" Genrou grinned.

"DID I TELL ANY OF YOU THAT YOU COULD TURN AROUND YET?" I screamed. All the seishi turned chibi, jumping to face the opposite way.

"Whoa… let it go Haley. You have a cloak on you know," Dee reminded me.

"Yeah…" I blushed. "But, but…I FEEL SO EXPOSED!"

"Everybody has already seen you anyway," Nuriko said with a sigh.

"SHADDUP!"

xxx

I continued poking my fingers together as we walked to a village to find an inn.

"Haley, are you okay?" Dee whispered.

"They saw me half-nakie!" I whispered back.

Nuriko had overheard. "Oh, build a bridge and get over it!" She snapped her fingers with her hand on her hip, shaking her head with each syllable.

Tamahome looked back over his shoulder to agree with Nuriko. "That's righ - AAAAAAH!" Unable to see where he was going, he tripped on a rock and he fell flat on his bum. "Ouchies."

Genrou laughed and pointed. "That was real smart."

"Shut up!" He stood up and brushed off his pants. Underneath his cloak, a red something blazed.

"Um… um… Tamahome?" said Dee with wide, chibi eyes.

"Yeah?" He looked back at Dee, still brushing snow from his pants.

She pointed with a chibi finger. "You have… a really... bad... rash."

"NANI YO?" Tamahome looked down at his butt. "AAAAAAAH!" he sat back down on the ground, but the red began to glow. Chichiri and Nuriko sweatdropped. Everyone else just blinked.

"What the hell…" began Soi.

"...Is with your ass?" finished Snoop Dogu.

"It's my…" he looked down and blushed, poking his index fingers together. "It's sorta my symbol."

Genrou started laughing. "YOUR SYMBOL IS ON YOUR ASS?" He held onto his sides, laughing so hard that he fell into the snow.

Amiboshi scowled. "Don't you have any delicacy?"

Chichiri stated the obvious matter-of-factly. "No, he doesn't no da."

Dee and I stiffled our giggles in our cloaks.

xxx

"WHOOOOOO! I GET FIRST DRINK!" Genrou ran towards Nakago with a mug as the general carried a giant keg into the room.

"Did they have kegs in Ancient China?" Dee wondered, sensing a fanfic error.

I don't know, and I don't care.

Mitsukake, Dee, Amiboshi, Ashitare, Chiriko and I stayed back as everyone else gathered around the keg.

"Aren't you going to have any Mitsukake?" Dee asked. The testosterone-filled man scribbled something on a paper and handed it to Dee.

"Oh…" she sweatdropped.

"What?" I grabbed the piece of paper and read it to the room. "_I get loud when I'm drunk._ Heh…good call Mitsukake. What about you Amiboshi?"

"Do you really need to ask? Remember last time?"

"Oh… good point… and Ashitare, you prefer water don't you?" I patted his head as he grinned and wagged his tail... butt... whatever.  
Amiboshi looked around. "I don't see Tamahome. He must be embarassed about earlier." We all giggled again about his symbol.

"HEY CHIRIKO! C'MERE!" The group of us looked over at Genrou, who was gesturing towards the younger seishi. We watched as Chiriko walked over, talked to Genrou for a bit, then… took a mug and drank?

"That guy…" Amiboshi gritted his teeth.

Nakago sidled up to us. "Excuse me, Harii-sama, I'd like to have a word with you."

"Oh… okay. Talk to you guys later!" I waved, and followed Nakago out into the hallway. "So what did you want to-"

But I never got to finish, because Nakago curled his arm around me and picked me up with one hand over my mouth. I muffled a shout around his hand and wriggled in his arms, but it didn't seem to bother him at all. He just calmly walked outside to the stable, then tied a cloth around my mouth, ropes around my arms and legs, and threw me on the horse. After climbing on himself, he rode off.

I tried to struggle the ropes loose, but it was no use. I did manage to worm my way off the horse, and fell to the ground hard on my side. A sharp burst of pain shot through my left arm, the cloth muffling my scream. Nakago turned the horse around, rode up to me, then jumped off. He pulled on my shoulders to sit me back up, and I shuddered from the continuous needles that ran from elbow to wrist. He took off the cloth around my mouth.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screamed.

"Harii-sama, calm down."

"Calm down? CALM DOWN? You're supposed to be my seishi and you kidnapped me! Genrou is gonna be so pissed, you know that?"

"Genrou won't be quite the same, along with everyone else who drank the wine last night. Mwahahahaha - hack, ack, argh!" Nakago broke off into a coughing fit, completely ruining the moment. "Anyway, I have an excellent idea. I've got the shinzaho and with it we're going to summon Seiryuu on our own, and then attack the Suzaku seishi and priestess!"

"I wish there was a bedpost out here." I sighed, sweatdropping. "Nakago, do you realize what you've done? Number one: Stupid plan. Number two: There are TWO shinzaho!"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

His eyes turned beady. "Shit."

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: _(Monotone)_ Oh no, oh no, Nakago has launched his evil scheme. Whatever will our heroines do?  
HALEY: You know, you could at least pretend you cared about us.  
FREAKY CAT THING: _(Yawn)_ I did, until you completely ditched the storyline and went on this rampage of warm fuzzy-love. And I get the feeling that this "wine" deal isn't exactly going to follow the script either.  
DEE: Thank you Captain Obvious from the U.S.S. No-Shit. It wouldn't be any fun if we did it the way it had to be done, y'know!  
FREAKY CAT THING: You're going the right way for a slap in the face, Suzaku Priestess.  
HALEY: Eh... well, as long as these two don't kill each other before next time, be sure to come back for the next exciting chapter: "Personality-Changing Wine is Bad, Mm'kay?"


	11. Personality Changing Wine is Bad, Mm'Kay...

**Chapter Eleven:  
****Personality-Changing Wine is Bad, Mm'Kay?**

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"What's going on?" Amiboshi awoke with a start and rubbed his eyes. He saw Genrou crying in a corner, then decided he was still half asleep and rubbed his eyes again. The image remained. "Genrou, what's wrong with you?"

The seishi looked up, holding his head. Two little rivers of tears poured from his eyes. "ITAI, ITAI!"

Mitsukake had apparently woken up already, and walked over to him, picked him up, and cuddled him in his arms. Genrou stopped crying, then popped his thumb in his mouth. A second after he did that, his eyes grew, and he held out his thumb. Blood trickled down and he began crying again. "ITAAAAAIIII!"

A startled Tamahome smoothed back his hair and blinked at Genrou. "What the hell?"

"What the hell indeed. What is with these clothes?" Nuriko had spoken, and everybody looked towards her as she… ripped off her clothes?

"Nuriko! What are you doing?" Tamahome cried.

"NURIKO! YOU'RE A MAN!" Dee, also awake due to Genrou's very loud crying, pointed wildly at Nuriko's bare chest.|

"It's not nice to point. And of course I'm a man. See, no breasts!" Nuriko grabbed her… his… AH! Nuriko grabbed Nuriko's right breast… part of his chest… manboob. "Ooh… and quite the man." Slowly, Nuriko rubbed his… her… Nuriko rubbed Nuriko's hand from Nuriko's chest to his… to he/she's stomach.

"Did you know about this, Tamahome?" asked Amiboshi.

"Of course." Tamahome shrugged, then turned back to his lover. "But you told me not to tell anyone!"

Nuriko rolled Nuriko's eyes. "Everybody already knows I'm a man just by looking at me."

"Eh…" Dee shook her head, then whispered to Amiboshi, "There's something fishy going on here."

"I hear they're serving yellowtail at half price downstairs."  
_  
SMACK!_ Dee whacked him in the back of the head. "That's not what I meant! I mean, Genrou would never act like that!" Dee pointed to Genrou, still in Mitsukake's arms, rubbing his eyes and whimpering quietly.

Amiboshi stifled a laugh. "Oh, where's Harii? I'm gonna prove to her just how crazy this guy is. I always knew it."

"Maybe she went to breakfast."

The two of them hurried down to the dining hall, peering through the crowds of guests, but to no avail. Amiboshi sighed. "I don't see her."

"That's weird," Dee scratched her head. "Where else would she be?"

A lightbulb appeared over Amiboshi's head, and his eyebrows furrowed as he clenched his fist. "I know! Genrou must have gotten her drunk!" He sprinted to the bar.

Dee ran after him. "Hey, don't run so…"  
_  
SLAM!_ She ran straight into Amiboshi, though he didn't seem to feel her smack into him. The Seiryuu seishi was a little... preoccupied by what he was currently seeing, to say the least. "Well, I definitely didn't expect to find this."

"What?" Dee peered over his shoulder.

In front of them a crowd of girls surrounded a young man. The oddly familiar person was sitting down in the midst of the women, holding a golden goblet in one hand. He was decked out in a bright green fur coat, with platform shoes and tight pants to match. A large pimp-hat complete with a feather sat atop his head. Around his neck he wore many gold and jeweled bling-bling necklaces, along with rings on his fingers. Perhaps the only thing familiar about this guy was his staff he still held.

Dee's eyes got huge. "Chi... Chichiri!"

The pimpmonk looked back at them, raising his goblet in greeting. "Hey babe! Howzit hangin' no da?"

"What… _oey_…" Dee's eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted. Amiboshi was too busy staring open-mouthed at the Suzaku seishi to catch her, and she smacked her face straight into the wood floor.

"What's wrong with the sexay Priestess no da?" Chichiri stood up and used his cane to walk with a slight limp - pimpwalk-style - over to Dee, then leaned over her. Contrary to his other unusual actions, his eyebrows managed to furrow in their oh-so-cute way as usual. "Yo boy, get this fine lady to a bed no da."

"You mean… me?" Amiboshi pointed to himself.

"No, I mean YO MAMMA NO DA! Yes, I mean you. Are you whack no da?" Chichiri exclaimed, standing up and putting a many-ringed hand on his hip.

"Why don't you carry her?"

He considered this for a moment, then grinned wolfishly. "Good point. Carrying someone may make these fine lookin' foxes jealous, nooooo daaaa!" Chichiri nudged Amiboshi with a raised eyebrow toward the group of giggling girls. He knelt down and picked Dee up, carrying her to the main room.

"Chichiri?" Tamahome noticed the full-fledged bling-bling monk and gasped, pointing wildly.

"Yo Tamahome, my man no da!" Chichiri noticed the Nuriko formerly known as female. "WHOA! What happened to the sexy fox Nuriko no da?"

"Sexy fox?" Nuriko gave him a dirty look. "Hey Gold Mine, I don't swing that way."

"I thought… I thought you loved me!" Tamahome sobbed. "I know what it is! It's because of my symbol! Well, you can kiss my symbol-covered ass!" He ran out the door with his face buried in his sleeve.

"He's whack no da," the pimpmonk remarked, laying Dee down gently on a settee.

Mistukake, still holding Genrou, walked up to Amiboshi and handed him a letter. (Quite difficult to do, may I add.) Amiboshi read the letter aloud. "_Something's different about Chiriko too. He walked towards a fire chanting 'pretty colors' while you were gone._ WHAT?" Amiboshi stared at Mitsukake. The giant man just nodded his head once and pointed to a far corner of the room. Chiriko was currently tied up, watching the fireplace on the opposite side of the room with huge eyes. "Mitsukake, we really need to figure this out," Amiboshi said.

Mitsukake silently agreed, then they both sat down on the floor. Mitsukake reluctantly let go of Genrou and let him walk on his own. Genrou responded by running off awkwardly with his arms stretched out… and running into a table. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ITAI! ITAI! ITAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"A little kid no da? This should be good for charming ladies no da!" Chichiri grabbed Genrou, popped a piece of candy in the other seishi's mouth and then ran out of the room. "I'LL BE GETTIN' SOME TONIGHT, NO DAHAHAHAHA!"

Amiboshi sighed. Mitsukake got out a pencil and paper, and began writing something on it, then handed it to Amiboshi. "_People who have gone completely insane: Chichiri, Tasuki, Nuriko._" The boy glanced up at the older man. "Wait… where's my brother?"

Just then, an explosion of applause came echoing through the window. The two of them walked out of the room, then followed the cheering into a large sitting room, where Amiboshi's twin brother was on the stage singing along with three backup girls behind him.

The music stopped, and everybody cheered as he bowed. "That one goes out to all my homies in the hood! My name is Snoop Dogu, remember that suckas! Now here's a new one I just wrote. Hopes ya'll likes it." The audience responded with clapping and cheers. A music that sounded mysteriously like an 80's song began, and Snoop Dogu sang with all his energy the following lyrics:

_"C'mon muthaf*cka! Hey! Now!  
I'm-a blow this f*cka's head off then we can go screw  
Don't be slow with it, bee-yatch! Hey! You!  
I never get worn out when I'm f*ckin' you  
I'm-a blast the mofo  
Who tore up my bitch's heart_

_Nev-ah get awaaay! Better watch yo ass foo!  
Ain't no get away fo' you!  
I don't want no one else messin' wit' my ho!  
Never get away. Up in my crib  
Ain't no get away fo' him!  
I bust a cap on all this who got beef  
It's all good! Na' let's smoke s'm weed_

_This pissin' me off! Hey! Now!  
Quit cryin bitch! I hate ho's who whine  
Fo' shizzle. Hey! You!  
I had mo' fun wit' yo mama- Ooh, she fine!  
I do what I gotta fo' a puff from that bong  
I get a ten ounce bag-a crack jus' fo' singin' this song_

_Nev-ah get awaaaay! You can't run from my crew  
Ain't no getaway fo' you!  
Now I'm pissed an' it looks like yo' white-ass is t'blame  
Nev-ah get away! You stole my bitch!  
You can't get away from this!  
I'm one crazy wigga who ain't afraid to die  
It's all good. DAMN! I feel high!_

_Nev-ah get awaaay! Better watch yo ass foo!  
Ain't no get away fo' you!  
I don't want no one else messin' wit' my ho!  
Never get away. Up in my crib  
Ain't no get away fo' him!  
I bust a cap on all this who got beef  
It's all good! Na' let's smoke s'm weed_

_Nev-ah get away! Ain't f*ckin', it's true  
Ain't no get away fo' you  
I'm-a take yo name, an' pop a cap right up yo' ass  
Nev-ah get away, up in my crib  
Ain't no getaway fo' him  
Won't stop raisin' hell till I've died!  
Fo' shizzle my nizzle- WEST SIIIIDE!" _

Snoop Dogu ended his performance with his head down and arms crossed, gangs signs flashing from both hands. The crowd went wild. Mitsukake took out the piece of paper and added: "_Snoop Dogu._"(1)

_(1)Haley note: I'd like to thank my friend and Chief Editor Dee-chan for this awesome opossum song! She simply took the translated lyrics from the Suboshi song: "Never Get Away" and screwed with 'em. (I made up one line, the rest is completely hers!) Please, for Dee-chan's sake, don't steal her work! Please give her credit if you ever use this song on a website, and please have a link to this story if you do. _Arigatou Gozaimasu_!  
_

"Hey Amiboshi."

Amiboshi snapped out his trance and looked towards the voice. "Soi! Thank God you've shown up! Do you see what's happening?"

"Yeah, you're brother is pretty crazy."

"OH THANK GOD, YOU'RE NORMAL!" Amiboshi grabbed Soi in a hug, then pulled back. "Oh, is Nakago around?"

"You actually want to know where that bastard is? Hell, I hope I never see his ugly mug again!" Soi folded her arms across her chest as Amiboshi hung his head and sighed.

Mitsukake pulled out his paper and added: "_Soi._"

"How about Harii or Ashitare? Have you seen them?"

Soi shook her head. "Nope."

Amiboshi sighed again. "Thanks anyway."

He walked back to the main room where everybody was staying, followed by Mistukake. A furry face immediately greeted them. "RAH! RAH! RAH!"

"Ashitare! Well, you seem normal. Even if your normal is a bit scary," he muttered.

"RAH! RAH! RAH!" Ashitare barked while jumping towards the door.

"Do you know where Harii is?"

"RAAAAH!" Ashitare nodded, sniffing the air for her scent.

"Let's go, Mitsukake!" The unlikely duo followed the wolfman outside.

xxx

Nakago and I had reached a small abandoned barn. "You can wait here," he said, and unceremoniously chucked me inside. At least he made sure to throw me in on my uninjured side.

I winced from the slight jarring of my left arm. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to rape the Priestess of Suzaku."

"WHAT?" my eyes practically popped out of my head. "What the hell would you do that for?"

He rolled his eyes. "If I do, she won't be able to summon Suzaku even if she gets the shinzaho. Duh. Man, you'd suck as a criminal mastermind."

"You are such a kinky bastard!"

He tied a cloth around my mouth. "I know." With that, he closed the doors. A moment later I heard horses hooves, and knew he had left.  
_  
'Blah… this sucks! Shit, and Dee-chan...'_ I tried pushing down the cloth using my tongue to move it, but of course it didn't work. I tried to scream through the cloth, but of course it didn't work. _'Why the hell isn't anything working for me? He gets lucky and is able to find a barn in the middle of nowhere to keep me in. DAMN THIS POO! Whatever happened to "rakii Harii"?'_ I smiled to myself under the cloth, thinking of Genrou's accent as he said those words. I paused thoughtfully. _'What did Nakago mean when he said Genrou won't be the same?'_

"Looks like someone is in trouble." The hobo flashed his nearly-toothless grin in front of me. I don't think I had ever been happy to see that hobo until that second. I turned around and held up my tied hands to him, hoping he might get the idea to untie them for me. "Does the Priestess need my help?" I nodded frantically. "TOO BAD! HAHAHAHA!" The hobo ran out, cackling like a madman.  
_  
'Un-rakii Haarii,'_ I thought. _'That kinky bastard... I hope the others can help Dee-chan...'_

xxx

"Ashitare, where are you going?" By this time, the trio of Haley-hunters had reached the edge of the town.

"RAH! RAH! RAH!" Ashitare kept jumping.

"Hmm… Mitsukake, why don't you stay back and watch over the crazy people? We also need to tell Tamahome where we went. I'll go with Ashitare to find Harii."

Mistukake frowned for a moment, then wrote something on a paper.

"_I understand. Good luck._" Amiboshi smiled at the crazy-tall man. "Thanks. Bye now! Let's go Ashitare!"

"RAH!" The two ran farther away from the town.

xxx

Dee's eyes fluttered open slowly. She shook her head, looking around and blinking sleep from her eyes. "Man, was that a weird dream…" Slowly, she looked up to find Chiriko tied up and Nuriko with his… her… Nuriko with Nuriko's shirt off. "SON OF A WHORE! YOU MEAN IT WASN'T A DREAM?"

"Of course this isn't a dream baby. I know I'm one sexy mamma jamma." Nuriko licked his…her…Nuriko licked Nuriko's lips at Dee, who responded with a shudder.

The Priestess sighed, thinking she might faint again. This was just too much.

xxx

_'BLAH! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!'_

Suddenly, I felt something rough and soft touch my hands, which is a miracle in itself because I'm not sure how something can be rough and soft at once. _'Eh…'_ My eyes widened. Then, I felt my ropes loosen. A squirrel ran to the front of me and chewed on the ropes tying my ankles together. I pulled off the cloth over my mouth, and hugged the squirrel. "_Arigatou S_quirrely-san!"

"Eeeeee!" It ran out of my grip and climbed up a support beam.

"Rakii Harii!" I flashed a chibi victory sign to nobody in particular. "Now, I have to go tell the others!"

xxx

Max put his chin in his hands. "I wish that squirrel would have eaten off her face."

"Why would you wish that on your sister?" asked Colin.

"I have no idea."

There was a moment of silence.

"Actually, I kinda wish that would happen to my sister, too."

xxx

A note slipped under the dining room door.

"Huh?" Dee looked down at the folded paper with the heading: "Priestess of Suzaku." She walked over and picked it up, looking it over suspiciosly. "Could this be a letter bomb? Or what if it's full of anthrax?" She turned chibi. "Heh! They don't have that here!" She folded open the letter, then sweatdropped. "Um… is it possible to fold OPEN a letter?"

"You get the idea!" I shouted from nowhere. As I was saying… She opened the letter and read it to herself: _'Priestess of Suzaku, meet me in the room at the far end of the hallway concerning the shinzaho in ten minutes.'_

"Ten minutes?" she repeated. "Unattended? This is way too suspicious, I need to ask someone for advice. The person who dropped off the letter could be watching me... though I doubt they're in this room." Dee looked at the two seishi in the room. "Eh… no one to help me here, but if I go out then they could find me…ah, screw it! It's a chance I'll have to take. I can't get the others in danger, and maybe this person knows how to make everyone un-crazy." She frowned, remembering the pimpmonk and the equally disturbing wimp-Genrou.

Dee went to the meeting room and paused for a moment. Maybe she should go find Tamahome, or even Nuriko... nah, too much work, and Dee was way too lazy to do it. She knocked on the door. It opened, and a hand grabbed her forearm, pulling her in quickly.

The Suzaku Priestess found herself in a room with a round purple satin bed and a tiger rug. The only thing to light the room were several aromatherapeutic candles, and she swore she heard Marvin Gaye's "Lets's Get It On" in the background.

"Do you like it?"

Dee whirled around to face a tall blonde general wearing an open blue silk shirt, black leather pants, and business socks. "Nakago! What… where have you been? And where's Haley-chan? And what the hell are you wearing...?"

The general smiled seductively. "Let's talk about something else. What about you? Surely this has been stressful for you. Why don't I help... relieve you." He leaned in closer.

Dee squirmed, wondering just what was going on. "Do you have any Advil?"

"What?" He took a step back, bewildered.

"It would relieve this headache I have right now. Advil solves anything, ya know, I'm practically addicted to it..."

"I'm not talking about physically!" He took a deep breath. "I mean that you need someone to help you not feel so alone."

"Alone? I'm not alone. I have all the seishi, and Haley-chan. I also have my family and other friends back home." Dee ticked off the people on her fingers as she went, smiling. "See? I'm not alone."

"YES YOU ARE!" He insisted. Nakago managed to push her on the bed and hovered over her with his arms on either side of her head.

"Um… okay, I am. I guess… wait, no I'm not. What the hell are you talking about?" Dee tried to push him off, but he only pressed harder. "Dammit Nakago, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like?" He tried to kiss her.

Dee pulled away as best as she could. "You really are a kinky bastard!"

"I know."

"SHIT!" Nakago pinned her arms to her sides. Dee blurted out the first thing that came to mind, feeling herself really getting scared for the first time in her life. "CHICHI-!"

Nakago kissed her to keep her quiet.

And Dee kicked him in the balls.

"Ouchies…" The General fell to the floor, holding his groin and twitching slightly. "Mass weapon… destroyed... all other functions... shutting down..."

"That's what ya get, ya kinky byastad!" Dee ran out of the room down the hallway. "Hey! Anyone nearby that hasn't gone totally nuts?" She turned a corner and almost collided with Tamahome. "Oh! I'm glad I found you!"

The seishi frowned, noticing that his priestess looked slightly disheveled and a good deal shaken up. "Dee, what is it?"

"It's Nakago. I think he may be connected to what's happened."

Anger spread across his face. "Where is he?" he growled, fists clenching at his sides.

"I'll show you." Dee walked towards the room with Tamahome following.

As soon as she pointed out the room, Tamahome burst through the doors. He grabbed Nakago by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall, one fist ready to punch and the other clutching the general's collar. A red glow surrounded him in a blazing halo as his hair blew so far back it was literally standing straight up.

Dee grew chibi eyes as she pointed to Tamahome. "EEP! You look like a scary _Dragonball Z_ character!" she shrieked, hiding underneath the tiger-rug.

Tamahome was too busy going Super Seishi Level Two to notice Dee's comment. "YOU!" he roared at Nakago. "Are you the one who changed everybody's personalities? Did you change my beloved Nuriko?"

"Yes, I did. Would you like to forget about the heartache?" Nakago grabbed a bottle from a nearby table, drank it, then pressed his lips against Tamahome's.

Tamahome pushed back and spit out the liquid as his life force returned to normal. His eyes widened as he rubbed hurriedly at his lips, glaring the general down. "What the hell was that about?"

"Um…" Nakago sweatdropped. "Oh, geez. You know, when I played that out in my head it sounded really creepy and," his voice dropped even lower, "MY... STER... I... OUS." He shifted back to his regular deep voice. "But looking back I realize that it was just kinda… stupid and gay. Yeah. Sorry about that."

xxx

I had a fairly good sense of direction, so I trusted myself to where I was going. I also thought maybe I would get "rakii" again. My first priority was Genrou. I had to find him. What if what Nakago had said about him was true?

"You know, Haley-chan," Dee commented out of nowhere. I could tell by her tone that she was about to go into Complaint Mode. "I went through this and edited it, and I noticed that not once until the very end of this chapter do you mention being worried about me. In fact, I _added _lines to this to show you having a little anxiety about your best friend getting friggin' raped! Before I came in, it was all, Genrou Genrou Genrou, must save him, love love love, I want to jump his sexy bones..."

A flowerpot hit her in the head.

"DAMMIT STOP DOING THAT!" she screamed.

"DAMMIT STOP INTERRUPTING MY FIC!" I retorted.

Before my Chief Editor could say another word, I heard a familiar voice from over the next rise in the road.

"Harii!" I watched as a figure on the nearby hill came into sight, followed shortly by another friend on four legs who ran towards me.

"Ashitare!" He jumped on me, and I grimaced in pain. He whimpered, and gently licked my face.

"Harii, your arm!" Amiboshi knelt down beside me and touched my arm again.

"Itai…"

"What happened? Why are you out here?"

"It was Nakago, he brought me out here. I'll explain later. Is everybody else okay?"

"No, they're pretty far from it."

"You mean… is there anyone who is able to protect Dee-chan?"

"Well, Tamahome and Mitsukake can."

"I'm not sure if that's enough. We have to get back! Nakago said he was going to do something terrible to Dee!" I stood up. "Let's hurry!"

"Thank you for finally acknowledging me!" That familiar voice muttered from the sky. "Yeesh..."

OH, SHUT UP!

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: Wow, this story is finally starting to get interesting.  
DEE: Why? 'Cause I almost got raped? Oh, I see how you get your sick thrills, Cat Thing!  
HALEY: I don't think that's what he meant...  
DEE: (_Sob_) It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?  
HALEY: So am I...  
DEE: No, you're pasty pink and wholesome!  
HALEY: Hey-!  
DEE: And why didn't you worry more about me? And when do I get to have some seishi love-fun? And what's for lunch at school tomorrow? Can I have a pony? Will you make me dinner? Am I asking too many questions? Am I too demanding? Am I getting annoying yet...?  
FREAKY CAT THING: SILENCE MORTAL! (_crickets chirp_) Ah-hem. Thank you. Don't forget to stay tuned for the next chapter in the _Fushigiggles _saga: "The Monster is Getting Angry"


	12. The Monster is Getting Angry

**Chapter Twelve:  
****The Monster is Getting Angry**

Ashitare slammed open the door to our inn room, Amiboshi and I on his furry heels. Mitsukake, Tamahome and Dee were sitting near each other on the floor, obviously in the middle of a discussion. In the corner was a tied-up Chiriko and a tied-up Nakago.

"Dee-chan! You're all right!"

"Where have you been?" she demanded. "Everyone went nuts and you went and disappeared!"

"Nakago…" I frowned worriedly. "He told me that something had happened to everybody who drank the wine. What's going on with everybody? Where's Genrou?"

My best friend sweatdropped. "Well…it's kind of a long story…"

xxx

"I'm a bit glad I wasn't here. That would probably hurt my head," I said after we had all shared stories.

Mitsukake wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to Amiboshi, who read it out loud: "_It seems everybody's personalities have been rewritten. That is probably the work of kodoku wine. If I am right, then I'm afraid even I cannot heal it._" The four of us stared at Mitsukake in shock. "You WHAT?"

"RAH?"

Mitsukake wrote on a piece of paper again and handed it to Amiboshi. The flutist read through it silently, then, "Hey! This says the same thing!" Mitsukake wrote some more and gave the paper back to Amiboshi. "_I was just repeating because you asked what I had written._" Amiboshi's face turned blue as he hung his head.

A childish scream echoed from the open doorway. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" We all turned to look, the others sweatdropping and I cocking my head in confusion.

"What the hell?" I asked aloud.

"That's Genrou," Amiboshi explained with a smile.

"GENROU?" I ran out to the hallway, nearly colliding with a bling-bling monk who was chasing the sobbing bandit.

"You're not helping me charm the ladies no da!" he cried in frustration. Strange looks were given to the two by what I figured must be Chichiri's "ladies."

I ignored him and ran over to Genrou, who was on his back, kicking his feet in the air and screaming. "Uh... geez, I'm bad with little kids... er, guchi guchi guu!" I tickled his stomach with my finger, and he began giggling. "Aww…that's a good Gen-chan. Come on, let's go upstairs."

I held out the hand of my uninjured arm, and he took it. This had to look very odd, seeing as how Genrou was about seven inches taller than me.

Genrou put his other hand's thumb in his mouth. His eyes grew large and chibi, and he immediately held out his thumb. There were two little fang-marks of blood trickling down the edges. "WAAAAH! ITAI! ITAI! ITAI!"

"Genrou! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"ITAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!"

_SMACK!_ I back-handed him without a second thought.

Genrou stepped back a bit, holding his hand to his cheek. I sweatdropped, holding my hand to my open mouth in fear of the baby whine that would escape from his throat. "Harii-chan, what the hell did ya do that for?"

"Genrou…" Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Harii-chan!" Genrou crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes. "What's goin' on with you? Girls're so dumb! They slap people, and then they cry about it, regrettin' it!"

"You're back! Genrou!" I threw my good arm around his neck and immediately kissed him on the cheek.

"HARII-CHAN!" He blushed deep crimson, squirming in my hold. "Yer actin' really weird right now!"

"No kidding, she is whack no da!"

Genrou looked towards the monk with a blank look on his face. He blinked a few times, cocking his head curiously at the bling-bling seishi in front of him. "Chichiri, what the hell happened to ya?"

"Nuttin', dog, it's Seiryuu's foxy Priestess who's whack no da!" he exclaimed, causing Genrou to face-vault.

A cartoon lightbulb popped up over my head as I got an idea. I turned to look at Chichiri, smiling apologetically. "Sorry." I smacked the pimpmonk hard across the face.

"What the hell are you-?" Genrou started to yell, waving chibi arms. He stopped when he looked over and saw Chichiri staring in confusion at his clothes.

"Um... Why do I have this on no da?"

"Chichiri! You're not weird anymore!" Dee, who had been watching the scene with Mitsukake, Tamahome, Amiboshi and Ashitare, ran up and hugged Chichiri around the neck. "Huzzah!"

"He's always weird," Genrou muttered.

Chichiri blushed, but didn't pull away. "Uh, Dee-chan, what are you talking about no da?"

"My Nuriko!" Tamahome ran off in search of his beloved.

"Brother!" Amiboshi ran off in search of his brother.

"Chiriko!" Mitsukake ran off in search of his fellow seishi friend as a painting fell from a wall.

"Um… I guess I should go look for Soi." I sweatdropped. "Genrou, Dee, Chichiri, go back to our room. We're going to have a meeting about all this."

"About all what?" Genrou and Chichiri both wondered.

"You'll see." I ran off for Soi. I found the female seishi asleep in a corner, and slapped her.

She blinked sleepily, than sat up straight. "Nakago! Where's my darling Nakago?" She grabbed me and shook me by the shoulders.

"OW! That really hurts!"

"Oh… sorry." Soi let go of my shoulders. "Where is he?"

"He's in our commons room, which is where we're going right now."

xxx

"Max, has anything, y'know... happened?" Colin asked with a hint of fear in his hickish voice.

"Don't worry. Your sister wasn't raped. She kicked Nakago in the balls before he could do anything."

"Good…" Colin let out a sigh of relief.

"But now she has three lesbian lovers."

"WHAT?"

"Just kidding." Max grinned.

"It's not nice to kid like that!" The hobo giggled with a hoarse voice then ran off.

xxx

Soi ran into the main room and threw her arms around the tied-up Nakago. "MY DARLING! What have they done to you?" She started to untie the ropes.

"Don't even think about it, Soi!" exclaimed Amiboshi. "This guy has done some pretty wild things you don't know about."

Tamahome hugged Nuriko tightly, obviously happy to see his lover back in her… his… in Nuriko's regular clothes. "I'll hold you for as long as I live, protect you as long as there's a breath of life in my body... I won't ever, ever, ever let you go, my darling!"

"Um, what if he… she… what if Nuriko has to go to the bathroom?" I asked. Genrou sweatdropped and smacked me on the back of the head with his tessen.

"Hey! She saved you, you know!" yelled Amiboshi. "You shouldn't hurt her!"

"Heh… _arigatou,_" I said.

He smiled sweetly. "Of course. I'll always protect you from this scary man."

Genrou snarled. "Hey!"

"Eh…" I sweatdropped.

"It doesn't matter. I would have said it if he hadn't," Dee stated proudly.

I growled and sprouted fangs. "Dee-chan...!" I raised up my fist, but Chichiri caught it. "Don't you think we should be getting an explanation no da?" Dee was huddled, still bracing herself for the WHAMMO of my fist. "Dee-chan, she's not going to hit you no da."

"Oh..heh…" Dee stood up. "I knew that. Anyway, it all started last night when you guys were drinking…"

xxx

Dee, Tamahome, Amiboshi and I told the story with Ashitare "RAH!" ing and Mitsukake nodding his head. Silence reigned in the room once we had finished, everyone letting the details sink in.

Genrou broke the silence. "You rat BASTARD!" He grabbed Nakago from Soi's hold by the ropes wrapped around his chest. "You made me act like that in front-a Ha… in front-a everyone!"

"You looked so stupid Genrou!" Amiboshi grabbed his side with one hand as he pointed with the other and laughed.

"You better shut up b'fore I make _you_ cry like a baby," growled the bandit.

"Stop that!" Soi pulled Nakago back from the angry redhead. "He does everything for a reason."

"For his own selfish reasons!" exclaimed Tamahome. He gagged and made a face. "AND HE KISSED ME!"

Nakago sweatdropped. "I said I was sorry about that."

"Tamahome is right. What he did cannot be tolerated." Everyone looked around to find the owner of the weirdly deep voice. They gasped as their eyes landed on a maskless Chichiri. "We'll have to send him back to Hotohori-sama for his actions. He will likely be tried for crimes against the nation."

"Chichiri-san…" Chiriko said quietly, as everyone except Dee saw his scar for the first time.

Dee decided to help her seishi friend out. "Oo, hey, hey! Can we each kick him in the balls a couple of times? Y'know, just to teach him a lesson that he wouldn't forget?" she suggested, breaking the awkward moment.

"I've got a better idea. How about we pour honey on him and throw him near a giant ant hill?" I chipped in.

"Why don't I fry him to a crisp?" Genrou said with a vicious grin.

"Hmm…" Nuriko rubbed her… his… he/she's chin. "I think we can do better than that."

xxx

"I do say Nuriko! He is quite a masterpiece!" I exclaimed.

"Oooh… you are _so_ pretty!" Genrou grabbed the general's blush-covered cheek. "If I saw ya in a bar and didn't know who ya were, I might have ta hit on ya."

"The dress suits him well. You have such good taste, Nuriko," Tamahome complimented.

Nakago looked down at his new frilly outfit, holding out the ruffled edges miserably. "Did you have to make me wear pink?"

"It goes with your eyes!" Nuriko reminded him.

Soi sighed and clutched onto her love. "I think you look manly no matter what."

Dee sweatdropped, thinking manly was the last word she'd use on Nakago right about now. "Geez, she must REALLY love him."

"No kidding no da," agreed Chichiri.

"From now on, we shall call him…" I pointed a finger in the air. "NAKI-CHAN!"

"NAKI-CHAN!" The rest mimicked (except for Soi, Misukake and Naki-chan, for obvious reasons), throwing a fist in the air.

"NAKI-CHAN!" The hobo came in late, jumping with his fist in the air.

Mitsukake held a paper in the air with _"NAKI-CHAN!"_ written on it.

xxx

"That poor man," said Max.

"Yes indeed," Colin shivered.

xxx

"Heh… Harii-chan…" I looked over and up at Genrou, who smiled awkwardly. "Ya know, when I offered Chiriko some of that wine, I was thinkin about offerin' you some too. I guess it's a good thing I didn't… heh…" He let out a laugh with his right arm behind his head. "We woulda been screwed!"

"I think what our emotionally-challenged friend is trying to say is thanks no da," said Chichiri, smiling oh-so-cutely. I noticed Dee's smile directed at him, and figured she must have missed that oh-so-cute smile during the whole kodoku incident.

"You're welcome, but really Dee-chan gave me the idea. She slapped me once when… uh… I went crazy." I blushed a little at the remembrance of that embarrassing scene.

"Twice!" Dee corrected.

"RAH!" Ashitare affectionately nudged my injured arm.

I grimaced in pain. "Ouchies…"

"Be a little more gentle, Ashitare! You are a wolfman, ya know!" Genrou swung his arm around me, as if to show the proper way, but accidentally bumped my hurt arm.

"Ouchies!" I yelped again.

He jumped back and held his hands up. "Whoa… I didn't think ya were that weak."

"She's not weak!" Amiboshi protested as he walked to the side of me. "You guys are just too rough. You have to be gentle with a lady." He grabbed both of my arms slowly, as if demonstrating how to be gentle.

"OUCHIES!"

"Whoa… she is weak!" Amiboshi stepped back, chibi-eyed.

Dee looked about as surprised as they did. She blinked her big, blue eyes curiously. "Wow, Haley-chan. I always knew you were really ticklish, but I never knew you were sensitive about pain too!"

"You idiots! I injured my arm!" I exclaimed.

"See Amiboshi! It wasn't me!" Genrou scowled, facing Amiboshi. Then his eyes popped wide open, and he looked back at me. "Wait… what'd ya say?"

"When I was trying to get away from Nakago, I injured my arm."

"_Naki-chan_!" Dee corrected.

I sweatdropped. "Right… Naki-chan."

Mitsukake silently walked over and held out his hand, healing my arm.

I smiled up, up... waaay up at the big friendly giant. "Thanks."

"You should have told us sooner no da!" Chichiri said, eyebrows scrunching together oh-so-cutely.

"Tasuki! Give him back!" Soi exclaimed. All of us looked over at Soi, then at the doorway.

Genrou was holding Naki-chan in one arm, laughing insanely. "Be back in a tic! I just gotta go cook this chicken…CHARBROILED!" He laughed insanely again, then ran off.

"For once I'm with you! Let me help ya Genrou!" Amiboshi followed cheerfully.

Soi chased after them, lightning crackling in the air around her. "Leave him alone! You've already done too much!"

"Chichiri-san, I have a feeling Hotohori-sama may be upset with the next report," commented Chiriko with a sweatdrop.

"I think you're right no da. Maybe we should leave out some details no da."

xxx

"Poor Nakago-sama, poor Nakago-sama…" Soi repeated sadly as she stroked his charred arm on the horse they shared.

"We may get some strange looks in town if she keeps that up," Genrou hissed to me.

"Call him _Naki-chan_!" Dee yelled to Soi from behind Chichiri on their horse.

The monk winced. Wow, he even winced oh-so-cutely. "Ouch no da! That was right in my ear no da!"

The Suzaku Priestess rubbed the back of her head in embarassment. "Oh… heh, sorry."

"My fingers are cold," I said out of nowhere.

"What?" Dee queried.

"My fingers are really cold. I'm writing this in a freezing class room!"

xxx

"Why the hell would she put that in the story?" asked Colin.

Max shrugged. "Who knows? She's weird. Trust me, I know. You have no idea how many times I've found her talking to herself."

The hobo peeked his way-too-familiar face around the corner. "Not as weird as me! HAHAHAHA!" With that, he ran off.

xxx

"That kid! He's going to fall!" exclaimed Tamahom, pointing to a youngster riding on a horse. He ran out to catch him.

"Got ya!" Genrou zipped past his fellow seishi and caught the little boy.

"What? But I'm supposed to catch him!" Tamahome complained.

"Wouldn't it make more sense for me t'catch him? My seishi ability is speed(1) after all," the bandit informed the readers and Tamahome, grinning and flashing a victory sign.

_(1)Haley note: This has happened twice in the series that I can think of off the top of my head, and it pisses me off! Can't Genrou show off his powers? Just because Tamahome is one of the two main people doesn't mean he has to save everyone's sorry asses even when it makes more sense for someone else to! Heh… _gomen_… got a bit carried away. I just wuv my Gen-chan so much!_

"WAAAAAAAAH! A MONSTER!" The little boy screamed and kicked, trying to free himself from Genrou's grip.

The bandit scowled. "Calm down kid! I just saved you."

"WAAAAH!"

"Uh... Guchi guchi guu!" Genrou guu'd as he desperately tried to get the kid to calm down by lifting him in the air and smiling widely. His fangs flashed in the afternoon light.

"WAAAAAH!"

Ashitare took the boy from Genrou's arms and held him in his own, rocking him back and forth just like a good father would.

"Coooo… hehe! Thank you for saving me from the evil monster!" The boy smiled at the wolfman.

"RAH!" Ashitare grinned and the kid giggled.

Everybody face vaulted.

"You mean I'm scarier than him?" Genrou stood up and exclaimed.

"RAH!"

"No offense Ashitare." Genrou held up his hands, sweatdropping.

"I told you he had a scary face!" Amiboshi proudly reminded me.

"I heard that, Amiboshi!" growled Genrou.

"Do you know that that boy acted just like you did when you were on that kodoku wine?" Amiboh laughed, pointing at the bandit.

"You're digging yer own grave, boy!"

"Why are you calling him boy? He's only a couple years younger than you," I pointed out. "It just makes you sound like a grizzled old mountain man."

Genrou whirled on me. "Who's side are you on?"

"Nobody's!" I protested, waving my chibi hands.

The little boy squealed. "The monster is getting angry!" He pointed towards the bandit with one hand and covered his eyes with the other.

"Eh…" Genrou's hand and eyebrow twitched as he closed his eyes, an anger-vein popping out on his chibi forehead.

"You saved my son's life!" A man with a dark mustache ran towards Ashitare and took the child from him, holding him close. He broke the hug and looked up. "You are an interesting group…" He glanced at Ashitare, Soi still cuddling the crossdressing Nakago-

"_Naki-chan_!" Dee corrected.

Right... Soi cuddling Naki-chan, Dee and I in our odd clothing, and then at the masked monk. He probably would have looked at Mistukake if he had heard his voice. "But you did save Chui-chan. Is there anything you need?"

"Well…" Chichiri smiled shyly. "We need a place to stay for the night no da."

"Of course. My wife cooks some of the best dinners in Sairou." He waved us forward. "Follow me."

xxx

"A dinner for eleven people plus the three of us?" exclaimed the woman of the house. She glared at her husband, brandishing a wooden spoon. "I'm not your bitch."

The man sweatdropped and forced a tight smile. "I'm sorry dearest, but they saved our son. I told them we could provide them dinner and a place to stay for the night. Don't you think that's a small price for Chui-chan's life?"

"You didn't even consult me about this! And all of them saved him, or just one?"

"Eh… all of them," he lied.

"Then you're cooking." She shoved a pan and the spoon into his hands.

"Eh… right." The man sweatdropped, forcing a small smile.

The wife whirled on us. "I'll show you where you can sleep. I'm sorry, but we only have two spare rooms."

Chichiri smiled, not wanting to get the woman angry again. "That's fine no da."

"I'm with Nakago!" Soi still clutched onto the drag-general.

"It's _Naki-chan_!" corrected Dee.

Chui's mother glared accusingly at Soi. "This is a pure house, missie. I don't want any funny business."

"Don't worry, we'll keep an eye on them," assured Snoop Dogu.

The woman halted, and turned around, raising her eyebrow. "Hmm...?"

"Not like that!" He waved his chibi arms in protest. "I meant so they wouldn't do anything!"

"Uh-huh. Sure you did." She turned around and continued leading the way. Finally she reached the two conjoined-

"CONJOINED, HALEY-CHAN! Don't you mean adjoined?" Dee burst out laughing. "Man, that's just like that time you combined those animé pictures and called it a MIRAGE instead of a collage! Hahaha, that was great!"

Aha... ha... ha... Just shut up and just do the damn editing!

Finally, she reached the two _ad_joined rooms. "This is it. Have fun. We'll call you for dinner." We were silent for a moment, looking at her expectantly. She put her hands on her hips and glared at us. "What now?"

"Usually this is the part where you say you want to hear about our travels," Chiriko told her.

"I don't give a rat's ass." The woman walked off.

"Charming, isn't she?" Nuriko said sarcastically.

xxx

"You don't see such a large travel group so often," Chui's father said at dinner, trying to break the silence.

"We're the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi no da," explained Chichiri - quite openly, may I add. "We're in search of the shinzaho no da."

"THE SUZAKU AND SEIRYUU SEISHI?" the woman shrieked. She bowed so fast that she smacked her head against the floor. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"It's all right," I said, trying to comfort her. "You don't have to be sorry about anything. I know it couldn't have been the greatest thing to hear you had to cook for so many extra people. Believe me, my brother made me cook huge breakfasts for him and his friends."

"I'll have to make it up to you!" She ran off.

"I'm scared to see what she has in mind," her husband muttered.

Chui, the little boy, frowned and hung his head. "Mama was supposed to read to me a story tonight. She won't have time now."

"I'll read you a story," I offered, smiling.

"Really?" Chui looked up.

"Really really."

"Yay! Let's go!" The little boy ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and ran down the hall to a room that I figured was his. He let go of my hand, walked to a table and chose a book out of a pile of three. He held the book up, smiling almost as oh-so-cutely as Chichiri. Almost. "This is my favorite!"

I saw the Chinese characters on the front. "Eh… it's your favorite story?"

He nodded.

"Well then, you've probably heard it a million times, right? Wouldn't you like to hear a different story? One from my world?"

"Your world?" His little-boy eyes widened excitedly. "So you're a priestess!" I nodded, happy that he seemed interested. He shook his head. "No, I don't want to hear it."

I face-vaulted, then stood up quickly and faked a smile. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I forced a smile, and said cheezily - I'm aware this isn't a word- "Listen little youngster, I can't read this crazy Chinese writing you have, or any Chinese writing in that case. So, I'll just tell you a story from your world, and you're gonna enjoy it!" I cocked my head hard, teeth gritting together so hard they made noise. "Okay?"

"Oh…" The boy looked disappointed, but then smiled. "Okay! Tell me a story from your world then." He jumped on his bed, and buried himself under the covers.

I sat in a chair that was placed near the side of his bed. Titles of stories ran through my mind, and finally I decided on one that was familiar. "Once upon a time there was a mermaid princess who lived far below the sea."

"What's a mermaid?"

"It's a person who has fins instead of legs. They can swim underwater but look like people."

Chui ducked his head under the blankets. "That's scary."

"Heh…" I sweatdropped. "It's not all that bad if you see a picture. Anyway, she was always finding odd treasures, and she loved collecting them…"

The door burst open.

"Harii-chan! You won't believe it!"

"THE MONSTER! WAAAAAH!" Chui jumped up and hugged me.

"Ah…" Blue lines appeared under Genrou's eyes. "I'll tell ya later, okay?" He hung his head and began walking out.

"No, wait Genrou." I made sure Genrou had stopped, and then looked down at Chui. "Chui-chan, calm down. He's not a monster, he's my friend. Watch." I set him down on the bed and walked over to Genrou, hugging him around the middle while facing Chui. "See? He's huggable!"

"Yer always finding excuses to hug me." Genrou growled, sweatdropping and not hugging back.

Chui wasn't crying anymore, but looked at us with a blank expression.

"Hug me back," I whispered.

"What the hell for?" he hissed back, with more than a hint of anger in his voice.

"He's gotta see you're not dangerous."

Genrou sighed, then awkwardly hugged me back. I had half-expected him to refuse and found myself blushing happily.

"Huggable?" Chui sniffed.

"Huggable!" I squeezed Genrou more.

Genrou winced. "I'm not gonna be able to breath Harii-chan!"

"HUGGABLE!" Chui ran to Genrou and grabbed him around the leg. I looked up to see Genrou's staring blankly at the kid.

A sweatdrop formed on his head. "I'm glad the guys back at Mt. Reikaku aren't here to see this."

"HUGGABLE!" I squeezed Genrou more.

"HUGGABLE!" chimed Chui, squeezing Genrou more.

The bandit squirmed. "ITAI!"

xxx

"My sister's an idiot. And I didn't ask her to cook… much," said Max.

"I think it's kinda cute."

"CUTE?" Max roared. "Did you just say the word cute?" He raised a fist threateningly.

"Uh, uh, uh, no! I said lame!" Colin exclaimed, shuffling back with his hands up. "That's really, _really_ lame."

"That's what I thought," the older boy relaxed.

xxx

Chui ran back to the bed, covering himself with the blankets. "Harii-san, tell me the story now."

"Wait, what were you going to tell me?" I asked Genrou, releasing the bone-crushing hug.

The bandit rubbed his aching ribcage, walking towards the door. "Nevermind, I'll just show you after you tell Chui-chan the story." He practically sprinted out, probably

I shrugged, then walked over to the chair, sat down, and began the story.

xxx

"...And the former princess mermaid married the prince, living happily ever after."

Chui looked up at me, frowning slightly. "The stories in your world are lame."

I sweatdropped. "Heh… yeah, I guess they are kinda dumb."

Chui yawned and closed his eyes.

"Good night Chui-chan."

"Good night Harii-san, and tell Mr. Scary Face I said good night too."

I laughed. "I will." I quietly closed the door behind me as I left the room, and walked to the rooms we were shown earlier. I gasped at the sight before me. There were six doors where there were two before! I walked into the first room. The others were all there, chatting.

Amiboshi walked up to me. "Isn't this amazing? The woman built all these rooms when she left! We all swear she's some sort of former seishi."

"Or she's just some crazy lady," Genrou said with a laugh.

"Now that you're here Harii-chan, we need to figure out room assignments no da," explained Chichiri.

"I'll still go with Nakago-sama." Soi held onto his arm even tighter.

"_Naki-chan_!" corrected Dee.

"Please… please keep me away from this mad woman," he begged, narrow blue eyes trying to get as cute and puppy-doggish as possible.

Tamahome smiled devilishly. "I think we should keep them together."

Nakago's mascara-covered eyes starting pouring tears. "NO! PLEASE...!" Soi dragged him off before he could finish.

"I'll go with Nuriko," said Tamahome.

Chiriko sweatdropped. "We kind of figured."

"I'm rooming with Harii-chan!" Amiboshi swung his arm around me.

"Eh…"

"I don't think so!" yelled Genrou. "Who knows what you'll try and do, ya creep!"

"Dee-chan and Harii-chan will room together no da," Chichiri said quickly, hoping to keep a fight apart.

I grinned winningly. "I think Dee-chan should room with you, Chichiri."

"Wha (no da)?" Dee and Chichiri both exclaimed, blushing bright red.

"And I'll room with Ashitare." I hugged the wolfman around the neck.

"RAH!"

"And I'll room with the two of you!" said Amiboshi. Genrou glared at him, so the seishi supplied, "Well, there has to be a group of three."

"You'll room with Snoop Dogu," Chichiri said quickly, still trying to keep the inevitable fight from erupting. "And Tasuki, you'll room with Mitsukake and Chiriko."

xxx

"I don't completely understand Harii-chan no da."

Dee sweatdropped and sat down on one of the two beds. "I'm her best friend, and even I don't understand her sometimes."

"I guess that's what makes life interesting no da." Chichiri sat up suddenly, clapping a fist into his open palm. "Oh! We should give Hotohori-sama a report no da!"

Dee turned blue and ran to a corner. She huddled down in a little ball, stroking the floor with her index finger.

"Eh, Dee-chan no da…?" Chichiri put a hand on her shoulder.  
She turned back and pawed the air, extending her fingers and hissing like an angry cat. "Kheeh!"

"WHOA NO DA!" He jumped back, confused. "Don't you want to give a report to Hotohori-sama no da?" The color around her changed to a darker shade of blue and she huddled down even further, shuddering. "Oh, I see no da. It's about Hotohori-sama no da." He frowned oh-so-cutely. "You couldn't help that you didn't return his feelings no da."

Silence filled the room for a moment. Finally, Dee spoke. "I feel so bad about it. He really was serious about marrying me and I told him 'no.' That must've really hurt."

Chichiri sighed and took off his mask. "You did the right thing no da." Dee jumped at the seriousness of his lower voice. "How do you think he would feel if you said 'yes' when you really didn't love him no da? He would have figured it out eventually. Part of loving a person is wanting them to be happy no da. Hotohori-sama is a very understanding person, he knows you didn't want to hurt him." The monk put his hand on Dee's shoulder again, and she looked back.

The Priestess smiled, eyes curling upwards. "_Arigatou_, Chichiri."

He nodded.

"But um…" Dee poked her index fingers together, going chibi. "Do you think you could just talk to him and tell him I'm busy? I don't think I can face him just yet."

"Sure no da."

xxx

"OH NAKAGO! I LOVE YOU!"

"Get away from me Soi!"

"You mean, you don't love me?" Soi looked at him, chibi tears forming on her chibi face.

"You haven't figured that out yet?"

Soi smiled. "You silly joker! Always the kidder, that's my Nakago-sama."

"_Naki-chan_!" Dee's voice corrected from nowhere.

Soi ignored the outburst. She clutched onto him and puckered up her lips. "Kissy...!"

"AAAAAH!"

xxx

"I don't trust him, I don't trust him, I don't trust him… OW!" Mitsukake slapped a piece of paper onto Genrou's face. The bandit peeled it off of himself and looked at it confusingly. "_Let it go, dammit._" He blinked. "LET IT GO? What if Amiboshi tried somethin' terrible an' horrible!"

"But Harii-san has Ashitare-san to protect her," said Chiriko.

"What if he did something to the both of them? What if Ashitare tries something? Maybe this cutesy dog thing is just an act," Genrou argued. "I better go check on her!"  
He stood up, but Mitsukake dragged him back to the bed and forced him to sit down, slapping another paper across his face. "_You crazy bandit. She'll be fine, don't worry about her._" He looked up from the paper. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Tasuki-san, she'll be fine. Your mind is so clouded with your one motive to protect Harii-san that you make up things to protect her from."

"What?" Genrou looked over at Chiriko with that blank expression that so often pasted his face.

"You care about Harii-san, and you want to feel like you've done something for her. Protecting her from a guy who tries to take advantage of her is a way to do that. You've already helped her in a lot of ways, but you're always looking for more ways to help her."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Genrou scowled, folding his arms across his chest. "Why would I want to help a girl? They're always getting me in trouble."

xxx

Amiboshi twisted his hands, looking up at his twin. "Brother, forgive me if it seems I haven't been wanting to be around you lately. It's just, I want to spend time with Harii. I want to show her what it would be like to stay in this world with me."

"I understand." Snoop Dogu sighed. "But don't get your hopes up, Amiboshi. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt. And tonight, I need to tell Harii exactly how I feel." He walked out of the room.

"Good luck brother."

xxx

"I see. You have been busy," stated Hotohori after Chichiri's report. "Although I don't understand how what you did to Nakago is a punishment. It's nice to feel pretty every now and then."

"Daaaa…" The monk sweatdropped. "How are things at the palace no da?"

"Wonderful. There's a new empress."

"A new empress no da?"

"A NEW EMPRESS?" Dee jumped up from her blue corner and ran over to the mirror.

Hotohori's eyes widened. "Dee… I thought you were taking a bath."

"Oh, I, uh, just came in." She quickly changed the subject. "So you found an empress?"

"Yes, her name is Houki. We married yesterday."

"That was fast…" muttered Dee.

"And she's pregnant."

Dee fell over.

Hotohori looked through the mirror, glancing around concern. "Uh… where'd Dee go?"

"Uh..." Chichiri looked down at the face-planted priestess. "She's still here." He looked up again, bowing his head apologetically. "Sorry, I can't hold the spell any longer! _Sayonara _no da!"

"_Sayonara _Chichiri, and good luck to everyone." The picture in the mirror faded, and Chichiri set it down. "Dee-chan? Um… Dee-chan?"

She responded with a twitch. Chichiri pulled her up. Dee rubbed the back of her head, blushing a little. "Heh… thanks. It's just, Hotohori-sama moves fast, doesn't he?"

"Perhaps he's known her for a while no da."

"Maybe. I'm relieved he's found somebody though." Dee sighed, as if to prove her point. She turned to unpack her bag.

"Well, I'm tired no da." Chichiri yawned, also to prove his point. He walked over to his bag in the corner, set down his staff, and pulled off his cloak and shirt.

Dee looked up from her bag, turning around slightly. "Hey Chichiri, where do you keep the - WHOOOOOOOOA!" Dee's jaw dropped as chibi eyes almost popped out of her head. She had always thought of the monk as pretty cute and thin, and she'd always assumed he was in decent shape from walking everywhere, but his slightly-loose shirt and _kesa_ never revealed just how, well, _built_ he was. "Daaaaaamn..." (1)

"Uh?" Chichiri looked up and turned bright red. "I must be so tired I forgot I was rooming with you no da! _Gomen _no da!" He quickly threw on another off-white shirt.

_(1)Haley note: Was anyone else shocked upon seeing Chichiri's naked chest for the first time in the 2nd OVA? I know I was, lol. I pretty much quietly said, "whoa…" and stared. Then I rewinded it and watched it again. _

"Chichiri… I'm sorry!" Dee turned around with a squiggly chibi mouth. "I shouldn't have stared like that."

"It's okay no da. You were just shocked that I'd do that. I understand no da."

Dee giggled nervously, nodding fast and muttering under her breath. "Yeah… I was just shocked that you'd do that. I hope you really think that, and not that I just was shocked at seeing your hot sexy bod."

"What? I conveniently didn't here you no da."

"Uh, nothing! Nevermind! G'night!"

"Good night, no da...?"

xxx

I answered the knock at my door. Amiboshi's smile greeted me. "Harii. May I come in?"

"I guess."

I closed the door behind him. "Ashitare, can Harii and I talk alone?"

"RaaaAaaah." Ashitare raised his eyebrow at the boy.

"I just need to talk to her!"

"RAH!" Ashitare stood up on his hind legs. It shocked me a bit, because he didn't do it often and I always seemed to forget how tall he was. He gently pushed Amiboshi face forward to a wall and padded him down much like a policeman would. Then he turned him around and stared him in the face, as if trying to see into his mind. "Rah." He approved by a nod of the head and walked out.

"He's weird," Amiboshi said.

I smiled. "But he's a good friend." Amiboshi turned around to face me and quickly held my hands in his own. "Uh...?"

"Harii, I shouldn't hold this off any longer. I may not get another chance to tell you." He looked down and grimaced. "With Genrou always getting in the way…" He looked up and smiled. "But that doesn't matter. I've got to tell you this while I can."

"Amiboshi…" I had a strange feeling that I knew what he was going to say.

He slipped his arms around my waist, leaving my hands on his upper arms. "Harii, I... I love you." He touched his lips to mine and held them there.

xxx

"GROSS!"

Colin rolled his eyes. "Get over it Max, you knew that someday somebody might say that to your sis."

xxx

I pushed him back and looked down. "I'm sorry, but…" I wasn't sure how to end that sentence, though. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's not that." I looked up at him. I had to tell him. "I don't feel the same way."

"Oh…"

"YOU GOT TUUUUURNED DOWN!" The toothless hobo flashed a grin.

"Get out of here!" Amiboshi yelled.

"AH!" The hobo scurried out of a nearby window, then poked his head back in. "The Priestess does have feelings of love though!" He disappeared, cackling as he went.

"Huh?" We both looked towards the window, then back at each other. I was definitely more confused than Amiboshi.

The Seiryuu seishi laughed. "You don't have to be scared about your feelings for me. I won't hurt you, I promise."

He embraced me in a hug. I had to admit, it felt nice. Something was holding me back from accepting it though. "Amiboshi… this isn't right."

"What?" He pushed back. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't love you. I would know if I did, wouldn't I?"

"Then who do you love?"

"I don't know." I thought through everyone in the world, and in the other world. A face popped up in my head. "Actually... I do know."

He smiled. "Good. I'm glad you see now you're true feelings."

"It's still not you."

He fell over. "Wha…?"

I threw open the door, ran out and grabbed the hand of the fang-toothed man, bringing him into the room. "I know who I love now. And it's you… Ashitare!" I grabbed the wolfman in a tight hug.

xxx

My brother's mouth hit the floor. "WHAT THE HELL?"

"Your sister is whack no da!"

"Quit acting like the characters!" Max hit Colin over the head with a book.

"Sorry… but that sister of yours is really weird. I knew she was crazy, but… whoa."

xxx

"Rah?" Ashitare looked down with a question mark floating above his head.

I kept my grip on Ashitare as I turned to face the flutist. "You're not mad, are you?"

His face was bright red, fists clenched, and I could hear his teeth gritting together. "No… not at all…"

"GOOD!" I hugged Ashitare tigher. "Then all's well!"

"RAH!" Ashitare squirmed in my hold. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Ashitare's head. He pushed me back and slapped me hard across the face, careful not to let his claws scratch me.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" Amiboshi ran to me and grabbed my hands, pulling them back to examine my face. "You're lucky he didn't really hurt you." He immediately grabbed me, holding me away from Ashitare. He glared at the wolfman. "Are you _asking _us to punish you the way we did Naki-chan?"

"THANK YOU ASHITARE!" I scrambled out of Amiboshi's hold and hugged Ashitare. "I see now. I'm sorry, I was acting like a total idiot."

"Uh…" The flute player stared at me with chibi eyes. "Er… I think I'm confused."

"I don't really love Ashitare."

Amiboshi's eyes go even bigger, if that was possible. "But… you just… hobo… what?"

"RAH!"

Amiboshi clenched his teeth as a vein popped out. "I don't understand your crazy wolfman jibberish!"

"Rah…" The wolfman hung his head.

I faced Amiboshi with a sweatdrop. "What he was trying to say was that my judgment was clouded because I've been thinking with my head and not my heart, and because I'm afraid of commitment!"

"All of that in one 'rah'?" Amiboshi muttered to himself. His face brightened, a ray of hope in his eyes. "Wait… so you could love me?"

I blushed. "I have no idea! I think that crazy old hobo was just saying things to confuse me! The sad part is, he did a good job…" I muttered at the end. There was a moment of awkward silence. I looked up expectantly. "Um… Amiboshi, this is the part where you leave."

"Rah!"

"Oh… um, well then _oyasumi_!"

"_Oyasumi, _Amiboshi."

Ashitare waited until Amiboshi had left before turning back to me. "Rah, rah rah!"

"Oh, you're going to go get a drink of water?" Even I wasn't quite sure how I figured that out from RAH!

"RAH!"

"Okay."

Ashitare walked out of the door as well, leaving me alone.

"Hehe, you are one confused little blondie!" The hobo sat on the window ledge, his eyes closed with a smile.

"YOU!" I grabbed him by his already-torn collar. "Gotcha now, so you better get to explaining!"

"Uh-oh…" The dirty old man sweatdropped. "Hobo-san hasn't been caught yet. Hobo-san is in quite the predicament."

"Since when has a hobo used such a big word?" I asked.

"Hobos can be smart!" he reminded me.

I shook my head. "Nevermind that, just tell me what the hell you've been doing running around here. And wait… didn't Dee and I see you in the library?" I inspected him closer. "It _is _you! How is that possible for you to travel to the book with us?"

The hobo relaxed. "I guess it's about time I told you." That voice... it was familiar, but I hadn't heard it in this world before...

_Poof!_ The hobo turned into a cloud, and I moved back startled as he disappeared. "That bastard! He's some sort of sorcerer."

"I'm a bit more than that."

I jumped, looking around wildly. "What… who…?"

"Look down."

I looked down and jumped again. "It's… it's you!"

"No, it's YO MAMA!" The freaky cat thing who had gotten us sucked into this world stood in front of me, balancing his hind legs with his front paws on his hips.

I sweatdropped. "Geez..." A scene flashed in my mind: Genrou flailing his arms in the water, and the hobo running off. I immediately grabbed the cat by the scruff of the neck and shook him a couple times. "You were the one who tripped Genrou! You must have known he couldn't swim! Why would you do that?"

The cat stared back cooly. "You and your friend had it too easy! The plan was that you would have to be some sort of enemies. But noooo!" His voice raised to a mocking soprano. "You had to be besties!" He changed his voice back to its regular form. "I had to create some kind of danger for you. Besides, I'm a Canadian. I couldn't let you get off easily after you insulted my people."

I turned chibi, blue lines appearing under my eyes. "Talk about crazy Canadians. Man, you really overreacted. You know, if I told Genrou what you did and who you are, he would turn you into fried cat on a stick!"

The animal smirked. "Funny, I haven't talked to you for very long, but you've mentioned Genrou twice in our conversation, and once of those times you were worried about him."

I blushed. "What the hell are you smirking for? He comes into our conversation, so what?"

"I think you should think about it, but not using your head. _Ciao_…" With that, the cat vanished in a puff of purple smoke.  
_  
'What the hell did he mean by that?'_ I shook my head. _'He's just trying to confuse me, I guess...'_

_xxx_

"I knew that hobo was somebody!" exclaimed Max.

Colin sighed, rolling his eyes. "So did I, you're no hero."

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: *Sigh* Another wasted chapter. Well, at least you two morons managed to stick in some romance, and I got a bit of screentime.  
DEE: Speaking of romance, I feel a little gypped. How come Haley-chan has one guy admit his love for her and another practically admit his love for her? What do I get, huh?  
HALEY: A shirtless Chichiri?  
DEE: Oh yeeeeeeah... on second thought, never mind, that's a fair trade-off.  
FREAKY CAT THING: Could we please just get this over with? Hurry up and meet the Byakko seishi and summon your damn gods already!  
DEE: 'Damn gods'? Aw snap, Suzaku's gonna have your ass for that one!  
HALEY: Ah-heh... stick around for the next riveting chapter: "The Priestess' Panties of Pleasure!"


	13. The Priestess' Panties of Pleasure!

**Chapter Thirteen:  
The Priestess' Panties of Pleasure**

I knocked on Dee-chan's door as soon as I woke up the morning after finding out the hobo's true identity. Chichiri answered, hair frizzled in every direction. He rubbed his eye sleepily. "_Ohayou_…" The monk let out a loud yawn. "…no da."

"Sorry Chichiri, I didn't mean to wake you up. I wanted to talk to Dee."

"Oh, don't worry about it no da. We should all be getting up soon anyway no da..." Chichiri's head drooped slowly downwards.

"Um... Chichiri… um…" I poked him in the shoulder.

The monk turned chibi and jumped up. "I'm up no da! I'm up no da! Oh.. Harii-chan, I just had a dream we talked no da!" He looked around, blinking in confusion. "What am I doing at the door no da?"

"Eh…" I sweatdropped. "Is Dee-chan awake?"

"Oh." Chichiri looked behind him. "She's not here no da. She must be somewhere else no da."  
_  
'Wow, thanks for the advice,'_ I thought. "Chichiri…did you sleep all right?"

The monk sweatdropped. "Not really no da. I had a lot on my mind no da."

"About what?" I asked.

He sighed. "I think it's something I need to figure out by myself no da."

"I see… well, I'm gonna go look for Dee. I hope you figure everything out."

"Thanks no da."

"Sure." I smiled as I headed towards the kitchen. Dee wasn't in the kitchen, but Chui was.

"Harii-san!" He ran up and hugged me around the waist.

"Chui-chan! Did you sleep well last night?"

"Yeah, I sure did! I had a dream that I was a mermaid."

I laughed. "Oh, no, you mean a merman."

"No, a mermaid."

"Oh…" I sweatdropped. "Chui-chan, have you seen my friend, the other girl Dee?"

"You mean that kinky one that's always with that masculine-looking blonde girl?"

"Uh… no, I mean the brunette with the glasses." I was silently thankful Dee - and Nakago - _and _Soi - didn't hear him say that.

"Oh, no, I haven't. Mr. Scary Face is the only other one of your friends who's awake. He's out getting water from the well."

"I think I'll go say 'hi' to him." I smiled at the boy. "Where's the well at?"

"It's to the right once you walk out the front door."

"Thanks Chui-chan." It only took me a few minutes to find the well, along with a grumbling Genrou gathering water in six buckets.

"Crazy lady. How am I supposed to carry these back without a stick?"

"You don't have to carry them back all at once, silly bandit boy."

"AAAAH!" Genrou jumped, falling into the water.  
"Oops." I quickly ran to the pond and stuck out my hand to grab his, pulling the struggling bandit to safety. The bandit crawled out on his hands and knees, gasping for breath as I knelt next to him with my hand on his back.

"Mr. Scary Face can't swim?" Neither of us had noticed the little boy next to us.

"She just scared me, that's all!" Genrou snapped. "With her crazy jumpin' up an' screamin' at me like that!".

"You call that jumping up and screaming?" I asked, sweatdropping.

He just folded his arms and scowled. "With yer face, anybody'd be scared."

"WHAT WAS THAT?" I grabbed him by the collar of his coat. "I'm not the one called Mr. Scary Face here!" I felt my knuckles touch the bare skin on his chest, and blushed. He wasn't wearing the white shirt underneath his coat like usual; instead, he just had a "V" of bare chest. I quickly let go. "Um… Genrou… why aren't you wearing your white shirt like you usually do?"

"Huh?" He looked down at his chest. "Oh, that. Well, I always feel sexy, but sometimes I want to feel extraaa sexaaay." He licked his palm and rubbed his hand from his chest down to his waist.(1)

Bright red flashed over my face, and I quickly covered the little boy's eyes, not realizing then that he was done with his little sexy bit.

_(1)Haley note: Anyone notice this too? Sometimes Genrou would wear white shirt underneath, and sometimes he wouldn't. I liked it better when he didn't. He's sooo sexaaaayyy…(_gets slapped by Dee-chan)

The bandit began filling up the buckets. "Well, aren't ya gonna help me?" he asked after I stood there for a while, face completely blank.

"Oh, right!" I knelt down next to him and began filling the buckets as well. _'The hobo said to think with your heart…why does that come to me now?'_ I shook my head. _'It doesn't matter. I can't let what he said… or whatever it is, bother me. But what if it's something that will help me summon Seiryuu? Then I need to find it out…'_

"Um… Harii-chan?"

I looked up. Genrou was standing next to me, holding three buckets and staring at me blankly along with Chui. I had already filled the other three buckets, and hadn't even noticed. "Genrou… how long was I just sitting here like this?"

"A pretty long time," he answered with a sweatdrop.

"Oh…heh…sorry, I didn't sleep much last night," I lied. To Chui, I added, "We better not make your mom wait too long." I carried the trio of buckets as the three of us walked off.

xxx

"Dee-chan, you're up! Where were you earlier?" I wondered, entering the kitchen.

She raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? I just came from my room to here."

"Oh… heh, Chichiri must have been more out of it then I thought," I muttered to myself. "Anyway, I need to talk to you." I motioned for her to follow me into the empty hallway. "You won't believe what happened. You know that hobo?"

"How could I forget him?"

"Well, he's the cat."

"WHAT?" Dee face-vaulted. "You mean that cat full o' attitude?"

"Yup. They're one and the same. I finally was able to grab him last night, and he explained himself. He did leave me a little confused, though." I sighed. "I just thought you should know that."

Dee looked like she might say something, but a sweet, delightful aroma filled the air. "Do you smell that?" she asked with chibi eyes, clasping her hands together.  
"Let's eat!"

xxx

"Harii-san! I'll miss you!" Chui hugged me as we all began to set off.

I bent over and hugged him back. "I'll miss you too Chui-chan."

"And I'll miss you too Mr. Scary Face!" Chui released his hold and ran over to Genrou.

To everybody's surprise, the bandit picked up the little boy and lifted him so they were face to face. "Next time I hear of ya, ya better be a tough man that nobody messes with."

The little boy nodded and smiled.

"Naki-chan, did you give that boy some of that kodoku wine?" asked Snoop Dogu. The general shook his head. The twin may not have believed him if it wasn't for the honestly-surprised look on his face.

Genrou carefully put the boy back down.

"And I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow!" The boy ran to a nearby scarecrow, hugging its leg.

Dee sweatdropped. "Damn Kansas jokes."

xxx

We were getting closer to the Sairou, when a girl with dark hair tied in loops and dressed in a traditional outfit stepped onto the path from an adjoining one. Tamahome scrunched his eyes, then yelled, "Xi Fang!" The girl quickly turned around and ran towards us.

"Tamahome, is that you?" Tamahome jumped off the horse and hugged her, much to Nuriko's displeasure.

"Oh, and who exactly is this?" Nuriko asked, grabbing Tamahome's arm to make a point.

"This is Xi Fang, Tokaki's daughter. Xi Fang, this is Nuriko."

The new girl bowed politely. "Please to meet you."

"Hi," Nuriko said snappishly.

Tamahome sweatdropped. "Actually, it's a good thing we ran into you. We need to see your father."

"Oh, I was just going home. I'll take you there."

xxx

"Tamahome! Is that you?" An old woman with very long hair ran up to him. "It seems you've found the priestess and her seishi, but…" The woman looked back and forth between us. "I thought there were only seven seishi."

We face-vaulted off the horses.

"We're the seishi of both Suzaku and Seiryuu no da."

"Oh…"

"Is it really you?" A very grizzled old man walked up to Tamahome, but didn't hug him like the others. He looked the young man up and down, nodding slightly. "You've grown well… Symbol-Ass."

"WHAT?" we all exclaimed, nearly falling off our horses again.

Mitsukake held up a piece of paper: _Did you just call him Symbol-Ass?_

"Yes. That's what the other little boys used to call him when they saw his symbol."

Everyone was silent. Until…

"HAHAHAHA! SYMBOL-ASS?" Genrou held his side with one arm, laughing, and pointed with his other. He fell on the ground, still laughing helplessly at the incredibly pissed off Tamahome.

xxx

"Symbol-Ass?" asked Colin. "I can never complain about anything anybody calls me anymore."

"When would the other boys have seen his ass?" Max wondered suddenly.

The two boys looked at each other for a moment.

Colin sweatdropped, or would have if he'd been anime. "Good question..."

xxx

The next morning, the group - including Tokaki, Subaru and Xi Fang - headed towards the shrine of Byakko to gather the second shinzaho. A man with long, greyish-brown hair and soft eyes greeted us. I knew this because I was touching his eyes when we met him.

"Um…" the man mumbled as I stroked his eyeballs.

"Harii-chan, what the hell are you doing?" Genrou grabbed my arm and pulled it down.

"Don't be so rough with her!" exclaimed Amiboshi. "She's a delicate flower."

"A delicate what?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes at the flute player.

"I mean, a strong flower."

I glared at him.

"A strong TREE!"

I smiled. "That's better."

Tokaki sweatdropped. "Um…"

Chichiri mirrored the action, bowing slightly in apology. "I'm sorry no da. We do have a strange group."

"You should talk," Tamahome muttered.

"You're the one with the symbol on your ass, Symbol-Ass!" retorted Genrou.

Tamahome grabbed Genrou's collar, hair flying up above his head. Dee leapt into Chichiri's arms, pointing frantically. The monk blushed, but she was too busy yelping to notice. "Ah! Scary DBZ character!"

Tamahome ignored her, glaring at Genrou. "At least I don't have a scary face, Mr. Scary Face!"

A lightning bolt flew out of the air and crashed down on the two seishi. They both let go of each other as sparks flew off them, spun around a few times, then dazedly fell to the ground.

Soi smiled as she held onto Naki-chan. "That should shut them up for a while."

"Uh…" The man with the soft eyes smiled as he sweatdropped. "Well, I'm Tatara, guardian of the shrine of Byakko. Come in."

We followed him as he walked into the temple. The room was so massive it needed pillars to support its arching ceiling. In front of us was a statue of Byakko, and in front of that was a statue of a girl with long braids. She was completely naked except for a pair of bright pink panties.

"Oh, Suzuno, my darling!" Tatara ran to the statue and began kissing it. "I hate to be away from you, but I had to greet these people. What's that?" He held his ear to the mouth of the statue. "Oh, I love you too!" he cried, then wrapped his arms around the statue.

All of us except for our host and hostesses stood, chibi-eyed. Tamahome and Genrou walked in.

"What the…!"

Tokaki covered Genrou's mouth. "Shh… Tatara and the real Suzuno have been parted for many years. Please don't make this any harder for him by pointing out it's weird," he whispered. He uncovered Genrou's mouth.

I had overheard. "You mean… you were in love with the Priestess of Byakko?" I asked, trying to inform the others indirectly.

"_Were _in love?" He broke the hug with the statue, but kept an arm around it as he snapped his fingers while yelling. "I AAAAM in love with her!"

"Oh… right." I sweatdropped. "That's what I meant."

"THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT?" He snapped his fingers once more, than stopped in mid-snap. "Oh. That's what you meant. Sorry."

"Brother, I think you should stop being in love with the Priestess," said Snoop Dogu. His twin nodded blankly.

My best friend wasn't very good at being indirect. She pointed chibily at the statue's underwear, trying not to look as freaked out as she felt. "Um… why did you put panties on her?"

"This," he snapped the panty waistline with his index finger, making the rest of us shudder, "is the shinzaho."

"THAT?" Dee and I shrieked, turning various shades of blue and green.

"You mean… you mean I have to wear THOSE?" I yelled.

"That's right." He grinned. "And…" He turned the statue around, revealing that the panty was thong-style.

We both face-vaulted.

xxx

"Why is this world so kinky?" asked Colin.

"I don't know, but I wonder what that statue looks like." Max licked his lips.

xxx

"We should get back to the palace soon no da." Chichiri untied his kesa and spread it on the floor. "Everyone step on no da!"

This proved quite difficult, but everyone managed to fit once Mitsukake picked up Chiriko and Soi shimmied into Nakago's arms. He didn't so much hold her as she clung to him, Koala-style, but it worked well enough. As we stepped on, Tatara held out the panties to me. I hesitantly took it.

"Wait." He took it back from me, sniffed it, and then handed it back. I shivered.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you longer," Tamahome told his old teacher.

"You can visit us later. Right now you have a prophecy to fulfill, Symbol-Ass," said Tokaki.

Tamahome forced a smile. Genrou broke it when he chuckled, and Tamahome threw an angry glance at him. We all sunk into the kesa.

xxx

"Wait a second…" said Snoop Dogu, as we arrived in the palace. "Why didn't you use that power throughout our journey to get the shinzahos?"

Chichiri shrugged. "It was more fun the other way no da."

"More fun for the story!" Dee flashed a chibi victory sign.

"Dee!" Hotohori ran to her, and enveloped her in a thick hug. I'm not sure how a hug can be thick, but it was. Like gravy. "I'm glad to see your all right."

Genrou frowned as he folded his arms. "What about us?"

Hotohori let go of Dee. "I'm glad to see everybody but you is okay." He smiled, and Genrou sweat-dropped as he scowled even harder. I grabbed onto his arm and leaned into him. He looked over at me with a "what'd you do that for?" look.

"You looked like you needed it," I explained.

He sighed irritably.

"We'll start the preparations for the summoning tomorrow," said Hotohori. "Tonight we'll celebrate, and ya'll can meet the new empress."

xxx

"Did he just say y'all?" asked Colin.

"Keep reading!" Max snapped. "I wanna get this over with!"

xxx

Hotohori started to list off the different dishes they'd serve at the party that evening. "We'll have sesame chicken…"

"Score!" Dee exclaimed.

"... The best sake in Konan…"

"_Oryaa_!" the bandit exclaimed.

"...Cheesecake…"  
"Mmm…" mmmm'd Nuriko. Vaguely, Dee and I wondered where they'd gotten the cheese. And the cake.

"...Dog food…"

Everyone sweatdropped, except for Ashitare who "RAH'd" happily.

"What are you rah-ing for?" asked Hotohori.

"Because of the dog food," I explained for him.

"But the party's only for the Suzaku warriors," said Hotohori. The Seiryuu gang - myself included - stared at him. "You have to start the preparations for the summoning right away," he explained. "That way, you can give the two shinzaho to us as soon as you are done."

All of us face-vaulted.

"Chichiri, please take them back now," the emperor ordered.

"Hotohori-sama," the monk said carefully. "I think they should celebrate with us tonight no da."

Hotohori's face grew twice its normal size, and he grew fangs even larger than the bandit's as he screamed. "TAKE THEM NOOOOOOW!" He shrunk again, smiling sweetly. "Thank you."

"Right… no da…" He pulled off his kesa and spread it on the floor again, chibi hands shaking from the emperor's sudden outburst.

"Well, I'll see ya when we get home I guess," I said to Dee.

"Yeah, I hope nobody has stolen my Jeff Boschee bookmark." She clenched her fists protectively, fires lighting her eyes at the thought of her beloved KU basketball player.

"Uh… I don't think you need to worry about that." I turned to the Suzaku seishi. "Thanks for everything," I glared at Hotohori, grinning angelically, "except for you." He ignored me. I smiled at the others. "I'll miss you all," I glared at Hotohori again, "except for you."

To my surprise, the incredibly tall, incredibly muscular, incredibly deep-voiced Mitsukake walked up to me and practically curled over me as he hugged me. He pulled away and handed me a piece of paper. It was written in English. Bad English, but hey, it's the thought that counts: _I wil miss u two._ I smiled up at him as I sweat-dropped. "Thanks."

"Good luck summoning Seiryuu, Harii-san."

"Thanks Chiriko."

The little guy nudged the bandit, who looked over at him, then at me with a frown. He sighed. "Well, Harii-chan, I guess I won't say I hate girls anymore." He grinned. "I'll just say I hate th' people I hate!" I smiled at him and immediately hugged him from the side. For a moment, I thought he wouldn't hug me back, but then I felt his arms wrap around me. He pulled me back and kept his hands on my shoulders. "Now go summon Seiryuu like ya said y'would."

I nodded, feeling tears brim in my eyes. I quickly walked over to the kesa to keep him from seeing. The Seiryuu seishi all jumped on, and we teleported away.

xxx

"Finally, they're gonna come home!" Colin and Max embraced joyously. They held each other for a moment, then pulled away and cleared their throats.

"Look at these muscles!" Max flexed his forearm, trying to show how manly he was.

"Oh yeah? Check out these." Colin flexed his own.

"What about these babays?" The hobo grinned as he flexed, his biceps bulging much more than the two teen's.

xxx

"Here you are no da!"

"Thanks Chichiri." I hugged the monk. "Thanks for everything, and thanks for being so kind to Dee-chan. I know you're important to her."

When I pulled away, I saw the monk was blushing. "Sure no da… I guess I should get back to the party no da. _Jaa ne_ Harii-chan!" With that, the monk threw his _kasa _in the air, and jumped into it, the hat disappearing.

xxx

"Hey, wait a second!" exclaimed Tamahome. "Your new wife looks just like Nuriko! Hotohori, are you after my woman?" Tamahome instinctively grabbed Nuriko as he threw an angry glare at the emperor.

"Honey, you're overreacting…"

"Nuriko isn't a woman," Hotohori stated calmly.

Nuriko turned bright red. "Who told?"

Tamahome pointed to Mitsukake. He shook his head. Then he pointed to Chiriko, who shook his head. Then to Genrou, who shook his head. Then to Dee, who shook her head. Then to Chichiri, who sweatdropped.

"Sorry no da."

xxx

I fell backwards onto the bed and sighed with my arms outstretched. "I'm glad we're done… that was exhausting."

"RAH!" somebody rah'd from outside the door.

"Come on in Ashitare!" I sat up as he pushed open the door and trotted in on his four legs, then jumped on the bed. I scratched him behind the ear. "I guess I won't see you after tomorrow."

"Rah…" he rah'd sadly, tears beginning to stain his fur.

"Don't cry!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his fur. "If you cry, I'll start crying! And then we'll both be crying!"  
_  
Knock! Knock!_ "Harii, it's Amiboshi. Can I come in?"

I cleared my throat. "Yes."

He opened the door, and his eyes bulged upon seeing me hugging Ashitare. "I thought you said you didn't love Ashitare."

I sweatdropped. "I don't, we were just saying good-bye."

"Oh, good." He sighed and put his hand to his chest. He straightened up, walked towards me smiling, and took my hand between his. "I came to say good-bye too. I know you don't love me, and I'm okay with that. But, I want you to know, in case you're ever feeling lonely, that I'm always thinking about you." I stood up to hug him.

"_Arigatou_ Amiboshi, but I don't think I'll ever be feeling lonely. Dee-chan's always bothering me about something." I forced a laugh. "I'll be thinking of you too."

He pushed me away to look at my face. "Does that mean you love me?" he asked excitedly.

"Um… no…" We both sweatdropped. "I'm sorry."

He smiled. "That's okay. I'm happy I could be around you as much as I was."

I smiled back. "I'm glad too."

"Rah?" Ashitare cocked his head, and we both looked over at him, laughing.

Suddenly, a red ball appeared above the ceiling, and a hat formed in the air, then dropped to the ground. I heard shouting in the hat.

"Tasuki, get out of the way no da!"

"How c'n ya find the exit in this damn thing?"

"If you'd just be patient I'd show you no da!"

Ashitare jumped off the bed, stuck his snout into the hat, and pulled out the bandit by the back of his coat.

"SOMETHING'S GOT ME! AAAAH!" He struggled chibily, flailing his arms and legs.

"Genrou!" I ran over to him, knelt and hugged him around the neck.

"There's two of the bas… oh, Harii-chan! It's you!" I pulled away to glare at him.

"Did you mistake me for a monster again?"

He sweatdropped. "No… of course not, heh…" He stood up, and I noticed he had a flask in his hand and some bowls in the other. He looked over at Amiboshi. "What are you doing in here?" He scowled. "Not trying to give her a goodbye kiss, are ya?"

"Just a goodbye." Amiboshi glared right back. "What are you doing?"

He grinned. "I thought I'd bring Harii-chan a bit of the party."  
Ashitare had managed to find Chichiri, and pulled him out of the _kasa _by his _kesa_. Hey, try saying that three times fast.

"Tasuki, you could have helped no da!"

"You should know how to get out of your hat by yourself!"

"You're hopeless no da…"

"What do you mean by a bit of the party?" asked Amiboshi, obviously a little scared.

"I mean by bringin' me 'n' Chichiri of course! I woulda brought Dee too, but that mighta been a little noticeable. And also, some of the best sake you can find!" He held up the bottle. He set the bowls down on the table, and poured some in one. Then, he set down the flask and handed it to me.

"For me?"

"Who does it look like I'm handing it to?"

"You know she's never drank before!" exclaimed Amiboshi.

"That's the point! That way she'll remember us even if she tries to forget! Everyone remembers their first drinking experience!" He put an arm around me and held the bowl out again. "Besides, who can teach you to drink right better than yours truly?"

"You have odd logic." I smiled. "I don't think I could forget you guys even if I tried, but so you know I won't forget you…" I took the bowl and slowly sipped some down. I lowered the bowl. "It's pretty strong… but it's good! Really good! And it makes my tummy all warm." I held the bowl up and began gulping it down.

"Hey, watch it!" Genrou grabbed the bowl and pulled it away from my lips. "If it's your first time, you have to go slow."

I sweatdropped. "Sorry."

"Rah…" the wolfman cocked an eyebrow… er, fur-eyebrow... thing. Yeah.

"Yeah, that did sound kinky…" agreed Amiboshi. He then automatically flinched, staying in a crouched position. He slowly looked up, realizing Genrou hadn't heard. The two of us had sat down at the table, and he was pouring himself some sake.

"Hey Amiboshi, if you want some of this, you better come quick." Amiboshi began walking towards the table, but Ashitare grabbed his pant leg with a paw. Amiboshi looked down at the wolfman, who was leaning his head toward the door. Chichiri was in the doorway, with a sympathetic face, motioning for him to come to the hallway. Amiboshi then looked over at Genrou and me, sighing.

"Nah, I don't want any. I'll see you in the morning Harii. Bye Genrou!"

"Are you sure you…?" I started to ask.

"I'm sure." He walked out before I could say anymore, along with Ashitare and Chichiri.

"That's odd. Usually he'd be rambling about how he wanted to protect you." Genrou's eyes got big as he looked at me. "Did you two break up?"

"We were never together!" I exclaimed, but not loud enough for anyone outside the room to hear. "Maybe he just _knows_…" I mumbled.

"Knows what?"

"Nothing. Genrou, what happened when you first had sake?" I quickly changed the topic.

"I don't remember."

I laughed. "You mean you were really that drunk?"

"Yeah. I don't remember a thing. Koji told me I was dancing on the table with my shirt off, singing about how I loved girls."

I laughed even harder. "You must have been really drunk!"

He nodded, then looked up, a bit thoughtful and confused. "Ya know, I have no idea why I just told you about that. I wouldn't have said that if the others were in here."

I changed the subject again. "I bet you're happy about getting to see Koji soon."

He smiled. "I've been away from Mount Reikaku fer too long. I can't wait to get back, but I don't want this to end either."

"Wh… why?" I asked with a small blush.

He shrugged. "I'm not really sure. I've had fun though. Parts of it weren't so great… like Tomo…" He growled. "But there then there were good times too - whoa, that's your second already!" he exclaimed as I refilled my bowl again.

"Well, I probably won't get a chance to have sake for a long time after this, so…" I smiled, and drank the third one, even slower. "How was the party at Konan?"

"Nobody got drunk, if that's what you mean. Well, except for Nuriko and Tamahome, who…"

"No more!" I covered my ears.

"Yeah, we all wanted t'be blind at that moment."

By this time I had finished the third bowl, and set it down on the table. "Aaaaahh…"

His eyes grew big. "Most people would be drunk by now!" I grinned in reply. He sweatdropped. "I don't think you should have anymore. I wouldn't want you to have a hangover at the ceremony tomorrow."

"Yeah, I might mess it up the way Dee-chan did." I laughed. "Y'know, I still don't know what to wish for. Oh well, I'll figure it out when I get there." I was silent for a moment, and then mumbled, "I really wish you would be there with me."

"What? Why do you care if I'm there or not?"

I looked up, startled. I hadn't meant for him to hear, and why did I care? "Well, it's just…" I trailed off, not wanting to say anything, but he sat looking at me silently, waiting for an answer. "It's just that when I'm with you, I feel completely safe, and so happy. I guess it's because… it's because I love you." My eyes grew twice their size as I slapped my hands over my mouth. "GASP!" I gasp'd loudly.

That's what the cat had meant all along! I had finally figured it out, but not in the best way. Then, I smiled to myself in relief. "Oh wait, this is the part where he conveniently doesn't hear me."

"Uh… no. I heard ya loud an' clear."

I face-vaulted out of my chair. He came over and picked me up, sweatdropping. "You really are drunk." He started to carry me to the bed, and when I realized this, I began to blush.

"G... Genrou!" I managed to stammer out as he lay me down on the bed. "I shouldn't…"

"Don't worry." He grinned. "I won't tell anybody about it."

"You mean… you were planning this all along?" I asked, feeling a little betrayed.

"I couldn't let you leave without knowing you got a little taste. I'd feel like I'd let you down." He frowned. "Didn't you want some?"

"Well… I… I do love you, but I can't." My heart sank, wondering how someone I trusted so much could try and trick me like this.

He stared at me, confused. "What does love have t'do with drinkin' sake? Damn, you really are drunk."

I blinked once, twice, and then laughed with relief. "I thought…" I shook my head. "Nevermind."

Someone knocked on the door. "Tasuki! We need to get back soon no da!"

"All right Chichiri, just a second!" He turned back to face me. "Good luck Harii-chan. You'll probably remember tonight, so don't feel stupid about saying you loved me. I know you didn't mean it. Hell, I told Koji that one time." I felt partly relieved, partly disappointed, and partly weirded out at Genrou's last statement at that moment, but I managed to force a smile. The emotionally-challenged bandit stood up and waved. "Good luck Harii-chan, although rakki Harii probably doesn't need any." He began to walk out.

"Wait!" I grabbed his arm, and he looked back, startled.

"You have good coordination when you're drunk."

A small sweatdrop appeared on my forehead, and then I looked straight at him to see his reaction. "Since I won't see you again…" I didn't want to ask, so I just pulled him closer and wrapped my arms around his neck. As soon as he pushed me back, I planted a kiss on his cheek, and then held him tight again. "I would kiss you on the lips, but I have a feeling my breath kind of smells."

"I think yer reasonin' is better when yer drunk." I was glad he couldn't see my giant sweatrop at that moment. We were both silent for a while, and I broke it.

"Genrou, I'll miss you."

I didn't hear anything for a while. Finally, he muttered somewhat reluctantly, "Yeah, yeah I'll miss you too Harii-chan." I smiled and squeezed him even closer. "Ack! What're ya doin'? Givin' me the death grip?"

I laughed as I finally pulled back, and smiled at him. "Sorry."

"Tasuki! Let's go no da!"

"All right Chichiri! I'm comin'!" He looked back at me, and flashed his fanged grin. "Sayonara Harii-chan."

"Sayonara Genrou." He walked out of the room, and the red light flashing in the door crack told me they were gone.

xxx

Max heard a noise to his left. He glanced over at Colin, who had his face buried in his sleeve. "Are you…are you crying?"

"No, I'm just… it's just… WAAAAAAH!"

Max raised his fist threateningly. "Do you need me to-?"

"NO! NO!" Colin forced a stony face and sat still.

xxx

Someone shook me awake. "Huh?" I felt slobber on my arm and immediately jumped up. Ashitare smiled from the side of the bed. "Ashitare! Don't scare me like that! I thought for a second the hobo had come and licked me!"

"RAH!" He tugged on the blanket.

"You sure are excited."

Before I could even stand up, Nakago - in his normal clothes - slammed opened the door. I stared at him with chibi eyes. "Good, you're awake." He pulled a bucket of water out of nowhere and dumped it over my head. "Now you're purified." He snapped the earrings onto my ears, then crammed the panties on over my pajamas as I immediately turned crimson. "And now you're wearing both shinzaho. Let's go!"

He grabbed my forearm and literally dragged me to the shrine, Ashitare following.

The others were already waiting for us. Snoop Dogu's mouth dropped when we came through the doorway. "Naki-chan! What do you think you're doing? We have to follow the steps carefully!"

"We're following them," he bluntly said, and threw me towards the fire.  
_  
_I hit the pedestal with a _SLAMMO!_ "Ouchies…"

"Harii-chan, are you okay?" Amiboshi ran up to me.

"I'm fine." I grimaced as I stood up. "We better start this over with." He nodded, gave me a quick hug, and then ran to his spot. I saw Soi out of the corner of my eye fidgeting. It must have been hard for her to be away from Nakago for more than two seconds. "So what do I say now, Naki-chan?"

"Say 'Oh Seiryuu, oh Seiryuu, come forth now or I'll bust your balls.'"

Everyone face vaulted. "Nakago, don't poke fun during this!" exclaimed Amiboshi.

"RAH!" added Ashitare.

"It says you can make up your own words. We're doing this the quick and dirty way."

I shrugged. "Whatever you say." I really wanted to pick the giant wedgie the thong was giving me, but realized everyone would undoubtedly see. Instead, I took a deep breath. "Oh Seiryuu, oh Seiryuu. Come forth now or I'll bust your balls."

"Does Seiryuu have balls?" asked Soi, a devious grin forming on her lips.

Snoop Dogu put a finger to his lips. "Shh!"

Suddenly, the flame in front of me turned blue, and I found myself surrounded by mist. None of the seishi were around me, but a tall man with stern eyes and a wardrobe that screamed BLUE! stood in front of me.

"Priestess, I am Seiryuu. To make a wish, just say _kaijin_, and then ask for your wish."

I just stared at him, unable to speak. No one had told me gods were sexy.

"Um… do you have that?" he finally asked with an elegant, godly sweatdrop.

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

"Good. Oh, and also, tell Nakago I'll be the one busting balls if he ever says anything like that to me again."

I sweatdropped and nodded. "Yes, sir."

Then I was back in the shrine. Amiboshi ran up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "You're here! We thought you had gone back to your world!"

"No, I just had a talk with Seiryuu, that's all."

"Seiryuu?" they all cried.

"RAH?"

"Did you ask for your wishes?" asked Soi, clutching onto Nakago.

"No. If I want them, I have to say '_kaijin_'". At that moment, a symbol appeared on my forehead and I was enveloped in a blue light. "Dammit." I smacked myself on the head. "I guess I have to decide on a wish now."

"Wish to seal Suzaku away," suggested Nakago.

"What?" I looked at him like he was crazy. Come to think of it, he was. "Why the hell would I wish to seal Suzaku away?" The light flared brightly, then faded out along with the symbol.

"Rah?" Ashitare cocked his head.

"Hm…" I shrugged. "Maybe there's a time limit."

Nakago chuckled and wore a dangerous smile. "You just said 'I wish'."

My eyes widened in realization. "Oh shit…"

xxx

Back at the Konan palace, rice dropped from Chichiri's mouth as he felt his powers droop. Can powers droop? Anyway, everyone else had stopped at that moment, except for the Priestess, who was stuffing her face, and the elegant Empress, Houki.

"This is so good!" Dee swallowed a mouthful. "It's sad to think this may be my last meal with you guys." She frowned and looked up at the monk, who was staring off into space. "Chichiri?"

"Did you feel that no da?" His voice was surprisingly low and serious.

The others nodded.

"I just forgot… how to find the area of a circle," said Chiriko, his already big eyes widening even further.

Dee looked back and forth between everyone, growing more confused by the second. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't feel anything," Houki said.

Genrou stood up, unsheathing his tessen.

Dee jumped up, waving her chibi arms wildly. "Tasuki, don't do that in…!"

"REKKA SHINEN!"

Absolutely nothing happened.

Dee's eyes widened. "Your power…"

"Everyone's power…" corrected Chichiri.

"It's gone," finished Tamahome.

xxx

"You bastard!" I lunged at Nakago and punched him square in the jaw. Soi grabbed me under the armpits and pulled me away from him before I could get in a second swing.

Nakago rubbed his jaw, smirking. "It's not my fault. You're the one who repeated me."

"What the hell are you planning?" I demanded, still struggling to get away from Soi.

"I'm planning to launch an attack on Konan. Without their seishi abilities, your friends will be in deep doo-doo."

All of us, including Soi, face-vaulted.

Nakago blinked. "What?"

I stood up and laughed. "Deep doo-doo? You don't sound threatening at all when you say that! You just sound stupid! And you are stupid, because…" I stood tall. Well, as tall as I could get, which really wasn't very tall. "_Kai_…"

At that moment, Nakago jumped forward and held a hand to my throat. I felt cold magic surround me. I pushed him off and yelled, "…!" I turned chibi as I held my throat, mouthing words with nothing coming out. Furious, and unable to do anything, I ran to my room to take off the ridiculous shinzahos.

"RAH!"

Ashitare jumped for Nakago's throat, but Nakago just calmly held out his hand. A tiny blue blast shot out of his palm, knocking Ashitare across the room. He hit the wall with a yelp and collapsed, unconscious. Amiboshi hurried over to his fallen ally while Snoop Dogu jumped between Nakago and the others, meteor bells spinning in his hands. "You bastard! You just attacked a fellow seishi!"

"A fellow seishi? Screw you guys, you're the ones who dressed me up like a girl and called me Naki-chan!"

"You shouldn't be mad about that," said Soi, cuddling next to him. "I thought you looked cute." He sweat-dropped.

"Well _you _shouldn't have made us all drink that kodoku wine!" retorted Amiboshi.

"Oh yeah?" Nakago set his hands to his hips. "Well _you _shouldn't have… um… your face is stupid!"

xxx

"DAMN IT!" Max smacked his forehead against the open pages of the book. "When the hell are they gonna get home?"

"They better hurry this up," Colin growled.

xxx

Dee frowned, glancing from one powerless seishi to the next. "I wonder if Haley and the Seiryuu seishi are having the same problem?"

"I think they might _be _the problem," said Hotohori.

"But Haley wouldn't do anything." Dee frowned. "Unless Naki-chan tricked her..."

Chichiri looked at her. "Harii-chan isn't stupid enough to get fooled by him no da."

"You don't know my best friend." Dee sweatdropped. "She's the kind of person who would actually look up if someone told her that gullible was written on the ceiling." A flowerpot flew out of the air and hit her in the head, courtesy of yours truly. "Ouch! Okay, geez, sorry. That doesn't make it any less true, though."

Genrou growled as he clenched his fist. "I'm sure it's Nakago. He was always trying t'keep us from summonin' Suzaku." The bandit stood up. "I'm going t'find out what's goin' on."

Chichiri stood up, blocking the other seishi's escape. "You can't no da. It's too dangerous. Nakago has all his powers, and you have none no da."

"Somebody's gotta make sure Harii-chan is safe," he said, trying to get around the monk.

Dee put a hand on his arm. "I'm worried about her too, but I don't want you walking into a trap. Besides, she'll be all right. Amiboshi and Ashitare will make sure nothing happens to her."

The bandit looked at the Priestess for a moment, and then sat back down. "So what are we supposed to do now?"

"Our spies told us that Kutou was planning to advance on us. I was hoping their general would change his mind after all of this, but I guess we'll have to prepare for war now," Hotohori said gravely.

Nuriko sweatdropped. "Maybe we shouldn't have called him Naki-chan."

xxx

I heard a knock on my door. I tried to reply, but then remembered that Nakago had stolen my voice. I just opened the door instead.

"Harii-chan, I'm so sorry!" Amiboshi immediately embraced me in a hug. "This is my fault! I was hoping you would stay, but I never meant for something like this to happen!" I pushed him back and waved my arms around while smiling, trying to tell him it's okay. He grabbed his hair with his hands. "Aaaagh, I said I was sorry! Geez, you have to make me feel worse!"

I sweatdropped, and instead pulled a Mistukake: writing on paper, and handing it to him. He stared at it. "I can't read this." I face-vaulted. I had forgotten that I couldn't read or write their language. Instead, I hugged him to show him I wasn't mad.

He pushed me back a little more and closed the door. He put his hands on my shoulders and leaned in close. "Don't worry," he whispered. "We're not going to let that bastard win. Suboshi…" He noticed my confused look. "I mean, Snoop Dogu, Ashitare and I will kill Nakago when we get the chance. He's too strong for us to challenge face-to-face, but we'll catch him off-guard during the war." He hugged me again. "Don't worry Harii-chan. We'll end this before anyone gets hurt."

I sweatdropped, wishing I could tell him not to be so melodramatic again. Unable to tell him, I only hugged him back.

xxx

"Your sister hugs a lot," said Colin.

"No kidding."

The hobo appeared with a finger to his head. "Doesn't the hugging only increase the melodramaticness?"

"No. And melodramaticness isn't a word," stated Colin, hick accent emotionless.

xxx

Dee looked up as Chichiri entered her room that night. His eyebrows were scrunched oh-so-cutely, which made her eyebrows scrunch too, though somewhat less oh-so-cutely. "Is something wrong?"

"A lot's wrong no da."

She sweatdropped. "You meant what I knew."

He smiled his oh-so-cute smile, then turned serious. "I don't want you to go to battle tomorrow no da."

"I don't want me to go either, but I have to!" she exclaimed. "There's gotta be something I can do even if I can't fight. And besides, if we get Suzaku unsealed, I can summon him then."

He frowned. "That's smart, but not so smart at the same time no da. If something happened to you… then…"

"I know, I know, we wouldn't be able to summon Suzaku. But what happens if you need me to summon him?"

"That's not the only thing I'm worried about no da," he said carefully.

Dee cocked her head curiously. "Then, what is it?"

He took off his mask. "I refuse to help kill another person I care about."

"Chichiri…" She sighed, then looked down. "Oh, fine. If it means that much to you then I won't go."

He dropped the mask and immediately suffocated her in a thick hug. I'm still not sure how a hug can be thick, but there you go. Molasses Hug. "I'm glad no da."

She blushed. "Just promise me you won't get killed, okay?"

He pulled back. "I'll be all right no da." His smile was oh-so-cute even without the mask. "Thank you for understanding no da."

xxx

Snoop Dogu kicked open the door, dragging the unconscious wolfman in. "Amiboshi! Did you forget something?" I immediately ran to help him, and the three of us hauled Ashitare onto the bed. I put my hand on his neck to feel for a pulse. "He's not dead, just unconscious," Snoop Dogu assured me. "We already checked that."

I tried to sign another question to them, but Nakago slammed open the door, just like he had not too long ago. He pulled a rope out of thin air and tied it around my hands, then grabbed my forearm and dragged me out the door. "Off to battle! Huzzah!"

He carted me all the way to the stables, then picked me up and threw me on top of a horse. Nakago jumped on behind me and kicked us into a canter. As he rode out of the palace, the entire army fell into step behind us.

"Nakago-sama! Nakago-sama!" Soi chased after him, hurrying to catch up to her beloved.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

FREAKY CAT THING: Thus, the war between nations begins! Two sides are pitted against each other in a fierce battle, neither knowing who will survive, who will be victorious! Will the dastardly Nakago succeed, or will the Suzaku seishi pull a miracle out of their asses and save the day? It's enough to get my dramatic blood boiling!  
DEE: Oh, cut the crap, Cat-san. Like the entire audience doesn't know how this is gonna end.  
HALEY: And don't make it sound so dark and dangerous. This is "Fushigiggles," remember?  
FREAKY CAT THING: You mean no heroic battles? No selfless sacrifices? No crying for fallen comrades?  
DEE: That's gonna be a Negative, Charlie.  
HALEY: There might be some more oh-so-cute romance moments...  
DEE: With a certain oh-so-cute monk and a certain oh-so-semi-cute high schooler?  
HALEY: Mm... Could be!  
DEE: SCORE! In that case, I'm parkin' my _Fushigi_-lovin' buns right here and waiting for the next delicious chapter: "War - UGH! What Is It Good For?"


	14. War: UGH! What is it Good For?

**Chapter Fourteen:  
War - UGH! What is It Good For?**

"Hey, let's play who can throw the priestess the farthest!" one of the captains in the army yelled as the others laughed around the fire.

"No, men. We must respect the priestess," Nakago told them, with Soi clutching tightly to his arm. "That's why instead, we're going to play…" he smirked. "Who can piss her off the most? I'll be the judge."

"I know!" One of the men jumped toward my tied-around-a-tree self, and began to poke me repeatedly. I began to laugh, or at least, it looked like I was laughing. No sound came from my mouth. "She's that ticklish?" he asked out loud as he stopped.

"You idiot. You're just making her laugh. I know what to do." A second man grabbed my cheeks, spread them out and then let them go repeatedly. My eyebrows twitched, and my sweatdrop grew and eventually fell to the ground, splashing. The man jumped up. "I WON! I WON! HAHAHA!" He crouched near Nakago, grinning. "What do I win?"

"Uh…" the general thought fast. "Your... happiness."

"WOOO! I WON MY HAPPINESS! I WON MY HAPPINESS!"

xxx

Later that night, after everyone else had fallen asleep, I attempted to break out of my bonds, but it was no use. Finally I decided to do what everyone else was doing and get some sleep. Sometime around midnight I woke up, surprised to feel my arms and legs free of the ropes. I felt myself falling forward, but strong arms stopped me from hitting the ground. As I opened my eyes, I saw Snoop Dogu had caught me. Wait, no, it was Amiboshi. Snoop Dogu was standing behind Amiboshi, holding the reins of three horses.

"Rah," whispered Ashitare. As I looked down, I figured out he had chewed through the ropes.

"Come on," Amiboshi whispered, as he jumped onto one of the horses, and then helped me on.

Snoop Dogu and Ashitare mounted as well, and we rode off. We finally got to a small clearing, where we fell asleep.

xxx

"Okay, which one of you played let's hide the priestess?" asked Nakago after the camp had woken up. Soi was still clutching tightly to his right arm, I may add.  
Everyone looked around at each other innocently. Nakago sighed. "Shit."

"Um…" Dee stared at Hotohori's armor with big chibi eyes as the seishi were leaving for battle.

"What is it?" he asked.

Completely mute, she just lifted a shaky arm and pointed. Chichiri followed her finger right to Hotohori's… "Dee-chan!" The monk slammed her head down. Chichiri sweatdropped. "She's just so impressed no da."

The Emperor smiled. "And how could you not be?" He lifted his chin in the air with his eyes closed.

"Hotohori-sama! Please be careful!" Houki ran to her husband and they immediately embraced.

Dee leaned up to whisper in the monk's ear. "I'm sorry Chichiri, it's just, does his armor really need to have room for his… y'know… _nipples_?"

"What'd you jus' say?" Apparently the bandit had overheard, and he looked up with a startled and somewhat disturbed look on his face. Everyone glanced over, except for Hotohori and Houki, who were still hugging.

"Oh my darling, every time I see a star in the sky, I'll think of you," Hotohori said in his coffee-like voice.

Houki lay her head against his chest. "And everytime I lay down at night, I will tell Joe that he must lay by me, so I can stroke his hair and pretend that it's you, even though I'll know it isn't since he smells so bad."

A guard by the door with long tied-up brown hair sniffed his armpits, then shrugged.

xxx

"Joe?" asked Colin. "Shouldn't it be a Japanese or Chinese name?"

The hobo pointed a finger in the air. "Maybe he's foreign!"

"Maybe he's yo mama!"

Colin and the hobo looked at Max blankly, then the hobo smacked him.

"Thanks," said Max. "I needed that."

xxx

The general led his forces towards Konan. Soi rode next to him on a different horse, which judging by her expression was causing her a lot of pain. Across the field, the Suzaku seishi also led their forces.

Genrou searched the front, then sighed. "It looks like Harii-chan didn't have any trouble summonin' Seiryuu. I'm glad she's at home instead-a bein' stuck in this mess."

The monk laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. "You okay no da?"

Genrou looked over at him, then nodded and looked forward again. "I'm ready t'show Nakago who he's messin' with."

Chichiri grabbed the reins again. "I think we all are no da."

xxx

Snoop Dogu, Amiboshi, Ashitare and I had snuck into the ranks without being noticed as the troops marched by us. However, since we were riding around in dark cloaks in the middle of a huge group dressed in matching armor, we were getting plenty of suspicious stares. Having two people on the same horse didn't help, especially when Ashitare towered over everyone. Damn my sucky riding skills. We were fairly close to the front, but not close enough to see Konan's army. Anxiety overcame me, until finally I heard the general's voice. "ATTACK!"

xxx

Both forces boldly rode forward… well, with one exception.

"DAAA! WHAT AM I DOING IN THE FRONT NO DA?" Chichiri realized he belonged with Mitsukake and Chiriko at the infirmaries, and kicked his horse to a sprint out of the way of danger.

He made it out of the way just before both armies clashed. He continued galloping towards the sickbay building, knowing he would be needed. When he arrived, he quickly tied the horse to a pole and ran in. "_Gomen_ no da! Do you need me to…" The monk spotted a familiar priestess nearby. "DEE-CHAN!"

"Uh…" The girl blinked her chibi eyes. She waved to him nervously. "Oh, hey Chichiri, I was just…"

"You told me you weren't coming no da!"

Dee glared stubbornly at the monk. "I couldn't just stay at the palace and wait to see what happened! You didn't want me to get hurt, so I decided to come to help as a doctor."

Mitsukake and Chiriko walked in to see the commotion, along with some other people who must have been volunteers.

"Kutou is a merciless army no da! They could attack here no da!" he yelled, the first time he had actually been angry with her. "And besides, you lied!" Her heart twisted as she realized he was right, and the monk saw it in her eyes. He sighed, and pushed his anger away. "I'm sorry no da. It was selfish of me to ask you to stay away while all of your friends were in danger."

"Aw..." She immediately hugged him. "Thanks Chichiri, I'm glad you see things my way!"

He couldn't help but sweatdrop. "Daaa…"

xxx

Since the fighting had begun, it had become a group of small battles. I clung to Ashitare the whole time, serving as an extra set of eyes for him. Unable to speak, I would poke him on the side where someone was coming. Even though we had charged toward the Konan side, my friends and I continued to attack the Kutou soldiers.

I was surveying the area when I noticed my fiery-haired friend doing battle. Although the sword was not his weapon of choice, he obviously still knew how to use it. He easily stabbed left and right, despite losing his seishi abilities. A soldier charged towards him, and he instinctively whirled and blocked it. Towards the left of the bandit, I noticed another soldier was charging at him from the side. My mouth opened in a silent scream. He tried to push away his current challengers, so he must have noticed the charging soldier too, but it didn't look like he was going to be able to turn and counter in time.

I grabbed the back of Ashitare's cloak. He looked back at me, and followed my stare. He kicked our horse into a sprint, heading straight for the bandit. I knew it would be too late by the time we reached him.

I felt Ashitare stop suddenly, and looked past the wolfman. Both men who had been trying to attack Genrou were on the ground, arrows and throwing knives sticking out of their chests. I looked up to a small cliff above the scene, and the familiar blue-haired-

"IT'S NOT BLUE!" Dee's voice cried out of nowhere. "It's MIDNIGHT BLUE!"

Unable to speak, I extended my middle finger to the air and continued... the BLUE-HAIRED bandit stood with his hands on his hips, a gang of men behind him.

"Knock knock! Who's there? It's Koji, comin' t'help out his pal Genrou! Ah well Koji great t'see ya, ya saved my ass again! _A-ri-ga-tou_..."

"Koji!"

Koji jumped down from the cliff, and immediately locked arms with Genrou as they chibily danced around in a circle.

I slid off the horse, but the wolfman grabbed me by the neck of the cloak and pulled me back on. "RAH!"

I understood him. It was pretty dumb to run off towards them when a battle was going on. Oh well, maybe I'd get a chance to see Koji later. Ashitare and I galloped off in the opposite direction, where Nakago and Soi watching the fight from afar.

xxx

Soon after the battle began, the wounded started getting carried into the infirmary area for the doctors, healers and volunteers to examine.

"My arm! It was just chopped clean off!" a man frantically exclaimed, a blood-soaked bandage tied to his right side.

"It'll be okay, it'll be okay..." a young woman said as she guided the man towards Chiriko. She seemed to be saying it more to herself than to him.

Chiriko put a hand to his chin. "Hmm… your arm seems to be cut off."

"No shit sherlock! Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

"Calm down! This won't help anything!" The woman looked over at the seishi, tears brimming her eyes. "Please excuse him."  
Chiriko nodded, looking like he was in deep thought. "It's all right. I understand." He nodded sagely. "I think the best thing we can do for this man is to cut off his other arm."

"WHAT?" The man shoved the woman away from him. "My other arm's not even _scratched_! Why the hell would you do that?"

"For symmetrical purposes," he answered calmly.

"_Symmetrical_?"

Chichiri ran over to see what the problem was. "What's going on no da?"

"I'm simply telling him what's best for him," Chiriko said matter-of-factly.

"He wants to cut off my other arm!"

The monk sweatdropped. "I'm sorry no da. Our friend has lost his seishi ability, which was wisdom." He turned to Chiriko. "I told you to just gather herbs no da!"

The boy nodded. "And I did gather some."

Suddenly, somebody screamed from across the clearing. "AAAAAAAAH! IT BUUUUUURRNS!"

"DAA! I'm coming no da!'"

xxx

Ashitare and I spotted the twins. They waved to us, then pointed to Nakago. Snoop Dogu made a bunch of fancy hand motions, which as far as I could tell meant we should bunt the ball towards third base. Ashitare seemed to understand, though, and he rode up beside Amiboshi. The two of us charged Nakago while Snoop Dogu circled from behind. While Nakago was distracted watching our charge, Snoop Dogu whipped back the hood of his cloak and threw a spear directly at the general.

"Nakago-sama!"

Nakago turned around just in time to see Soi throw herself forward between him and Snoop Dogu. The spear took her straight through the chest.

Snoop Dogu snapped his fingers. "Damn, I missed!"

The blow made Soi fall back towards Nakago, who caught her. Cherry blossoms swirled around her wound. Wait a second…cherry blossoms? I dug through my memory to search for answers on why cherry blossoms would float out of nowhere around her.

Amiboshi must have been thinking the same thing. "Can you bleed cherry blossoms?" he wondered. I shrugged in response.

"Nakago-sama, I'm glad I could…" She winced at the pain. "Help you…" She gave one last, shuddering breath, then shut her eyes, never to open them again.

Everyone in the area stared at Nakago as the general tried to hold back his tears. At last he gave up and let them fall.

"Could this mean… that his feelings about this futile war will change?" Hotohori asked himself.

"I can't believe it... I can't believe that... SHE'S GONE!" Nakago cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "She's finally gone! I'm actually rid of her!"

The entire battlefield fell off their horses.

xxx

"What an asshole," said Colin.

"Yeah. He shouldn't have said that out loud."

Colin stared at Max.

"What? Would you want that woman always clinging to you?"

The hobo grinned. "He's got a point."

"Why don't you use your normal form?" Colin asked the hobo, glaring at him.

"Well…" he gave another nearly-toothless smile. "It's more fun this way!"

xxx

"Amiboshi! I didn't think I would ever thank anyone in my life! But… but thank you so much!"

"Um… I'm Suboshi."

The general looked at him blankly.

He sighed. "I mean, I'm Snoop Dogu." Everybody else had been staring quite blankly as well, and Amiboshi took advantage of this. He mounted his horse, snuck up behind Nakago, who was too happy to notice any life forces, and grabbed him, holding a knife to his throat.

"Nakago, give Harii her voice back."

Genrou's eyes widened. "Harii-chan is here?" He shouted it just loud enough for the people around him to hear.

The general smiled with confidence. "All right, but you'll have to bring her closer to me." Amiboshi looked over to Ashitare, worry etched across his face. Ashitare nodded and threw back his cloaked hood. Many overly dramatic gasps followed. Ashitare led me towards the general, who was still on his horse.

"Wait!" Genrou emerged from the crowd, running towards our group. "You can't trust him!"

Nakago took this as an opportunity and jerked the knife away from his neck, elbowing the younger boy in one swift move. Then he lifted his hand, shooting a ki blast at us. Ashitare quickly threw me over his shoulder and jumped off our horse and out of the way. The explosion took out our horse in a decidedly too-messy-for-PG-13 fashion, and the backlash sent us flying. I coughed out dust and began to push myself up, when I felt a strong hand grab the back of my cloak and jerk me into a standing position. My hood had fallen back, and Nakago's cold blue eyes pierced into mine as he smiled mischievously. I didn't even know Nakago _could_ smile mischievously, but there you have it, he can. He wrapped one arm around my chest and used the other to grab my jaw.

"Hello, I'm the Priestess of Seiryuu," a falsetto voice sang as I felt my jaw move up and down. If I hadn't heard it right in my ear, I wouldn't have known the voice was Nakago's. Everyone stared with wide chibi eyes. I sweatdropped as I saw the bandit's familiar blank stare looking at me. "I'm the one who caused all of this, not Nakago. I wished for all of this to happen."

Genrou's blank face changed, and his eyebrows pinched together in anger. He stood with a fist clenched. "Don't pin this on her Nakago! We all know it's you talking!"

"No, it was me, Harii. Honestly." He took my right arm and put it over my left side while still moving my jaw. "I'm sorry, my darling. I didn't mean to betray you, but I know that Kutou is always right, and Konan is always wrong."

"My DARLNG?" Genrou's eyebrow twitched as he saw out of the corner of his eye that the Reikaku gang was looking at him with confused stares. "Harii-chan never called me…" He couldn't say it. It just wasn't in a bandit's genes to say the word darling, I guess. "_THAT_!"

"Yes, MY DARLING," the general fought to keep from laughing as he emphasized the words. "I did it, because it was I who said _kaijin_…" The same illuminating bright blue light from before shone, and a symbol appeared on my forehead. Everyone stared in surprise, but Nakago smiled as happily as a school girl. He continued in his falsetto voice and moved my jaw up and down. "Seiryuu, send me and the Priestess of Suzaku back to our world!"

He pushed me away from him as a blue light surrounded me.

"Harii-chan!" Genrou dodged between the soldiers and ran towards me.

xxx

"What's happening?" Dee exclaimed as a blue light enveloped her. Everybody in the building stared at her. The light got brighter and brighter, hiding Dee within it. "Oo, trippy..."

"Dee-chan!" Chichiri shouted, and sprinted towards the blinding light.

xxx

"Genrou!" Koji yelled, but it was too late. The blue light disappeared, along with his friend. He stared for a while and then hit his hand to his forehead. "Right when I come to see him, he has to leave! Shit on a stick!"

xxx

"Don't you think we should be reading the book?" asked Colin as the two teens stood in front of a vending machine.

Max shook his head. "No, because when things get tough, I always reach for a refreshing Pepsi Cola." The two simultaneously grinned and faced an imaginary camera, holding their cans brand-name forward and winking.

The hobo ran towards them, arms waving wildly. "Stop this real-life commercial! There are more important things right now than a refreshing Pepsi Cola," the hobo grinned cheezily in the direction the other two were facing, "although I do like the crisp taste of it very much." He winked, and then immediately turned serious. "Follow me!" He ran back towards the shelf.

"WALK! THIS IS THE LIBRARY!" a librarian hissed.

"Eh…" The hobo sweatdropped as he shifted to a brisk walking pace.

The boys looked at each other, shrugged, then threw away their Pepsi cans and followed him. Colin was the first to see the four figures sprawled out on the library floor between the shelves. "Do my country music-loving eyes deceive me, or is that…"

"HALEY!" Max shook me awake. "Do you know how bored and grossed out you've made me these past few hours?"

I blinked myself awake, and mouthed the word Maxie-poo.

"Oh crap… you still have that dumb spell."

"That book has done him bad," Colin whispered to the hobo, who nodded in agreement.

"I'm... back?" Dee blinked sleepily, looking up at her kinda-brother. "Colin! I had the weirdest dream! And you were there," she pointed to the hobo, "and you were there," she pointed to me, "and you were there too, Chichiri!" She stopped, and blinked. "AH! CHICHIRI?"

I gestured at him, then at Genrou, then raised my eyebrows.

"I didn't summon Suzaku yet," Dee said thoughtfully, "so why am I here?"

I quickly wrote on a piece of paper I had stuck in my pocket. I told her everything in the small note, leaving out the busting balls part.

"We'd have to explain a lot if somebody found them here, so let's get home," said Max.

"Right, but how are we gonna get them out of here?" asked Colin.

xxx

Mitsukake looked to where the blue light had been. "They're gone," he said. "I wonder what happened?" Several jars fell off a shelf, crashing to the ground below.

One of the doctors looked at the shattered jars. "Well, there goes our last batch of antibacterial cream..."

The healer seishi sweatdropped. "Heh, my bad."

Chiriko poked the spot where Chichiri and Dee had been standing with a stick. "The cat-man and the priestess lady ran away with the spoon!"

Mitsukake sighed, grabbed the not-so-bright-no-more Chiriko and dragged him away.

xxx

"We're lucky you guys brought your coats," said Colin.

"Yeah, especially since it's midsummer," the hobo added.

"Do you think this will work?" Dee asked Max as he helped zip up the coat Genrou and I were sharing.

He shrugged. "We have nothing else."

My best friend glanced down at Chichiri. She leaned over and picked up a piece of cloth that lay next to him. "Oh, I guess his mask doesn't work in our world," Dee said, holding up the no-longer magical article. She looked at me and giggled. "Ooh, Haley-chan, who am I?" Dee held the cloth to her nose and sniffed.

I burst out laughing. "TATARA WITH SUZUNO'S PANTIES! HAHAHAHA!" Everyone looked at me, blinking wide chibi eyes. I covered my mouth, blushing slightly. "Oops, I forgot that Nakago took my voice." I immediately shut up.

The hobo sweatdropped, which was pretty weird-looking seeing as how we weren't cartoony anymore. "Uh, right..." He looked to Dee. "You're next."

Dee tucked the mask into her pocket, then leaned down next to the monk. "Urk... Chichiri is a lot heavier than he looks!" She turned red as she tried to lift him up with just one arm, since the other in her side of the coat.

"You guys ready?" the hobo asked us.

We nodded with uncertainty. Then, we trudged forward, Dee and I dragging the limp bodies that were sharing our coats.

A woman at the main desk raised an eyebrow at us from under her thin reading glasses. "You aren't hiding those drunks very well, you know. I'm sorry, but there are no unconscious people allowed in the library. I'll have to call the police."

Colin waved his arms. "No, no, that's not it. You see, these are dead fetuses that are still stuck to our sisters."

Without letting her say another word, all of us trudged out as fast as we could.

The lady turned to her friend, who had just walked behind the desk. "Can dead fetuses eventually become full-grown men?"

The other woman stared at her a moment, then put her hand to her forehead. "Hmm…no temperature." _SMACK!_

The lady held her hand to her slapped cheek. "What was that for?"

"You needed it."

xxx

As soon as we reached my house, we ran up to my sister's room. She had moved to college a few years ago, so the room was just for summer visits and so forth. I quickly wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to Max.

"Don't worry. They won't come in," he assured me. "I'll just tell them that I have some crap in here from a movie, and they won't want to see the mess."

"How come Chichiri has to stay on the floor?" Dee asked, glaring accusingly at me.

I poked my index fingers together.

Suddenly, the figure from the bed grunted. I ran to the bedside, shoving the others out of the way. I grabbed the bandit's hand with one of my hands, and put my other hand on his upper arm.

"Where... am I...?" Genrou slowly opened his eyes. "Haley-chan! Is that really you?" He sat up quickly and put a hand to my face. "You look really different."  
I blushed at the sudden touch, but felt a little sad knowing he wasn't doing it in a romantic sense. I nodded. His eyes widened, and then his eyebrows clenched together. "I almost forgot. That bastard Nakago put that spell on you." He took his hand away from my face, but I wished he would have kept it there. "I swear I'll kick his ass for what he did." I smiled sadly.

"I'm not sure if there's any way for you to get back," said Max.

"An' jus' who the hell're you?" Genrou demanded.

Max was about to answer when we all heard a rustle, and looked down at the monk, who was sitting up. "Dee-chan!" He stood up quickly and hugged her, then pulled back from her. He cocked his head oh-so-cutely to the side, scrunching his unmasked eyebrows oh-so-cutely together in oh-so-cute confusion. "You seemed to have changed a little in appearance no da." The monk finally noticed the bangs lying flat on his face, and picked at them. "Hm... they never do this."

"Chichiri! Yer-" Genrou stopped in mid-sentence. "I'm talkin' funny… am I speakin' another language?"

"It must be English no da. Dee and Haley's original language."

"And you can actually pronounce her name right too," commented Dee.

Chichiri cocked his head. "We were pronouncing it wrong before no da?"

"Eh… well, not wrong. Just differently." Dee watched Chichiri curiously, blinking a few times. "Wait... you're speaking English."

"Yeah, no da."

"But... you're still saying 'no da'."

"Yeah no da."

"But you're not speaking Japanese anymore."

"That's right no da."

"But 'no da' is definitely Japanese."

"I guess so no da."

"But you're speaking English! Shouldn't you be saying 'ya know' or some other random English speech ending?"

"I guess not no da."

"And why would you be saying 'no da' in the first place when it's Japanese and you're from China! Ahhh...!" Dee grabbed her hair and fell back on the bed. "This makes my brain say 'ouch'!"

Chichiri and I patted her head. "Poor Dee-chan no da."

Genrou sweatdropped - or he would have if he'd been animated - then turned to look at Chichiri. He blinked. "Hey, you look… really different."

"I could say the same to you no da!"

"Whatcha mean?"

The monk pointed to a mirror, and the bandit stood up to walk over to it. Once he stood in front of it, he blinked twice, then his now-hazel eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "Whoa! What's with my eyes, an' hair, an' nose, an' skin?" His hair lay much flatter than usual, and was a darker orange. He also looked a whole lot more like an actual Chinese guy instead of like a (smokin' hot) golden-eyed ginger kid.

"Your hair doesn't look so messy now," the hobo said from behind him.

"WHAT?" Genrou saw the reflection in the mirror, and turned around, unsheathing his tessen. "What the hell are you doin' here?"

"AH! Don't pull that thing out!" Colin ran towards him. "The hobo's harmless!"

"Maybe we should explain some things first," suggested Dee.

xxx

"So our lives are being recorded in a book?" Genrou queried, sounding somewhat unbelieving.

I nodded.

"Amazing no da," Chichiri said. "Where is this book no da?"

"Uh…" Colin and Max looked at each other. "Oh shit," they said simultaneously.

"Don't fret! Hobo is smart!" He pulled the book out of his grimy coat.

"Quit saying that! You're actually a cat!" exclaimed Genrou.

"Or am I a cat who is actually a hobo?"

"Eh…?" Genrou looked to the sky as question marks popped up around his head.

"May I no da?" Chichiri held out his hand.

"Of course… no da." The hobo gave him the book. The monk looked at the book from one angle, then from another, then blinked in confusion and sighed. "Daaa… I can't _read_ English no da!"

I grabbed the book from Chichiri and handed it to Colin. Then I pulled out a bench in front of the mirror, and motioned for the monk to sit down. I pulled out some hair gel and grinned.

xxx

The crowd was too shocked to battle one another, and had retired to their camps. It was nighttime when Amiboshi ran into the general's tent… and then ran right back out again. "My eyes…. my eyes…"

"Amiboshi!" Nakago's voice called out from the tent. "How dare you run in without knocking? You're lucky I'm in my pink frilly shorts instead of my pink frilly-"

"I don't want to know!" Amiboshi screamed as he rubbed his temples to try and erase his lastest memory, but it was a futile effort. "Just put something on! I need to talk to you."

"Done!"

Amiboshi reluctantly walked in, then sighed in relief to see Nakago fully dressed. His anger returned. "Why the hell did you pull that stunt today? Do you realize what you've done?"

"Awww, boo-hoo-hoo," the general fake girly-sobbed. "I've saved this country from the Priestess of Suzaku and her seishi."

"And you've also screwed the rest of us over!"

"What are you talking about? Nobody except Soi died today." The man was presently holding her in his arms, and he propped her up when he said her name.

"That's not what I meant! I mean, Harii-chan didn't get to wish for peace, or any of her own wishes! And you sent her to her world without her voice!"

"Oh that's right…" The general sweat-dropped. "Silly of me to forget, isn't it?"

"Silly? SILLY?"

"Don't whine and scream at me just because your," he went into a falsetto voice once more and clasped his hands together, "_wittle priestess_ is gone."

"Screw you Nakago! You would never understand!" Amiboshi stormed out of the tent.

xxx

I frowned. No matter how much gel we put on, Chichiri's bangs were just too heavy.

"Hmm… I've got an idea." Dee ran out, got some scissors, and then ran back. "We'll just take some off!"

"Um…" Chichiri looked at her skeptically. "Don't cut off too much no da."

"I won't!" She trimmed little by little until the gel could hold up the weight of his bangs. They were still fairly long, but not nearly as long as they'd been before.

Colin grabbed the scissors, and made his voice high, speaking in a slight lisp. "Oh, this has just _got _to go." With one snip, Chichiri's ponytail fell the ground.

Dee gasped. "COLIN! You should ask first!"

"Heh…"

Everyone except for Genrou looked on with chibi eyes, waiting for the monk's reaction. Chichiri ran his fingers through his short, fuzzy hair, and turned his head to look at the angle. "I like it no da." The rest of us sighed with relief.

"Actually…" Dee blushed a little. "It does look really nice."

"Now how about getting you into some stylish clothes!" exclaimed Colin with a bit too much excitement.

"I think we should concentrate on getting back to Konan no da."

"And you spoil my fun." Colin frowned, puppy-dog style. Not doggy style, but puppy-dog style.

"And _you're _enjoying this way too much," commented Max.

"I'm sorry Colin, but we have to help the others no da."

"But they're not even fighting!" Colin argued.

"Not yet, anyway," said the hobo, reading the book in the corner.

"Does anybody even know how to get back?" asked Dee. Everyone looked at each other blankly, then we all shrugged.

"I didn't even think about that," said Genrou.

"So we have time to spare!" Colin cheered, smiling almost hungrily at the monk.

"Well…" Chichiri looked at the teenager, who was still pouting puppy-dog style. He sighed. "I _have _been curious to see what else you wear in this world no da."

"Yay!" screamed Colin, voice freakishly high-pitched especially compared to its usual deepness. "And you too. This will just not do," he picked at Genrou's shirt.

"No way!" The bandit stepped back, holding up his hands in self-defense. "I've got four sisters! There's no way I'm gonna go through a stupid makeover again!"

"Do you think you can resist this face?" asked Dee, pouting and looking up at him with big shiny blue eyes. Colin did the same. The hobo came to join in as well.

He pointed to the hobo. "That's not cute at all."

Chichiri stood next to Genrou. "It's a little scary no da."

The hobo suddenly disappeared, leaving a little cloud of magic behind.

"Wha? Where'd he go?" the bandit exclaimed, then looked down as he felt something rub his leg.

"Nya…" The cat looked up with bright eyes, purring winningly.

"Aww! How sweet!" Dee squealed.

"A cute cat is hard to resist no da."

"Aaaah…" The bandit looked upwards with his eyes closed and folded his arms. "I'm a bandit of Mount Reikaku. Cuteness is the last thing I'll obey."

Finding the situation amusing, I immediately hugged Genrou from the opposite side of the cat… er, the hobo… Mr. Hobo-cat.

"Haley-chan!" He blushed, his left arm pinned to the side. "Ah geez…"

"Chichiri! We must join the battle!" Dee announced with a fist in the air. "Into the breach, friends!" She hugged him, scrunching in next to me.

"Get off of me!" The bandit was about to push us off, but Chichiri hugged his other side, pinning his other arm down.

"No pushing no da!"

"Chichiri, what the hell are you doing?"

"I guess this is a glimpse of the other world," said Max, with a thoroughly disturbed expression.

"It's not like we have anything else to do no da. You might as well let them have their fun."

"We're not letting go until you do!" exclaimed Dee.

"CRAP! FINE, FINE! NOW LEMME GO!"

"HOORAY!" the others - except for obviously me and Max - yelled as we all backed off.

"Cuteness and sweetness got the best of you," teased the cat… er hobo… Mr. Hobo-cat.

"Cuteness and sweetness my ass! I just wanted you guys to get the hell off of me!" His fangs were more apparent than ever now.

"Hmm… what would look best on Chichiri?" Colin asked himself, a hand to his chin. He let go of his chin and snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up. "I know! Follow me!" He grabbed Chichiri's forearm and yanked him into my room.

"Daa!"

Outside the door, the rest of us waited impatiently. Especially Genrou, who was tapping his foot quite loudly.

The hobo grinned. "Are you tapping your foot so loudly because you're getting giddy waiting to get your own makeover?"

Genrou snarled. "I should burn you to a crisp for that!" Knowing what would come next, I jumped in between the two, holding the bandit back. "First off, I'm jus' really bored by all this! Second off, giddy ain't a word that _ever_ describes me!"

"Yeah, he's more along the lines of short-tempered," Dee said, trying (I think) to help Genrou but really just making him angrier.

"Not to mention a little on the crazy side," added Max. I'm pretty sure he wasn't trying to help at all.

Genrou glared at the two. I poked his arm for a moment, but he kept glaring at them, only his eyes moving between the two. Dee and Max smiled nervously. I poked harder. No response. I poked even harder.

"What the hell d'you want?" he yelled, staring down. I pulled on his sleeve for him to follow me to the living room. "Huh?"

"Maybe she wants to take you to the bedroom." The hobo whistled provocatively.

"I'm gonna…!" I dragged the blushing bandit out of the room before he could finish.

xxx

"Nakago-sama, if you don't mind me saying so…"

"I do mind," retorted the general.

"But you don't even know what I was going to say!" exclaimed the soldier.

"How can I know if I'm going to mind what you were going to say if I don't know what you were going to say?" he asked.

"That's what I'd like to know!" the soldier yelled.

"No, that's what I'd like to know. You're the one who said 'if you don't mind'".

The soldier stood for a moment, scratching his head. The general continued eating, with the limp body of Soi in his left arm. "What was I going to tell you...?" the soldier mumbled to himself. "Oh yeah!" His confusion turned right back into controlled anger again. "If you don't… um… I just wanted to ask why we weren't battling. Why is there a war if nobody is fighting? Aren't you supposed to have some big genius plan?"

"I'm devising it right now," he said calmly while continuing with his meal.

"Oh… okay…" the soldier walked out of the tent, more bewildered than he'd been when he got there.

xxx

"What's that?" Tasuki asked, staring at a big black box and pointing to it with a confused expression.

I smiled and walked over to it, turning it on.

"WHOA!" He ran up to the screen and stared. "How did… what the… weird…" He looked back at me. "Your world has some pretty crazy stuff."

I nodded. Then I beamed happily and ran to the bathroom and back, bringing a hair-dryer and cup of water with me.

"What's that?"

I plugged the hair-dryer into the wall, splashed some water onto my hair, and then turned on the hair-dryer. In less than a minute, I turned it off and displayed my dry hair.

"WHOA!" He ran over to me and grabbed the hair-dryer, turning it over to inspect it from all sides. "This is so amazing!"

I smiled in response. Suddenly, Genrou stopped looking at the hair-dryer, and dropped it. I tilted my head in a silent question.

"This is really pissin' me off, Haley-chan." He clenched his fists and stared at me, his eyes blazing with anger. "All that hell he put you through… it doesn't even seem t'bother you, but it bothers me. I want to kick Nakago's ass so much, but all we can do is sit here! I knew I shouldn't have left you alone with those Seiryuu lunatics!" He slammed his fist onto the back of a chair while glaring at the ground, his bangs hanging down to cover his eyes.

I frowned, and we were both silent for what seemed like ages. I wanted to somehow comfort him, but I couldn't tell him it wasn't his fault. I slowly wrapped my arms around him just below his shoulders. I knew I had been a bit of a huggy person lately, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I let go of him, pulled back a little, and saw that he still had his head turned downwards.

Suddenly I knew just what I should do. I reached up and held his face in my hands, my fingertips just below his ears. Knowing I couldn't do it if I met his eyes, I leaned forward quickly… but he lifted his head and his eyes peered out from underneath his bangs. They had turned a dark brownish-orange since he came to our world, but they still showed that bewildered emotion he often gets in them. I blushed as I quickly let go of his face. I avoided his gaze until he finally spoke.

He grinned teasingly. "Geez, Haley-chan. Is there _anythin_' that bothers you?"

I nodded. Unable to tell him directly, I pointed to him then flapped my arms.

"If I flew, it'd bother you?"

I shook my head. With my left hand I pointed to me, then made my hand into a little two-legged person with my index and middle finger. With my right hand I pointed to him, then did the same with that hand, but made his little person walk away.

"Uh…"

I knew Genrou was smart, but sometimes he didn't show it. I shook my head and waved my hands.

"All right. You can tell me when you get your voice back. I promise I'll get it back for you. Even if I have to rip out Nakago's own throat!" He swiped at the air and shook his fist like he had grabbed his throat. Then he grinned and put his hand on the top of my head. "Okay?"

I nodded, smiling.

xxx

"Rah…" Ashitare was staring up into the sky, continuing to "rah" sadly and softly.

"Ashitare, I know you miss her, but you're going to have to stop that so we can go to sleep," Snoop Dogu said sympathetically. He knew petting him would make him feel better, but he always thought it was a little weird.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Amiboshi. Ashitare blinked at him in surprise, but his brother looked at him only in annoyance.

"For the last time, we can't do anything about getting Harii back without Nakago's help. There aren't any other sorcerers."

"No, listen! What about if we tie up a bunch of birds that are red like Suzaku…"

"And sacrifice them to Seiryuu," finished Snoop Dogu, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I already said that one?" asked Amiboshi. His brother nodded. "Damn… well what if we..."

"Forget it. We can't do it without Nakago or Chichiri, but he doesn't even have his powers." Snoop Dogu sighed. "Listen Aniki, I know you miss her, but maybe it's a good thing she's away from all of this. Even if it means she can't talk now."

"I know." They were all silent for a while until Amiboshi finally spoke. "Nakago's such a dumbass," he commented quietly, but it was a quiet statement filled with anger and annoyance. "He starts this huge war, and then has only one battle and makes us all wait around for the next."

"He probably doesn't know what he wants to do," said Snoop Dogu. "We're lucky he sent the Priestess away. She has one wish left, and he could have used that to his advantage. He's probably realizing his mistake right now."

xxx

"HEY! I've got it!" Nakago leapt happily to his feet, causing Soi to fall out of his lap. "I can make the Priestess wish to make me a god!" He jumped up and down. "I'm a genius! I'm a genius! I'm a…"

"Um, sir…?" a servant from the corner said tentatively.

"Yes?"

"The Priestess is gone, remember? You sent her away."

"I did?"

"Yeah"

"Shit."

"Nakago-sama!" A guard from outside calmly walked in, but his nervousness showed in his voice. "There's a messenger here from the Konan army."

The general sighed irritably. "Fine, send him in."

"Actually, it's a her."

"Oh… uh, send her in."

Another guard peered in through the tent flap. "Actually," he whispered, "I'm almost positive it's a man. He's got a pretty deep voice. In fact… I… I…" The guard peered up into nothingness, a glaze of pure happiness moisting over his eyes. "I think I want to drink his voice."

The other guard punched him in the face, sending him spiraling to the floor.

"Thanks," said Nakago, gathering Soi in his arms from where she was lying dead beside the guard.

The first guard nodded. "I'll go get her, sir." He walked out, then opened the flap and held his arm there.

Slowly a tall, shadowy figure walked in until it was close enough to the lamplight to reveal its identity.

Nakago's voice read only mild surprise. "Hotohori-sama, what brings you here?"

"Nakago, I've…" The emperor stopped in mid-sentence to look down. The guard who'd been on the floor was pointing to the right nipple on Hotohori's armor.

"Now, look here!" he exclaimed. "If this person was a woman, the nibblum would be out to here!" He pulled his hand back about eight inches.

"Um…" Both general and Emperor sweatdropped.

The other guard shook his head. "How many women do you see with boobs THAT big? Besides, maybe she wrapped them down so they wouldn't be so annoying."

The first guard stared at him. "You find boobs annoying?"

"NO!" The other guard shook his chibi head. "Well…" He stopped, blushing. "Sometimes when they're really big it's annoying. What I mean is that they're annoying to the woman, maybe."

"Men," Nakago called quietly.

"Have you had the experience of having boobs?" asked the first guard, eying his partner suspiciously.

"Men," said the general a little louder, but they were way too into their conversation to notice.

"No! How the hell-?"

"Wait a second!" Another guard must have come from outside the tent to see what the commotion was about. "He must be a man! If he was a woman, he obviously wouldn't have had nibblums drawn on here, right? How many women do you know that would do that?"

"How many _men _do you know that would do that?" asked the first guard.

"Oh… good point."

"MEN!" bellowed Nakago, the impact from his voice nearly throwing them to the ground.

"Uh…" All three quickly stood up, bowed, and ran out.

The Emperor chibily blinked his eyes a couple of times, then finally remembered his purpose. He shook his head, and his anger returned. "Nakago-sama! I've had enough of this! There's no need to continue losing men to this futile war. I challenge you to end this tomorrow once and for all, just you and me."

The general smirked. "Are you sure Hotohori-sama? Have you forgotten that you've lost your seishi abilities?"

"I'm not a dumbass. Not like…" His eyes flickered towards outside. "So, do you accept for tomorrow at noon? On the plateau between here and Konan?"

The general's smirk was delighted and dangerous. "Gladly."

Hotohori nodded, then walked outside.

"Um…" the first guard poked the Emperor in the back.

Hotohori turned around swiftly, knowing exactly what he would want to know. "I'm a man." He turned around just as quickly as before, mounting his horse. He kicked the animal into a gallop and quickly rode out of sight.

The guard watched him go, then turned around and swore. "DAMN!"

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

DEE: Hey Haley-chan?  
HALEY: What is it Dee-chan?  
DEE: In the next chapter, can Chichiri and I-?  
HALEY: No.  
DEE: Not even-  
HALEY: No.  
DEE: But-  
Haley: No.  
DEE: Damn. Well, at least tell me you're not gonna kill Hotohori! ... You aren't, right? 'Cause that'd just be cruel... I might have to hurt you...  
HALEY: Hm, I haven't decided yet... but I will tell you that the next chapter of Fushigiggles is going to have something that kind of resembles a plot!  
FREAKY CAT THING: Do my fuzzy ears deceive me! You just used the words "Fushigiggles" and "plot" in the same sentence? Oh sweet mother of peas, finally, after fourteen freakin' chapters of nonsensical nothingness, we're finally getting a real plot! Thank the great cheese master!  
DEE: Remind me who the crazy one is around here?  
HALEY: Don't forget to come back for the next scrumptious chapter: "It's Like Swamp Mud, Except With Bunnies"!  
FREAKY CAT THING: Huh? That doesn't sound like a plot to me...


	15. It's Like Swamp Mud, Except With Bunnies

**Chapter Fifteen:  
It's Like Swamp Mud, Except With Bunnies**

Mr. Hobo-cat appeared around the corner of my living room, looking at me and Genrou in moderate disappointment. "Hmmm… Hobo-san was hoping to find you two in a more interesting situation."

Genrou glared over at him with his fist clenched. "You wanna repeat that?"

The hobo stretched his nearly-toothless grin even wider. "Hobo-san was hoping to find you two in a more interesting situation."

"That's it!" With one swift move, the bandit grabbed the hobo's torn collar with his right hand and unsheathed his tessen with his left hand. I tried to pull his left arm away, but he didn't even seem to notice me. "I should've roasted ya a long time ago."  
_  
Poof!_ A cloud appeared where the hobo was before, and then it popped, revealing nothing there. Genrou tensed and stepped back. "What the… OW!" He jumped and looked down, trying to shake away the black cat that was biting his ankle. "Get off! Get off!" He continued to curse and yell, trying to kick off the cat, but the little critter hung on no matter how much he shook his leg.

"Tasuki, did you pick a fight with him no da?" Chichiri and the others had come in the room.

"He's the one picking the fights!"

The cat jumped off his leg and changed back to his hobo form. "Don't mess with me, sista!" The hobo snapped his fingers with a hand on his hip.

"See that! He just practically called me a gi…" Genrou stopped as he stared at the monk. "Hey Chichiri, you changed your clothes."

If I could have talked, I would have called him Captain Obvious at that point, for the monk did indeed look quite different. He was wearing loose, but not baggy, khakis and a dark blue shirt with long sleeves. He still had his beads on. It was the first time I had really gotten a good look at him and noticed his eye had turned a dark brown. His hair had been noticeable from the start since it had changed to a dark blonde.

"Yeah, it seems you were too mad to notice at first no da." He lifted up his arm and picked at the sleeve, then looked down at himself. "Do they look okay no da? They're not really what I'm used to no da."

"They look all right." The bandit shrugged. "They're different, that's fer sure. Ya look so different now, th' only way I know it's really you is yer no da's."

I gave the monk a smile and thumbs-up.

"Thanks Haley-chan." He smiled back. I noticed that his smile was still oh-so-cute, even without his mask.

Just then, the back door opened, and my mom walked in, staring at us. I sucked in my breath as I thought of ways to explain the strange crowd. She looked towards the monk with the scarred eye, then to the bandit with a tessen, then finally to the hobo, who was grinning widely. She turned to me. "I always knew you'd bring home somebody weird. I just didn't know you'd bring home three of them." Then she walked to the garage door. We were all silent until we heard the car start and the garage door close.

"What was that loud noise?" asked Genrou, but before anyone could answer him Colin ran over to the bandit and pushed him from behind.

"And now it's your turn!" he exclaimed.

"Ah crap…"

He was whisked away, Chichiri and Max following. Dee was about to follow, but I grabbed her arm. When she looked back, I licked my index finger, touched it to my butt, and made a sizzling noise. She nodded, her eyes big and bright. "I knew he would look good in our clothes, but I had no idea he would look _that _good. It really works for him." She wriggled a little bit and made a growling noise. I nodded and laughed silently.

"You know, I just witnessed that conversation." Dee and I turned around to see the hobo standing there flashing a toothy grin.

"Heh…" Dee blushed.

"Don't worry, I won't tell." His eyes glittered dangerously. "If you're nice to me." He walked past us, materialized a book out of the air, and threw it at me. I caught it, and after reading the title figured out with my skills of seeing the obvious that it was _The Universe of the Four Gods_. "Someone should be reading this."

I nodded, and we followed the hobo to the upstairs bedroom.

xxx

"Hotohori-sama is back!" yelled an anonymous soldier.

All the Suzaku seishi and bandits ran out to greet him, the bandits bowing.

"Where the hell were you?" asked Tamahome as Hotohori dismounted. Koji and the rest of the bandits sweat-dropped at hearing him speak so casually to the emperor.

"I'll explain to everyone in a few minutes. Call a meeting."

Tamahome cupped his hands around his mouth. "Meeting! Oh meeting, where are you?"

Hotohori smacked him on the back of his head. "You meant what I know…" The emperor stopped, then shook his head and stared at Tamahome. "You understand!"

xxx

"How come my clothes look so different from Chichiri's?" asked Genrou. "And how come they're so…tight?" The bandit picked at his pants.

"Well…" Colin tried very hard to keep from laughing. "There are a lot of styles here."

"But these are so…"

"Comfy?" suggested Colin, his glittering eyes the only sign of how amused he was.

"No, they're sure as hell not comfy!" Genrou picked at them some more.

Colin opened the door. "Hey Haley, come see Tasuki!"

"Wait! Aren't I supposed t'get a shirt first?"

"Nope!"

I walked through the doorway, then immediately blushed, looked down, and punched Colin hard in the arm. "Ow!" He grabbed his arm. "It's just a joke!"

"I knew it!" exclaimed Genrou.

"Oooh… I didn't know you had such a good body for hot pants Genrou." The hobo flashed his nearly-toothless grin.

xxx

"Um…excuse me…is anybody…"

"Mmmmm'yeeeees?" an old, gravely female voice called out. "I knew you had come. Please sit down."

Amiboshi reluctantly walked in and sat down across from an old lady wearing a purple robe and many purple- and green-beaded necklaces. "Um…I heard you had some psychic powers, and I was wondering…"

"Wait!" Her sudden outburst caused Amiboshi to jump. "Let me guess. Your name starts with a 'b' sound."

He shook his head.

"A 'k' sound?"

Another shake. "Listen, I don't need to know my own name…"

"It starts with a P! It's an unusual name… yes, I know! It's P. Diddy!"

Amiboshi sweatdropped. "How would you know _that _name?"

"Yahoo!" she exclaimed, a fist in the air. Then she immediately calmed down and stared at the seishi. "Is an excellent web site and search engine."

He began to stand again. "Um… I'm sorry, but maybe I should leave…"

"Wait! I'm just rusty. I haven't helped anybody in ages. I just need to warm up."

The seishi nodded and sat back down. "I don't need to know anything. I just need to get the two Priestesses back to this world. I was wondering if you could help me."

"You want me to get the Priestesses back?" Her eyes snapped open. "I'm a psychic, not a god. I'm afraid you're shit-out-of-luck."

The young seishi's head drooped.

xxx

"I have gathered all of you here before me to announce that Nakago and I shall fight to the death tomorrow."

The crowd of seishi, bandits and government officials burst into chatter among themselves.

Tamahome ran up to the emperor. "You mean you went and challenged him without anybody with you? They could have killed you!"

The other seishi ran up to Hotohori as well, Koji following. Mitsukake handed the emperor a piece of paper.

Hotohori read it, then smiled and waved a hand. "Oh, you don't need to worry about Houki. I'm confident nothing will happen to me. But if something unfortunate does occur, she always has Joe." Mitsukake kept himself from falling over. It's a good thing he didn't. If his _voice_ could knock a tree over, just imagine what his body could do.

"Hotohori-sama, you don't have your seishi powers, remember?" Nuriko pointed out, desperation in his… her, in Nuriko's voice.

"I'm still pretty good with my sword," the emperor reminded her.

"But what if the pretty blonde-man uses one of his scary life force boom-booms?" asked Chiriko.

"Oh." The emperor sweatdropped. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Hotohori-sama!" Koji jumped forward, keeping his head and eyes to the ground. "If somethin' happened t'you, it'd be a huge blow t'the empire. An' besides, I can't bear t'think of ya never seein' yer son. There must be another warrior who could fight for you!"

Koji's eyes snapped up as he felt the emperor clap a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Koji. You're very brave."

"It was nothing, Hotohori-sama."

The emperor turned to the crowd. "Everyone, the brave ban…uh, the brave warrior Koji has volunteered to fight Nakago in my place!"

Koji's eyes practically fell out of his head. "WHAAAAA?"

xxx

_'There's no way! Koji's a skilled fighter, but how could he beat a sorcerer-seishi?'_ I stood up and poked Dee.

"Is it something in the book?" she asked.

I nodded and began to point out the part, but Colin slammed open the door, startling us.

"Damn Colin! Wanna give us a heart attack?" Dee yelled.

He completely ignored her. "Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the fiery, loud, bad-mouthed, hot-headed…"

"Who th' hell're you callin' a bad-mouthed hothead?" demanded Genrou, walking out of the room with that familiar scowl on his face, familiar crossed arms, and very unfamiliar outfit. He was wearing loose medium blue jeans and a red short-sleeve shirt with a black hooded jacket over it. His hair had been trimmed so it wasn't quite so messy looking, but definitely still fluffy.

Unable to contain my giddiness, I smacked Dee on her arm. She held her arm, slowly turned to face me with her mouth open and her eyebrows pinched together. Then, she smacked me back.

"Lookin' good no da."

"So this isn't a kinky outfit Haley-chan?"

I shook my head, blushing. Then, I have him a thumbs up.

"She's giving a thumbs up because she liked them hotpants better." It was my turn to hit the hobo, and I made sure it was a good hit.

"So bored, so bored…" We all turned to see Max smacking his head against the corner of the door frame.

"It must run in the family," commented Colin.

"Hey Haley, what were you going to tell me about the book?" asked Dee.

I couldn't believe I had forgotten, so I smacked her arm again. I immediately waved my arms as if to say sorry as she glared at me. I opened the book and pointed to a spot.

She read a bit, then stared at me with a disturbed look. "I don't think Nakago wearing pink…" She stopped as I waved my arms again, then pointed further down. She read it, then said two words that say so much. "Ah shit."

"What is it no da?" Chichiri peered over my shoulder.

"Hotohori challenged Nakago to a duel."

"What no da!"

"That's not it, though. Koji's going to take Hotohori's place."

"Awesome! Koji's gonna be Emperor!" Genrou threw up a fist. "I'm so proud of my-"

"No!" Dee yelled. "He's going to _fight Nakago_ for him!"

Genrou's jaw dropped. "What the hell does that idiot think he's doin'?" Genrou rushed over to the book and grabbed it from Dee. "Book, lemme in!" He waited, and of course nothing happened. "BOOK! LEMME IN! I gotta keep that idiot Koji from killin' himself!" I half-expected the book to change red and do what he said, but it stayed just like a regular book. "Damn it!" The bandit threw it across the room. He felt somebody touch him on the shoulder. Genrou whirled around to face the hobo. "I'm not in the mood to deal with you."

"You're never in the mood to deal with me."

"That's the one thing you've said that isn't insane," Genrou said emotionlessly.

"I'm glad you didn't attempt to hit me just now. If you had, I probably wouldn't have told you that I can get you into the book." He said it like it was no big deal. The rest of us stared at him for a while - well, except for Max, who was still sitting in the corner, completely bored.

Genrou grabbed the hobo's shoulders. "Why the hell didn't you tell us this to begin with?"

He shrugged. "Nobody asked."

An idea popped into my head. I poked the hobo's shoulder to get his attention. When he looked over, I pointed to my mouth and then made a talking motion with my hand.

"That's right! If you can send us back, you can fix the spell, right?" Dee asked anxiously.

The hobo frowned. "I didn't want you to catch onto that."

"We did, so you better do it," Genrou growled.

"I would if you'd give me some room."

The bandit backed up, still glaring. The hobo put his hand up to my throat, then muttered, "Mooka dooka whakka lakka frodo baggins boom shaka-la-ka...!"

Chichiri blinked. "Do I sound that stupid when I say spells no da?" Everyone shook their heads.

The hobo paused for a moment, then dropped his hand from my throat.

"That's it?" I asked. Uh… wait a second. I asked? "I… I can talk…" Before I could say any more, I was enveloped in a tight hug. When the bandit pulled back, he avoided my gaze. Luckily, there was something that grabbed both of our attentions.

"Get off of me!" We looked over at the hobo, who was trying to fight off Dee. She was kissing him on the cheek over and over again.

"You're so cool for helping out Haley!"

"Dee-chan, try not to be so rough no da." The monk's voice didn't sound quite as cheerful as usual.

"Genrou." As soon as I said it, he looked at me, and it made me a little nervous. "If you want to help Koji, I should probably wish for you to get your powers back now."

"Okay… so why do you look so sad?"

I would have sweatdropped if we had been in the other world. "It'll be my last wish. I'll have to stay in my world afterwards."

"Oh…" He put his hands on my shoulders. "Don't worry. You don't have to use that wish yet. Your other two weren't even your own, so it's not really fair. We'll beat Nakago without our powers."

I shook my head. "He's too strong, and you know it. I don't have a choice." I spaced off for a second, trying to think of a way to get around this dilemma. "Hey! I know!" I looked towards the hobo. By this time, the others were eavesdropping in on our conversation. "Do I have to say my wishes in any particular way?"

The hobo held a finger to his chin. "I'm pretty sure there are no rules."

"Good, then I've got it figured out. _Kaijin_!"

Colin stared and pointed at me. "Whoa… her forehead's glowing!"

"Whoop dee do…" Max, who was still sitting in the corner, waved his finger around in the air.

"Seiryuu, I wish for the Suzaku seishi to gain their Celestial powers back, and for me to stay with them until the crisis in their world is resolved." Both seishi clutched their chests as the blue light faded away.

"I felt it no da."

"Now we just have to see if the other half of the wish worked," said Genrou.

"Is everybody ready?" The hobo held up the book. "Because it's almost time."

Dee, Chichiri, Tasuki and I looked at each other, and then nodded.

"All righty!" The hobo grinned. "Then away you go!"

xxx

Tamahome clapped Koji on the back as he mounted his horse for the duel. "Man, you sure are brave. Taking on a big, tough general with such powerful Celestial abilities! Suzaku knows I'd never try that, not in a million years!"

"Yeah! Does he have giant balls or what?" a fellow bandit remarked with a big grin.

Nuriko grabbed Koji's crotch, which immediately made the bandit's eyes grow wide and chibi. "No, it's definitely not balls. Maybe he's just stupid." Nuriko let go, but Koji's eyes stayed the same.

"Are you sure you don't want to wear my armor?" Hotohori held up the breastplate.

Koji held up his hands, sweatdropping and trying not to stare at the two shiny nipples. "Ah, that's okay yer Majesty..."

"Well, good luck!" everyone exclaimed at once, smiling chibily at Koji. They turned and walked off.

Koji stared at the tall figure on the horse across from him. "Wow… he looks even bigger'n usual. Wait…" The bandit squinted to get a better look. Was that?… It was! "He's still holding that dead woman." The bandit sweatdropped. "How long ago did she die anyway?" He shook his head. "That's not important right now… even if it is kinda gross. I'll just have to try my best, or else I'll never see Genrou again! Besides, I'd like to help these people beat Nakago somehow. Even if it's just a scratch, and he kills me…" Koji's head fell to his chest. "Knock knock. Who's there? It's Koji, ready t'fight a seishi... even if it's th' last thing I do. Well, Koji, step right up an' get yer head knocked off._ A-ri-ga-tou_..." He sighed. "I never thought I'd die so young. Ah, shut up!"

He had yelled all of this out loud, and by now the specators were giving him some pretty weirded-out looks, but he didn't notice. "I can't say that. I gotta be confident. I have to kick this guy's ass. Fer Genrou, fer all these people, and fer Harii-chan and Dee-chan."

A guy that looked suspiciously like Mills Lane stepped in between Nakago and Koji. "Are both challenger's ready?"

Nakago raised his hand.

"What do you want?"

The general sweatdropped. "I… I was letting you know I was ready."

"Oh… okay... Is the other challenger ready?"

Koji was about to raise his hand, but stopped. Instead, he nodded.

"All right. Let's get it on!" Everyone looked at the referee blankly. He sweatdropped. "Uh... CHARGE!"

Koji raised his sword and kept it high, charging towards the general. _'Genrou, Dee-chan, Harii-chan, I won't let you down.'_

A purple ball above the two charging fighters appeared in the sky. "REKKAAAAA...!"

"What the…?" Koji pulled his horse to a stop as he looked up, but the light was too bright. Everyone on the battlefield shaded their eyes.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEN!" A flame flew from the blinding light and enveloped the general. Genrou appeared first out of the ball of light. "Koji, what the hell d'ya think yer doin'?" He hit the ground lightly and ran up to his bandit buddy, literally pulling him off the horse. Everybody else was just beginning to look up, blinking as they realized the light was gone. When Koji gained his senses, the two participated in their annual dance.

Unnoticed by the two dancing bandits, Dee, Chichiri and I fell out of the purple cloud and down to the ground in an unceremonious dog pile. And speaking of dogs...

"RAH!"

"Ashitare!" I looked up and braced myself for the wolfman's hug. "Ashitare, I'm so glad you're okay."

He pulled back and lifted his hand up. He made a talking motion as he said, "Rah, rah rah rah!"

I nodded. "Yeah, I can talk now."

"Harii-chan!"

I sweatdropped. I couldn't believe I had almost forgotten the way they pronounced my name.

"Harii-chan! I'm so glad you're back!" Amiboshi ran up to me, his twin brother close behind him. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I smiled. "I'm glad I got to see you again."

"And we'd be glad if you'd get off of us (no da)!" Chichiri and Dee squeaked from underneath me.

I blushed and stood up, and was immediately hugged by the happy Amiboshi.

By this time, the Suzaku seishi had reunited with Dee and Chichiri.

Chiriko helped his fellow seishi to his feet. "Chichiri-san, you look nice. Are those clothes from the Priestess's world?"  
_  
'Better than nice,'_ Dee thought, trying hard not to drool.

"Thanks Chiriko. And yes, they are no da."

"HOTOHORI-SAMA!" Everyone jumped as they heard Genrou's roar. He stomped towards us, brandishing his tessen at the emperor. Nuriko and Tamahome jumped in front of the bandit, holding him back as he approached the group. "How could you let Koji fight Nakago? It was YER decision t'fight him, and then you forced my buddy in there instead!"

"I thought he was crazy as a muth-ah too, but it _was_ his choice," replied the emperor calmly.

"His choice, my ass!"

The emperor looked at him blankly. "What does your ass have to do with this?"

Genrou growled.

"Poor guy," Chichiri whispered to Dee. "No matter how he tries to hide it, it's so obvious how much he cares for his friends no da."

By now Amiboshi, Snoop Dogu, Ashitare and I had reached the Suzaku seishi. I sprang forward, waving my hands wildly. "Genrou, calm down!"

Koji joined me. "Genrou, really, it's no big deal. Nothin' happened after all, so..."

"Um, HELLO?" All of us forgot the present conversation and looked over at a scorched Nakago, who was waving his free arm in the air. The other arm held a now-scorched Soi. "Have you forgotten about the incredibly evil, incredibly powerful ME?" The way he said it reminded me more of a valley girl than an evil, powerful, general.

"Didn't I just kill you?" asked Genrou.

The general grinned. "Did you really think I wouldn't put up a shield in time?"

"Yeah, actually I did."

Everyone else nodded.

"I thought so too," said Koji.

"He came out so fast and everything," Nuriko said.

"And with the blinding light and all…" began Tamahome.

"SHUT UP!" A vein popped out on Nakago's head. "Aren't you scared of me? I'm the most powerful seishi _and_ an evil general!"

Everyone looked at each other, then shook their heads.

"Not anymore," said Chiriko.

"We all have our powers back," said Nuriko, flexing a bicep.

Dee pointed to the monk. "And besides, Chichiri's the most powerful."

He blushed oh-so-cutely. "Well... ah-heh…I'm not so sure about that no da."

"But you're definitely the sickest seishi," said Snoop Dogu. "You're still carrying Soi around! Why don't you give her a proper burial?"

Amiboshi tugged on his twin's sleeve. "I'm not sure about that, brother. Tomo was pretty sick."

"Hel-loooo!" Nobody paid attention to Nakago.

"Yeah, but even Tomo wouldn't carry around a dead body for nearly two weeks," argued Snoop Dogu. "It's really starting to smell."

Nakago sweatdropped as he looked down and saw a fly hovering above Soi's head.

Mitsukake wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to Chiriko to read. "_Actually, we're all sick for eating Tomo._" He looked up at the older seishi. "Ew... when did you guys eat Tomo?"

Koji blinked, then turned green. "You guys… ate a guy?"

Genrou grinned. "I didn't. That means Chiriko, Koji an' I are the least sick out of all you guys."

"We were stranded on that island for seven whole hours!" I cried. "We had to eat something!"

"Rah!"

"HEL-LOOOOO!" Nakago desperately tried to get our attention.

"You could have just eaten the fruit," Genrou pointed out.

"There was _fruit _no da?"

Genrou grinned. "Didn't you see all the fruit trees?" We all shook our heads and he almost fell over laughing. "Damn! That is pretty sick!"

"Ew… I never wanted to think about it, but now that I have…" My face turned green as I put a hand to my mouth.

"Ah! Harii-chan, don't think about it anymore!" The bandit waved his chibi arms wildly.

"Think happy thoughts." Dee frantically searched her brain for happy thoughts. "Bunnies, rainbows, cuddling chipmunks, ice cream on a summer day."

"Not on a summer day," said Chiriko. "Then it would melt." He paused. "And how would I know what ice cream is anyway?"

"I'm trying to think of happy thoughts, damn you!"

"Happy thought this!" Everyone looked over to see a blue light gathering in Nakago's palm. The sneer on the general's face didn't last for long as Tamahome served him a hard punch to his chest. Soi dropped to the ground. A cloud of flies immediately swarmed towards her.

"I forgot… about… your… powers… shiiiit…" The general fell off his horse and next to Soi. He pathetically waved an arm around her head to keep the flies away.

"So what do we do with him now?" asked Nuriko.

The hobo grinned. "Just leave that to me."

xxx

"He looks even prettier than before!" I exclaimed.

"I don't know. This pink fluff isn't elegant at all." Nuriko made a face as she examined Nakago in the tu-tu.

Dee gave an approving nod. "I like it."

"Uh… Dee-chan…" Dee turned around to face Chichiri, and found him blushing. He had changed into his regular clothes, but it didn't disappoint her too much. After all, how could he not be oh-so-cute? Well…maybe if he wore a skirt with fishnet hose and red lipstick. Then he would just look disturbing. Oh… and there was also the pimpmonk incident. Then he looked a bit… different. Er, that's not quite the word I'm looking for...

"GET ON WITH IT!" yelled Dee.

Oh right, sorry I just got carried away. I do that from time to time. Most people can stay focused and talk about what they were mentioning in the beginning. My problem is that sometimes I'll be thinking of one thing, and it'll remind of something else, and before you know it, I have pop tarts dancing in my head!

_SMACK!_

Moving on…

The monk stammered nervously, blushing a little. "The p-p-preparations… um… are… almost r-r-ready n…n…nooo…d…d-d-d…da."

"Oh, okay." Dee couldn't figure out why he seemed so embarrassed. "Chichiri, are you feeling okay?"

"I'm ok-kay n..n..no da."

Genrou grinned from behind the monk. "All that's left is yer purification aaaand," his grin grew wider, "for you to wear both shinzaho."

Dee felt her face heat up. "I have to actually wear that thing?"

"I did." I sweatdropped. "Luckily, you'll get the chance to choose how you want to wear it. I didn't." Genrou and most of the males nearby began to blush. "Nakago literally threw them on over my clothes and dragged me to start the summoning."

The red on the bandit's face turned to the red of anger. Ooo… poetic. "HE WHAT?"

"Uh… I mean… heh…"

"Calm down, boss." Koji put his hands on Genrou's shoulders as he sweatdropped. "Nakago has had enough punishment."

"That guy will never get enough punishment!" Genrou futilely tried to pull out his tessen as Koji and Nuriko held him back.

"In any case no da…"

Dee held the shinzaho away from her as if they were poison. "I can't believe this…"

"It's not so bad." I shrugged. "Better go get changed."

"What's the hurry?" Hotohori-sama had walked in the room. Genrou was glaring at him quite angrily, but the emperor only seemed to notice Dee. He walked over to her, took the panties and earring, and threw them to Chichiri.

"Da!" He caught them, blushing crazily.

"Both armies have stopped fighting, and the empires are beginning to rebuild. We can summon later." He uncharacteristically put an arm around Dee and once again used his appearing-out-of-nowhere magical power to make a goblet appear in his left hand. "Right now, we're gonna PARTAY!"

All of us stared wide-eyed as a "party troop" burst through the doors carrying trays of…

"SAKE!" yelled Koji and Genrou.

"CRAB RANGOONS!" yelled Dee.

"MIDGET IN A SOUP!" yelled Chiriko. Everyone fixed their attention towards Chiriko, who realized what he'd said. "Ew…who wants midget in a soup?"

The chef carrying the midget in a soup tray hung his head sadly and walked off slowly with slumped shoulders.

xxx

Colin sobbed. "I knew I should have gone with them! I wanna party!"

Max walked in the room, smacking his head with his hand. "They STILL haven't come back yet?"

xxx

Genrou and Koji returned to the dining hall with the rest of the bandits. "Now we can have a real party!"

"Free sake!" they all cheered, running to the trays full of their favorite drink.

Koji handed me a glass. "Have one."

Genrou grinned and nudged me, almost knocking the glass out of my hand. "Maybe you shouldn't have any of that stuff. It's stronger than the last kind, and that made you pretty drunk before."

I blushed. "I wasn't drunk," I mumbled.

"What was that? I conveniently didn't hear ya."

"Nothing," I said, blushing even brighter.

"Who's up for a drinking game?" Nuriko yelled from across the room.

"I'm in!" Both bandits exclaimed, running towards her… him... towards Nuriko.

The super-strong seishi grinned. "Okay, here are the rules... everytime Mitsukake talks and knocks over something, it's one drink. Everytime Chiriko says something smart that we can't understand, it's two drinks. Everytime Tamahome or Hotohori-sama say something romantic and corny, it's three drinks. And everytime Tasuki does something loud or stupid, it's four drinks!"

"This could get ugly then!" Koji remarked, grinning at his friend.

"SHUT UP!" Tasuki shouted.

"Oops! That's four drinks!" Nuriko pointed out. "Bottoms up boys!"

xxx

"Dee, I'm sorry about everything that happened between us," Hotohori said as he finally got the two of them somewhat alone.

"Don't worry about it."

He smiled. "Every time I sit in my chair, I remember how we met, and the joy that you gave me."

"Uh…" Dee sweatdropped. "And every time I pour a rich cup of Folger's Coffee, I will be reminded of you, and how quickly you got a wife."

Hotohori cocked his head to the side. "Is that a compliment?"

"Yes," she said quickly.

xxx

"So…" I jumped at the familiar but unexpected voice, turning to find Mr. Hobo-cat practically looming over my shoulder. "You aren't going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?" I said quickly.

"He's the only one who doesn't realize how you feel," he said.

I sighed, knowing he knew everything. "I don't think I should. I mean… it's not like it will matter. I can't be with him now anyway. I don't think I'd be able to leave Dee, my family, and the rest of my friends, and I know he belongs on Mount Reikaku. Besides, I've used up all my wishes."

"Liar."

I looked over at him, startled at the seriousness in his voice.

"You're scared to tell him."

"So what?" I folded my arms and closed my eyes.

I saw him smile from the corner of my eye. "You almost looked like him just now."

I blushed as I quickly unfolded my arms.

The smile disappeared. "But remember, if you don't tell him now, you'll most likely never get the chance." I knew without looking that he had vanished again.

xxx

After Hotohori-sama went to meet up with his wife, Dee searched for the oh-so-cute, friendly masked monk she had become so close to. She couldn't find him anywhere in the room, but noticed Chiriko and Mitsukake sitting together at a table, Mitsukake exchanging notes while Chiriko talked.

"Chiriko, Mitsukake, have you seen Chichiri anywhere?"

The younger of the two thought for a moment, then said, "I think I saw him outside."

"Thanks." Dee exited the dining room, but didn't find him out front. "If I was Chichiri…" she said aloud to herself. Then, she snapped her fingers. "Of course!"

She hurried towards the same pond where they'd first become such close friends. Just as she expected, she found him sitting on a rock, outlined by the setting sun. His mask was lying next to him, and his chin was in his hands. She walked up slowly to him, not wanting to startle him, and forgetting his ki-sensing abilites would keep him from ever being startled. As she neared him, he turned his face even farther away from her.

"Dee-chan," he said quietly. "Please go back inside no da. I'll be back in soon. I just... need a minute to myself, is all."

She took a seat next to him. "C'mon, what's wrong? Everything's all right now. Both empires were saved, none of the Suzaku seishi died, both gods are going to be summoned…"

"That's exactly what's wrong no da."

"You mean…" She tilted her head to the side. "You wanted one of our seishi to die?"

For a second, Dee thought she had made her friend cry, but when he faced her, she realized he was laughing. "No, that's not it no da." His voice had gone a bit higher, but then it lowered again as he spoke. "It's that the gods will be summoned no da. All of this will be over. Dee-chan… during this time I've spent with all of you, there have been moments when I've… well…" He smiled sadly as he looked over at her. "Being with you makes me feel like I don't _need_ the mask to make me smile no da."

Not knowing what to say, Dee just looked at the monk intently. Much to her surprise, she found her eyes beginning to sting with water. "I… I'm really gonna miss you." She was barely able to say it, and the effort of it brought forth the tears she'd been trying to keep at bay. Chichiri leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face in his chest.

* * *

**Next Episode Preview...**

DEE: Mya... mya... mya... mya...  
HALEY: For those of you who can't see it, Dee is currently lying on the floor with a big stupid smile on her face. Her arms and legs are twitching, her eyes are rolled back, and she's making funny noises... it's a little disturbing.  
DEE: Chichiri... me... Chichiri... me... so cute... so cute... Hehehehehehehe!  
FREAKY CAY THING: Oh my.  
DEE: HALEY-CHAN, YOU'RE THE BEST! You've made all my obsessed fangirl dreams come true! Woohoo, hoohoo, hoo, hoohoohahahahahaha...!  
FREAKY CAY THING: _Now_ see what you've done?  
HALEY: If I'd known she was gonna have a seizure I'd-a toned it down a little bit... Geez, Dee...  
DEE: STAY TUNED FOR MORE FUSHIGOODNESS, GIGGLES, AND LLLLLOOOOOOVE SCENES! There's just one chapter to go but it's sure to be one _hell _of a trip! Me 'n' Chiri-chan, me 'n' Chiri-chan, nyeeheeheehee...! (_falls over gleefully)_  
FREAKY CAY THING: If you're willing to put up with this fangirl, then you may as well stick around for the next chapter, "Now it's time to say good-bye to all our company..."  
HALEY: I sure hope Disney doesn't sue us for that one.


	16. Now It's Time to Say Goodbye

For every great story, there is a mind-blowing finale...  
This is not one of those stories.

**FUSHIGIGGLES!  
****THE LAST CHAPTER!  
****AS WRITTEN BY DEE!  
****BECAUSE HALEY IS A LAZY BI-YATCH!  
B****UT WE'RE GOING TO PRETEND HALEY'S STILL WRITING IT!  
****THAT WILL KEEP THE FLOW OF THE NARRATIVE RUNNING SMOOTHLY!  
A****ND AWAY WE GO!  
****PLEASE ENJOY YOUR NICE CHINESE FOOD WITH REAL CHOP STICK!**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen:**  
**Now It's Time to Say Good-Bye to All Our Company...**

As I walked back into the party room, the first thing I heard was a familiar bandit voice talking in a familiar tipsy tone. "I di'n't unnerstan' wha' Chiriko said – time fer another shot!" Genrou cried, chugging down another cup of sake and slamming it back onto the table with a loud laugh. "WoOOoo, who though' up thiz drinkin' game agin, eeeeh?"

"Nuriko did…" Chiriko said with a sweatdrop, seeing as how Nuriko was passed out at the table and couldn't answer the question herself… himself… Nuriko's self. "Perhaps you should discontinue your consumption of liquor, Tasuki-san. You're becoming extremely inebriated."

"Di'n't unnerstan' that either!" the bandit said gleefully, pouring yet another cup down his throat and grinning across the table at Nakago. "'Ey Naki-chan, why doncha join th' fun, huh?" He waved a cup temptingly at the pretty-boy general, a wide drunken smile spread out across his face. "A couple-a these bad boys an' ya won' even notice all th' pink frills they're makin' ya wear, heheheh…"

Surprisingly, Nakago smiled and nodded. "All right. I'll join you." He pulled two cups and a pitcher out of thin air, pretty amazing since Dee had tied him to the chair so he wouldn't try to kill anyone, and filled both cups as full of the liquid as possible. "Here, let me add something special to yours, to show you how much I care about you." That having been said, the baddy general pulled a MY…STER…I…OUS capsule that looked oddly like an Advil out of thin air and dumped it into Genrou's glass, then slid the cup across the table towards the bandit. "Bottom's up!"

Genrou raised his glass, but I ran across the room and knocked it out of his hand just in time. "Genrou! You can't trust him! What if he's trying to poison you again?"

"That hurts, Priestess," Nakago said, wiping a tear from his eye – yet another amazing feat since his arms were still tied to his sides. "You don't trust me, your very first seishi… WAAAAAAH!"

Mitsukake dipped a finger into the spilled liquid from Genrou's glass, tasted it, then handed a note to Chiriko. "'_Harii's right – it's _kodoku_._'" Chiriko looked up, frowning at Nakago. "Couldn't you _at least_ have used something new?"

Nakago wasn't ready to give up, though. "So you'll deny me even that, will you? I can't even share a tasty glass of _kodoku _with my favorite Suzaku seishi? I can't even experience the joy of a mind-altering drug on my last day with all of you? And I suppose _next_ you'll be telling me that I can't even have a five-layer chocolate cake on my wedding day, won't you!" The general pounded his fist into the table and howled to the ceiling. "Oh _why_, why must you always ruin my wedding day? WHYYYYYY?"

Genrou jumped up, his drunkenness (spell-check said it was a word!) magically gone... and replaced by ANGER! He grabbed Nakago by the collar and shook him, yelling into his face. "Listen, bastard! All you've done since ya showed up is cause problems fer Harii-chan an' th' rest of us! An' now when we're finally gettin' ready t'celebrate victory 'n' peace, you gotta pull shit like this?"

"I see none of this 'shit' that you speak of," Nakago answered innocently.

"Shut up, will ya? I am so damn sick of yer mumbo-jumbo!"

...What?

Genrou pulled back his fist as if to hit the general, but I stopped him. "Whoa, wait, Genrou... Mumbo-jumbo?"

He looked back. "Huh?"

"Mumbo-_jumbo_, Genrou? Mumbo freaking jumbo?"

"I said that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you did."

"Oh." He sweatdropped. "I meant to say 'bullshit,' but the dubbers screwed it up. Sorry 'bout that." He turned back to Nakago, ready to pound him into the wall, but sighed and stopped. "Ah, ferget it. Jus'... jus' ferget it. I'm too ashamed of America t'kill him now."

"Mitsukake and I will escort him to the dungeons," Chiriko volunteered. "The party is getting a little too wild for me, anyway." He pointed around the room. Genrou, Nakago, Chiriko, Mitsukake and I were the only people in the room who weren't passed out or throwing up in corners. I hoped Tomo's magic could fix all those puke stains in the mor...

Damn.

We'd eaten him.

"That's a good idea," I agreed. I tugged at Genrou's sleeve and pointed to the doorway. "Let's get some air, okay? You look like you need to cool off."

He shot Nakago another death glare and followed me out the door. "If you want me t'kick his ass fer you, I will. He's really startin' t'get on my nerves. More so than before, even."

"Oh, I know he acts like a wannabe badass kinky bastard on the outside, but on the inside he's really..." I paused to ponder the end of that sentence.

"On th' inside he's really a what?" Genrou asked after a few seconds had passed.

"Give me another minute, I'll come up with something."

Genrou sighed. "Let's go fer a walk, okay?"

xxx

Dee sobbed into Chichiri's shirt for a couple of minutes, until the tears of frustration finally dried up enough for her to talk. She kept her head buried in his shirt, though, and didn't try to pull away from his light embrace. "This really sucks."

"It can't be that bad, no da."

"Yes, it is. You don't know how bad it is." Dee clenched a fist into his shirt and fought back another wave of tears. "Tomorrow I'll have to say good-bye to all of you, and I'm going to miss you all so much, especially _you. _Oh, Chichiri..."

"Dee-chan..."

But she wasn't finished. "And I can't forget that I have a history test tomorrow that I haven't studied for _at all_ and two of my library books are overdue and you know how pissy they get after a few days, and they'll start to call your house and remind you that this certain book has a waiting list and other, nicer people want to read it just as badly as you do..."

"Uh... Dee-chan...?"

"And I didn't clean out the litter boxes like my mom asked and my cat will probably pee on the floor because his box is dirty..."

"Dee-chan..."

"And to top it off Haley-chan and I just wrote a shameless self-insertion fanfic!"

"But there has to be something we can do about this no da."

Dee reached up and grabbed his collar, shaking him and crying in his face: "No, don't you see? It's already too late for that! We've posted the first fifteen chapters on the internet and everything!"

Chichiri sweatdropped. "I wasn't talking about that no da. I meant that maybe we can do something about you having to go home."

She stopped shaking him and paused to think. "Hm. Maybe you're right." The two sat in silence for several seconds... ooh, nice alliteration... until Chichiri noticed that Dee was snoring quietly into his shoulder.

"Dee-chan no da?"

She jerked at the call of her name. "I promise not to say 'what' again!"

"How will that solve anything no da?" Dee blinked up at the monk's face, confused. Chichiri sweatdropped. "Maybe you should get some sleep." He stood, offering the exhausted teenager his hand. He smiled down at her, even if it was a sad smile. "I'll walk you back to your room, okay?"

Dee returned the look and took his hand. "_Arigatou_, Chichiri. And don't worry – I'll figure out an answer to our problems." Her eyes narrowed and she looked towards an imaginary camera. "Even if I have to go on what the movie advertisements refer to as a Roaring Rampage of Revenge to find it."

The monk sighed. "You're still sleeping, aren't you no da?"

"Private donut," Dee offered, and nearly keeled over into his arms.

xxx

Genrou and I were walking along one of the palace's wooden pathways, admiring the scenery. At least, Genrou was admiring the scenery. Or I think he was. I wasn't really paying attention. Well, I was paying attention, but not to what he was admiring. Not that I didn't care what he was admiring, but there were other things I was focused on. A lot of those things had to do with him, of course, but not with what he might or might not have been admiring. In the end it probably didn't make much of a difference if I noticed that he liked the scenery. Maybe he didn't like it at all. I guess I'll never know. That's my problem, not paying enough attention to things like that. I should—

"GET ON WITH IT!" Dee shouted from nowhere.

Right, sorry... anyway, I didn't see Genrou admiring or not admiring the scenery, because I was looking down at the ground and trying _not_ to look at him. I knew what I had to tell him that night, but I wasn't sure if I _wanted_ to just yet.

"I'm sorry about Nakago," I said, mostly to fill the silence. "When I first met him I thought he was just kidding about that 'kill all the Suzaku seishi' stuff, but now I'm really starting to wonder."

"It ain't yer fault, so don't be sorry," Tasuki said. He shrugged. "An' I guess I don't mind it so much. I mean, if he an' the other Seiryuu seishi weren't around, then you wouldn't-a been able t'be in this world either. So it kinda worked out." I looked at him with a big smile on my face. He noticed it and raised an eyebrow. "Are you enjoyin' th' scenery _that_ much?"

Looking back, that probably meant that he didn't like it. Maybe I shouldn't have taken him out there for a walk. Damn. I hate it when that happens. I always make the wrong choice. Like when that man in the trench coat asked me to take the blue pill or the red pill, and I thought he was trying to give me a roofie so I kicked him in the balls and called the police. Then some officer named Smith gave him the death penalty, and I felt really bad because he was a pretty nice guy all things considered. And now here I was again, and—

"Haley-chan, our readers have waited THREE YEARS for this ending. Maybe we should try to make it so they don't have to wait another three to finish reading it?"

Okay, okay, sorry. What can I say, I like the 'train of thought' writing style. You gotta hand it to Faulkner...Anyway! I turned back to Tasuki. I now possessed a new vigor to keep the plot moving, probably because Dee wanted me to and she was writing this chapter, though we were still pretending that I was the narrator in order to keep the story flowing. I smiled up at him. "No, it isn't the scenery Genrou. It's just... you're really happy that I was with you on this journey?"

He looked away. Did I see a blush? Wow, I didn't think he _could_ do that. "Well, sure... I mean, yer really important t'me, y'know..."

I smiled. "You're really important to me, too."

He looked back at me, surprised by the seriousness in my voice. "Harii-chan...?"

"Genrou, you see... the truth is that I really care about you. I mean, you're a wonderful guy and I, um..." I looked over at him. He was standing completely still, and he looked a little frightened, but a little excited, too. Did he understand what I was trying to say? Was he happy about that? I cupped his cheeks in my hands and leaned in, surprised when he didn't pull away but _instead_ moved closer. I felt his breath on my cheek. He was breathing harder than usual – but then again, so was I. We drew in, both of us trembling but certain about this, our hearts pounding, our eyes refusing to look away... and then...

"Mumbo _jumbo_?"

Genrou jerked back, eyes widening. "What?"

I put a hand to my temple, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it's just... mumbo jumbo, Genrou? Mumbo _freaking_ jumbo? Who _says_ that?"

"I told ya I was sorry, dammit!"

"No, no, it's not your fault." I looked back over at him, but I could feel that the mood had been killed. Damn. "And I'm sorry too, Genrou. I was going to admit my undying love for you, but the dubbers have ruined everything. The next thing you know, they'll be giving Tomo the voice of a stuffed-up frog and making Koji sound like a middle-aged chain-smoker telling stand-up comedy in a cheap New York night club."

"Those bastards," he said with a sigh. Genrou looked up at the sky, suddenly a little embarrassed. "Look, Harii-chan... I don't really know what's gonna happen now, but I want ya t'know that I wish ya could stay. I really do. 'Cause I...I..."

"I mean please, mumbo freaking jumbo..." I whispered to no one in particular.

"Would ya let that go already?"

"Ah! I'm sorry!" I turned to look at him. "Um...What was that you were saying?"

"Nevermind! Go t'bed! I'll see ya in th' mornin'!"

The two of us just stood there. Finally, I said again, "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave..."

"I know. I don't want ya to, either. But we don't have a choice. There's no tellin' what sort of ridiculous dialogue the dubbers might put in our mouths."

I nodded in agreement. "This fic is already wobbling on the shreds of a barely visible plotline and a series of fangirl romance scenes – it can't afford to have anything else like 'mumbo jumbo' happen, can it?"

"No... I guess it can't."

"Still, tomorrow..."

"T'morrow..."

I put my hand to my head to rub away my headache. Tomorrow meant I had to say "good-bye" to everyone. Tomorrow meant I had to say "good-bye" to Genrou. But how could I possibly do that? How could I go home and look myself in the mirror knowing that I'd had a chance to get my groove on with a hotty-hotpants bandit, and had let that chance slip away?

"DAMMIT DEE! Why can't you let me be serious FOR ONCE?"

"Sorry... sorry... where were we?"

"My regret and sadness—"

"Right!"

How could I possibly stand to do _that_, without ever really having told him how I felt? Without ever really knowing how _he_ felt? How could I stand to leave him at all, and to have all those regrets? To deal with that loneliness I knew I would feel when he left my life forever...

"What are we going to do?" Genrou and I both muttered to the stars.

xxx

Dee had woken up a little on the way back to her room. She leaned in against Chichiri, taking comfort in his presence. She still didn't have an answer to their problems, though. Maybe she would have to go on that Roaring Rampage of Revenge, after all.

"I'm sure we'll figure something out no da," Chichiri assured her. They were almost at her room now, and Dee wished they were hundreds of miles away from it.

"I hope so." Dee sighed. "I'm so tired I can barely think, but I don't ever want tomorrow to come... I don't want to leave you, Chichiri."

"I don't want that either, Dee-chan. But..." The monk blushed a little. "I'm sorry to bring it up, but... doesn't the age difference bother you a little?"

They'd reached her room now. As they stopped, Dee turned to look at him. She shrugged, a little confused. "No, not really. I mean, you're what, nineteen, twenty years old?"

"Um, not exactly no da..."

xxx

I reached the door to the room Dee and I shared and found Dee right inside the room, lying on the floor and twitching. "So cute... so old... so cute... so old... so cute..."

"Uh, Dee-chan? Are you okay?"

She sprang to her feet and grabbed me by the collar. "Haley, love knows no age, right? That's what they say, right? I mean, after all, it's only seven years, which is actually totally normal in this world, and in our world, well hey, in a year or so it won't even be considered illegal anymore... right? Right, Haley-chan?"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"I'm talking about how Chichiri's twenty-freakin-four years old!"

I blinked once. Twice. A few more times, just for good measure. There was something in my eye, actually. Just an eyelash, but still, it really stung. Once I peeled that out I looked back over at her and said, "Damn. He _was_ always prettty mature, but... I never would've guessed. That's kinda old for you."

"No shit sherlock."

"But I think your math is a little off. If he was seven years older than you, that would make you seventeen. You're only fifteen."

"No, I'm definitely seventeen."

"But earlier in the story..."

"Well earlier in the story you were intending to finish the damn thing before our junior year of high school now, weren't you?"

"Guess so... still, seven years. Damn." I frowned. "Hey Dee, who says 'mumbo jumbo' anymore?"

"Nobody. In fact, nobody has _ever_ said it. Why?"

"Genrou said it tonight."

"He _what_?"

"Yeah. It kinda ruined our little romantic moment, too."

"Your ROMANTIC MOMENT?"

"Yeah, haven't you been reading the text?" I pointed upwards. "See, right here? 'I cupped his cheeks in my hands and leaned in, surprised when he didn't pull away but _instead_ moved closer.' That."

"Oh. And he said 'mumbo jumbo'? Well, it's not that bad..."

"NOT THAT BAD? How could it be worse?"

"He could have said 'high-falutin' no-good son of a sapsuckin' varmint,' and then Riverdanced around the dinner table wearing a leather thong while singing 'My Heart Will Go On,' with a bagpipe playing in the background."

I stared at her.

"Oh, and then he could have bitten the head off a pigeon and screamed like a Muppet that's been set on fire."

I continued to stare at her.

"See? It could've been a lot worse."

I lay back on my bed, but continued to stare at her.

"Anyway, we have bigger problems than dubbing shenanigans." Dee sat down next to me and put her chin in her hands, and she looked so serious that I forgot to smack her for saying the word 'shenanigans.' "Like what we're going to do tomorrow, when we have to leave everyone."

"When I have to leave Genrou..."

"When I have to say 'good-bye' to Chichiri..."

"Because they can't come back to our world—"

"And we can't stay here—"

A light bulb went off above our heads. Not one above each of our heads, mind you, just a particularly large one hovering between us. Really, it was more like a lamp than a light bulb. Quite shiny, too. We turned to look at each other, a slow smile spreading across both our faces.

"They can't come back to our world..."

"And we can't _stay _here..."

"Haley-chan?"

"Yes, Dee-chan?"

"I think you're pondering what I'm pondering."

"I think I am indeed."

xxx

"THE CEREMONIES COMMENCE!" Dee shouted the next morning.

"Why did you scream that?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I had it written in caps in my 'last chapter' notes, so I thought it seemed important enough to scream."

"Oh... okay..."

"So how do I look?" Dee swished around in her fancy priestess robes, turned an ankle, and fell flat on her face. "I HATE HEELS!"

"Why don't you just wear your normal clothes, along with the Shinzaho?" I suggested. "That's what I did at my ceremony."

"I'm supposed to look regal, Haley-chan."

"And slapping your face into the floor is regal?"

Dee sweatdropped. "Good point." She threw off the robes and was immediately wearing her normal jeans and T-shirt. "Ready to go?"

I looked around and frowned. I could see the Genbu Priestess' earring, but... "Did you forget to put on Suzuno's panties?" I didn't think she'd really wear them under her pants, after the things Tatara must have done to them.

"Huh?" Dee wrinkled her nose. "Ewwww... Did you think I'd really _wear_ those?" She held up her wrist, where she'd tied the pink thong into a bracelet. "Taiitsukun said we had to have them on us, but she didn't say where." She stared at me for a moment, then burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHA! You actually wore the Priestess' Pleasure Panties, didn't you? HAHAHAHA!"

"It's not like I had much of a choice! Nakago practically shoved them up my ass!"

"Um... Dee-sama?" Our heads whirled to the door to see a very freaked out servant standing at the entrance, waiting for us. "Are you... ready to, um... ready to go?"

"THE CEREMONIES COMMENCE!" Dee shouted again, and marched out the door. Grumbling, I followed.

The servant led us to the shrine where Dee and I had first found out that she was the Priestess of Suzaku. The hallway was just like I remembered, though this time I was lucky enough not to have to go through mind-numbing pain. Dee's seishi were standing near the golden statue of the phoenix, and my seishi were clustered around the edges of the shrine, looking a little uncomfortable. Nakago stood between Snoop Dogu and Amiboshi, who kept a close eye on him in case he tried anything else. Ashitare also had a clawed paw touching Nakago's leg, ready to attack if he so much as moved. And was that... I squinted my eyes against the gloom, and...

"Oh, SICK! Why the hell are you _still _carrying Soi around?" I demanded of the kinky general.

"I'm being dramatically romantic," he said.

"Dramatically romantic, my ass!" I shouted back.

"I still fail to see what your ass has to do with any of this."

"Grr... but hey, wait a sec..." I thought back to the day before and tried to remember if I'd seen Soi in Nakago's arms. Now that I thought about it, she hadn't been at the party the night before at all. "Didn't we send her back to Kutou to be buried with the other seishi?"

"She told me she didn't want to be buried just yet. Didn't you Soi?" Nakago propped her up in one arm and made her head nod. A swarm of flies buzzed away with the movement, then promptly moved back in. "See? She wants to see THE CEREMONIES COMMENCE!"

"Would you stop doing that?" I demanded of Dee, before turning back to the seishi general. "Look Nakago, you've already proven to us that you're a big creeper, you don't have to keep showing off. And don't you think Soi deserves a proper burial? Don't you think crying at her grave is more dramatically romantic than carrying around a corpse for weeks and weeks?"

"Besides, she's starting to rot," Snoop Dogu added, plugging his nose and grabbing at his stomach.

Nakago sighed. "As I've said before, Priestess, you're no fun at all." He tossed the deceased seishi over his shoulder, where she promptly vanished. Someday I'd have to learn how he and Hotohori did that.

I turned back around and smiled at Dee. "Okay. You guys can continue."

She glared at Nakago, then began her procession to the shrine. I saw her look towards Chichiri and flash him a smile and a thumbs-up. My own eyes trailed across all the Suzaku seishi – brilliant Chiriko and kind Mitsukake, currently hungover Nuriko and Tamahome, coffee-voiced Hotohori and oh-so-cute Chichiri... and finally, with a blush on my cheeks and a smile on my face, I turned to face...

"Hiiiii Genrou!" I waved at him across the room.

Everyone face-vaulted.

"Um... Chichiri...?" Dee looked towards the monk after she'd picked herself up and finished her walk to the shrine. "I know we practiced this last time, but that was a while ago. What am I supposed to say again?"

"Oh, you can just repeat after me, I have the scroll right..." He patted at his shirt, then winced and looked up. "Oops no da."

"Oops no da? OOPS NO DA?" Tamahome cried. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I must have left it in my room no da! Do you need me to run back and get it?"

"What if we run out of time again?" Nuriko asked. "I don't think we get a third chance."

Another little light bulb went on over my head. I cupped my hands to my mouth and shouted across the room, "Hey Dee-chan! You don't need to say the exact words! Just shout 'Oh come oh come Suzaku, or I'll bust your balls.' That's what I did!"

"I'm not saying that to an all-powerful god!"

"Then make something up, dammit! You don't get to stand there forever!"

"Aaaaah... fine!" Dee shouted back. She turned towards the shrine and clapped her hands together. "Um... Suzaku? Hi, it's your Priestess. Would it be all right if I summoned you? I'd really appreciate that." She waited for a moment, then turned to whisper back at me, "I don't think he's home. Should I leave a message?"

"The fire's dying," Hotohori remarked needlessly.

"DAMMIT SUZAKU! Get your ass down here! I am _not_ wearing any more thongs than I have to!" Dee screamed back into the fire.

A crimson glow surrounded my friend and cut her off from everyone else. A moment later the form of a tall man dressed in shades of red stood before her. A bright symbol glowed on his forehead, though Dee wasn't really looking at his forehead.

"I didn't expect gods to be sho shexy," she said.

"Uh... thanks..." Suzaku wiped away his sweatdrop. "Anyway, now that you have summoned me, you shall be granted the power—"

"Three wishes, '_kaijin_,' blah blah blah," Dee interrupted. Suzaku glared at her, but she didn't seem to notice. "Actually I already know what I want, so... _Kaijin Kaijin Kaijin_." Her forehead glowed brightly. She grabbed at the god's hand and tugged him towards the crimson curtain surrounding them. "Now why don't you just stick around while I make the wishes? I'm sure your seishi would love to meet you."

He glared harder. "But I'm supposed to be—"

"MY... STER...I...OUS?" she interrupted.

It looked like Suzaku might glare her through the floor, but Dee didn't pay him any mind. She just tightened her grip and dragged him out of their little crimson bubble.

"Hey gang, look who I brought!" she called.

The other seishi looked up, and Hotohori gasped. "Could it be...?"

Dee grinned. "Yup! Guys, I'd like you to meet your god. Suzaku, I'd like you to meet your seishi."

All seven fell to their knees, but Dee further proved her total oblivousity by clapping Suzaku on the back. He glared at her so hard I thought little lasers might shoot from his eyeballs.

"Okay, God of the South!" she said. "My first wish is for the countries of Kutou and Konan to leave in peace, prosperity, and happiness."

"That sounds more like six wishes than one..." Amiboshi remarked from the back of the chamber.

"She said 'my first wish is' and didn't start a new sentence, so it all counts," Suzaku explained, which caused Amiboshi to face-vault for the second time in five minutes. "Granted. Next?"

"Wish number two... well, I was going to ask for peace in the Middle East, but I remembered that you were just a god so I figured that was a little beyond your control. So instead, I want you to make it so there are five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred _and one_ minutes in a year, just to screw with that damn _Rent_ song that's been stuck in my head all week."

Suzaku sweatdropped. "Uh... fair enough, though that's really going to upset your calendar-makers."

"They'll deal."

"Wish number three?"

"Ah, yes! Wish number three!" She cracked her knuckles and placed her fists on her hips. We shared a private smile, then Dee proclaimed: "I wish for you to let Haley and me travel to the book-world whenever we want, and let the seishi go into our world whenever they want, and to slow the book's time down so the two worlds are on parallel 'five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred and one minute' a year schedules!"

Suzaku paused. Silence filled the room. Dee and I held our breaths and crossed our fingers. I could feel Genrou watching me with frightened eyes, and see Chichiri's brows scrunched together in an oh-so-cute, worried frown. Then Suzaku drew himself up, stared down at Dee with all the power a god's stare possesses, and said:

"Okay."

And there was much rejoicing.

"YAY!"

I ran across the room and hug-tackled Genrou to the floor. For once, he actually hugged me back, though I heard him grumbling about having these "noisy girls" around for a little while longer. Dee stumbled from the platform, still surprised that our stab in the dark had actually worked, and nearly collapsed into Chichiri's welcoming arms. Dee's seishi gathered around her, patting her on the back and congratulating her sharp thinking. Even Chiriko remarked that that was "pretty damn smart" of her.

I looked up from my fierce hug just in time to see Ashitare leap at me, jumping onto my chest and licking at my face. "RAH RAH RAH! RAH!"

"Harii-chan, we don't have to say good-bye!" Amiboshi cried happily. He reached down to hug me, then seemed to change his mind and just patted me on the head. "Don't forget to visit Snoop Dogu and me when you come back, okay?"

I smiled up at him. "I will. And thank you." He knew what I meant, and blushed in response. I looked past him and smiled at Snoop Dogu and Nakago as well. "Thanks to all of you, for being my seishi," I looked past Snoop Dogu and only at the pretty-boy general, "even if you were a psycho-bastard."

"Aw, thanks Harii." Nakago sniffled and rubbed at his eyes. "I know we had a few minor disagreements, but I just want you to know, you were the best Priestess I never tried to rape."

I paused to wrap my brain around that sentence, but before I could get it all worked out Dee said, "Well, I guess we should be getting home now. Max and Colin are probably dying of boredom. But we'll come back soon, all right?" Her last comment was directed more at Chichiri than the others. "And you guys are free to visit whenever you want. Just say 'real world oh real world, come forth now or I'll bust your balls.'" She sweatdropped and looked up at the monk. "Um... but you might want to wait a few years before I introduce you to my parents. They're pretty cool most of the time, but I'd hate for them to file charges for statutory."

"I'll come as often as I can no da. I'll even let your brother dress me up again."

Dee laughed and hugged him one more time.

I glanced nervously at Genrou. "I, um..."

He hugged me awkwardly with his right arm. "We'll leave a room open fer ya on Reikaku." I felt my heart lift, but before I could say anything he glared down at me, shaking his tessen in a threat. "But I ain't comin' t'yer world unless that Colin kid promises never t'put me in hotpants again!"

"I'm sure he wouldn't try that twice," I said.

"Yeah, next time it'll be a leopard-spotted leotard," Dee grumbled under her breath.

xxx

"I'd do it, too," Colin promised Max.

xxx

"See you soon!" Dee and I cried, loosening ourselves from the seishi and preparing for the trip home. "Keep the free Chinese food ready for when we visit!"

The dirty old hobo walked up, swinging one arm around Dee and the other around me. Ooh, that rhymes. He flashed a nearly-toothless grin, saying in an overly-cheesy voice: "I can't wait to see what sort of _crrrrrrrazy_ adventures you two get into!"

Dee and I returned the corny grins, raising our fists in a threat. "One of these days, Hobo-san," we warned him, "to the moon!"

_Fin.  
__  
_

* * *

**And now a tiny author free-chat.**

Hey everyone, Dee – ah-hem, I mean – "Haley" here! Glad to see you made it through the last chapter. I know it was a few years in coming, and probably wasn't worth the wait, but hey, considering this was written in the span of about two hours, it ain't half bad, right?  
...Right?  
This chapter was loaded with movie and Internet cartoon references – at least four that I can think of, and probably more – so NAME THOSE OBSCURE REFERENCES and win some cool points.  
Because everyone loves cool points.  
For more fanfic enjoyment, please mosey over to ItsTheDee's page and check out her FY stories. They aren't all laughter and jokes like this one, but they're pretty damn good if I, "Haley," her best friend, do say so myself. Also, Dee requests that I plug the amazing works of Roku Kyu, the FY author who puts all other FY authors to shame. I'm just repeating what she said, of course.  
(But we all know she's crazy.)  
(No, seriously. She used to be able to sing the entire Pokerap.)  
(That's right.)  
(Tremble in fear.)  
Guess that's all for this bit 'o randomness. So, until next time...  
Okay, well there probably won't be a next time. I've basically quit writing. I mean, "Haley" has quit writing. "Dee" is still spitting out "stories," even if they aren't coming as "quickly" as they used to. Still, it's "better" than "nothing."  
Um... yes.

Thanks for reading!  
-"Haley"-


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